The House on Blackstone Moor (The Blackstone Vampires) (8 page)

I stood down and smiled at the woman who by now looked somewhat more pleasant. Dr. Bannion introduced us. “Mrs. Mott is a treasure, Rose, and I am sure you will feel comfortable and at home.”

“I am certain I will, sir.”

I am not high born, so it might be surprising for me to say this—but I did find her manner forward. She was after all a servant.

The pecking order for domestic help in England was such that governesses stood apart in their own little sphere, housekeepers beneath that and maids and cooks next. Lowest were stable hands and scullery maids.

Everyone in England knew that, yet this Mrs. Mott enjoyed what I considered to be a great deal of familiarity. I was surprising myself with such opinions. What a little hypocrite I was, for what had I just been hired as?

I think I felt this way because I quite resented Mrs. Mott’s attitude toward me and wondered if I should change my opinion.

*

Dr. Bannion asked me if I was tired and I said I was. “Well then, you might wish to have supper in your room. I can have Mrs. Mott bring it up.

“Yes, if it isn’t too much trouble.”

I was glad to eat in the room, for I knew I should feel awkward eating at his table, yet I had no doubt at all that Mrs. Mott dined there all the time!

The room was small, but comfortable. It was cheery and dry and it faced the garden, which was pleasant.

I was tired and nearly nodding off when I heard a soft knock at the door. It was Mrs. Mott. “Tray for you, Miss Baines.” She smiled and put it down. “There’s a nice bit of stew, freshly made today, and a pot of tea as well.”

I assured her she was more than kind. I did notice cheeriness in her attitude as if some reassurance had been forthcoming from Dr. Bannion.

“It smells delicious, thank you, Mrs. Mott.”

She looked pleased and turned to leave. “One more thing, I shall be delighted to show you to the shop for your clothes. Dr. Bannion has told me you are to do some shopping.”

“Thank you, I am.”

“Good evening, enjoy your meal
,
”
s
he said as she closed the door.

I did and ate every bit of it.

The excitement of the day caught up with me at last for I could not stop yawning. I climbed into the cozy bed and fell quickly asleep. I was awakened during the night by the sound of giggling and running footsteps past my door.

I smiled to myself. Clearly, she was Dr. Bannion’s woman.

It amused me that she was his woman
. Yet
,
I think if I am honest with myself I realized I was also jealous. Not so much jealous of her relationship with Dr. Bannion, I was instead jealous that I had no one in my life.

I had only known a nineteen year old boy whose fondness for me was not permitted to bloom, but was cut short by my father.

John was nice and I did like him, especially his eyes and steady gaze, the depth I saw in them, so clear, unblemished, and not riddled with insanity or depravity.

He would have been a nice young man for me to marry someday, to love and to bear his children, too.

Mrs. Darton had asked me about children. And now in reflection I suppose I thought I did long for them, for I wished to know what it would be like to be a mother, and to love as one.

The last I heard John had moved away. My brother told me. He told me in the gravest tone: “He has gone I heard, for I did ask. I didn’t say who was asking about him—just a former school friend had inquired about him, I said. They said he had gone to America.”

America. How I would have liked to go! I tried to imagine marrying him and bidding my parents goodbye, yes, even my father—for in this happy fancy I had driven out his madness and made him well.

Why not make dreams what you will, they’re dreams anyway, aren’t they?

We would be living in New York, I thought. Yes, in a modest flat near Broadway
,
and we would stroll along the streets and parks. He might bu
y us a little dog.

But what if John preferred the
W
est?

“We shall be leaving for Texas, Rose. I hear there is much opportunity there for a young couple.”

A young couple. That would have been us, young and hopeful and full of happy expectation where anything was possible.

I didn’t luxuriate for too long in these fanciful dreams, for reality pushed it all away, blew it away like the fairy dust it was. And I soon lay sad and sleepy and full of longing for what might have been.

“I will sleep so I won’t cry…”

I did sleep mercifully, in a warm bed in a cozy room. I slept peacefully and without interruption, eit
her by sobs or insulting hands.

And though I slept, I still think I had an awareness of being free and safe.

I woke to see the sun come up in the east; that same sun that rose over Marsh asylum was rising over this house where I was.

I wondered what Grace was doing and if Helen was sobbing. Helen, who might possibly have been better off had she died and not been saved.

I got up and wondered where I should wash but that was when Mrs. Mott came with some water. “It’s nice and hot, Miss Baines, do be careful.”

“Thank you!”

“I shall get your breakfast ready now. I hope you are hungry.”

“Yes!” I called out. I watched her leave then.

Was it possible to actually feel happy
and
hopeful?

My world was changing, I was certain of it. I had a position and a nice one at that, caring for children.

I thought too how nice Mrs. Darton was to give me that money for clothes. She was a lady in the best sense.

And then I thought of him, of Mr. Darton, and I realized I was quite taken with him.

He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, of that I was certain. He looked like every hero I had ever romanticized about.

Here’s a confession, I did rather indulge myself in romances! I had boxes of them, stories of heroes and heroines who pined for one another but then through the greatest adversity somehow conquered all their varying problems and fell into each other’s arms to be together forever.

I’d read them secretly, fearful of my father finding them, but somehow thankfully he never did.

I am grateful that he didn’t for it is one memory that has nothing evil or sad to mark it.

A girl and her yearnings…
would love come to me ever?
Could
love come to me, I wondered?

*

I found Mrs. Mott bustling in the kitchen. “Dr. Bannion has already left. You don’t mind eating in the kitchen, do you Miss. Baines?”

“No, of course not.”

She had a lot to offer me: pancakes and eggs—and even kippers.

“I cannot begin to remember the last time I had kippers,” I remarked, shaking my head.

“Well, you shall eat them then.”

“Won’t you join me?”

She smiled. “I’ve already had my breakfast. But I shall take some tea with you.”

We chatted amicably in that sun-filled kitchen, the good smell of food abounding. It was like heaven to me.

“Are you looking forward to your new position?”

“Yes, I am very much.”

“It’ll be nice caring for children I suppose…” she didn’t finish her sentence I suspected because she was close to tears.  When she saw me looking at her she smiled sadly. “My children are dead, gone now these six years.”

I felt as if someone had hit me in the chest. “I am sorry.” I thought she’d tell me more but she didn’t. Naturally, I didn’t ask.

Someone came to the door just then. I could hear her speaking, and a man as well that I took to be a tradesman.

She came in with big parcel. “We shall have lamb tonight. Won’t that be nice?”

“Wonderful
,
” I replied.

*

I had the entire day to myself, to do as I pleased.

“You have come to rest, to regain your strength, Rose. I don’t want you worrying or fretting about anything. Is that understood?” Dr. Bannion reminded me.

I did understand.

“I hope you enjoy your stay here,” Mrs. Mott said. “There’s the library. Dr. Bannion has a good collection of books. I don’t read that much, but perhaps you might like to see what he has.”

I had seen some of the house yesterday, but I hadn’t seen the library. It was nice, not large or fancy, but cozy and well-appointed.

He had a lot of adventure books. Medical books, too, and dictionaries and boring looking periodicals I wouldn’t have touched! And then quite up high and completely out of reach, he had rather large books
—
not ledgers, just large, odd-looking books.

I wondered what they were.

Alice Mott saw me looking. “Those aren’t to be touched, Miss Baines. They are ever so old and Dr. Bannion is on about getting them priced and selling them. He doesn’t wish to have anyone touch them.”

“Well, I wouldn’t
,
of course.”

Was it my imagination or did she seem frightened of something? But of what I could not say.

“I should say there’s quite enough to keep me entertained here, Mrs. Mott, thank you.”

I spent the rest of the day reading something I had read years before.
The Count of Monte Cristo.

I had tea and scones with Mrs. Mott at four, and the joy of smelling the lamb roasting for the remainder of the day.

I do recall falling asleep in a lovely Queen Anne chair near the window and being awakened by the sound of Dr. Bannion’s carriage, followed by a boisterous greeting.

“Well, don’t you look comfy there! Have you had a good day, Rose?”

“I have, sir. Quite a good day.”

I saw his eyes fall upon the book. “Ah, which have you chosen?”

I showed him. “Yes, that’s been a favorite of mine since I was a boy!”

We had dinner after he changed, and lovely it was, too. Mrs. Mott served. “I shall be in the kitchen if you care for anything else.”

How silly we were as a country, when someone’s lover could not sit at a table and dine if company were present!

But sillier than that was my position. Who was I
,
after all? A newly hired governess and one who had enjoyed the accommodation of an asylum.

I think Dr. Bannion noticed I looked thoughtful and I’m sure he thought me ill at ease, which I am ashamed to say I was.

“There now, Rose. What shall you be doing tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” I said, “I think I will go and see about some clothes.”

He looked delighted. “Mrs. Mott! Do come here, we have something to tell you. You will please escort Miss Baines to town tomorrow for the purchase of some new clothes.”

My second day of freedom
! I think I realized that I would never take my liberty for granted ever again.

How good it was to wake safe and snug in a comfortable room, and what of the night? No crying or screams, no crazy laughter, no stench-filled odors either, just the scent of fresh flowers that Mrs. Mott had put on the bureau.

I realized now, for the first time in my life, that peace of mind was the most important thing and everything else was secondary.

What I had for myself was a modicum of peace—for I was still deeply troubled by all I had been through and what I had seen.

I still had occasionally troubling dreams, which I told Dr. Bannion about.

“Yes
,
of course, that’s to be expected, Rose. But in time they will lessen as the mind comes into its own.”

I had a question that I did not pose. Would mine ever come into its own? Would I ever really be free of the evil insanity of my father or would I be doomed to suffer endlessly?

I began to think of fate then. I had always been a fatalist, and I wondered if fate had marked me forever, only condescending to give me a brief reprieve now. That would be cruel, I thought.

Mrs. Mott interrupted my thoughts for which I was grateful. “It’s a fine day out, Miss. Baines. I think we shall have a lovely stroll into the village.”

And so we did.

Dr. Bannion had already left. That was his routine, up and out early.

We set out after breakfast. It wasn’t far. I told her I remembered.  “Besides,” I added, “I should love to walk over that little bridge and see the swans. I only caught a brief glimpse of it when I arrived.”

“I tell you what, we shall buy some scones in town and feed them later on our return.” She was animated and happy and seemed so much younger to me now.

I wondered if she had lain in his arms and what it felt like. It was none of my business of course; just a young woman’s fancy to know what love was really like. I had no idea Mr. Darton had anything to do with it.