Authors: Colleen Montague
“We have been wondering where you ran off to,” the woman said before he could turn to look.
Hiran turned his head away while Kosh took a seat on a stone bench beside him. Her robes were in tones of gray and brown, the lightweight fabric settled around her gently. Holding her hands in her lap she stared down at him. “Why are you here by yourself?” she asked.
“I needed to think,” he replied.
“Calla has been asking for you, you know. She misses you.”
“I know
it.”
Kosh placed a weathered hand under his chin and turned his head towards her. “Then why will you not go to her? Why do you insist on being alone when others crave your company?”
Hiran
stared at some point past his feet. He didn’t answer her.
Kosh just stared at him. “
Hiran, what troubles you?”
Hiran
closed his eyes. “She does.”
“What
does that mean?”
Hiran
flicked at one of the felted cords hanging from his head. “I cannot explain it that well.”
“At least try? It is possible I can help you.”
“No one can help me.”
“Try me.”
Hiran sighed. “I am so confused when I am with her.”
“She is your friend, is she not?”
“A friend wouldn’t just kiss me for no reason other than luck.”
“As I recall from the tales of others, you kissed her first.” The old woman smiled.
He held his head in his hands. “Gods, I do not know anymore. I feel…something…for her, some feeling more that I cannot understand.”
“You have fallen in love with her,”
Kosh said matter-of-factly.
Hiran
gave a hollow laugh. “I have known so little of that emotion myself, so how can I know that is what I feel towards her?”
“Spend time with her. Find out how she feels towards you. Ca
lla craves your company more than anyone else’s—that should tell you something.”
“Maybe.”
He let his hands drop back into his lap. “But then maybe not.” Once or twice in the past he had entertained the idea that maybe he and Calla could have a relationship that was something more than friends, but that was all it had been—an idea, a wish, something that would most likely never come to be. Now that idea was potentially budding into reality, and he found himself at a loss of what to do.
Kosh sighed and looked back over her shoulder towards Cal
la’s window. “She will be returning to her homeland tomorrow,” she said after a moment. “She was hoping you would accompany her.”
He couldn’t suppress the smile that managed to spread across his face. It was a tempting idea—travel with her, make sure she made it home without incident, possibly even stay with her if she allowed it. He almost laughed; he was already making himself sound like a lost puppy and he hadn’t even said ‘yes’ to the suggestion.
Perhaps he could find his happy ending if he agreed to that.
But was it what he really wanted?
“Will you go with her?” Kosh asked insistently.
Hiran
stood up. “I would like that,” he admitted. “But I cannot.”
“Why?”
Hiran paused. “My heart is conflicted,” he said at last. “Part of me wants to keep the life I have lived for so long, the solitary wanderer; the other half wants to leave that life behind, to take the chance that she might let me be part of hers. And perhaps some of it is fear that she would not want my company anymore.” He looked back at the old Nymph. “Until I can resolve my heart to one of those options I think it is best that I remain apart from her—at least for a little time, so I can think more clearly. That is why I thought I should leave.”
“You should tell her this yourself.”
“I cannot—that will make this even harder than it already is.”
Kosh stood up. “She will not forgive you for
this, I can promise you. If you feel this to be the only solution, then so be it—I will delay you no longer. However, I will give you one piece of advice: do not take too long.” She looked him directly in the eye. “She cannot be expected to wait forever for you.”
Hiran
swallowed nervously, but nodded his acknowledgement. Kosh still didn’t seem to be convinced by his answer judging from the scowl on her face, but she didn’t voice any objections to it. Instead she simply said, “Luck go with you, Hiran.”
“And for you, Kosh,” he replied as she turned and headed through the garden back the way she had come. He watched her for a moment until she rounded a corner and disappeared behind a hedge.
Hiran sighed and looked back up at Calla’s window.
Kosh was right about one thing: Ca
lla would probably never forgive him for leaving. But he didn’t want to stay and risk permanent destruction of what they did have between them while he battled with himself to discover what he really wanted. He had some decisions to make, and he had to make them on his own.
“I will be back,” he said quietly towards that window. “Someday, I will return to you.” He marched off into the darkness.
XLII
Calla
Calla walked out of the stables with a saddle and blanket draped over her arms. Outside one of the grooms held her horse by the bridle, stroking the animal’s neck and speaking in a low voice to keep him calm. The white stallion gave a snort and shook his head.
Honestly human
, he said,
I am not a new colt. I do know how to stand still.
“He doesn’t know that, Frost,” Ca
lla said as she came up to him. She handed off the things she was carrying to the groom and took his place by the stallion’s head. She stroked his soft nose with one hand. “You do know I’m the only person who can understand you, apart from the Nymphs and Lady Elenia?”
I know it. I was just trying to make a point.
“Uh huh.” Calla reached up to scratch between his ears.
While the groom smoothed out the blanket on Frost’s back and move to put the saddle on him Ca
lla tilted her head back, letting the early spring sunshine warm her face. It felt good to be outside again after being confined to her room for so long. Her chest still ached from where Bralon’s claws had slashed across her chest but there wasn’t any more serious pain there. The Nymphs had used their powers to try and speed up her recovery as much as they could, taking it in stages so it wouldn’t cause any more damage to her body. After that she had to work on building her stamina up again after being bedridden during her recovery. It would still be some time before she was completely healed and back to normal, and everyone was advising her against travel.
But she had grown restless in recent weeks. It had nothing to do with the lack of action or danger now—she’d had her fill and then some, enough to last a lifetime. She had enjoyed being here in Elenan, but it lacked the touch that made it feel like home. She’d made many friends during her stay here, but she found herself wanting to see
those familiar faces she had left behind.
It was time for her to leave this world behind.
As Calla absentmindedly stroked Frost’s nose, a nagging feeling itched at the back of her mind. She frowned. She had been through a lot and had thought it was best to let all of it go, to let every one of those moments live only as shadows of memory, but she suddenly wasn’t so sure. Not everything she had witnessed had brought her to darkness and despair.
She had wanted to keep
him
.
She bit back her own bitterness.
Hiran had left her—he stayed by her side when she was unconscious but never came after she had woken up again; he left without saying goodbye. It stung. He had been her watchful guardian in those darker moments of her life but now that it was all over he was nowhere to be found and no one had any idea where he had gone. He must have known how much she wanted to see him, and he had always been happy to give her his company when she wanted or seemed to need it in times before.
Hiran
, she thought,
why did you go?
Was it something she said or did? Was he having second thoughts about being with her? Did he decide she would be better off without him from now on? So many questions and what-ifs, and she couldn’t find an answer for any of them. It made her heart sink.
Silently the groom finished securing the cinch strap around Frost’s girth and stepped away. Handing the reins back to him for a moment Ca
lla checked the saddlebags to make sure she had everything she thought she would need before climbing up onto the horse’s back. She took the reins in both hands. “Are you still coming Lina?” she called.
The Tri-tail stood up and walked over from her place by the far wall.
I said I would, did I not?
she replied.
Frost eyed her nervously and backed away from her several steps, his hooves clattering on the paving stones.
I do not like wolves
, he said.
Lina flicked one tail and gave him a canine smile, showing all her teeth.
Come on, now. We are not all that bad.
I met a wolf once. I still have the scars on my left shoulder and hock from the encounter. He thought he could have me for lunch, so I gave him a piece of my mind; I am confident his ribcage is still healing.
We are not all the same. I am a vegetarian.
You liar!
“Enough, both of you!” Calla shouted; both animals stopped instantly and turned their heads to look at her. “Others may not understand what you’re arguing about but I still can. Please stop—it’s giving me a headache.”
Horse and Tri-tail muttered their apologies, neither of them looking at each other.
Calla sighed and tugged at the reins to turn Frost around. Digging her heels into his sides she urged him forward at a trot; Lina followed right behind them. Silently they made their way through the city, drawing a few stares and even a few bows from the people they passed.
If she hadn’t been there, probably none of them would be alive.
Their pace slowed on the more narrow streets and they had to weave carefully through the thicker crowds. They weren’t stalled there for long, eventually making it to the wider streets and then the main plaza where there were fewer people. Pulling on the reigns Calla directed Frost towards the city’s main gate, urging him to a canter once they had passed through while Lina continued to follow as close as she could. Clouds of dust from the dirt road were kicked up behind them. As she rode Calla would turn around every so often to stare back at Elenan, and each time she did so it had grown smaller and smaller until it was no more than a shining white dot on the horizon. Calla sighed. She did have some good memories from her time in this part of the world, but now she had to let it all go.
S
he turned Frost off the road and into the deep grass of the surrounding countryside. The horse galloped across the field to the top of the next hill, where he suddenly stopped. His ears pricked up and he lifted his nose into the air, seeming to sniff at it for a moment. He whinnied quietly.
Someone comes
, he said, turning his head to look off to the left.
Ca
lla followed the direction of his gaze until she saw a tall, cloaked figure coming across the field towards them. Curious, she dropped the reins and hopped down from the saddle, turning to face the newcomer; they didn’t show any sign of turning towards the road, just continued in her direction. Calla couldn’t tell from this distance who they could be—they wore a hood that hid their face completely from view. For an instant she thought maybe it was Hiran coming back at last. Her heart lifting slightly with hope at the thought she ran to meet him. She had a better look at the figure as she drew closer and realized something was off, that they couldn’t be Hiran. The person was taller than her but only by about an inch or two while Hiran towered over her by at least half a foot. The hands and wrists were too slender, too feminine. She could make out the lower half of the person’s face under the shadow of that hood, the features delicate with wrinkles just starting to form around the mouth. As if to further prove the point the woman she now faced raised both hands and dropped back her hood, so Calla could properly see Elenia’s face. She felt her heart sink again in disappointment.
It must have shown on her face. Elenia arched one thin eyebrow in confusion. “You were expecting someone else?” she asked.
Calla stared down at the blades of grass swaying gently in the breeze. “I just…” She bit her lip. “I thought it might have been him.”
Elenia didn’t ask
for clarification. “He made this decision by himself,” she said. “Hiran wants to be alone for a while, just until he can figure out what he wants to do next. It is something he must do on his own—no one else can decide for him.”