Authors: Katy Birchall
“Mom, that's not true.” Marianne rolled her eyes.
“It is. She's being modest. Who's that boy in that band who's crazy about you? The one in that band that makes the loud music. You know, In the Rox, isn't it?”
“ON the Rox! And, no, he is not crazy about me.” Marianne blushed.
“I've heard of that band,” I said, sitting up straight. “My best friend, Jess, she loves them.”
Marianne nodded. “Yeah, they're good.” Her phone beeped. She bent down to her handbag and started reading her texts.
“Well, aren't you going to tell Anna how you caught his eye?” Helena frowned while Marianne typed away at her phone.
“You don't have to,” I said as Marianne shot her mother a warning look.
“It was a stupid question. And pointless anyway. No boys notice me. And this one definitely won't. Plus, he likes the most popular girl in the school, which makes sense. She's very beautiful.”
“Nonsense,” Helena stated firmly. “I'm sure you've got hundreds of better qualities than she has.”
“No, really, I don't.” I sighed. “It's like she's a beautiful, graceful swan, and I'm a clumsy newt.”
“Don't worry, darling,” my dad said, leaning over and giving my hand a comforting pat. “I've always been very fond of newts. I remember finding one in a pond as a boy. I named him Harold.”
Comforting.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hi
Hey, Anna,
Hope you don't mind me e-mailing.
I've been thinking about dinner. Sorry if I seemed rude when you asked for my advice on boys. It was a bit weird talking about it in front of our parents, don't you think . . . ? Anyway
I thought I would e-mail you about it instead.
I've always found that if I feel good, then I'm more relaxed and confident, which boys like. So if you feel pretty, that will come across.
And don't worry about him being popular and you feeling like you're not. If he's nice, then none of that will matter. He'll notice you either way.
Anyway better go. I'm in the car on my way to an awards after-party.
Marianne x
PS Would you like me to get tickets for you and your friend to go see On the Rox? They're playing in April. Let me know.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hi
Hey, Marianne!
Thanks so much for the advice. I would LOVE to take Jess to On the Rox, thank you!
Have fun at the after-party, sounds like a hoot!
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Yo!
How was your dinner?
What are you doing tomorrow? My parents want to go to this really boring exhibit. Think it has rotting animal parts involved.
Want to come?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Yo!
Wow, you've really sold that exhibit to me.
Actually, Sophie left me the most random voice mail about joining them in the park tomorrow, so I was thinking of going. You want to come? Should be better than a boring exhibit, right?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Yo!
She called you? And invited you to the park?
That girl is on a mission. I'll pass if you don't mind. Don't think hanging out with Sophie on the weekend is really my thing.
Are you sure you want to do that?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Yo!
Why wouldn't I want to do that? HELLO. Brendan is going to be there. Potentially doing something cool like skateboarding or playing soccer.
You sure you don't want to come?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Try not to drool
It's 50 degrees outside at the moment. And windy. I wonder why Sophie invited you? Just
be careful, Anna, you know what she's like.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Try not to drool
No, what is she like?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Try not to drool
She likes attention. I just hope that she's not trying to latch on to this It Girl thing. You know, now you know someone famous? It's the sort of thing she loves. Be careful with that group.
I don't want any of them to hurt you.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: I hear ya
Okay, wise Gandalf, I will be careful.
Now, stop being grumpy and serious.
I have some news that will cheer you up.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I hear ya
Mysterious. What?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Get excited
You're going to see On the Rox in April.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Get excited
ARE YOU SERIOUS????
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I'm super happy! You are a great best friend! Did Marianne offer them?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Get excited
Thought you might be happy about that one. Yes she did.
I think I may have had a small breakthrough with Marianne today, you know. She almost smiled at me.
So now she's patted Dog on the head and almost smiled at me AND offered On the Rox tickets, I would say . . . we're basically best friends.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Get excited
Um. Yeah. Sure. I'm sure you guys are like best friends.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: I see how it is
Don't think I can't sense that tone of sarcasm. She gave me boy tips too, so there. A true sign of sisterhood. Do you think it's embarrassing that in an e-mail I just sent her I used the word “hoot”? That's a cool word, right? Everyone uses that word.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I see how it is
No one uses that word. This is like the time you kept trying to get the word “hullabaloo” into conversations.
Why do you need boy tips? You're so good at that sort of thing.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: I see how it is
Any more sarcasm and I'm giving the On the Rox tickets to Dog.
He is very partial to rock music.
Once, I put on “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and he howled along to it so loudly that it gave next door's hamster a heart attack.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Forgive me?
I take it back. All I want in life is those tickets. You're the best best friend ever, thank you!
Just out of interest, when I called you “best friend” in that previous e-mail, did you get up and do a weird celebratory dance?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Forgive me?
No?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Forgive me?
Liar. I bet you did a celebratory dance and then went to tell Dog. Am I right?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Forgive me?
HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Camels
Greetings, my only child!
Looking forward to seeing you very soon during break. I've missed you!
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I've sold you to a lovely fellow here for the excellent price of three camels. Now, I know that seems quite low, and my colleague has managed to wrangle six for his daughter, but the camels I'm looking at are of much better breeding, so they're really worth triple his.
Hope all is well, darling!
Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Camels
Hi, Mom,
Thanks for sending me an e-mail purely to let me know how many camels I'm worth.
I am saving e-mails like this one in a special file for when I'm admitted to a mental institution.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Camels
Good for you, darling!
Now, tell me your gossipâhave you got a date for the dance yet? I bet the boys are falling over themselves.
Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Camels
Mom, this is me we're talking about remember? You seem to have me confused with someone who is popular. No, I don't have a date to the dance yet. Who on earth would I go with?
Please do not suggest Dog.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Stop this negativity
What about that lovely boy you mentioned on the phone? Boursin or something.
Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Stop this negativity
Mom. Boursin is a CHEESE.
His name is Brendan. And he's the most popular and best-looking guy in school. So he won't be taking me.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Stop this negativity
Why not?
I thought you said you had made some new friends this semester. So you are popular too.
Is he going with someone else?
Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Stop this negativity
Well, no actually. He hasn't actually asked Sophie yet as far as I know. But I'm sure he will. It makes sense that they would go together.
But he did call me smart yesterday. Could you imagine? If he took me to the dance, everyone would like me . . . and Jess and Danny would be pretty excited. It would definitely solve all my problems!
But it's never going to happen, Mom.
Thanks anyway.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Excuse you, young lady
You're not getting out of it that easily, miss. He called you SMART. Boys like smart girls. They have something to talk about with them.
Maybe the reason he hasn't asked this Sophie is because he wants to ask YOU. Hmm? Have you thought of it that way? You work your magic, darlingâyou may get your bookish nature from your father, but you get your flair from me. It's an irresistible combination.
See you at break. I'm going to bring you back a wonderful presentâand don't worry, it won't be a mug like last time.
Mom xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Excuse you, young lady
Mom. Let's just clarify. You brought me back a MONKEY SKULL.
Just because it had a handle glued to it does
NOT make it a mug. I don't care what that guy at the stall told you.
Please don't bring anything weird back for me. This year has already been disturbing enough.
Love, me xxx
“Brendan is such a show-off.” Sophie laughed, perching her sunglasses on her head and waving at him as he looked in our direction after scoring a second goal.
I held on tight to Dog's leash as he whined hysterically, watching the soccer ball fly around the grass between the boys. When I arrived, Sophie had made a big fuss about Dog without actually touching him, and Josie just looked a little disgusted and stepped away. Brendan had greeted him like an old friend, kneeling down to give him a good scratch.