The Hourglass Door (23 page)

Poor Natalie spent her time shuttling between me and Valerie, trying to convince both of us that the other one wanted to make amends, neither one of us believing her. What made it worse was that I could tell Natalie really wanted to spend her time with Jason. It was proving hard to avoid him when he kept hanging around whenever Natalie was with me.

And then there was Dante. He was everywhere too—pouring me drinks at the Dungeon, writing me notes in history, walking me home after school—but unlike Zo and his friends, Dante had an unsettling habit of disappearing. It seemed like every couple of days he’d be late to school, or ask to cut our evening short. Sometimes he’d be gone for the whole day. Leo didn’t seem bothered by Dante’s unpredictable schedule, so I tried not to let it bother me either.

It bothered Dave, though. He didn’t say anything to Dante directly, but instead lectured the entire cast on the virtue of punctuality. It might have had more effect if Dave hadn’t been late to his own rehearsal that day.

“Hey, Abby.”

Jason sat down in the seat next to me. Panicked, I glanced up at the action on stage. We were deep into Act Four and there was plenty of time before Dave would call for a break. Jason had timed his ambush well.

“Hey.” Part of me didn’t know what to say to him, but another part of me wanted to tell him everything, just like the old days.

“Play looks good.”

“Thanks.” I turned my pen over in my fingers. “Leonato’s house looks great.”

“Thanks. Your boyfr—I mean Dante did a nice job on the railing.”

I nodded, noticing Jason’s verbal slip but choosing to let it slide for now. I wasn’t sure if Dante was my boyfriend just yet, though he was lobbying hard for the role.

“How have you been?”

I shrugged. “Busy. You know how it is.”

After a few moments of silence, Jason took the pen from my grasp, laying his strong hand over my fidgeting fingers. “I’m sorry for what happened. At the Valentine’s Dance.” He held my gaze. “I’ll be honest, that night is mostly a blur—actually, I don’t remember much of the next week, either—but I must have done something to make you mad at me. Whatever it was, I was hoping you’d forgive me and that we could go back to being friends.” He rubbed his fingers along the back of my hand. “I’ve missed being friends with you, Abby.”

I’d missed him too. This was the Jason I’d grown up with and been friends with for all those years. “Emotional hangover,” I murmured, remembering Dante’s strange conversation with Leo at the Dungeon. Whatever Zo had done seemed to have finally run its course. Maybe this was the signal that things had returned to normal.

I looked at Jason straight on for what felt like the first time in a long time. Shadows tangled in his golden curls, eclipsed his hazel eyes, softened the chiseled planes of his face and his jaw. I could see behind the man’s face to the boy I knew so well. Was I really willing to throw away all that shared past? Could I really shut Jason out of my heart, out of my life? Did I really plan to hold onto the anger and hurt from our breakup? Especially if he hadn’t really meant it? No, on all counts. I couldn’t stay mad at Jason. What’s more, I didn’t want to.

“I remember what happened,” I said gently. “I lost my
boyfriend
that night.” I covered his hand with mine. “But don’t worry, my
best friend
is still here.”

Jason’s golden smile appeared on his boyish face. “Hey, you know you’ll always be my best girl, Abby.” When I grimaced slightly, he continued, stretching his smile into a grin. “My best
girl
friend—as in ‘friend-who-is-a-girl.’”

I answered his grin with one of my own, my heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks. I slugged him on the shoulder. “Don’t you forget it.”

“Promise,” Jason said, crossing his heart with his index finger.

“You better not. I know it’ll be hard when all those beautiful USC coeds are throwing themselves at your feet.”

Now it was Jason’s turn to fidget with the pen. “About that—”

“Don’t tell me the girls are already fighting over you?”

Jason’s honey-colored skin turned cinnamon. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. I really didn’t think I’d get in—the admission rate is crazy—”

My heart skipped a step.

“And then when the packet came in the mail and there was a scholarship, too . . .”

My heart fell down an entire flight of steps.

“I know we’d planned on going to State together, but I . . . I couldn’t say no.”

I scraped my tongue off the roof of my mouth and managed to string a couple of words together. “Of course not. You’d be a fool to pass up a scholarship to USC.”

Jason ran a hand through his curls. “Um, Abby?” He stared down at his fingernails. “Natalie got in too,” he blurted.

I felt the words fly right out of my head. I managed to hold onto one letter, though: “Oh.” It didn’t seem big enough to express everything I was feeling.

“She found out yesterday. She wanted to tell you, honest, but she didn’t want you to think she was rubbing it in. I mean, since you hadn’t heard back from a college yet and . . . and everything.”

“It’s okay.” I tried to keep my voice light. I still had a week before the all-important six-to-eight-week time frame was up for my Emery application. I hadn’t given up hope completely.

“I’m sure you’ll hear something soon. Hey, maybe you’ll get into USC too and then we can all still go to college together.”

“Yeah,” I croaked. “Maybe.”

For a while we watched the actors onstage circle each other, their bright costumes fluttering like butterfly wings. I concentrated on my breathing, my lungs feeling tight as a cocoon.

“Hey. You okay?” he asked.

I looked down at his hand covering mine, thinking hard about his question. Was I okay? Would I be okay watching my friends go off to USC without me? Would I be okay if Emery said no?

Even if Emery said no, I still believed in their motto, “Live without Limits.” Maybe that meant letting other people live their lives without the limits I placed on them. Nothing I could say or do would stop Jason and Natalie from going to USC. So instead of feeling left behind and abandoned, maybe I could be happy for them, for breaking beyond their own limits.

Slowly, I nodded. “Yes. Yes, I think I’m okay.” I smiled, and it didn’t feel fake or forced at all. “If you see Natalie before I do, tell her I’m happy for her. USC is lucky to have her.” I bumped his shoulder. “You too.”

Jason bumped me back. “Thanks. I know I need to start planning my class schedule, reserving a dorm room, moving—there’s so much to do—but the whole thing is a little overwhelming. I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet, you know?” He laughed a little. “How am I supposed to think about my future when I’m having a hard time thinking about a date for the Spring Fling, and that’s only in a couple of weeks?”

“You’re not asking me to the dance, are you?” I grinned. “Because we both know how our
last
dance turned out.”

I was surprised to see Jason blush a little. “No, actually, I’m thinking of asking Natalie.”

“Well, you don’t need my permission. I’m not your girlfriend, remember?” I teased.

“I know,” Jason said. “But you’re
her
friend too. What do you think she’d say if I asked her?”

My eyes found Dante onstage without any effort. I felt the pull of him from all the way across the auditorium. It was automatic, irresistible.

“I think she’d say yes. In a heartbeat.”

Jason brightened. He leaned back in his seat, a wide smile across his face. “Thanks. You’re a great friend; you know that, right?”

Silence fell between us as we watched the closing scene of the act. The best thing, though, was that, even though we’d talked about some hard things, it wasn’t a painful, awkward silence. It was the calm, contented silence of two people who know each other well enough to know that sometimes silence can say everything that needs to be said.

~

“Okay, everyone,” Dave said into the headset mike, “I’m starting to think we might just pull this off. See you all tomorrow. Don’t be late!” As the crew and cast dispersed into the wings to change and clean up, I caught a glimpse of Valerie cornering Amanda, her eyes flashing with anger, her hands balled into fists on her hips.

I rushed onstage, arriving in time to hear Valerie say, “I don’t care. You have to fix it.”

“I’m sorry,” Amanda said, “but there’s no time left—”

“And how is that my fault?” Valerie snapped.

Amanda blinked. “It’s not, but—”

“Then stop making excuses and
fix
it.”

“What’s the problem?” I asked.

Valerie turned on me and I had to force myself to resist retreating a step. I’d noticed some changes in her appearance over the past few weeks, but since we’d both been avoiding each other, I guess I hadn’t been prepared to see those changes up close.

Dark circles ringed her foggy, clouded eyes. Her hair hung straight and flat down her back, stripped of its usual bounce and curl. The stage lights cut harsh angles along her face, making her look older, harder, meaner.

“Amanda’s says I’m too fat to wear her blasted costume.”

“I didn’t say that,” Amanda stammered.

Valerie withered her with a look.

“It’s okay, Amanda,” I said, touching her arm.

She took the hint and ran with it as I had hoped. Literally. She was gone before the door finished swinging shut.

“What’s your problem, Valerie?” I demanded.

“Why is everything suddenly
my
problem?” she snapped. “Amanda must have done something to my costume because it doesn’t fit right anymore and she’s refusing to fix it. It’s like she
wants
me to look terrible on opening night. I bet she and all her stupid friends are looking forward to laughing at me when I have to waddle out on stage in this costume that’s too small for me. I bet—”

“Stop,” I said, holding up my hand. “Just . . . stop, okay? You’re not fat and Amanda didn’t do anything to your costume.”

Valerie flung her hair back over her shoulder, crossing her arms and tapping her long fingernails on her elbow. “I should have known you’d take her side. I thought we were friends, Abby. I guess I was wrong.” She shook her head. “And to think of the
years
I’ve wasted on you.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Where was this venom coming from? Where had my best friend gone? Was she even still
in
there underneath all that paranoia and suspicion?

“You’ve changed,” I said, my voice steady and firm. “This isn’t you. I’ll talk to you later.” I turned to walk away, my hands shaking.

Valerie laughed harshly. “You think
I’ve
changed?” She grabbed my arm and spun me around. “Take a good look at
yourself,
Abby.”

“What do you mean? I haven’t changed.”

“That’s my point. You’re still meek little Abby, dutifully following the rules like a good girl. You’ve never had any drive or ambition or dreams. Honestly, Abby, what did we ever have in common? If I’ve changed, it’s simply because I’ve finally decided to reach out and take what’s mine instead of being like you—content to let life pass me by.”

I felt a wave of rage sweep up my legs, crashing hot and hard into my belly. “I have dreams,” I said, tasting the iron behind my words.

Valerie rolled her eyes. “What? College?” She spat out the word as though it was poison. “Let’s see, your ex-boyfriend gets into USC. Natalie gets into USC. Even
I
got into USC. But what about you, Abby? If you’re the perfect one, where’s your acceptance letter?”

I bit my lip. I hadn’t heard about Valerie’s acceptance. It didn’t matter, though. My newly found resolve to be happy for other people’s successes carried me through whatever awkwardness or pain I might have felt. “Congratulations,” I managed to force through my teeth. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy USC.”

She laughed. “Oh, I’m not going to USC. I’m not going to college at all. When Zero Hour is finished writing the new album, they’re heading back to New York and I’m going with them.”

“What? Are you crazy? Do you really think your parents will let you ditch college so you can be a groupie for some band?”

“Like I’m going to listen to my parents.”

“The Valerie I knew would have. The Valerie I knew wouldn’t be making such a stupid decision about her life.”

“Then I guess you’ve never really known me at all.” She swept past me, almost knocking me down.

As I watched her leave, a bitter lump lodged in my throat. What was going on? Jason seemed to have snapped out of whatever emotional trauma Zo had inflicted on the school; why hadn’t Valerie?

Because she is still seeing Zo every day,
I realized as a white flash of certainty settled into my bones.
Zo and Tony and V.
This was their doing. Somehow they and their music had transformed the Valerie I knew into this Valerie I didn’t. This was their fault. They had to be stopped. I had to make them stop. But in my memory I could see Zo’s predatory eyes, his wicked, teasing grin, and I wondered if he could be stopped at all.