Chapter 3
Phoenix
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Ashley started out by showing us creams and lotions. Some were used for moisturizing and massaging, and some were used for licking. We tasted nipple drops and warming oils that tasted like candy. There was chocolate for the body, and primer to suck off the man's penis. There was not a woman in there who didn't get her savor on. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed the tasting too. I could have sucked down a bottle of that apple-flavored warming oil. It tasted like a Jolly Rancher.
Ashley proceeded to show us a bottle of spray to numb the back of your throat for oral sex. She introduced this product along with giving each of us a flavored condom. Along with the condom, I stood to hand out bananas.
“What are we supposed to do with this?” Dawn asked.
For somebody who thought they knew everything, my sister was sitting here acting like she didn't know a damn thing. Common sense should come into play sometimes. If you are holding a condom and a damn banana, what do you think you are supposed to do with it? But maybe I shouldn't think that way. Maybe she's never used a condom before. Yeah, that's it.
“You supposed to take the condom you have and roll it down the banana.”
“Oh, I can do that,” Dawn said.
“But the catch is you have to use your mouth to put it on, and then you have to suck it,” I explained.
“I'll be damned,” Dawn said, causing everybody to laugh. “I'm going to put this condom on with my hands.”
“That's fine too,” Ashley said.
“If y'all would like to see if the spray works, try it,” I said, squirting the elixir into my mouth. “Who in here likes giving head?”
“You,” most of the women said, causing laughter to permeate the room.
“Like I'm the only one. Please. All y'all give head, so don't play innocent,” I countered.
“I don't,” Serena said, smiling devilishly, knowing damn well she was lying. She and Tyree had been together for a minute, and I knew that man looked like he wouldn't have stayed with Serena if she weren't giving him some head. My sister must have been thinking the same thing, because she called Serena out on her bull.
“That's a damn lie. You don't have that baby for nothing,” Vivian joked.
“That's right. All of y'all are freaks to the tenth power. I know this because none of you ladies would be here if you didn't have some inner slut buried inside you,” I joked.
“And you are the biggest slut of us all,” my sister Shauna said, sipping on her glass of wine.
It was funny watching these women take these bananas into their mouths like it was their man. I was no exception. I joined in with them. Why perpetrate? I gave head and, honestly, I liked it. Throwing a flavored condom in only made the act tastier.
I looked over at my good friend Paige taking the entire banana down her throat. I mean, she made it disappear. She only had the tip of the banana's stem showing, and these weren't tiny bananas. I purposely picked the longest ones I could find, just so I could see how much these tricks could take.
Paige held her hands out by her side like she had performed the circus act of swallowing a sword instead of a banana. I was astonished. Homegirl didn't even bother to use the spray to eliminate the gag reflex. She wasn't choking. There weren't tears running down her face. She looked totally unfazed. Then Paige reached in and pulled the banana from her throat with no problem. There wasn't one blemish to the banana. None of her teeth had clipped it, and it didn't break during its journey down her throat.
“Damn, girl. Remind me to keep you away from my man,” one of my guests said.
“I know, right? They do say white girls give the best head,” another said. Paige didn't mind the joke. She knew it just like we did. She just made it factual by her demonstration.
I saw Dawn watching her and knew she was getting heated. How ironic it was for Dawn to watch this woman down this banana like a damn champ, knowing this same woman slept with her man and probably did this exact thing to his dick. Talk about adding insult to injury. After seeing what Paige did, I would be intimidated too. If swallowing that banana was any sign of how good she could suck a dick, Dawn's man still might be seeing her. I knew if I was a man, I would be.
After the room calmed down from the banana tricks, Ashley went on to show us some sexual position books and massage books. She passed them around for us to get a better idea of what the books entailed.
“I think I have done all these positions,” Kimara said, taking a sip of her wine.
Scanning through the book, Vivian said, “If you did all of these positions, then you are truly the master at this craft, because I don't see some of these positions as humanly possible. Who thinks of this stuff?”
“Like we aren't already performing acrobatic moves in the bedrooms,” Shauna said, looking in another book alongside Dawn. “Spin around on the dick. Put your legs behind your head and finger your ass. Now finger my ass. Lick your nipple while you squeeze my butt at the same time. Do a handstand while I eat you out. Twist your head this way so you can touch your toes with your tongue. And my favorite, can you Luke dance on my face?” Shauna joked.
Everybody burst into laughter. Tears were streaming down many faces as they laughed at the truth. Men did think we were gymnasts.
“You crazy, girl,” I said, dabbing at the tears so as not to mess up my makeup.
“No, these men are crazy. If we could suck them, fuck them, and fix a sandwich at the same time while watching a ballgame, men would think we were goddesses, or should I say magicians,” Shauna kidded. “How about they reach down and suck their own dicks? Show me that so I can be amazed for once,” she said.
“You know they had a man from Africa whose dick was so long he could do that,” Kimara said.
“I heard about him. They said his dick went to his knees,” Bella agreed.
“See. They trying to outdo us again,” Shauna said. “They are sucking their own dicks now. We have to perform our due diligence before all men figure out it's best to do one another,” she said.
Everyone laughed at my crazy sister. One thing about the Johnson women, we damn sure speak our minds. Shauna and I are the two who are so much alike when it comes to our mouths. I am the diva version of Shauna, where she comes off more hood. I have to also admit she is as pretty and shapely as me. Out of all my sisters, we look the most alike. Sometimes people think we are twins, which makes me mad sometimes, since Shauna is four years older than me. Either they think I am old as hell, or she looks young. I'm going with Shauna looking young.
The party that was supposed to last one hour turned into two hours. Everybody had something to say about most of the merchandise and was having a ball. Where the excitement hit the fan was when we got into the toys. I have to say I could hardly contain my anticipation either.
“This is the bullet,” Ashley said, holding up the rubber-covered bullet, which was black and had a remote control hooked to it for speeds specific to your pleasure.
“I've heard of this thing, and if it does what I heard it do, I want you to ring me up now,” Bella said.
“It does work, girl. I have one, and it's the best investment ever,” Kimara said. “I haven't hit high yet. I'm scared if I do, I'm going to blast off into orbit.”
Everybody chuckled. Several “I'm getting that's” rang out, and all I could do was think about all the free merchandise I was going to be getting for myself.
“Do you have something like this that will benefit both the man and woman at the same time?” Mayumi asked.
“We sure do,” Ashley said, turning to her table and picking up two toys. “This toy here is like a condom with benefits. You slide this down on your man's member.”
“What's that big thing on the tip, where the man's head is?” someone asked.
“These little fringes are meant to massage and tantalize your insides when he goes in and out of you,” Ashley explained. “This is the least expensive of our partnering toys.”
“Will that thing come off, though?” my sister Serena asked.
“I'm pretty sure it will if the man has a little dick,” Kimara said. “Ain't nothing worse than getting a condom stuck up in you.”
Laughter erupted again.
“Most times it stays on, but there's always a chance it can come off,” Ashley said. “I am going to show you another partnering toy. This one is our highest in price, but also one of our top sellers.”
“Are those bunny ears?” Vivian asked.
“Yes. This is like a cock ring, which goes around the base of the man's member. The bullet comes with it and vibrates the both of you. The ears are meant to tickle your happy spot, and this part vibrates his ball region,” Ashley explained.
“To get the best bang for your buck, ladies, you need to ride him. Get on top and ride until you can't ride no more. I have that, too,” Kimara said.
“You're just filled with spiciness, aren't you, Kimara? Is there anything you don't have?” Vivian asked.
“I'd rather not go into my repertoire of freak-nasty toys,” she joked, causing more giggles.
Finally we were getting to the nitty-gritty of the toysâthe vibrators. Ashley picked up this chocolate dildo that looked so much like a black man's dick I had to wonder if she was into black men. From the way she was holding that seven-inch dildo, homegirl looked like she was. Regardless, I was in heaven.
“This is the part I've been waiting for,” someone said.
“Me too. I need something that's going to satisfy me when a man ain't around,” another said.
“Well, ladies, if I don't have it here, then shame on our company, because we usually have the best of the best,” Ashley said. “Our rotating vibrators seem to be the bestsellers. With any of these, you can't go wrong. But in our traditional, this seven-inch is very popular,” Ashley said, holding up the chocolate brown vibrator.
“Y'all skimping on some inches when it comes to this one, aren't you?” Shauna asked. “I've seen some chocolate ones at least nine inches or more.”
“Me too,” I concurred.
“Most women might not want something so big up in them,” Dawn said, and the room erupted into mayhem. Most of the women were disagreeing with Dawn. I thought they were about to jump her.
“Girl, the bigger the dick, the better,” I said.
“Hell, pain is pleasure,” Shauna said, taking another sip of her wine.
“There's not a woman I know who wants a little-dick man. We need something to fill us up,” Paige said. I had to wonder if this was said for vindictiveness. Regardless, Dawn didn't take her remark too well.
“We know how you like to get filled up. It's with dicks that already have girlfriends,” Dawn said angrily.
“Well, if the dick was satisfied at home, then the dick wouldn't have to fill me up in the first place,” Paige retorted, flicking her long, golden hair over her shoulders, causing a hush to go over the room.
Even though Paige is white, she's no pushover. A lot of black women think they can jump at a white woman and expect to win, but in this case, they might catch a beat down. Paige is a beast when it comes to fighting. She had to learn how to defend herself because she was always getting jumped on by somebody who hated the fact that she dated black men. Black women despised her. I saw it as more of a jealousy thing, and they had every right to be jealous due to Paige's beauty. It doesn't help that she also has nice boobs, a big behind, and long, blond hair that makes her blue eyes pop. She is my version of an urban Barbie. Paige doesn't care who she sleeps with. Dick is dick to her, regardless of where it had to go once it was done pleasing her. Too bad one of those dicks happened to be engaged to my sister.
“I punched you in your face one time, trick,” Dawn said, standing to her feet. “I don't have a problem doing it again.”
Also standing, Paige snapped back with, “It was a sucker punch, and your ass got punched right the hell back, didn't you? As I recall it, I punched you multiple times. I'm not scared of you, Dawn. Bring your ass over here if you want to; you will catch a beat down identical to the one I gave you before.”
“Ladies, calm down. You are not doing this here, and definitely not in my house,” I said, getting up and standing between the two of them.
“I don't know why you invited her in the first place,” Dawn said with an attitude.
“Because I'm her friend, that's why,” Paige yelled.
“Y'all sit down and be quiet. Ashley doesn't need to see this side of us, okay? Let her finish her showing so we can place our orders, eat, and go home,” I said with a raised voice so they knew I meant business.
Paige sat back down with the help of Kimara. Vivian pulled Dawn back over to her seat. Even though neither wanted to back down, they kept their cool. It still didn't stop either of them from giving each other evil glares. That was fine, as long as they didn't tear up my place.
Serena changed the tension in the room by asking, “Do you have something for men? You know, something they can stick their dicks in besides us.”
“Yes,” Ashley said, giggling as she turned to the table and picked up this ivory concoction. “This is a masturbation sleeve, but I would like to call it a pocket coochie. It resembles the lips of the woman. He would be amazed at how real it feels. It should be used with our lubricant, of course, for easy penetration. I'm going to squeeze some lube inside and pass this around for each of you to stick your finger inside to see how realistic it feels. And the lube is warmed for more appeal.”