Authors: Kendall Ryan
I continue past him toward the car, unlocki
ng my door to toss my backpack on the backseat. “It’s fine, Jase. I’m good with going alone.” I don’t know what’s with his weird sense of responsibility toward me. But I want a friend…or maybe a boyfriend…not a guardian.
“Avery,” his voice
goes soft, and his eyes are glued on me. “I’d like to come. I’m all packed.” He holds up the backpack he’s carrying. “Let me be there for you.”
Do
I even want him on this trip? I have visions of myself cruising down the highway, singing along to the radio, and giving myself a nervous pep talk in the driveway before meeting my mom. Do I want an audience for what is sure to be an emotional trip? I have always imagined doing it alone.
Jase
looks at me with hopeful eyes. I can’t help but notice he’s said nothing about
us
– about what him being here means. Why is he really here?
I take a deep breath and realize I do want him by my side
, having his comfortable silence next to me, his warm hand to hold if I need it. It changes everything. I don’t know what will happen between us, but there’s no one else I’d rather have with me.
“Fine.
Get in.”
He smiles. “Want me to take the first driving shift?”
“No. I’ll drive.” I’ll need something to concentrate on other than him. We climb into the car and as soon as the doors are shut, his familiar scent washes over me. So much for concentrating.
Jase
I know she’s surprised to see me, but I didn’t expect her to actually consider sending me away. But I see the indecision in her eyes, the split-second of uncertainty before she says yes.
I settle in the passenger seat next to Avery and flip through the radio stations, asking what she’s in the mood to listen to.
She shrugs, noncommittal about anything, but I guess it’s to be expected. I can’t even imagine all the emotions she must feel embarking on this trip.
Avery
drives slow and steady in the right lane of the highway. I don’t complain though – I’m fine with letting her take things at her own pace. I’ll probably have to drive tomorrow, knowing she’ll likely be a jittery mess as the time approaches to meet her mom.
I realize I’ve never been in the car while she’s
driving, and though I usually prefer being the driver, watching her concentrate on the road is pretty cute. She gets a crease in her forehead and her little hands are gripping the wheel at ten and two. She also looks thinner, which I don’t like. But she also looks more determined, more sure, and I do like that.
I sneak glances at Avery as we drive,
and the images from those sexy photos flash through my mind. I hate remembering her that way. The raw feeling of shock and disgust when I first saw those pictures slices through me. I wanted to hit something, or someone. Fuck, I still do. I don’t like associating the sweet, innocent girl I fell for with something so dirty. But that past is part of her, and I have to decide if it’s something I can get over or not. Will I ever be able to look at her without remembering?
The hours tick by and as I watch the passing headlights, I wonder what the future holds for me and Avery.
Avery
We don’t discuss my pornographic past, we don’t talk about
us
. We just drive. Each hour carries us closer to Denver, and I can’t help but feel further apart emotionally. The casual banter that used to flow so easily between us has been snatched away. This is what I’d always feared – getting close to someone, and then having it ripped away from me once my secret came out. That’s why it’s easier not to get too close. But nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. Crap. I hate how in my head I get about Jase. I need to just let it go. Him being here doesn’t mean anything…does it?
Jase yawns and stretches next to me
, pulling my attention from the road over to him. “When do you wanna stop?” he says around another yawn.
The clo
ck on the dash informs me it’s already after eleven. I’ve been driving for almost six hours.
Wow
. My neck is stiff and sore and cracks when I roll my shoulders. “I just thought I’d pull into a motel off the highway, and crash. Sound okay to you?”
He nods.
“Sounds good.”
A few minutes later, Jase points out a sign for a motel.
It’s a cheap and probably run-down chain, but it’ll do. I don’t need anything fancy. I pull off onto the exit, more than ready to get out and stretch my legs.
As I navigate us toward the motel,
Jase gestures to the string of fast food restaurants further down the road. “Let’s grab something to eat first. You’re too thin, and I doubt you had dinner.”
I grin sheepishly. He’s right. I haven’t been eating well. Somehow food just doesn’t taste like it used to. Most days I have to force myself to get something down, and today, with all the excitement, it completely slipped my mind. “Sure. Burgers or subs?” I survey the restaurants around us.
Jase looks over at me, his eyes smiling on mine. “I’m feeding you the biggest cheeseburger we can find. It wouldn’t hurt to put a few pounds on you.”
I chuckle and shake my head at him. I’m nowhere near model-thin, but it’s nice to hear his concern, just the same.
After polishing off cheesebur
gers and fries, Jase and I check into the little motel he’d seen off the highway. An adjoining door separates our rooms, and though I want a shower and to crawl in bed, suddenly that door is all I can think about. Or more specifically, what’s on the other side of it. I shouldn’t allow myself to feel any hope, but I can’t help wonder what Jase is thinking. I’m also worried about trusting myself with him.
Jase
I’ve paced the room for the last fifteen minutes, trying to talk myself out of it. I heard her shower turn on – and then off, eight minutes later – and now she’s probably getting ready for bed, but still I can’t shake the desire to see her.
I take one last deep breath, willing myself just to let it go and move on, but I know I won’t. It’s why I’m on this trip. I can’t give her up.
I tap my knuckles against the door and wait.
It’s completely silent
. Maybe she’s already asleep. But a few seconds later, the door opens and Avery’s standing before me in a white tank top and baggy pink pajama pants, bare feet and damp hair. Her simple beauty crashes against me like a wave. I want to push the hair from her shoulders and kiss a path up her neck, remembering how good she tastes.
“Hey,” I say brilliantly.
“Hi,” she returns, her voice soft and cautious.
I swallow down a wave of nerves, wondering what the fuck I say now. I should have thought this shit out.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” She takes a step back from the door.
Her room smells like her shampoo and the air is still dewy from the shower, which is not helping my train of thought.
Avery stands silently watching me. I do the only thing I can think to
do: I step closer and place my hands against her waist, pulling her close. Avery looks up at me with curiosity in her eyes as my thumb lightly strokes the bare skin at her hip. I don’t know what’s happening, or what’s left between us, all I know is that I need this. I need to erase all those vivid mental images of her with her ex. I need to make her mine. I’m in no mood to talk about my feelings. I just want her naked. I need to feel her skin. If that makes me an asshole, so be it.
I lower my mouth to hers,
then stop. I won’t force her into anything. I want to give her the chance to decide.
“Jase?”
Her breath whispers across my mouth.
“Yeah?”
Her tongue dampens her bottom lip, but she doesn’t say anything else, she just closes her eyes and waits for me to kiss her. I don’t hesitate. I capture her mouth in a fierce
kiss; a kiss I desperately hope chases away all the bad memories. Avery grips my shoulders, clinging to me, clawing at my biceps. Something primal and possessive bubbles up inside me. I push her back to the bed, helping her scramble onto the mattress. We’re both breathless as we crash together again, kissing, struggling to get closer.
There are no words tonight. No over-analyzing shit. We are two bodies, attracted to each other and fulfilling a need so deep it can only be overcome one way. I want to be inside her
. I’m desperate to claim her, but I don’t have a condom and I doubt she does, either. I rip her pants down her legs and find her bare underneath. Her fingers work at the button on my jeans, trembling and unsure. I rise from the bed and remove my jeans and boxers. I stand proudly in front of her and watch as her gaze lowers to my insanely hard cock. I realize I’ve never been naked in front of her before. The desire in her eyes tells me she likes what she sees. I pull my shirt off next and join her on the bed once again.
Avery’s eyes linger over me, taking in everything
. Unable to slow the pace, I pull her up so I can remove her shirt. Her bra is the last article between us and I find the clasp at the middle of her back and free her of it. I toss it over the side of the bed with the rest of my clothes.
Avery climbs on top of me, straddling my hips and her bare flesh presses into me, the tiny rotations of her hips driving me crazy.
My head drops back on the pillow and a groan escapes the back of my throat.
Being naked with Avery is a bad idea. Capital fucking B. Her bare skin
is so soft and smells so good, I have to taste her. I sit up so I can reach her mouth, and kiss her deeply. Avery matches my pace, her tongue massaging mine. The only sounds are skin sliding against skin, heavy breathing and the occasional soft moan from Avery. It’s making me crazy.
My fingers
grip her waist, holding her still against me. I can feel how wet she is and it’s not helping my erection. I’m going to embarrass myself if she doesn’t stop grinding against me soon.
K
issing a damp path down her throat, I stop to nibble her collarbone before tilting my head to capture her breast in my mouth. Avery arches forward, groaning loudly in the too quiet room. My hands leave her waist, as I decide to momentarily trust her not to send me over the edge. One hand glides up her spine, curling around the back of her neck to lower her mouth to mine, while my other hand reaches between us to massage the sensitive nub of flesh she’s trying desperately to rub against my groin.
Avery’s head drops back and she growls with pleasure as I glide my fingers over her tender skin, sending her closer and closer
to release. I attack her exposed throat with kisses, biting into the skin and sucking hard enough to leave a mark as my fingers increase their rhythm. Avery responds, but not at all like I expect her to. She scrambles from my lap, breathless, her eyes wide with fear.
“Babe?”
I pull a deep breath into my lungs.
Did I do something wrong?
She doesn’t answer, but her eyes fill with tears.
What the fuck?
“Did I hurt you?”
She shakes her head.
“Tell me what I did.” I reach for her hand, but she pulls away from me, climbing off the bed to stand on shaky legs.
My overheated body struggles to catch up to my brain. We’re still both naked, though my erection is quickly catching up to the problem
. I grab the sheet from the bed and wrap it around her shoulders, and then step into my boxers. “Tell me what happened.” My voice is firm, but I don’t care. She was having a good time, about to come, I think, and then she just snapped.
Avery swallows visibly and tugs the blanket tighter around
herself. “I’m sorry. That was just too much for me. This – whatever that was – I can’t. I just need to focus on me. I need to get through tomorrow. I can’t handle this with you
and
the idea of meeting my mother tomorrow. I need to pick my battles.”
Shit fuck.
I shouldn’t have come in here with one thing on my mind – to make us both forget. Avery has bigger things on her shoulders right now. Maybe she wanted to talk, have someone beside her to listen to her feelings, hell, maybe she wanted to be left alone. Either way, I’ve fucked up. Again.
“I’m sorry.” I pull
up my jeans. “I wasn’t thinking.”
She clutches the blanket around her shoulders and watches me get dressed.
The moment between us has passed, and I can sense she wants me gone. I pull my T-shirt over my head. “I’ll go. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come. Just get some sleep.”
She nods and I disappear through the door to my own room.
Avery
I am shaking when Jase leaves. I sink to the floor, leaning against the door he just exited. I can’t believe he just left…I know I freaked out, but I just needed a second. Having him take control like that was too reminiscent of Brent and I hate feeling out of control. My heart is slamming against my chest as I process the fact that he only wants the physical with me. Is it because of my background – that’s how he sees me? It’s the reputation I’ve earned, but I thought Jase, of all people, would understand I’m not that girl anymore. My abandonment issues had clouded my judgment, and that’s all much too close to home right now.