The Institute (20 page)

“It’s not like
that,” I say, adding ‘you asshole’ in my mind.

“If you say so
Miss Daniels. But that will be fine anyway, now that you’re with
us, you will have the security clearance to go down there when you
want.” I’m floored. Just like that? I want to ask what else I will
have security clearance for but he dismisses me with a wave of his
hand and I get up to leave. I am kind of surprised how easy that
conversation went.

As I am being
led back to my room, I’m suddenly feeling very guilty about giving
Drew such a hard time, haven’t I just agreed to do what he does?
What if he only did it to protect his family? That is what he said
wasn’t it? I’d like to think I could do it with a little more class
and decency than him but I have essentially agreed to do to others
what has been done to me. I haven’t even started the training yet
and I am already racked with guilt. I don’t know how I’m going to
do this, but I know I have to or Shilah will have to. I’m
protecting him – something I promised my parents a long time ago
that I will always do.

My room is easy
to find, room ninety-three – level nine, apartment three. As the
elevator doors open to my floor, I see him. There, sitting at my
door is the one person I have been wanting to see ever since I was
first brought in here: my brother, Shilah.

Chapter
Thirteen

I run as fast
as I can and I’ve got my arms wrapped around him before he even
notices me coming.

“Oh my god, I’m
so glad you’re okay,” I say, relief filling my voice and my
body.

“Of course I’m
okay, I was more worried about you. They wouldn’t tell me where you
were or what happened to you,” he says, with the same relieved tone
that I had.

“They didn’t
tell me either. All I have been thinking about is if you were safe
or not.”

“What did they
do to you Allira?” he asks as he embraces my cheek with his hand
where my bruised face has just healed. I saw in the reflection of
the elevator doors earlier that it is still a yellowish tinge but
at least it isn’t sore anymore.

“Come inside,
there’s a lot to catch up on.”

We enter my
room and I flop backwards on the bed completely exhausted, Shilah
takes a seat at the table. “What did they do?” he repeats
himself.

“Oh you know,
medical tests and stuff,” I try to sound casual, I try to not think
about it. I don’t want him to know about the torture tactics.

“You look
wrecked, I don’t believe for one second that that is all they did
to you. You do remember what they did to me, just to get you to
talk right?” Oh right, I’d forgotten that he was given similar
treatment that day. “I figured that until they realised you aren’t
actually Defective that you would be experiencing a lot more of
that kind of treatment.”

I sit up when I
realise they haven’t told him about me. “But Shilah, I am
Defective.”

“What? No
you’re not.” He’s looking at me like I’m crazy and I’m starting to
think he might be right. Not the part about being Defective – I
know I am, but I don’t feel different. I guess I am surprised at
how easy the transition was from ‘normal’ to Defective. I expected
it to be a momentous thing, discovering what I can do.

“Actually, I
am. I don’t know when it was triggered but it’s true.”

“Wow. That’s
crazy. I just assumed the blood tests were mixed up with mine or
something.”

“Well the tests
were a complete lie anyway, the results were inaccurate. The only
reason you were brought in was because of Drew.” I can’t say his
name without getting angry.

“It figures
that dickhead is responsible. So what is it that you can do? What
kind of ability do you have?” he asks.

“I’ll show you,
get up.” He gets up and I reach out my hand. He looks at me like he
did when we were kids and I asked him to close his eyes and I’ll
give him a treat. He knew I was going to punch him and yet he still
did it because of that five per cent doubt that just maybe, I did
have a treat for him.

“I’m not going
to fall for that, what are you going to do? Electrify me? Make me
wet myself?”

“That would be
an unfortunate ability,” we laugh, “Just do it. I’m not going to
hurt you I swear.”

He grabs my
hand and for the first time I see what he sees. I don’t know what I
was expecting but seeing three different futures at once was not
it. I don’t know when in the future I am seeing right now but I can
see Shilah and me sitting in a cafeteria, in another one I see a
boy I don’t know … oh, he kind of looks familiar I guess – we’re
talking in my room, and in the other one, it looks like I’m arguing
with Drew. I’m about to ask him how he knows what time or when his
visions are projecting but he interrupts my train of thought.

“Whoa, that’s
new,” he says.

“What is?” I
ask.

“Usually I can
only see the one future, then if I do or say something to change
it, only then do I see the new one. Right now I’m seeing three
different outcomes to what could happen. Is this what you do? Make
me better? Oh, this is great! They are going to be so excited
tomorrow when I tell them.”

“Them who? Tell
them what?” I’m confused.

“They’ve been
training me. They are going to let me back into the real world,
just like they did with Drew. I get to have a normal life!” he
exclaims, like it’s the best thing that could have possibly
happened to him.

“Shilah, no,
you can’t do that. You just said Drew was a dickhead, you want to
be like him? Haven’t you thought about what that would mean? What
you would have to do?”

“I don’t care
what I have to do, it’s nothing that hasn’t been done to me. If I
can take it, I’m sure those out there who are just like us would be
able to handle it. And if it means I get to see day light again
then I am all for it.”

“You really
have no idea do you?”

It’s moments
like these that remind me just how young my brother is. This is
probably why I’ve always felt a need to protect him. “Do you really
want to know what they did to me? I shouldn’t even have to remind
you considering that Drew beat you within an inch of your life. In
the short time we have been here, I was beaten, starved, blinded by
bright lights, deafened by noise, and strapped to a gurney attached
to electrodes and this was only over a few days from what I could
tell! I met others in the prison they kept me, and they got this
kind of treatment for weeks before the Institute finally gave up
finding out what they can do. If you work for them, you will be
responsible for something like that happening to someone else,
someone who has the same genetic makeup as you, someone they deem
as broken.” I notice my voice getting louder. I want to lecture him
until it really sinks in but I can see that I have him thinking
already. The look of concentration on his face is intense.

“I really had
no idea, you were really in a prison?” he asks, with a calculating
look on his face.

“Yeah, others
here call it ‘the Crypt’, nice huh?”

“I thought you
were just in a different dormitory to me.”

“You were in a
dormitory? You weren’t given your own apartment like this one?”

“Not until
about an hour ago and even now, the apartment I have is much
smaller than this one. I’m apartment twenty-two, if you ever need
to find it. They didn’t explain why I was being moved. I was
confused because I was told no one gets an apartment until they are
an agent, or training full time to be one.” He looks up at me with
a look of realisation, “How is it that you have this one?”

I am now
suddenly feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world. “I had to
agree to it, I have to protect you. I told them I would work for
them so long as you never had to. And that you would get an
apartment near me.” I can see the anger rising up in him.

“So after
lecturing me for the last five minutes on why
I can’t
do
this to my own kind, you’re telling me that you will be?” he
stretches his neck from side to side like he does when he is
angry.

“I’m only doing
what I think is right and trust me, I am not looking forward to
this. I don’t want to do it but I have to, for you.”

“And now you’re
blaming me for having to do it? You don’t think that won’t make me
feel even guiltier than if I was doing it myself? You’re not my
mother, Allira and I’m not a little kid anymore. I can make
decisions for myself and I’m not going to sit by and let you create
this double standard between us. I don’t care what you say, I’m
going to do the training. You were always worried about me having
to be caged and here you are ensuring I am for the rest of my
life.” Shilah is up and is about to walk out. I lunge for his hand
but he breaks free.

“Shilah—”

“I don’t want
to hear it Allira.”

And now I can
feel myself getting mad. Can’t he see I am doing this to save him?
Save his conscious, save him from doing horrible things, save his
feelings and his safety?

“Fine. Walk
out, but the Institute have already agreed and you won’t be going
anywhere,” I throw the words out after him.

He storms out
and I am left here feeling frustrated and angry. I am doing this so
he doesn’t have to, he should be grateful, not annoyed. He just
needs to accept that I am right.

A wave of guilt
crashes down on me as I realise I have taken the one thing away
from him that even I got excited about – the chance of freedom, be
it somewhat controlled and minimal. He’s right about not seeing
daylight since we’ve been here. Am I wrong to want to protect
Shilah against having to live with knowing he’s responsible for the
imprisonment of innocent people? If I’m old enough to accept the
consequences, shouldn’t he be? Do I need to stop mothering him?

I climb into
bed, not bothering to get out of my clothes, just like I’ve done
most nights I’ve been here. My new room may seem cosier and more
attractive from the outside but it still feels cold and distant
compared to the old farm house I once called home. I feel even
lonelier than I did when I was in my cell downstairs. I thought
being moved up here would make me feel less trapped, less confined
but now it feels like I have been sent to live in solitary
confinement. I feel the walls start to close in on me as I try to
focus on going to sleep.

There’s a knock
at the door and I jump up, thinking it is Shilah who has come back
to make amends, but when I open the door, there
he
is.
Waiting right outside my door is Drew Stanley … Jacobs … what’s his
face, as I shall call him from now on.

“Can I help
you?” I spit out through gritted teeth at him. I don’t meet his
eyes, I want him to go away.

“Oh, I just
wanted to welcome my new neighbour,” he says with a smile as he
leans forward against the wall with his hand.

“Neighbour?
Really?” Suddenly my cell is looking even more desirable.

“Well
technically – I’m two doors down, apartment ninety-one.”

“Great, thanks
for the heads up of where to avoid,” I say.

I walk back
inside and shut the door behind me. I do not want to deal with him
right now. But I hear another knock at the door and I know it’s
him.

Drew talks
through the door and it mumbles his voice to a murmur, “I’m
actually here to take you back down to the cells. Apparently you
wanted to say goodbye to your rebound.”

“He wasn’t my
rebound!” I shout back in frustration, but at least he will show me
how to get to Tate so I don’t continue. “Okay fine, then let’s go,”
I say as I open the door and start walking back down the
hallway.

It’s silent as
we get into the elevator. I’m all out of insults and he seems to be
all out of egotistical boasts.

“I’ll take you
down to the cells but I’m not going to wait around for you so you
can have a moment between you and your new boyfriend, who I looked
into by the way. He’s a little old for you don’t you think?”

I wonder how
old Tate is, not that his age actually matters because little does
Drew know, it’s not like that at all. I’m trying to do the math in
my head, work out how old Tate is, when I remember something about
Drew.

“Well he
couldn’t be any older than you. You do remember you were only
pretending to be seventeen, right? Or have your lies blended with
your truth and now you have no idea what’s true and what’s
fabricated?”

The elevator
shudders and I look over to see Drew pressing the emergency stop
button.
Shit
. I’ve goaded him too far and I’m stuck in a
tiny space alone with him.

“Look, I know
you have every reason to be mad at me,” he says to me but still
facing the elevator doors. “I got carried away, but you have to
understand I was doing what I had to do. Just like you are now. Did
you not just agree to become a field agent?” He turns to look at
me, “Did you not just do the very thing you think makes me a
monster? Well, welcome to the club, honey.” I can see by the look
on his face he immediately regrets his words. He sighs, “I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to say that.”

“You were doing
what you had to do? Did you
have
to make me fall for you?
Did you
have
to try and seduce me by the lake? All I keep
thinking is how relieved I am that I did not let the moment get to
me and give in to you.”

I go to push
the emergency button again so we can get going but he stops my hand
and holds it, gently, his fingers covering mine, sending tingles up
my arm.

“That’s what
I’m trying to apologise for. I didn’t want to get that close to
you, I wasn’t supposed to but I couldn’t help it. When I’m near you
all I can think about is kissing you, having you in my arms and
feeling complete.”

Before I can
respond, he’s taken my head in his hands and is kissing me. It’s
easy to let him, it’s familiar, it’s comfortable, it feels like I
am home at last. A part of me wants to keep letting him but I can’t
get the image of him beating Shilah out of my head, his words from
my interrogation fill my mind, ‘it’s just a shame you didn’t give
it up to me by the lake or this would have been a lot more
enjoyable.’ I push him off me even though I want more.