The Insect Rosary (15 page)

Then

I decided the best way to stop her going off with Tommy was to stick right next to her. So when she agreed to go with Donn to visit Mary I had to go as well. Mary's farm was even worse than the outbuildings we couldn't go into. The farmhouse was rickety and draughty and the only good thing about it was the herds of cats that ran about outside. First we had to go inside.

Mary looked impossibly old, maybe eighty. She had white hair but it wasn't bright and clean like some old people. There were dull ends to it, like it was dusty. She always wore black clothes, maybe the same black clothes, like Sister Agatha, and had a brown shawl on. Summer and winter it seemed to be the same shawl, like she never got any colder or warmer. In summer the house was never warm anyway. The tiny windows let no sun in and the fire was always blazing.

Neither me or Nancy could understand more than the odd word that Mary said. We had to listen to Donn and guess, or sometimes he would translate if it was a question we were supposed to answer. We tried to avoid her eyes so that she forgot we were there. Whenever we answered her it meant that we weren't paying attention to her three massive dogs who snarled at us when we walked in.

‘Don't try to stare them out,' Donn had said, but it was almost impossible to not look at them when we thought they wanted to tear our throats out. Nancy was better at not looking than me, but I tried to copy her, looking at the fire next to them whenever I remembered.

After a while Mary said something or other and Donn said, ‘Do you want to play outside for a while?'

We nodded and walked out to the yard and that's when we started to hunt for the cats. We knew we couldn't go in any barns, so that's pretty much where they kept themselves. If we did see one walking around it hissed. If it was big we weren't interested. We were after the kittens. They were just as loud and fast as the big ones, but so much sweeter.

Me and Nancy still weren't really speaking, but we'd done this before and didn't need to talk about it until I came across the ginger one. I knew it had heard me because it swivelled its head around in my direction, but not fully. I watched it, creeping closer. Every noise made it move but not quite so it looked at me. It was using its hearing. I beckoned Nancy over. She stood at my side. I mouthed, it's blind, and she nodded. We didn't decide that she would catch it. It was always going to be her. She was slow until the last bit and then grabbed the kitten with both hands at once.

It hissed and writhed and bit at her so that she nearly dropped it, but managed to bear the pain.

‘Take your jumper off,' she said, and we managed to get the legs and body still. The head thrashed about, the tiny teeth striking at us while Nancy made murmuring noises. Its eyes looked normal, but very blue, and I managed to stroke it twice without getting bitten.

‘Let's ask,' said Nancy.

The scratches on her hands had turned from angry red lines into properly bleeding injuries now. I thought about the dogs and how they'd be able to smell blood and I hesitated, but she was already carrying her prize in and waiting for me by the door.

‘Open it.'

‘Do you think . . .'

‘Hurry up.' The kitten was hissing again, like it could smell a room full of dogs.

I opened the door and Nancy strode in.

‘We found a kitten,' she said. ‘It's blind. Can we keep it?'

Mary said something but there was a lot of head shaking and I caught the word ‘pet'. I noticed there was someone else in the room, a younger woman sitting in the chair that Nancy had been in.

Donn nodded at what she was saying.

The younger woman said, ‘Sure, let them keep it. It won't last long out there.'

Donn smiled at her, but Mary said something cross.

‘You'll have to put it back, Nancy,' he said. ‘It's not yours to take.'

Nancy bit her lip as if she was going to cry, but I knew she was angry from the way her cheeks flushed.

‘But it will die!' she wailed.

‘Things die,' said Donn.

The woman said, ‘They're too soft hearted to be farm girls, Donn. Are these your nieces from England?'

Donn nodded.

‘Nancy and Bernadette? I'm Catriona, a friend of your uncle.'

Nancy tried to smile but the lost kitten was fighting to get away again. Catriona stood up, and Donn stood too.

‘Here,' Catriona said, ‘let me take it and I'll find somewhere safe for it to hide.'

She fumbled it out of my jumper and held it by the scruff of the neck. It hung limp and quiet. Nancy scrunched up my jumper in her hands.

‘Will it find anything to eat?' I asked.

‘Not if death isn't allowed,' Donn mumbled, sinking back to his seat.

Catriona disappeared and when she came back smiled broadly at Nancy. ‘Would you like to try on a bit of make-up? You're too old to be running around looking for kittens, sure.'

Nancy blushed and nodded.

‘Come with me,' Catriona said. I stood next to Nancy. ‘You're a bit young, you stay here.'

I watched Nancy smirk as she left the room. I stayed as still as possible because, now that Nancy had left, the dogs' eyes were just on me. Mary had to speak to Donn a couple of times before she could get his attention. Then she said something in a low voice which made him smile awkwardly and shake his head. He glanced at me.

‘OK, there?'

I thought I was probably as uncomfortable as he was, and nodded. He smiled gratefully. Mary said something, nodding in my direction, and he shook his head. Then she laughed. Nancy came back in, scarlet mouthed, and pouted at me.

‘We'd better make a move,' said Donn, standing.

‘Hold on,' said Catriona, going to the table. She picked up a package and handed it to Donn. ‘From Tommy. He's back from Dublin. He'll be round soon, I'm sure.'

Donn looked towards me and Nancy and nodded. I stood slowly, keeping an eye on the dogs, and began to edge to the door.

‘I'll be seeing you tonight, Donn,' said Catriona, kissing him on his stubbly cheek. He raised his hand to the mark and herded us out.

In the car he handed Nancy a rag. ‘You'd better get rid of that before your Mammy sees it.' He gestured to her mouth.

She took the rag and sniffed it. ‘I'll use my hand.' She moved her fingers over the lipstick, making it less bright, but being careful not to smear it outside her lips.

‘I like Catriona,' she said. ‘Are you going out tonight?'

‘No, I think she's just going to come over for a chat.'

‘What, you're going to sit in the kitchen with your sisters and let them do all the talking?'

‘You want me to tell Agatha and your mammy that you said that?'

Nancy ignored him. ‘Is she your girlfriend?'

I looked at Donn as he tried to answer. ‘Girlfriend? I don't know about that.' But his smile returned and his hand moved back to his cheek.

Nancy was smiling too, like she was one of the adults. I imagined her staying up in the kitchen when me and Florence were in bed, the children, and I hated her for wanting that. They were boring and she didn't even like tea that much. I hoped that Mum wouldn't let her, that she'd say, ‘Don't be silly, Nancy, you're too young.' That might make Nancy cry and then she'd never get away with pretending to be an adult.

I reached my fingers across the back seat and pinched her hard on the leg.

‘Ow! What was that for?' I could see tears of fury welling.

‘It was an accident.'

She thumped me on the arm so I was next to shout.

‘Youse two, stop it!'

We turned into the back driveway. Nancy was cross with me but she couldn't be all grown up when she felt like that. I didn't even mind when she kicked my ankle so hard that I nearly cried.

Now

She went into the parlour and found sandwiches already made and on the table.

‘There you are,' said Elian. ‘We're all taking a trip out. Hurley will love it.'

‘Where to?'

‘A science museum, about an hour away. That's one good thing about this place, hardly anything is more than an hour away. Back in the States we can drive for four hours for a day trip.'

Adrian smiled and looked at Bernie. She caught his eye, rolled her eyes, and looked away. Elian was oblivious. Hurley came in, followed by the girls, whispering behind their hands. He sat next to Elian. The girls sat down and put a DSi on the table, turned off and facing him. Nancy grabbed it.

‘Not on the table, girls.' She put it on the mantelpiece.

‘Mum!'

Bernie ignored them and sat down.

Elian said, ‘So, Hurley, we're off to a science museum today. Pretty cool, huh?'

Hurley nodded.

‘I think I'll stay here,' said Nancy. ‘I'm not feeling too good. Do you want to stay too, Hurley?'

‘What?' said Elian. ‘Don't be ridiculous, he loves that kind of stuff. You'll come, won't you?'

Hurley looked from Elian to Nancy and nodded. ‘I'll come.'

Nancy looked at Bernie for her reaction but her face was unreadable. The girls grimaced and giggled. Nancy fought the urge to shout at all of them.

She spoke to Elian, ‘Can I have a word outside?'

He followed her to the hall and she closed the door behind them.

‘Do you think this is a good idea after yesterday?'

‘Sure.' He put his hand out to open the door again.

‘You don't think we should avoid them, limit the contact between Hurley and the girls?'

‘No. There'll be as many adults as children. I think it's a good idea.' He stepped towards her. ‘Listen, do you really want to stay after they leave? If it hadn't been for them I think I'd have gone stir crazy.' He saw her face. ‘We can talk about it, yeah?'

Nancy decided it probably wasn't the time to bring up buying the farm.

 

She borrowed Donn's car with the excuse that they had to visit Auntie Beth's after the science centre. She wasn't going to let Hurley go in the car with those girls, so they may as well make a day of it. She stayed next to him until they separated back into their cars.

Beth still lived in the house they had built while living in a caravan, but her two daughters and three sons had moved out. Nancy realised she could only remember the name of their first child and hoped that she could get by without making it obvious. She pulled up the winding driveway.

She turned to talk to Hurley. ‘It's wiggly because Beth thinks the fairies live in those bushes.'

She pointed. He looked at them and then away, back at the sky. She turned the engine off and looked over to Elian. They'd stopped for a meal at a service station so he could fill his phone with all the information that had being waiting in the sky from him. He'd sat smirking as the email box filled up and had been reading through them ever since.

‘We're here,' said Nancy.

‘Just a minute.'

‘No. Those can wait. She's seen us pull up.'

Elian grimaced and slid his phone back into his pocket. Beth stood at the window, not coming to the door. Nancy got out and waved to her. Beth lifted her hand.

Nancy opened the back door. ‘Come on, Hurley,' she said, keeping a smile on her face. He slid out and Elian followed them. Nancy rang on the bell and only then did Beth move to let them in.

‘Well, you're here at last, are you?'

‘Hello, Auntie Beth. This is Hurley and Elian.'

‘Well, I'd know that if you ever sent me any photos, but your mother, God save her, still sees me as family. You'd better come in.'

Nancy kept smiling.

Elian murmured, ‘Are you sure we're invited?'

Nancy nodded and pushed Hurley in front of her.

‘If you'd let me know a bit sooner I could have got all your cousins here, of course. But no. At least none of them have emigrated across the world, like your poor mother.'

‘And how are they all?'

‘Grand, grand. You'll be wanting tea, I suppose?'

‘Only if you're making some,' said Nancy.

‘Youse sit yourselves down. Don't worry about me.'

Beth gestured towards the front room with its three sofas and went off to the kitchen. Nancy sat Hurley down and headed towards the mantelpiece. She tried to spot which were her cousins and which were their spouses but it was pure guess work. She decided not to try to name even Sinead. The mouse, she sniggered. Each of them seemed to have at least three children each.

Beth came in with a tray.

‘You've got plenty of grandchildren, Beth.'

‘Not like your poor mother. Three girls and only three grandchildren to show for it. It's a crying shame.' She placed the tray on the coffee table and gestured to the cake and biscuits. ‘If I'd had a bit of warning I could have got something in, but this was all I had,' she said sadly.

‘That's more than enough, but thank you.' Nancy sat next to Hurley on the sofa which was surprisingly rigid.

‘So, you're the American,' Beth said to Elian.

‘I'm afraid so,' he smiled.

‘It's nothing to smile about, as far as I can tell. All those poor wee brown babies in Iraq,' she shook her head, ‘not to mention Vietnam and all those other poor wee brown babies.' She shook herself. ‘You can pour.'

Elian was unsure what she meant by this, whether he was still being insulted, and looked at Nancy.

‘Pour the tea,' she said.

Beth raised her eyebrows. ‘Does he need translations? And I thought they spoke English over there, of sorts.' She snorted. ‘So, just the one baby?'

‘Sorry?'

Beth spoke more slowly, ‘You only had the one baby?'

‘Yes.' Nancy thought quickly to see if she could think of a valid reason and failed.

‘And I hear he doesn't talk.' She looked at Hurley. ‘Do you not talk, no?'

Hurley looked at Nancy who placed her hand on his.

‘So,' said Nancy, ‘tell me about what Sinead is up to.'

‘Och, she's a wee pet. She's always round, can't do enough for me, and her with the three weans. You'd learn a thing or two from her, I can tell you.'

‘No doubt.'

Elian was handing the tea cups around and caught Nancy's eye as he gave her a cup. He rolled his eyes and she caught her laugh as it bubbled up and pressed her lips together.

‘Your sister now, well she's got those two wee brats, but she keeps in touch with her mother. Not your da, of course, not with everything. I don't suppose they've spoken yet?'

‘I don't think so.'

Beth leaned forward and spoke quietly. ‘And there wasn't anything in it, of course?'

‘No. There wasn't.'

‘The things she said. I'm sure I only heard the half of it.'

‘She didn't just say things about him, but about Mum and me as well.'

‘Yes, but we all knew those things about your ma weren't true.' Beth settled back, all hope of gossip and contradiction lost. ‘Yes, Bernie's got the right idea. She'd not leave your poor mother to pine away, now. But I suppose you've got your own problems.' She looked at Hurley again.

Nancy sipped her tea. She was overly pleased at the description of Bernie's kids, but didn't dare look at Elian again in case she couldn't hold the laugh down next time. It was like being in church and being so conscious of Bernie wanting to make her laugh that she nearly laughed anyway.

‘And,' Beth went on, ‘you're not going to church anymore? Didn't even get married in church, I hear, like your sister.' She looked at Elian. ‘Your fault, was it?'

‘Yes, I expect so,' he said. ‘Most things seem to be, Auntie Beth.'

‘Auntie!' she squeaked. ‘God bless us.' She crossed herself again.

Nancy would not catch Elian's eye, she refused. He would make her laugh and she needed to talk seriously to Beth. Hurley sighed and twisted on the hard sofa. Nancy patted his leg, noticing Beth watching her hand, watching Hurley.

‘So, how is the farm?' Beth said.

‘I wanted to talk to you about that, Beth.' Nancy sat forward and said, ‘You know that Donn is selling up?'

Beth made no sign that she had or hadn't.

‘I'd be really interested in keeping it in the family.'

Elian's head snapped towards her. Beth looked at her fingers.

‘Only he seems to have promised it to Tommy.'

Beth looked away.

‘Do you know why? He won't talk about it. I tried to talk to Tommy but that didn't go well. Do you think you could talk to Donn? I know how important family is to you.'

Beth laid her hands in her lap. ‘I don't think so.'

‘Why not?'

‘Tommy has been good to us. He is family, Sinead's godfather in fact. I'm not going to be interfering in their arrangement.'

‘Godfather?'

‘Will you have some cake?' she asked Hurley.

He nodded and reached forward.

‘I'll do it.' She put a slice of sponge cake on a plate and sat it on his lap. ‘Do you need a fork?'

He shook his head.

Nancy said, ‘Say thank you.'

‘Thanks,' he croaked. He began to eat it and a crumb fell to the floor. Beth's eyes became fixed on it.

‘I hope,' she said, ‘that Bernadette hasn't been carrying on her nonsense. She'll be locked up again.'

‘What nonsense?' asked Nancy.

‘He's always been very good to us.' Beth pressed her lips together. ‘He always was. Even when wee strumpets threw themselves at him, he had nothing to be ashamed of there. Nothing. If only we could all say the same, Nancy. We are all tested and only some of us can look God in the eye.'

Nancy shuddered. Hurley put the plate back on the table.

Nancy cleared her throat. ‘I think we'll have to make a move, Auntie Beth.'

Beth stared at Hurley. ‘Why? What might he do?'

‘Nothing. He's just tired. We've been walking around all morning. Busy, busy.'

‘Ah,' said Beth. ‘Maybe you'd be better off visiting a church or two.' She stood up and brushed her skirt down, ‘Well, that wasn't much of a visit after all these years, was it? But you were never much for family, were you Nancy? For all Bernie's faults, at least she knows where she came from and who to thank for it.'

‘You could always visit both of us at the farm, while we're here.'

‘I don't drive.'

‘Maybe one of your children could drive you.'

‘Maybe,' Beth said, looking from Elian to Hurley, ‘we'll have to see how it goes.'

She herded them out of the door and closed it before they got into the car.

‘Jeez,' said Elian, ‘no wonder you never came back. Agatha and Donn were bad enough, but compared to her . . . Are they all like that?'

‘I like Donn,' said Nancy, clicking in the seatbelt. ‘I don't remember many of the others. They all emigrated when I was quite small.'

‘Are you surprised? This country,' Elian shook his head, ‘there's nothing here. No wonder they go on about how green it is. That's the only nice thing to say, and it's not even that nice. It's just an observation. The towns are grey, the houses have those weird bobbles on them, there's two tourist attractions and one of those is outside so it's a misery. And,' he turned to Nancy, ‘I'm not counting the rope bridge. Crazy.' He turned back to watch the road. ‘If it was in America the Giant's Causeway would have some great acrylic sheeting to encourage people to go and see it. It wouldn't disturb the view at all, but you'd be able to enjoy it. There'd be a nice bar so you could sit on the rocks all day, instead of having to race out and try not to slip into the Atlantic.'

Nancy checked the road at the end of the drive and pulled out slightly too quickly.

‘Is that a bit of an exaggeration? And I suppose they'd just recreate the sand dunes inside a heated building with a heated, more Mediterranean sea?'

Elian smiled and rested his head back. ‘Now I could spend a day there. The rain, the bloody endless rain, that's what does for the place. Anywhere that could be half decent, not from any effort from the people that live here, and the freezing cold rain gets you.' He raised his head and shivered.

‘It's not raining now.'

He looked up at the sky. ‘Give it half an hour.'

‘But what about the prehistoric stones and graves and the history? You've nothing like that. Michigan was pulled from the marshes about fifty years ago.'

‘Yeah, yeah.' Elian turned to look at her, his voice low. ‘Nancy, I don't know why you keep talking about the farm. And what the hell was that about it staying in the family? The country is terrible and I haven't even started on the glum people. What is wrong with them? I thought they drank to excess and were merry while they did it. Is that just in the South? All the people I've met, I wouldn't want to see them drunk. They'd chase me down for being an American or a Jew or too short or too tall. I've never felt so completely unwelcome anywhere I've ever been.'

‘You've never been outside the States.'

‘So? That makes it even sadder. I can't go back and tell my friends that this is what Europe is like.' He turned in his seat. ‘What do you think of it, Hurley?'

Nancy shifted her head to look at him in the rear view mirror.

‘I like it here.' He was looking out of the window, not at them. ‘I like the quiet and I like the fact there's no people.'

When they talked about place, Elian was talking about the strange abbreviated country of Northern Ireland. When Nancy thought of it, and clearly Hurley too, they thought of the farm. They didn't need anyone else when they were there. It wasn't a plain, white house in the middle of a green landscape, but an entire world by itself. People who didn't feel that, most of her mother's generation, fled from it given half a chance. She could see her dad living here though. He'd have been happy.