‘Of course not.’
‘So it must be one of the guests, sir.’
‘But is that possible?’
‘Completely and in the highest degree impossible, but it must certainly be so. I am, however, prepared to admit and am even convinced that if there was a theft, it was committed not in the evening, when everyone was at the gathering, but during the night or even towards morning, by one of those who passed the night here.’
‘Oh my goodness!’
‘I naturally exclude Burdovsky and Nikolai Ardalionovich; they did not even come into my rooms, sir.’
‘Of course not, and even if they had! Who did pass the night in your part of the house?’
‘Counting me, there were four of us in two adjoining rooms: myself, the general, Keller and Mr Ferdyshchenko. So it was one of us four, sir!’
‘Three, you mean; but who, then?’
‘I counted myself for the sake of fairness and decency; but
you will agree, Prince, that I could not have robbed myself, though there have been such cases in the world ...’
‘Oh, Lebedev, how tedious this is!’ the prince exclaimed impatiently. ‘Get on with it, why are you spinning it out? ...’
‘So there remain three, sir, and in the first place, Mr Keller, an unreliable, drunken man, and in some respects a liberal, where the pocket is concerned, that is, sir; otherwise his inclinations are more of the antique chivalrous than of the liberal kind. He started off by sleeping in the sick man’s room, and only during the night moved through to us, under the pretext that the bare floor was too hard to sleep on.’
‘Do you suspect him?’
‘I did, sir. When at about eight o’clock I leaped up like a man
half insane, clutching my forehead, I instantly woke the general, who was sleeping the sleep of the just. Taking into consideration the strange disappearance of Ferdyshchenko, which in itself aroused suspicion in us, we both at once decided to search Keller, who was lying there like ... like ... almost like a doornail, sir. We searched him all over: not a centime in his pockets, and there wasn’t one of his pockets that didn’t have holes in it. There was a blue check cotton handkerchief, in an indecent condition, sir. There was also a love letter from some chambermaid or other, with threats and a demand for money, and excerpts from the feuilleton with which you’re already familiar, sir. The general decided that he was innocent. In order to make our inquiries more complete, we woke him up, which involved a lot of pushing and shoving; he could hardly understand what was afoot; his mouth hung open, he was drunk, he had an absurd and innocent, even stupid, expression on his face - he wasn’t himself, sir!’
‘Well, I’m glad!’ the prince sighed in relief. ‘I was so afraid for him!’
‘Afraid? So you already had grounds for that?’ Lebedev narrowed his eyes.
‘Oh no, I wasn’t thinking,’ the prince hesitated. ‘That was a dreadfully silly thing to say. Be a good fellow, Lebedev, and don’t tell anyone ...’
‘Prince, Prince! Your words are safe in my heart ... in the depths of my heart! It’s as quiet as the grave in there, sir!’ Lebedev said rapturously, pressing his hat to his heart.
‘Very well, very well! ... So it’s Ferdyshchenko? That is, I mean, you suspect Ferdyshchenko?’
‘Who else?’ said Lebedev quietly, looking fixedly at the prince.
‘Well yes, of course ... who else ... that is, again, what clues are there?’
‘There are clues, sir. For one thing, his disappearance at seven o’clock this morning, or even earlier, during the hour before that.’
‘I know, Kolya told me that he dropped in to see him and said he was going to spend what was left of the night at ... I’ve forgotten whose place it was, a friend of his.’
‘Vilkin, sir. So Nikolai Ardalionovich has already spoken to you?’
‘He said nothing about a theft.’
‘He doesn’t know, for I’m keeping the matter secret at present. So, he goes to Vilkin’s; it would seem a sensible thing for a drunkard to go and see someone like himself, also a drunkard, even though it was the crack of dawn and he had no reason, wouldn’t it, sir? But it’s here that the trail begins: as he goes away, he leaves an address ... Now, Prince, observe the question: why did he leave the address? ... Why did he purposely go and see Nikolai Ardalionovich, making a detour, sir, and tell him he was “going to sleep the rest of the night at Vilkin’s”? And who was going to be interested in the fact that he was going away, and to Vilkin‘s, moreover? What was the point of making it public? No, here there is subtlety, sir, thievish subtlety! It means: “Look, I’m purposely not concealing my tracks, so what kind of thief am I after that? Would a thief publicize the time when he was going to leave?” Excessive concern to divert suspicion and, so to speak, erase his footprints in the sand ... Do you take my meaning, much esteemed Prince?’
‘I do, I take your meaning very well, but that’s not enough, you know.’
‘The second clue, sir: the trail turns out to be false, and the address given is not correct. An hour later, at eight o’ clock, that is, I wa
s already knocking at Vilkin’s door; he lives on Fifth Street
2
here, sir, and I even know him, sir. There was no sign of Ferdyshchenko. Though I managed to get from the maid, who’s completely deaf, sir, that about an hour earlier someone actually had knocked at the door, and even rather violently, and he’d broken the doorbell. But the maid hadn’t opened up, not wanting to wake Mr Vilkin, or perhaps she just didn’t want to get up herself. That happens, sir.’
‘And those are all the clues you have? It’s not enough.’
‘Prince, but who else can I suspect, think about it?’ Lebedev concluded with emotion, and something sly showed through for a moment in his smile.
‘I think you ought to look through your rooms and all the drawers again!’ the prince said worriedly after some reflection.
‘I have, sir!’ Lebedev sighed with even more emotion.
‘Hm! ... and why, why did you have to change that frock coat?’ exclaimed the prince, banging the table in vexation.
‘A question out of an old comedy, sir. But, most kind-natured Prince! You’re taking my misfortune much too much to heart. I am not worth it. That is, I alone am not worth it; but you are suffering for the criminal, too ... for the worthless Mr Ferdyshchenko!’
‘But yes, yes, you really have worried me,’ the prince interrupted him absent-mindedly and with displeasure. ‘Well then, what do you intend to do ... if you’re so certain that it’s Ferdyshchenko?’
‘Prince, much esteemed Prince, but who else, sir?’ Lebedev writhed with growing emotion. ‘I mean, the absence of anyone else who comes to mind and, so to speak, the complete impossibility of suspecting anyone except Mr Ferdyshchenko, why, that is, so to speak, yet another clue that speaks against Mr Ferdyshchenko, the third clue! For again, who else could it be
? I mean, I can’t very well go suspecting Mr Burdovsky now, can I, heh-heh-heh!’
‘Really, what nonsense!’
‘Nor the general either, really, could I, heh-heh-heh!’
‘What rubbish!’ the prince said almost angrily, turning about impatiently in his seat.
‘You’re right, it’s rubbish! Heh-heh-heh! And the fellow made me laugh, the general, I mean, sir! This morning we were hot on the trail to Vilkin’s, sir ... and I must observe to you that the general was even more shocked than I was when, after the loss, I had no scruples about waking him up: his face even changed, he turned red, turned pale and, at last, suddenly entered a state of such fierce and righteous indignation that I’d never have expected such a degree of it, sir. A most noble man! He lies constantly, out of weakness, but he’s a man of the loftiest feelings, doesn’t spend a lot of time thinking, but inspires the most complete trust with his innocence. I’ve already told you, much esteemed Prince, that not only do I have a soft spot for him, I even love him, sir. Suddenly he stops in the middle of the street, throws open his frock coat, and exposes his chest: “Search me”, he says, “you searched Keller, so why don’t you search me?” His arms and legs were trembling, he even turned quite pale, fearsome looking. I began to laugh and said: “Listen, general,” I said, “if someone else were to say that about you, I’d remove my head with my own hands, put it on a large dish and take it to all who doubted: “Look,” I’d say, ”you see this head, well, I’ll vouch for him with my own head, and not only that, but I’ll walk into the flames as well. That’s how much I’m prepared to vouch for you.” At this, he threw himself into my embrace, right in the middle of the street, sir, burst into tears, trembling and pressing me so hard against his chest that I nearly choked: “You’re the only friend I have left in my misfortunes! A man of feeling, sir!” Well, of course, right there in the roadway he told me a relevant anecdote about how once in his youth he’d been suspected of stealing five hundred thousand roubles and how the very next day he had rushed into the flames of a burning house and dragged from them the count who had suspected him and Nina Alexandrovna, who was still a spinster at the time. The count embraced him, and that was how he came to marry Nina Alexandrovna, and the next day they found a safe containing the missing money in the ruins of the fire; it was an iron safe, of English manufacture, with a secret lock, and had somehow fallen through the floor, so that no one noticed it, and it was only found because of the fire. A complete lie, sir. But when he began to talk about Nina Alexandrovna, he even began to whimper. Nina Alexandrovna is a most noble person, though she’s angry with me.’
‘You don’t know her?’
‘Not really, sir, though with all my soul I should like to, if only so I could justify myself to her. Nina Alexandrovna has a grudge against me, she thinks I’m trying to debauch her husband with drunk
enness. But not only am I not debauching him, I’m actually reining him in; I may even be keeping him away from the most pernicious company. What’s more, he’s a friend to me, sir, and I will confess to you that I never leave his side now, sir, so that it’s even like this, sir: wherever he goes, I go with him, because the only way you can have any effect on him is by means of emotion. He doesn’t even visit his captain’s widow at all now, though he secretly yearns for her, and even sometimes moans for her, especially in the morning when he gets up and puts his boots on, I don’t know why it’s at that time, precisely. He has no money, sir, that’s the trouble, and he can’t present himself to her without money, sir. He hasn’t asked you for money, has he, much esteemed Prince?’
‘No, he hasn’t done that.’
‘He’s too ashamed. He’d like to: he even confessed to me that he wanted to trouble you, but he’s bashful, sir, as you lent him some money quite recently, and in any case he supposes that you wouldn’t lend him more. He poured this out to me as a friend.’
‘And you don’t lend him any?’
‘Prince! Much esteemed Prince! Not only money, but for that man I would, so to speak, even give my life ... no, as a matter of fact, I don’t want to exaggerate; not my life, but if it were, so to speak, a fever, a boil or even a cough, then as God’s my witness I’d be willing to endure it, if it were for a matter of great urgency; for I consider him a great, but ruined man! That’s what, sir; not only money, sir!’
‘So you do lend him money?’
‘N-no, sir; I’ve never lent him money, sir, and he knows that I won’t, sir, but it’s solely in the interests of bringing him to abstinence and reform. Now he wants to go to St Petersburg with me; I mean, I’m going to St Petersburg, sir, in order to catch Mr Ferdyshchenko while his trail’s still hot, for I know for certain that he’s already there. My general is fairly raring to go, sir; but I suspect that in St Petersburg he’ll slip away from me, in order to visit his captain’s widow. I confess that I’ll even deliberately let him go, as we’ve agreed to split up as soon as we get there, to make it easier to catch Mr Ferdyshchenko. So I’ll let him go, and then suddenly, like snow on his head, I’ll catch him at the captain’s widow’s; purely in order to shame him as a family man and as a human being in general.’
‘Only don’t cause a row, Lebedev, for God’s sake don’t cause a row,’ the prince said in a low voice, extremely anxious.
‘Oh no, sir, it’s purely in order to shame him and to see what kind of physiognomy he adopts; for one may conclude much from a man’s physiognomy, much esteemed Prince, and especially a man like that! Oh, Prince! Though my own misfortune is great, even now I cannot help thinking about him and the correction of his moral nature. I have an urgent request to make of you, much esteemed Prince, and I will even confess that it is the real reason why I’ve come, sir; you are acquainted with their household and have even stayed in it, sir; so if, most kind-natured Princ
e, you could bring yourself to help me in this, purely for the sake of the general and his happiness ...’
Lebedev even put his hands together, as in prayer.
‘What do you mean? How can I help you? I do assure you that I very much want to understand you completely, Lebedev.’
‘Only in that certitude did I come to you! One could influence him through Nina Alexandrovna; observing and, so to speak, keeping an eye on his excellency constantly, in the bosom of his own family. But unfortunately I don’t know her, sir ... in addition, Nikolai Ardalionovich, who worships you, so to speak, from the bosom of his young soul, might perhaps be able to assist you ...’
‘N-no ... Nina Alexandrovna in this affair ... God forbid! Or Kolya ... As a matter of fact, I don’t think I really understand you yet, Lebedev.’
‘But there’s absolutely nothing to understand!’ Lebedev even leaped up from his chair. ‘Nothing but feeling, feeling and tenderness - that’s all the medicine that our patient needs. You will allow me, Prince, to consider him ill?’
‘That certainly displays your tact and intelligence.’
‘I’ll explain to you with an example taken, for clarity’s sake, from practical reality. You see what this man is like, sir: now he has only a weakness for this captain’s widow, to whom he cannot present himself without money and at whose home I today intend to catch him, for his own good, sir; but, let us suppose that it was not merely the captain’s widow, but that he had even committed a real crime, oh, you know, some most dishonourable misdeed (although he’s quite incapable of it), why, even then, I say, the only way to reach him is by noble, so to speak, tenderness, for he is a most feeling man, sir! Believe me, he wouldn’t be able to hold out for five days, he’d blab, start weeping and confess to everything - and especially if one were to act deftly and nobly, through his family’s and your own supervision of all his, as it were, moves and manoeuvres ... Oh most kind-hearted Prince!’ Lebedev jumped up, in a kind of inspiration, ‘I mean, I’m not maintaining that he will with certainty ... I’m prepared, as it were, to shed every drop of my blood for him right now, though you must admit that his intemperance and drunkenness, and the captain’s widow, and all of it together, could lead him to anything ...’