The Hunger (46 page)

She sat up and touched a finger to his lips. How could he doubt her? But she had not actually told him that she loved him. She had said she chose him. He might think it was only for the moment. His confusion was comforting. It said more clearly than any bald statement could exactly why he had come for her at the Conciergerie, and again at the Place des Grèves. For the first time in a long time, she
was glad of her experience of men. “Do you know how long it has been since I made love to a man, John, before you? Not feeding, but making love?”

There was the most delightful crease of worry between his brows as he shook his head.

“Six hundred years.”

She waited to let that sink in. Then she pressed on, more boldly. “You said you loved me. For some men that is only a way to sexual pleasure. Do you want me for more than intercourse?”

He flushed, then went pale. “If I can amuse one of your experience for a few years, I . . .” He actually looked down. “I would be grateful.”

She took a breath and closed her eyes, tears filling them for the second or third time tonight. In truth, it might be no more than he suggested, a few years in a long life. She might not be worth loving for very long. She could lie to him and promise him forever. Or she could devastate him by telling him the truth. But what was truth? Was it true that they couldn’t make it last? Stephan thought they could. And she would not fail to try even if she felt the pain of all her abandonment telling her she wasn’t worth it.

But in truth, Stephan had loved her. It was she who abandoned him. He told her so tonight. Should she feel guilty, or was that a single permutation of the many possibilities there had been for their love? And Asharti? She walked out on Asharti in the end. That should have been the beginning of healing for a wound first made by her mother and her mother alone. Maybe it was. It had only taken six hundred years. That first abandonment might have colored her vision for centuries. It might have brought the darkness. Everything she had believed was upside down.

All she could do now was vow to have the courage to be naïve.

Her breath came shallowly. Could she say it? Could she not? “I guess I’ll hazard my chance with Blake,” she whispered, “and say I love you, John, for however long it lasts.”

“Second innocence?” he asked, his expression saying he almost feared to believe her.

She nodded. “Will you hazard with me?”

He let out a breath and relaxed as though it was an effort. His eyes softened. A tiny smile touched the edge of his lips. “I’m devilish lucky.”

She smiled. A sureness glowed inside her. “So am I.”

“So that’s it, then?” He swallowed and took her in his arms. She felt his heart throbbing in his breast, his blood coursing through his veins laden with the Companion who would give them forever whether they could pluck the fruit together or not. The risk felt good.

She took his shoulders, sat back and angled her head. “England?”

He shook his head. She realized there was still too much pain there for him. His former life was no longer possible. She saw him gather himself. He lifted his chin. “Khalenberg pulls the strings in Austria. Perhaps he can convince Boney an invasion of Russia is a good idea.”

She smiled tenderly at him. His idealism in the face of all he had seen was one of the things she loved about him. “You mean to give Europe back to the people, I see. Tricky business. And I shall have to put up with politics, won’t I?”

“One has to try.” He said it quietly, and it meant so much about how they would live their lives together, and what they would try to do in the world.

“You have a hunger in you, John Staunton, which I find admirable. So second innocence it is,” she agreed. “Anything is possible.”

He wrapped his arm around her and they walked under the choir screen and out into the transept. “Reims and Khalenberg first, then, and after that, who knows?”

Coming in April 2006

New York Times
bestselling author of
The Hunger

Susan Squires

The
Burning

There is a world that comes alive at night and thrives on our darkest secrets and longings. In this world, a young woman finds a man who satisfies her every desire. He can save her or destroy her—but he will nourish her as no one has before . . .

“Susan Squires has a fascinating, unique voice;
she is a rare talent.”

–Christine Feehan

“A darkly compelling vampire romance. . .the plot keeps the reader turning the pages long into the night.”

–
Affaire de Coeur
on
The Companion

From St. Martin’s Paperbacks

ISBN:
0-312-99855-4

Visit
www.susansquires.com

B 07/05