The Lady Who Broke the Rules (13 page)

Kate abandoned her sash and resettled herself on the sofa, shuffling round to face Virgil. ‘I was frightened this morning, that was why I stopped. Not of you, but of myself. There were things I thought buried and forgotten which our— When we kissed, it brought it all to the surface, somehow. I had no idea what I meant when I told you I was scarred, it just came out. Then later—and talking to my aunt—I was so angry. You were the cause indirectly, I suppose, but it was not your fault.’

She had his attention now. His expression had lost that remote look which he used to intimidate. His eyes were fixed on her. She could almost feel him listening, so intently was he concentrating.

‘What frightened you, Kate?’

‘It sounds silly now, but I was frightened of what I was feeling. I’m not—I haven’t ever felt like that before, you see, and I thought…with Anthony— Oh, heavens, I am making such a mull of this. I’m sorry, but I can’t even make sense of it myself, let alone explain it. Forget I spoke. It is too— Let us just forget it.’

She made to get up, but Virgil was too quick for her, pulling her back down onto the sofa. ‘Do you want to make sense of it?’ he asked gently. She nodded. ‘Then tell me,’ he said, ‘from the beginning.’

Kate stared across the room. She could see their reflections in the window. They were sitting far too close. Tall as she was, she looked so slight compared to Virgil. He was such a very definite shape. Such a very distinctively masculine one. She turned back to him resolutely. ‘I’ve already told you the beginning. I told you I was ruined. I told you I was a social pariah. What I didn’t tell you was the full story.’

It was impossible to speak with him so close, so she crossed the room to stare out into the night as he had done earlier. It was easier, not seeing his face. ‘The truth is, that we—that Anthony and I—we were lovers.’

There! She had said it. Kate forced herself to turn from the window, but Virgil’s expression was quite unreadable. ‘I’ve shocked you,’ she said, seeking a reaction, but Virgil was not to be drawn.

‘Are you saying that this became public knowledge? That’s it?’

‘Yes.’

‘But how? You would surely not have—do you mean
he
made it public knowledge?’

She could have no doubt of his feelings now. Virgil looked utterly astounded. ‘He denied it, but it could only have come from him. When I broke off the betrothal he was furious, you see. Anthony has almost as high an opinion of himself as my father.’

‘But what of your father? He is the Duke of Rothermere. Surely if he denied— You’re his daughter, for God’s sake. Didn’t he stand by you?’

Kate laughed, a bitter little sound, and threw herself down on an adjacent sofa. ‘My father wanted me to marry Anthony. When the whispers started he could easily have quashed them, but he chose not to, thinking that I would choose marriage over infamy.’

‘And your aunt?’

It had taken until today for her to realise just how much hurt her aunt’s failure to take her side had inflicted. Kate swallowed hard, and dashed a hand across her eyes. ‘Sorry,’ she said, lacing her fingers tightly together in an effort to regain control. She hated to cry.

‘She took your father’s view,’ Virgil said flatly.

‘Yes.’ Her voice was tear-filled, but when Virgil looked as if he would comfort her, she shook her head. If he touched her— She could not risk tears. They had been so long pent-up, she was afraid she would not be able to stop them, and besides the fact that she did not wish Virgil to see her as a watering pot, she was horribly conscious of the fact that they could be interrupted at any moment.

‘Kate, why did you break it off? You said you discovered you did not suit, but if things between you had become so intimate—you must at one point have believed you were in love?’

‘Not in love, I told you it was an alliance. Compatible, I suppose is what I thought. I don’t know what I thought, really. I was nineteen. I was curious. With hindsight, I think I was never sure that Anthony and I would suit, but at the time…’ Kate sighed and rubbed her eyes. ‘At the time, I believed that anticipating our vows would bring us closer together. I wanted affection from my husband, Virgil. I wanted him to care for me. He said he did. He said that it would be proof that he did, if I allowed him. But he didn’t force me, not at first. I was stupid. Misguided. And I
wanted
to please. Anthony. My father. My aunt. I know you will think me weak-willed, I think it so myself now, but at the time…’

‘At the time you were nineteen years old! What does anyone know of caution at that age?’ Virgil exclaimed.

His angry tone grabbed her attention. ‘You sound as if you speak from experience,’ Kate said.

‘I was nineteen when I spearheaded the rebellion which led to my being sold. I remember what it was like to be so sure of yourself that you can’t see past your certainties. If someone had cautioned me…’

His eyes glazed as his voice faded. He was obviously lost in the past. Kate waited nervously. It was the first time he had confided in her without prompting, the first hint he had given her of the darkness which was his past. His expression hardened, then he blinked, and she could almost see him packing up whatever images he had conjured back into the boxes where he stored them. ‘You said he did not force you at first,’ he said, and she knew the moment was lost. ‘What did you mean, Kate?’

She cleared her throat. Better to get it over with. ‘He never forced me, not physically, but I did not enjoy our encounters as he seemed to, and when I tried to refuse him he told me I had surrendered the right to do so by consenting and that if I didn’t want him to stray before we had even said our vows that I must…’

She resumed the pleating of her sash and spoke hurriedly, determined to get her confession out of the way, though with every word she felt herself diminishing, not just in Virgil’s eyes but her own. ‘It was that, you see. His threats. I realised then what being married to him would mean. If he could coerce me into this, what else would he wish from me? It is such a one-sided bargain, marriage. I would not have the right to gainsay him and I could not trust him.’

‘He blackmailed you.’

The anger in Virgil’s voice gave Kate courage. His anger made his skin seem stretched too tight across his face, emphasising the beauty of his bone structure, the strong jaw, the slanting lines of his cheeks. His eyes were dark, fierce. He looked like a warrior, a predator, frighteningly powerful, terrifyingly, fatally attractive. And he understood. At last, someone did understand. ‘Yes,’ Kate said gratefully.

‘And your aunt—did you tell her the truth?’ Virgil said grimly.

She dug her nails into her palms. ‘I did.’ Her voice was reduced to a whisper. ‘Aunt Wilhelmina said that duty was not always pleasant.’

‘She advised you to marry a man who was forcing himself on you?’ Virgil swore viciously under his breath. ‘It must have taken a hell of a lot of guts to break it off.’

‘All the guts I had,’ Kate said with a shaky laugh. ‘But I did it, and—well, you know the consequences. Anthony put it about that I was unwomanly. He implied that the decision to call off the wedding was his, but that he had allowed it to appear to be mine because he was a gentleman. Until I met you I believed him. That’s what frightened me this morning, and that’s what made me angry, Virgil. And somehow, when I got angry it was like a release. I realised I was furious with my aunt, and so when the subject turned back on the whole affair this afternoon, I lost my temper and—and that’s what we quarrelled about.’

She slumped back against the embroidered blue silk of the settee. She felt no sense of relief, only as if all the air had been let out of her. Deflated, that was the word. And tired. ‘I thought I was done with it, and today made me realise that all I’ve been doing is burying it. I’ve been pretending it didn’t matter when it does. My aunt is the nearest thing I have to a mother. Knowing I was right doesn’t stop it hurting. And I behaved so stupidly. It is all very well to say I was just nineteen, but I can’t run away from the fact that I was responsible. I wish I had not—but there is no point in wishing. No matter how hard I try, I can never be the person my family think I ought to be.’ She paused. ‘I wish you would say something, Virgil.’

He smiled at that. ‘I like the person you are, though I doubt that’s any consolation,’ he said, getting up from his sofa and sitting beside her, putting his arm around her and pulling her against the comforting shelter of his shoulder. ‘Before you say it, I don’t give a damn if Lumsden walks in.’

His fingers stroked the exposed flesh between the puffed sleeve of her evening gown and the top of her kid gloves. The superfine of his coat was rough against her cheek. Kate let herself relax against him, closing her eyes, relishing his strength, his solidness, the smell of wool and linen and soap and deliciously musky man.

‘It’s been eleven years.’

He spoke so quietly that she thought at first she had misheard. ‘What has?’

‘You asked how long it’s been since I made love. Eleven years, that’s how long.’

Kate sat up. Virgil’s eyes were dark, bleak. Her heart contracted. ‘What happened?’

‘I lost someone.’

‘Oh, Virgil, I’m so sorry.’

‘No. I don’t want your pity. I just wanted you to know. This morning, you weren’t the only one to worry about it being too much. I don’t mean it was the same. It could never be the same. But I guess we both underestimated the strength of our attraction. I guess that was it.’

It could never be the same.
That hurt, but did it also make sense of how she felt? ‘Do you mean—is it possible to be so attracted without it meaning anything?’

Virgil’s brow cleared. He smiled down at her, his mouth curling sensuously in a way that made her belly clench. He touched the skin below her ear, and she felt the pulse flutter under his fingers. Her breathing quickened. ‘I think we’ve already proved that, don’t you?’

‘I thought it was different for women. One of the things which has always seemed to me most unfair is the way the world takes it for granted that men indulge their appetites. I assumed it was so because women are different.’

‘It’s not different. Didn’t you ever—with that man?’

‘Never.’

As Kate felt the flush creeping over her cheeks, Virgil’s smile became positively devilish. ‘It would be different with me. You can trust me.’

She was tempted, but it was too much. Kate jerked herself free and got to her feet. ‘Can I? I don’t think I’m the trusting type. And besides, you’re leaving soon. I shan’t see you again.’

‘Isn’t that the point?’

‘I don’t know what the point is. This morning you were as happy to call a halt as I. Tonight you seem to have changed your mind. I don’t know whether I am on my head or heels.’

She made for the door, but Virgil grabbed her before she could open it. ‘You’re not the only one who’s confused. You’re not the only one with scars. Remember that.’

He flung open the drawing room door and strode out into the marble hall, startling Lumsden, who had been dozing in a chair. As the butler stumbled to his feet, Virgil made for the staircase which led downstairs, obviously intent on escape. Exhaustion hit Kate. She wanted nothing more than the comfort of her bed.

* * *

Despite having walked for over an hour round the grounds, Virgil was wide awake. He paced his room, then tossed restlessly in bed, going over the day’s events. He had to admire Kate for her courage in confronting all that had happened head-on. It went against the grain with her to confide, he could see that, but that hadn’t stopped her dealing with some very painful facts. She had real guts. And she was loaded down with guilt. That, too, he recognised.

How he’d like to get his hands on Lord Anthony Featherstone. The bastard deserved a hiding for what he’d done to Kate. And as to her family. That father of hers, who spent all his time these days hiding in his room and nursing his wounds instead of facing up to reality. And her aunt—she was the worst. She at least should have understood. The more he thought about it, the more he realised how much strength of will it must have taken for Kate to stick to her guns in the face of such opposition.

He hadn’t asked what her brothers had thought of the matter. But five years ago both Giles and the dead heir, James, would have been abroad fighting. And the other one, Ned, the one whose name Kate could not say without crying. Most likely he’d been away, or too young to help. They were a patriotic lot, the Montagues. Shame they did not think to look closer to home for their battles. Though they had a hell of a fight on their hands now. Virgil had not given much thought to the implications of the dowager marchioness’s claim to the dukedom on her son’s behalf, but he suspended his anger long enough to wish the woman well. It would serve the Montagues right to have an heir foisted upon them.

It was dawn. Virgil sat on the window seat watching the early-morning mist swirl over the lakes. They were both confused, both scarred, he and Kate. Neither of them trusted their feelings. Neither of them wanted to feel, yet together there was such passion between them. What he felt for Kate was nothing like what he’d felt for Millie. Not love, but a desire so strong it had overwhelmed him yesterday. Too exhausted to pretend, he had to admit that he was tempted. He knew she was, too, though she would not trust him enough to admit it. And why should she, when he had given her no cause?

Worse. She had shown him her scars, and he had given her almost nothing in return. He’d met her courage with a blank wall. His fingers traced the brand on his arm, shadowing how Kate had touched him. He reached behind him, feeling the welts of the whip marks beneath his linen nightshirt. He thought more of her, not less, for what she had revealed. But the mere thought of telling her all made him sick.

Outside, the mist had lifted. A slight figure dressed in white slipped like a wraith from the fishing pavilion and stood on the edge of the upper lake. Virgil opened the casement window, straining his eyes. The figure was poised, slim and female. His body knew, before his brain assimilated it, that he was watching Kate. She stretched her arms to the grey sky, then to his utter astonishment sprang into the air and dived into the water.