“You shouldn’t eat it!” Sibbets burst out. “How do you know what it will do to you?”
“We
do
know what it will do to us,” Brute said, standing up. “
Because
we’ve eaten it.”
And they stood up smoothly, all together, and faced her. All their faces looked the same, and Sibbets couldn’t be sure if she was looking at Brute or Jenks or Darcy or Squirrel. How could all their faces look the same? She wanted to weep, but she never did that. It was just this sense of total frustration, this sense that it had gotten away from her. Could this be some kind of hallucination?
“I think I’m sick,” she said finally. “I keep seeing things that can’t be.”
“Oh really,” the person most on her left said. “Like what?”
“You keep changing. Physically.” She lifted her head. “Right now, I can’t tell any of you apart.”
“You’re all cooped up,” Brute said (if it was Brute). “That’s the problem.”
“Come out and play!” Squirrel hooted.
“I’m a scientist,” Sibbets said feebly. “I don’t think what you’re doing is right. It’s untested. We don’t know what will happen.”
“It’s funny. You said ‘we.’
We’re
the we, now. You’re just an I.”
Who said that, Sibbets wondered, squinting a little. Was it Darcy? Or Squirrel?
“Awfully lonely,” Jenks said. “Isn’t it?”
And with that, they left, like a bunch of puppets. Thank God they slept outside. She cleaned up, wiping down the chairs and the table with antibacterials. They were “off,” she was sure of it. They had abandoned their duties, such as they were. They had, really, abandoned her. And she thought, again and again, this is unforgiveable. It gave her a small sense of triumph, that she could define their behaviour that way. But the sense of anger faded—what good did it do, after all, to blame them for their actions? They had bonded. They had excluded her. Against all the rules. Against advice. How could they do it, do something so fundamentally wrong? Her anger was rising again. Leaving her to face it all alone!
She felt it strongly. She was the one now who had to maintain civilization on this planet. Was that it—had they gone native? What could that mean in a place with no natives? She stared out the plexi-window, scanning the beach for them. There they were now, knee deep in that thick water. One of them bent down, snaking her arm into the water. From this distance, it looked like the arm became part of the water.
She turned her back on them. It was up to her to do all the work, then. She went back to her office. She would stop preparing food for them. Until they changed their behaviour, it was nothing more than an ordeal for her, and a farce if they didn’t eat. It would keep them from slipping something in the food, too; that had to be a consideration. If they could drop a contaminated hair in, who knew what else. . . . What if they snuck some of that water in, behind her back?
She would lock them out during mealtimes because, really, they were no longer members of her team. That was true, wasn’t it? She stopped and looked out the window. They weren’t there, so she moved into the next dome and looked through that window.
There they were, she realized with a jolt, standing lined up, all facing her. Just standing. And then they all waved at her and walked away.
A feeling of exhaustion overcame her, and a longing for someone to talk to about it. Then she saw them walking into the water, sinking down, and disappearing. No bubbles, no outstretched hand (just as well: what would she do in that case?).
And then they slowly rose again. It was very graceful, but she found herself straining for air long before she could see the tops of their heads slowly begin to surface.
It did look beautiful. They did look happy. She wasn’t happy, that much was certain. But she had no inclination to join them, whatever they were doing. If, in some future time, they proved themselves to be right, proved her to be wrong—fine.
The next day, she didn’t open the door to let them in for meals. She could hear their voices, now, very dimly, all of them sounding exactly the same. Sometimes they were right outside her window, saying things, as if speaking to her. But the words sounded made-up. She wouldn’t put that past them, that they were speaking some language not their own. Or, well, not hers. Too infuriating, really. Like pig-Latin, meant to point out how she didn’t fit in.
Each morning she got up and wrote her report and transmitted it although it went nowhere—the planets blocked her words from reaching anyone. It was comforting all the same. In less than a year, some morning not unlike this one, she would hear a blip, a beep, some startled movement on the line. It would be a warm voice, a human voice, a relief after all this weirdness—and maybe this wasn’t even the end of it, maybe they would become sand or rock or pellets of water themselves (she couldn’t know)—there would be a voice over the line, telling her, You made it. You were right to seal that door. You are the one who is valuable. You are the one who saved the mission, and we adore you.
And she liked the sound of that so much—the love that was in that voice—that she began to fear that Jenks or Brute or Squirrel or Darcy would knock on the door someday and ask to come in. And she would be uncertain. She would want to open the door because for once they would sound normal. And they would complain they were hungry. How would she be able to withstand that? If they did that? Or if they bumped their foreheads against the plexi-window, crying, “Sibbets, Sibbets, we’re sorry, let us in!”
That would be unfair. To endure for almost all the way, and then have them trick her like that at the end. She would have to set up some rules. She would be clear about what they could and could not do. If they wanted food, she would leave it outside. That was reasonable. If they wanted anything else, they could leave her a note.
She found a notebook and pen to give them and suited up. Just because they had survived without a suit didn’t mean she would change procedure. Who knew what was growing inside their brains or in their blood vessels, biding its time?
She waited for the air lock to empty, then she stepped outside. Where were they now? They’d been in sight before she suited up. She turned around and bam! Something hit her. She dropped the notebook, staggering a little. She still held on to the pen.
Then another strike. Her mind was trying to figure it out. She looked down at her arm and saw something moving down it. Like oil.
It was the thick water, of course. She turned to the left, and another one hit her.
“Can Sibbets come out and play?” Squirrel called, his voice high and squeaky. He had his own face today, Sibbets saw.
“Stop it,” Sibbets said. “It isn’t funny.”
Someone put a hand on her, from behind. She twisted as best she could in the suit. It was Jenks. “We miss you, Sibbets. It’s hard to command someone who stays inside all day. Don’t you feel like you’re in prison?”
“I’m not sure who’s in prison,” Sibbets answered. “I’m happier inside.”
“But I want you out here,” Jenks said. “I order you.”
“Yes, sir,” Sibbets said, backing up. “Just let me stow my gear and I’ll be right back.”
Someone laughed. “Fat chance.” That was Brute. “Just get her helmet off.”
She was close to the door, close enough to get in and slam it.
That was that, then. Her heart was pounding. She went to the clean room. She stood under the spray. When she was done, she took off her suit. One of the clasps for the helmet had been undone. Luckily, they hadn’t gotten further than that.
There really was no reason to go outside anymore. But they knew everything about the domes—could she really keep them from coming in?
If she wanted to survive, she would have to get rid of them. Her hands got very still; she clasped them together in her lap. The idea was horrific. Could she really kill them? No, it was too much. She could never be driven that far. If she stayed inside, and they stayed outside, then there was no reason for it. They would just keep to their own sides of the door.
Late one night, just as she was drifting off, she heard a scratching sound. Something small and rough. Was she imagining it? She took a flashlight and inched her way towards the sound. It was coming from the next dome, but it stopped as she neared it. Of course: she had passed a plexi-window; they had seen the light.
They moved around like mice, nibbling here and there; were they using their fingernails? Did they still have fingernails? They could be using the rocks to scrape away at the dome, making the walls here and there thinner and thinner, so that one night they might poke their hands through and pull her out.
Maybe she couldn’t just sit and wait for rescue; that was too far off. What were they thinking about? What were they planning?
She was a scientist; she could fight them. She thought about how to kill them, now. She reminded herself that they were aliens, they were after her. Sometimes they stood, one at each plexi-window, just to frighten her, to say she couldn’t escape them. Well, she could. She could escape them if they were dead.
She hated having to think this way—and who was responsible for
that
? Who was forcing her to think of
that
?
It would have to be something that got them all together, all at once. That meant an explosion. Yes, blow them up entirely, leave no trace. They were fond of standing together like forks. Good.
There was a set of explosives and a remote fuse, two in fact. She took them to the kitchen table and read the instructions. It was easy. She took off the wrappings and stopped.
She sat at the table, her hands shaking.
She began to keep records about their movements. When she rose, she checked all the windows, recording where they were. They were almost always together. Sometimes one or two broke off and went up the rocky inclines. Did they still eliminate, then, and have the need for privacy? Were they mating?
She heard scraping again. In the daytime. So now she had two reasons to go out: to see if they really were trying to scratch through the walls, and to set up the explosives, just in case. She didn’t have to use them; it was merely a precaution.
So. Where should she place the explosives? She went back to her log. They liked to appear in her windows, but usually one by one for that. They liked to go as a group to the thick water, but that was too far away, and the water would probably shield them. Occasionally they picked through the rubble of the trash heap and took a scrap of something.
She decided to take out some small objects, to put them along with the explosives, in the trash heap. She decided on a toothbrush, a cup, a candy bar. The candy bar would make it seem like she was trying to see if they still ate; that would satisfy their curiosity.
She watched from the plexi-window. The first day they didn’t go in the water; they merely stood about. The second day only two of them went in. The scratchings continued overnight, like animals pawing at the door to get in. On the third day, she was rewarded.
They all went in the thick water, sliding through it and then sliding down, until their feet vanished, their hips vanished, their heads vanished. Sibbets suited up, unbolted the door and walked out. She walked around the domes. Yes, there were scratches; there were areas that had been peeled away. She thought maybe it had proved too hard for them, until she circled around to the back, where her lab was. There was a bigger spot here, a more delicate spot. She tapped her foot against it, and it gave slightly. Her heart pounded. They were distracting her, she thought, with scratching at other places so she wouldn’t concentrate on this spot.
Her mouth was dry. She looked at the beach and saw that someone’s head was showing through the line of the water. She moved quickly to the trash heap and put out the items, hiding the explosives under a bit of trash. She saw that three of them were kicking their way out of the water, pushing themselves to shore. She waved (sarcastically), and went inside.
Let them think what they would.
There was no doubt in her mind that they were about to break in. She went to the lab room, got down on her knees, pressing against the wall until she found the soft spot. It wouldn’t take them long. She placed a plastic sheet over it and taped around it. This would protect her against a breach, temporarily at least.
If they stopped scratching at the walls, she would leave them alone. She would give them that chance, one last chance. It was not her decision; it was theirs.
She folded herself into her bed that night, hoping there would be nothing but silence around her. But the scratching started, the little nibblings at the wall; that night, they seemed to be at all the walls from all sides. Had she missed other spots that were just as well worn as the one in the lab?
She bolted upright. She turned the lights on, crouching and running through the domes, listening. The sounds stopped as she drew near, then they started up somewhere else, as if they were tracking her, aware of her every move.
She ran around, and wherever she thought a sound had come from, she pounded her fist just above it (she would not push her hand through a weakened spot, no, she wouldn’t be pushed to that kind of error); to the top at first and then over to the right or to the left, she varied it because she didn’t want them to work out how she would act.
She did it for hours, skittering around, hating them, for the sounds, for their concentration, for their harmony—they were working in concert against her; if one of them weakened, there was another and she only had her wits and her sense and her logic and her hard, hard determination.
In the afternoon, she blew them up. They finally came to see what she had laid out in the trash heap, picking up the toothbrush, holding up the cup. They came as they usually did, and she pulled the switch and there was a muffled boom! And they were shattered, just like that.
She didn’t have the nerve to go out and look, not right away. She waited until she stopped shaking, and then she wrote down, again, her reasons: How they didn’t eat, how they drank the water. The way they were breaking in. That they wanted to infect her.
She added to her notes: they would bring the pollution back to Earth.