The Inquisitor (36 page)

He struggled to come up with a reply but flushed instead.

The defiance in her gaze died. "Sorry. It's me I'm angry at for being so stupid, not you."

"And I bet if anyone had doubts about the guy when none of us did, it's you." He didn't know anything of the kind but figured the challenge was worth a try if it checked her self-doubts even a little bit.

She fell silent again.

Maybe Susanne should try to talk with her, he thought.

She cocked her head at him again. "You know, there were some things I wondered about. The night we responded to Elizabeth Matthews's code, Thomas seemed particularly peeved that Yablonsky had called the resus team. It struck me as odd how he kept pressing the point, ridiculed her even, when a simple reminder to check a patient better the next time would have sufficed. But of course he probably hoped that by browbeating Yablonsky, she'd keep subsequent calls to a minimum. That way there'd be little likelihood of anyone noting anything suspicious, at least until he had everything ready to pin the deaths on Stewart." Her brow furrowed. "Unfortunately, that made her explode about you."

"She would have done that anyway, I figure." He wanted to keep her talking, as if it might prevent her from sliding back into the hole she'd been in. "In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Yablonsky hadn't already noted the increased mortality rate, being head nurse in charge of the records. Figuring how easily nurses could get fingered once patients started dying in unexplained numbers, she planned to make certain she didn't get blamed, whatever the cause. I just happened to be handy."

Her expression became pensive. "You know, there's another thing that sounded a little too neat- the way he practically echoed all the feelings I had about losing my father at the age I did when he talked about his own father dying. At the time, I suppose, I figured the similarity meant we were soul mates. And when we talked about growing up in the country, we seemed to share common likes and dislikes there as well. But he was adopting all my likes and dislikes as his own, to fool me."

"It might have gone deeper than just a sham."

"How do you mean?"

"Given how he practically lived his part, maybe he used your feelings to shed his own. He made your memories and emotions his, like pulling on a new skin."

"Jesus, that's creepy."

"I think a lot of how he presented himself came from inventing his new history on top of true events, then making it part of his own memories, which is why he never had any major slip-ups."

She held her index finger up, as if about to point at something. "But he wasn't foolproof, even in his pretending to help you and Dr. Graceton. At first he didn't have any ideas and I had to push him, then all at once he was Mr. Helpful. That struck me as funny too, that he didn't come up with his own ideas sooner. He probably thought at first that everyone going after you would muddy the waters, then got worried you'd find out too much, hence his getting closer to you so he could steer you wrong."

A little spark had appeared in her eye that hadn't been there before. By being able to pick holes in the deception that had deceived her so profoundly, she would gradually cut the lie down to size and, he hoped, become less fearful of being taken in again. "You see, J.S.? Now why didn't you just tell me that at the time? Look at all the trouble we could have saved. You're so clueless."

She gaped at him a full ten seconds, puzzlement scrawled in the furrows of her forehead, the sagging of her jaw visible even behind her mask. Then she started to giggle. "Wait a minute, Dr. G., you're messing with me."

"Damn right. And I'll keep messing with you until you stop being so hard on yourself. And I bet if Jimmy were here he'd give you holy hell-"

The sudden pain that slashed through her eyes stopped him cold.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Sorry, Dr. G. I still get really tired, really fast. Do you mind if I rest now?"

"No, not at all."

On the way out, he stopped by the nurses' station. "Has Jimmy Fitzpatrick been in to see J.S. yet today?" he asked the clerk.

The large ebony-skinned woman beckoned him closer. "Several times," she whispered. "But J.S. left orders not to let him in."

3:50 p.m.

Erie Basin, Buffalo, New York

A light chop slapped against the bow of Jimmy's canoe, but the combined power of his and Earl's stroke kept the sleek craft on an absolutely straight course. A breeze from the west cooled the skin, and the dazzle of sunlight off the dancing aquamarine surface made it impossible not to squint, even behind sunglasses.

But Earl, seated in the bow, remained tense. He knew when Jimmy had invited him out here it wouldn't be for the pleasure of a Saturday paddle. "So are we making a run for the Canadian border, Jimmy?" he said, deciding to break the ice. Since setting out twenty minutes ago, his host had been uncharacteristically quiet.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you I had a job offer."

Not what Earl expected. "Oh?"

"Denver, Colorado. They need a hospital chaplain, and as a bonus, I get a little parish to moonlight in outside the city- ranch country, where I can do my rounds on horseback. Lone rider stuff."

"Really? Are you going to take it?" The thought of St. Paul's without Jimmy sobered him.

"That depends."

"On?*

"Whether I'm going to be carrying some pretty nasty baggage or not. I won't let my name hurt these people."

Earl paddled in silence a few strokes, digging the water extra hard, reveling in the pull on his back muscles. "What about here?"

"No matter what, I'm resigning. You know I have to. I won't put you or anyone else in a position of covering up for me. Besides, my work here is done, with Wyatt stepping down and the young lions taking over. The question is, will that be the end of it?"

"You mean, am I going to help people figure out the complete explanation of what happened here? What good would that do anyone? Patients got the morphine they should have had in the first place. Nobody will be looking past Thomas Biggs to explain the corresponding shift in death numbers."

More silence, except Earl felt the surge of Jimmy's paddle make the boat leap ahead, creating its own small wake in the greater sea.

"How did you know?" Jimmy asked after a few seconds.

Earl exhaled, as if he'd been holding his secret like a breath. "There were two increases in the mortality rate on that floor. The initial one involved mainly people who were DNR, which meant they were likely near death and liable to have the most pain, and it occurred in the first three months of this year."

"So?"

"Thomas Biggs was doing one of his rural rotations in the Finger Lakes district. He couldn't have done it, and I had to cast around for another candidate. Thinking back, I remembered how you tried to fob me off with that story about the dark man when I wanted to take a close look at Palliative Care."

"Hey! That story's true, every word of it."

"Yeah, right. I also found it odd how you'd leapt to Yablonsky's defense during death rounds, since she personified the kind of indifference you detest. It didn't make sense unless you knew for certain that she hadn't caused Elizabeth Matthews's death. What happened? You were making your usual rounds when you slipped the people who needed it a shot of extra morphine, found the poor woman in agony, and for once her husband not at her side. So you gave her an injection, not realizing I'd already ordered a proper dose. At least you, or whoever else worked with you-"

"I'm not saying that-"

"Fine. Simply make sure your band of merry men, whoever they are, is disbanded before you leave. You do that, and I'm not going to be asking questions."

Jimmy said nothing for a few seconds, then chuckled. "Well, well, looks like you've a touch of the outlaw spirit as well."

"Maybe. Let's just say I'm willing to bend the rules when it makes sense. But I also intend to make you lone rider types obsolete around here. If there's wrongs to be righted, it'll happen legally. Get my drift? And that includes helping widows."

"So I can go to Denver without dragging along a potential scandal waiting to happen."

"You'll have no problems from me." I wish you wouldn't go, he almost added. Yet he knew in his heart that Jimmy had to leave. With him completely out of the scene, there'd be less chance of a misstep that might remind someone of his close proximity to the patients in Palliative Care.

"And to be thinkin' someone once accused you of not being one of the good guys," Jimmy said, and picked up the pace, forcing Earl to do the same. The increased speed made the waves clap more loudly against the red canvas shell that covered the cedar frame.

At each new level of speed, as soon as Earl matched his strength, Jimmy notched it higher, their breathing and the splash of water drowning out the sounds of the city behind them.

"What about you and J.S.?" Earl shouted.

"She needs time to trust herself again."

"And then?"

"I'll ask her to marry me."

Earl started to laugh. "Maybe you should at least court her with a few canoe rides first."

Sunday, July 20, 10:05 a.m. Palliative Care

"I'm going home for keeps," Sadie Locke told Earl, her eyes more alive than he'd ever seen them. When she'd left a request that he drop by, she'd said she had great news.

"Really?"

"Yes! Donny's arranged for someone to run the Lucky Locke Two so he can stay in Buffalo, and we're moving into our old home, along with the nurses he's hired, until…" She shrugged, seeming almost apologetic for broaching the subject of her pending death.

He smiled and took her hand. "That's wonderful, Sadie. Absolutely wonderful."

"And I hear you're a new dad. I'm so glad your wife and the boy are safe. What's his name?"

"Ryan."

"And I hear he has a brother?"

He smiled. Evidently she'd been finding out all about him. He didn't mind- in fact, he considered it a good sign that she still took an interest in the world around her. "Yes. Brendan. He's six."

"A good spread. Too close in age, and brothers fight."

The small talk continued until he decided he'd better get back downstairs to Janet. "Well, I have to be going, Sadie, and I'm delighted at your plans-"

"Dr. Garnet, can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"You've seen people die. I don't know what to expect. Is it always hard?"

He felt stunned by the question. And at a loss about how to answer. "Well, Sadie, it's very individual. But as long as pain is well treated, and I'm sure there'll be no problem with that now, most pass away very peacefully."

"I hear some fight and hang on. I don't want that."

He thought a moment. "You know, there's one thing that's always amazed me. Some people make a decision it's time to let go, and then the rest just happens. It's as if there's a fundamental life switch that's in us to throw, if we can access it. Don't ask me how, but over and over I've heard a dying patient say it's time, and then there's no stopping the process. Sometimes in just a matter of hours. When that happens, it's all calm and very natural."

"Do you think there's a heaven?"

"Whoa, Sadie. Maybe you'd better talk to Father Jimmy about that."

"Nonsense. He's a company man and is going to spout the party line. I want to hear a skeptic's point of view."

He chuckled. "A skeptic?"

"You know what I mean. No agenda to push."

He let out a long breath. "I don't know. I figure there's something a lot bigger than us out there." He remembered the time he'd felt like a drop of water returning to the ocean, but shut it out. That wouldn't comfort her. "You know, another thing I've noticed is that people with loved ones around find it easier."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Not only the dying, but facing the unknown that lies beyond. It's as if the friends and family are proof they're not a nobody, that they've led a good life, and if there is a reckoning, it'll work out."

"Like me having Donny."

"Like you having Donny. I mean, already it's made a difference. You're almost glowing."

"I am happy he's here, and relieved he's staying."

"So you see-"

"But what about the stories of seeing people on the other side? Is that heaven?"

He chuckled. "I guess it depends what they think of you, for better or worse."

"So you're a hell-is-other-people kind of guy."

"Except heaven can be other people too, if they think well of you." He started to think his answers sounded pretty good.

"No Exit"she said, almost dismissively.

"Pardon."

"No Exit. It's a play by Jean-Paul Sartre, an existential philosopher. Father Jimmy loaned me a copy. You're practically saying the same thing as that guy."

Earl said good night and retreated from the room, feeling he'd been whipped in Philosophy 101 by an octogenarian.

He lay in a gray zone.

I could see him below me.

Smelled the cloying, sick sweetness of his burns, felt the tube feeding oxygen to his seared lungs, and saw the glistening muscle that bulged through the deep fissures of his cracked skin.

But I floated above it all, no longer part of him.

Even the pain seemed distant.

But not the fear.

Out there in the darkness they waited.

Shrouded black shapes ready to take me, their silence as vast and overwhelming as the void behind them.

I didn't want to go there.

But I could feel myself being pulled inside out by their stares.

And one in particular who stood a little apart from the rest.

I didn't know him, but the ice in his gaze froze me with terror. I could feel the cold off him every time he drew near, and though I tried to scream, no noise came from my throat.

Yet he must have heard something, because he would recede a little, all the while looking at me with a hatred that putrefied any remaining shreds of life, further weakening my tie to the blackened husk below.

He moved on me again, sapping my resistance a little more.

I couldn't hold out much longer.

The shapes swayed expectantly.