The Lessons (15 page)

“For sure. No problem. Maybe I’ll see you at the house or something?”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’d be cool.”

Only I wasn’t thinking about seeing Brad.

I was thinking of Ryan-fucking-Andrews.

~

En route to Dr. Lerner’s office, I found myself reflecting on the fact that we’d only met twice so far. I felt like so much had transpired between our last appointment and now, and I looked forward again to reporting on my excellent progress. On my way there, I took out my phone and contemplated texting Ryan to let him know I ran into his sister.

Or would that be weird?

Yeah, that’d be weird.

Focus Reese!

I took the stairs up to the fifth floor and visited the restroom to re-apply my lipstick before hitting up reception. You know, on the off chance Ryan was in the building.

Hey, it happened once before…

“Hi Ms. Reese,” Priya said from behind the reception desk. “Go on in, Dr. Lerner is expecting you.”

I gave her a quick nod and walked down the hall to Dr. Lerner’s office. Her door was open, and I ran my palms over my jeans before poking my head in. I don’t know why I was so nervous. She was alone, standing behind her desk, looking through a tall filing cabinet, her glasses pushed down to the tip of her nose.

“Hi, Dr. Lerner?”

“Natalie, come on in, make yourself comfortable. I’m just trying to find… Ah! Here it is!” She pulled out a plain manila file, which looked just like all the others.

I walked over to the sofa, saying a silent hello to Lucius and Larry on the way.

“Can I get you something to drink? Water? Coffee?”

I shook my head. “No, thanks though.” She seemed a little jumpy.
Great,
I thought,
just what I needed.
Wasn’t she supposed to be the calm professional?

“So, Natalie,” she said closing the door to her office. “It’s been a while. We have a lot of ground to cover, from what I hear. I heard your last session was fairly successful.”

Ryan must have told her. Well, it was true. Despite still being boyfriend-less, I was newly de-virginized and keen on being the teacher’s pet.

“Yes. We achieved full penetration,” I said proudly.

She studied my face. “You seem pleased. Tell me why.” She had opened her notebook and was furiously taking notes.

“I—I guess I am. I mean, it was kind of the point, right?”

I looked up at her, my therapist so cool and collected in her gray linen suit. “One of many.”

“Huh?”

“One of many points to the work. Achieving penetration, I mean. Sexual health is a complex beast, as I’m sure you are aware.”

I swallowed. “Yeah, I mean, yes, I know.”

“We can get into that more later. First, tell me, were you able to orgasm?”

“Yep,” I said proudly. I knew that in and of itself was worthy of accolades, but Dr. Lerner didn’t seem too impressed. She continued to make notes.

“Many women aren’t able to do that, even after
years
of being sexually active.”

“I guess I’m lucky.”

Dr. Lerner gave me a long look over the top of her reading glasses.

~

Dr. Lerner hadn’t given up easily during my appointment. No, she’d made it very clear that despite my early success, she didn’t want me to give up or feel discouraged if there were future setbacks. I guess that was my all-clear to continue my lessons with Ryan.

Usually after my appointments, I felt relieved, but that wasn’t the case. Nope, this Monday, I was a pile of nerves as I exited into the Heaven Sent offices, and for once, it wasn’t because of the confined elevator.

It was because today was the day of my big presentation. In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best choice to have had an appointment with Dr. Lerner the same day as my presentation, but Cathy had insisted and I didn’t want to disappoint her.

As I passed the front desk, I noticed the receptionist and one of the admin staff speaking in hushed tones and glancing up at me. Maybe they were looking at my outfit? I
had
dressed up for the presentation, wearing my best gray skirt suit, heels, and a hip statement necklace. I knew I looked good, but still, I glanced down, making sure all of my buttons and zippers were safely in place and that I hadn’t spilled anything on my blouse during breakfast. Nope, I was clean and everything was where it was supposed to be.

Odd.

As I turned down the hall toward my office, Kent, of the merchandise managers walked by and slowed to greet me.

“Hey, Natalie,” he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. What the hell?
Okay, maybe I looked a little
too
good, I thought with a shudder. With his receding hairline and pot-belly, Kent was not one of our more attractive staff members.

Once I got to my office, I let myself inside, closed the door behind me, and plopped down on my chair. With all this virgin stuff now officially behind me, I was ready to kick it into high-gear at work. If Cathy was impressed before, well, she better watch out. I was going to kill it during the presentation today.

I decided to wait to check my email until after the presentation. No sense in distracting myself with morning minutia when I should be focusing. I’d prepped the PowerPoint days ago, but couldn’t seem to find the hard copy of my notes that I’d printed on Friday. I wasn’t too worried, I could always print out another copy, but still, it was very strange.

The presentation wasn’t until after lunch, and the rest of the morning was going to be occupied with the managers meeting. I wanted to find my notes before the meeting, just so I knew I wasn’t crazy.

I wasn’t crazy, right?

The meeting was quickly approaching, and I was in the middle of tearing apart my office when there was a knock at my door.

“Yes?” I called out.

Paulina popped her head in. “Hey. Managers meeting. You coming?”

“Yes. I just can’t find my presentation notes. I swear, there is a gremlin or something that comes in and steals things from my office.”

“Just leave it. We’re going to be locked out. I heard Mike has adopted Cathy’s latecomer policy,” Paulina urged.

I sighed and I grabbed my notebook and hurried down the hall with her, getting there in just the nick of time. I passed Cathy, who was seated near the door, as I came into the room.

“Natalie, there you are.” She reached out and put her hand on my sleeve. “Can I have you for five minutes after the meeting?”

I swallowed. Something in her tone made me nervous. I tried to play it off. “Sure, Cathy. Whatever you need.”

I saw Brad across the room, and for a second our eyes connected. I offered an apologetic smile, but he quickly looked down, pretending to be engrossed in his iPad. Weird. Was he actually mad that I’d backed out of our date?

The meeting was pretty standard, mostly round-robin team updates. When it was Doug, the head of IT’s turn to speak though, he got up and stood at the front of the room.

“Hi everyone. An important announcement. I am sure everyone saw the email about hackers and our firewalls. I just want to remind everyone that firewalls are not perfect and that you should never store your personal information on any work machine. If you could, please go over this message with your direct reports. Thanks.”

Was it just me, or did he avoid looking in my direction as he delivered the news?

Bizarre.

The rest of the meeting took about forty-five minutes, tedious stuff about restructuring our supply chain. I kept trying to make eye contact with Brad, who was seated across from me, but he wouldn’t look at me. I began to think that maybe Ryan was right… I mean, was he bored of me already? After one date?

“Alright,” the Vice-President stood, “That’s all for today everyone. Thanks for coming, enjoy your lunch.” The staff dutifully stood and started to file out of the room. I hung back, waiting to make my way to Cathy.

“Hey, you said you wanted to talk?”

“Yes, thank you Natalie,” she glanced around, making sure we were alone before she closed the door to the room. “I’m glad you’re here. I take it you saw the email?”

“Uh, no, you mean the one Doug was talking about? No, I haven’t logged on yet. I had an appointment this morning.”

Cathy nodded slowly, concentrating on the blank notebook in front of her.

“Well, about that email Natalie. It seems that someone hacked into our network.”

I nodded. Yes, that is what Doug had said. Or something like that. “Right.”

She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before looking up at me. Her eyes were riddled with disappointment. “Natalie, I’m afraid some photos were leaked. Of you.”

I squinted at her. Photos of me? What did she mean? “I don’t understand.”

She rifled through her notebook, took out a printout, and passed it across the table to me. I pulled it toward me and looked down.

Hol-y shit.

“What the hell is this?” I exclaimed, yanking the picture up to get a better look.

“Natalie,” Cathy started, her voice staying calm and measured. How she could stay calm and measured though was beyond me. I was face to face with a picture of me, naked, riding two guys that looked like Chippendale dancers.

“It’s not me!” I said definitively, slamming the picture back down on the table. Then I picked it back up and stared at it carefully. “Where did you even get it?”

Cathy readjusted herself in her seat. “It was emailed to everyone on staff this morning. Thankfully, it came in around seven, and it was taken down by 8:45, so most staff didn’t have a chance to see it, but, well…”

“But what? Cathy, you
cannot
seriously think this is me!” I wasn’t screaming, but my voice was definitely raised. I couldn’t help it. This picture had been sent to everyone? I looked at it closer again. It was my face alright, but not my body. No way. “I don’t understand. Why would someone do this?”

“So you are confirming it’s not you, is that right?” Cathy asked gently.

I put the printout down. “Yes. It is definitely not me. I promise, Cathy.”

“And the photo didn’t come from your computer?”

“No. I don’t see how. I only keep work files on my computer. Honest. I’ve never even played solitaire on there.” I sunk backward into my chair.

Cathy nodded. “Okay. Thank you. Doug is working on trying to figure out what exactly happened. And Natalie? Even though only a few people saw the photos, the rumor mill is working overtime and well, it might be best if you took the rest of the day off. Maybe tomorrow too.”

I blinked at her.

“Seriously?”

“I think it’s best. Give Doug a chance to figure things out, then we’ll figure out what to do.”

“What about the presentation?”

“We’ll reschedule.”

My jaw tightened. “Okay. If you think that’s best.” I looked around the empty room. “I guess I’ll go get my stuff?”

Cathy nodded. “I’ll be in touch about the situation. Please don’t worry, we’ll pay you during this time.”

Pay me? I hadn’t even thought of that. I squinted at her and swallowed. “Wait, am I being put on leave?” That was why everyone was whispering and looking at me, why Kent had been a little too eager in the hall.
Oh my God,
I thought as the full force of the situation finally hit me. This wasn’t just a blip. This was a nightmare and so the opposite of any conceivable truth! I was the opposite of that girl in the picture.
I just lost my virginity last week!
I wanted to scream.
I’m hardly the type who spends her free time playing naked patty-cake with half of the Magic Mike cast!

But I couldn’t say that. So I just sat there. Silent.

Cathy looked pained, and that pained me. I hated that she was disappointed in me. “Just until we figure out what happened, Natalie. HR feels it would be best in order to control the inter-office gossip.”

“Cathy, I—”

“It’s just a formality.”

Her tone told me there was no room for argument. “Okay. Thanks,” I replied in a small voice. It was all I could manage. I wasn’t going to cry, no, that wasn’t me. I walked out of the conference room, numb.

This couldn’t be happening.

I pressed my lips together and went to my office as quickly as I could. As I grabbed my coat and my purse, I felt my face heat. As I turned to close the door behind me, Paulina’s voice chirped.

“Natalie, hey, what happened with Cathy—” She stopped suddenly when she saw my face. She gasped. “Natalie, is everything okay?”

“Fine.” I gritted through my teeth. “Going home. See you later.”

And I turned on my heel and bolted out of the fresh hell that was Heaven Sent.

At home, I couldn’t relax. I tried reading. I tried a bath. I even tried eating a tube of raw cookie dough, but nothing did the trick. Having your entire company think you posed for nude photos plus your one prospect of a date ignoring you equaled one fucking mess. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head.

Maybe I should just go back to New York.

Maybe I wasn’t so West Coast Successful after all.

Loser,
my subconscious whispered.

I pulled out my phone to call Josh. Maybe it was time to confess everything, tell him the truth. I mean, what good was a friend if they couldn’t support you when you were down? Maybe it was finally time for me to open up to someone, all the way. I pressed send and listened to the phone ring.

A happy voice picked up. “Hey, this is Josh! I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m out having too much fun! Leave a message!”

Voicemail.

Dammit.

I scrolled through my phone, on my way to Ryan’s entry, and my eye caught on Brad Valentine. He had to have seen the photo. Maybe
that
was why he was acting strange. I cringed inside at the thought, but he had to know the truth. I mean, I’d been nothing but borderline prudish with him. There’s no way he’d think— I pressed send.

One ring. Two rings. Three ring—

“Hey,” he said softly. “Hang on a second, let me get somewhere private.”

“Sure.” As I waited, I pictured him ducking through the office toward one of the free conference rooms. The IT guys didn’t have private offices.

Finally, after a few moments of static, he came back on the line. “Natalie, hey.”

“Hey,” I started, suddenly unsure of what exactly I was going to say. “Um, listen, I’m sorry I had to leave on Satur—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted.

“No, it’s not. I feel bad. Listen, I’d like to make it up to you.”

“That’s not necessary.” The normal warmth in his voice was gone, replaced with something cool and impersonal.

“Brad, is everything okay? You seem… off.”

He sighed audibly. “Look, Nat, I was just thinking. You know, you and I, we shouldn’t really see each other. I mean, well…” he trailed off.

“Look,” I sighed. “I know you probably saw the pictures. But Brad, you have to know that wasn’t me.”

“No, Natalie, I—I mean yes, I saw the pictures, but that’s not it.” He took a deep enough breath that I could hear it over the phone. “Christ, I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

Ah-ha! So there was something besides the pictures! Strangely, I was instantly relieved. “What is it, Brad. Just spit it out.”

He took another deep breath, and then the words I’d hoped I never hear from anyone came tumbling out of his mouth.

“It’s Ryan; he told me about your… relationship.”