It surprised Alex when he woke the next morning to the sounds of birds singing. How could nature go on as if nothing had changed? He sat inconsolable, next to his beloved wife’s body. He couldn’t think of eating. He didn’t want to talk…he didn’t deserve to sleep…he didn’t deserve life. He had failed her—again.
Always before, he could cling to the vision of their marriage—his vision from 3,000 years before. He had always imagined that vision was a promise of their happily forever after, but now he knew that vision had been trickery.
Still, he couldn’t regret an instant of his time with her. That was his dream—he only wanted more of it—he wanted an eternity with her and anything less was just not enough. He could see how the others felt; their need to say words that might somehow make a difference...but words could never change the reality, nor ease his pain.
The only thing he seemed able to do was watch as her chest mechanically rose and fell to artificially keep her and the fetus—that was never quite real to him—alive. He knew what was to follow...that terrible time of watching her body disintegrate or when they tried to take her from him. The agony of those moments had tormented Alex during most of his existence, and now he would have an even more painful memory to add to those—the loss of his wife, having almost survived this time. And now, there were no visions of the future to cling to.
∞
A few days later, Mani ran another ultrasound. He thought that perhaps the baby might be ready to survive outside of the womb. But he decided to delay the cesarean section until absolutely necessary. He didn’t believe that Alex was ready to see the equipment turned off. Frankly, Mani wasn’t certain he was ready to confront that.
That afternoon, a delivery truck arrived. Alex’s eyes moved to the window and he saw Camille sobbing as she asked the delivery man to take the package up to the main house. Alex saw that it was the cradle that he and Valeria had purchased in the Azores, but he felt no emotion over seeing it He shook back his thoughts again—it was better not to think.
“Alex?” he heard Daphne say. He opened his eyes and saw her enter the room hesitantly. She stood nervously angled between the door and the bed, as if posing for escape, her hands balled into fists.
His face was gray and he could not speak.
“I…uh…I have two things. One is...well, I brought...” Daphne swallowed and then raised a coin. “She’ll need this.” Alex turned away and so Daphne sat the coin on the table by Valeria. “It’s for Charon,” she said in almost a whisper. Alex shook his head and closed his eyes as he pressed back the emotion. “She’ll need it to go to the Elysian Fields and uh...” Daphne’s voice faded.
Alex didn’t acknowledge her comment. He couldn’t bear to think of waiting 500 years—or even 50—to see her again. But even more, he couldn’t bear to think of her being gone forever; and the coin represented finality. It was better not to think about that.
Daphne stepped away from the bed and toward the door as her chest rose and dipped a bit too fast. “Alex, I have something I must tell you.” Her voice sounded strange, causing Alex to awaken from his fog. He blinked and then tried to focus on her, but the vision of his wife obscured most of his world. Then he noticed the tears in Daphne’s eyes. In the eons that he had known her, he had never seen her nervous and had certainly never seen her cry.
“I really don’t want to tell you this…but I must,” she said, as if convincing herself.
“What is it Daph?” he said, forcing the words out.
“It…it’s a secret that I’ve kept for 3,000 years.” She looked up nervously and then choked. “I do hope you can forgive me.” She clamped her eyes shut for a moment. Then, in a brief moment of bravery, she blurted, “I am the reason for so much unhappiness in your life.” She opened her eyes, knowing it was cowardly and a tear escaped. She quickly dismissed it with her hand.
“What are you...talking about, Daph?”
She fidgeted and then said, “Did you ever wonder how it was that you were the only oracle to survive the drowning by Aegemon that day?”
He wasn’t in the mood for this. “You were there when Aegemon threw me in. I’m grateful to you for that.” He brushed his fingers through his hair. He was really too exhausted to care about some minor infraction that happened 3,000 years ago.
She drew a deep breath and quickly brushed away another tear. “I knew you would be there. I merely waited for you.”
“You knew?” He gazed up through the haze with this sudden revelation.
“Yes.”
He waited for her to continue but she just stood there, hanging to the doorframe like a life preserver. “A vision?” he guessed.
“No.”
“Daph, just tell me,” he said, exhausted.
“Before Apollo went on to the Elysian Fields, he came to me and gave me a task of great importance. I was to save you from drowning and then take you to Cassandra...in Troy,” Daphne said, nodding toward Valeria. Alex lowered his brows, it didn’t make any sense.
“See? Apollo
did
try to protect you—he just never imagined that I would....” She glanced at the floor unable to make eye contact with him. “I have always had a penchant for competition...well, you know that. So when a woman I knew—we all know her now—Circe, well, Kristiana, began to speak of a man and how she would steal his heart, I challenged her to a contest. It was harmless at first. Both of us believed that if you chose us over Cassandra, who was said to be the most beautiful woman in the world, then that would mean that the winner was...well, you get the idea. Still, I always planned on following through on Apollo’s request, until...”
“Until when?”
Alex asked, his heart rate now climbing.
“Until I saw you.”
Her chest moved heavily with fear.
Alex began to feel the shock of his and Valeria’s 3,000 years of agony. If Daphne had followed through, Cassandra would not have been so hopeless, and would not have ingested Aegemon’s poisoned drink. She would not have drowned. And, perhaps, Troy would have survived and the two of them could have been together all of these years. “I don’t...understand how this... Why, Daph?”
In a brief moment of courage, she looked him straight in the eye. “You know why.” Alex nodded slowly.
“I had never cared about anyone else before.” She glanced up for a moment, admitting,
“Well, except for myself.” She looked down again. “I kept thinking just a little more time...surely, there could be no fault with a few more years. Of course, I always planned on assisting Cassandra. But I thought if we waited a little longer then you might,” she gulped, “care for me.”
“Oh, Daph!”
Alex whispered in a sudden moment of realization. All the years of pain his beloved had suffered—all the loneliness—it all could have been avoided. Suddenly, the anger began to boil within him.
“Alex, I truly did not intend any harm to come to her…or to you. I truly did not. I knew that if you did not come for her, Cassandra would take matters into her own hands—
and she did!
And when you found her drowned, and I realized that she had been cursed by Circe...” She shook her head in denial. “I knew that I could never tell you. But...see? I’ve...grown and here we are. And now you know. I am so very sorry.”
Laying his head in his hands, he sat quietly, wanting to shout and blame Daphne for it all. Instead, he worked to control the rage that welled inside him like a wild cat trapped and seeking its escape.
Daphne took a few steps toward Alex and started to move her hand to his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.
“Please, don’t touch me right now,” Alex said flatly, battling the pain of her confession.
“Alex, please tell me that you can forgive me someday,” she said, holding her ground.
“I’m going to go for a walk and when I return, it would be best if you weren’t here.”
Pressing her lips together, she restrained her sobs. As she started to step out of the bedroom, she stopped and clung to the door frame for a moment. “I always loved my blue eyes. I thought they were beautiful with my hair—everyone said so. But after Cassandra...drowned...the first time, I knew that my eyes should have always been green for the wicked creature that I had become. I didn’t have the courage to actually change them. That’s why I wore the contacts. Not really to be different, but to remember what my envy did to your life. I am so sorry.”
Daphne broke down, sobbing as she exited the room. Lita went to her and held her. Immediately, Alex stood and walked past them
both, and out the front door without speaking.
As Daphne watched him leave, Lita said, “He’ll forgive you. He’s just in pain right now.”
“I don’t think he ever will,” Daphne said as she brushed a tissue under her eyes. Camille came in.
“Lita, can you help me?” Camille asked. “I want to put the cradle back in the nursery before Alex returns.”
“Of course, Camille!” Lita said and stepped outside.
Daphne glanced outside and, with no one else in the great room, she returned to the bedroom and picked up the coin and placed it in Valeria’s hand and closed her fingers around it. Then she went back to the great room and glanced at the place where she had spent so much time with the man she adored—who would never love her—and she left.
Outside, Alex saw the flowerpots and lattice covered with Bougainvillea—Valeria’s favorite. Homer was evidently unaware that the reason for the flowers was gone forever. Alex wondered what he would do with the cottage now. He wondered if he could bear to be here and then he wondered if he could bear to leave.
“Alex,” she said, as she brushed the side of his face. Feeling her touch, he opened his eyes to the miracle of his symbolon, alive once again.
“You’re back!” he cried joyously.
She smiled and took his hands in hers. “For now...but, this is a lousy substitute.”
Alex lowered his brows. “What do you mean
... You’re...back!” Then he began to wonder if it was a dream. Something felt...different. “Beautiful, tell me you’re back.”
Valeria continued to smile, but it faded into sadness. “We have things to do...and they must be done now.” She looked up and drew a quick breath. “We haven’t even discussed a name for our daughter.”
“I was thinking, Jenni—that was your name the first time that I kissed you,” Alex said.
Valeria smiled.
“How about Genesis—for our new beginning. We could call her Genni for short.”
Alex nodded as he held her hands and glanced out the window. He saw the tulips that broke through the ground by the ginkgo. Eventually, the hydrangea would climb back to its original height just above the porch railing. Alex drew a deep breath.
Suddenly it occurred to him that his love had been wearing a blue print, hospital gown—not the white flowing gown she now wore. The wounds around her chest were no longer there. He brushed his hand along her mouth and there was no warmth...no breath. Then he moved his hand, hesitantly down to her heart and there was no beat. Valeria’s expression turned sad and concerned.
“It’s a lousy substitute,” she said again.
“Please promise you won’t leave me,” he pleaded.
“Genni will need your love. Please don’t forget that.”
“Val?” Alex cried frantically.
Her eyes shined with love. “You are always in my heart.” She leaned forward and kissed him and then she was gone.
∞
“Val
!
” Alex cried as his head bolted straight up from the mattress. But his wife was in bed, still covered with equipment, breathing the mechanical breaths of the machinery.
It had been three weeks since he had been told that she was gone...and in his dreams, she still came to him every night. But the harsh reality was right in front of him. Mani came in and pulled up a chair next to Alex.
“My friend, I have been monitoring Valeria and she is in labor.”
Alex sucked in a deep breath wondering if this time his dream was real.
“Could she be—
”
“No, Alex. Valeria is gone. We will do a cesarean section. You may stay if you wish.”
“But what if she isn’t...gone? What if you’re wrong?” Alex brushed the tears from his face—he couldn’t seem to get a hold of his emotions this time.
Considering Alex’s question, Mani said thoughtfully, “After the cesarean, we will turn off the equipment. If she is alive, she will continue to breathe.”
Alex nodded in defeat. It had been just a dream. “I’m going to go for a walk.”
He left their bedroom and passed his family. He needed someplace where he felt her with him; someplace where he didn’t need to tell
anyone that he was “fine.” He couldn’t be there when they turned off the equipment and he felt that there was something wrong with him because he didn’t particularly care about their child. He should care! She was his child...their child! But he battled his emotions and wished he had something other than his grief to offer the baby.
He found himself walking down toward Mani’s house. From there, he couldn’t decide where to go. The last thing he wanted was to see or talk to anyone. He found himself walking near the cemetery and then he noticed the activity. Homer, the ancient caregiver, was working. Alex stopped in his tracks as his heart began to pound furiously. Efficient Homer was already digging her grave!
“What are you doing? She isn’t even gone yet!”
Alex cried. Homer looked up, concerned that he had upset Alex.
As the rage built in him, Alex marched to Homer and ripped the shovel out of the old man’s hands. “We’re not burying her! Not until...not until...” Alex began shoveling the soil back into the hole and then, in a moment of fury, he took the shovel and swung it against a boulder. It felt good to hit something. He swung it again and again.
Ingrid, Homer’s wife, saw his actions and ran back to the cottage for help, for once concerned about her husband. Alex continued to swing it against the rock over and over until the shovel broke in half. Then he dropped to his knees and used his hands to continue refilling the grave. “No one is burying my wife! Do you understand, old man?”
Alex glanced up and saw fear in Homer’s eyes. The kindly old man who had been there with him for so many years—generations of his family had served at Morgana—was now afraid
of him
. Seeing what he had done to Homer, Alex felt ashamed. He stopped refilling the hole as the sobs overtook him and he dropped into the soil.
Would Homer and Ingrid leave now? Probably.
In an instant, the sadly familiar pain hit his heart. He grasped at his chest and struggled to breathe...knowing that she was gone. Moments later, it stopped with a finality that tore at his soul, as he lay in the dirt, sobbing. He felt a hand on his shoulder and when he turned, he saw Homer looking concerned.
Alex sobbed, “Please, forgive me.”
The old man nodded his head sadly and then shuffled off. It was nearing sunset when he heard Lita’s soft voice and realized that he had been asleep.
“Ava and Lars found Myrddin and he’s now fully recovered,” Lita said. Alex lifted his face from the dirt as she passed him, walking into the cemetery. “Homer and Ingrid felt terrible to have upset you,” she said gently.
He brushed the side of his face and felt the dirt crumble to the ground. Lita was holding something and he tried to focus...finally seeing a pink bundle that she held with one arm, but there was no crying from the bundle.
It was early evening and cool. Still, Lita wore no coat as she stood near her former gravestone with the statue of the angel that was in her likeness. It was odd to see her standing next to the angel that Alex had carved nearly 500 years earlier. Alex thought of how appropriate the selection had been.
“You did a beautiful job on this sculpture. I think we’ll have to do something different with it now.”
Finally, Alex found his voice. “Isn’t it too cold for her...out here?” he asked.
Lita bounced the pink bundle just a bit and looked adoringly into her face. “I think she’s just fine.
Although, she would like to meet her papa. Isn’t that right, beautiful girl?”
Alex shook his head. “I’m...filthy...and I...I...” He swallowed, terrified of the flood of emotions that he was barely holding back. “I’m not ready for that,” he said.
Lita smiled at the infant and said, “It’s just a little dirt. In a few years, she’ll be eating mud pies and...” she sighed happily and glanced at Alex with tears in her eyes. Then she knelt down by him and turned the tiny pink bundle to face him. She had a pink cap and a few brown curls escaped from the edges. What amazed Alex was the expression on the baby’s face, as if she understood his agony. He took in her milky white complexion and the long, dark eyelashes that framed her oracle blue eyes.
Alex was too mesmerized to care about dirt or tears as he gazed at his daughter. “She’s...beautiful,” he said in hushed reverence.
“Yes. She is truly one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.” Lita turned her slightly to look at her face. “And look at her watching you. You know what she’s wondering?”
He shook his head.
“She’s wondering when you are going to hold her.” Alex was taken aback by this but he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off his daughter. Lita passed the baby to Alex. “So you’re going to support her neck and her bum—like this.” Lita moved Alex’s hands on the tiny bundle.
He laughed and although tears fell from his eyes—he no longer noticed. “She’s...so light!” he said holding her inches away from him so that she wouldn’t get dirty.
“You can hold her closer. She prefers that.”
“Isn’t this blanket too tight around her?”
“No. It’s called swaddling. It helps new babies feel safe.” Lita glanced around. “But she probably needs to go back inside now. Let’s take her back up to the cottage.”
Alex stood up and cautiously carried his daughter back to the cottage.
“What’s her name?” Lita asked.
“We’re going to call her Genesis—Genni.”