I had just had
some breakfast in the Kappa kitchen and I was about to go take a shower. I was walking through the living room when I saw Gina and Jenna sitting on the couch laughing and talking about something that they were like seriously excited about. I didn’t give it much thought, but before I got out of the room I heard one of them say the word “Brett.”
So I was like, “Are you guys talking about Brett Keller?”
Gina was like, “Um, yeah.”
I was like, “What’s the deal?”
Gina was like, “Well, you wanna tell her, Jenna?”
Jenna was like, “Last night he invited us to his house and hooked up with us.”
I was like, “At the same time?”
Gina was like, “Well, first it was with just me, then it was both of us.”
Jenna was like, “Yeah, his best friend was there and I had to hook up with him first.”
I was like, “His best friend? Like my ex-boyfriend, Kyle?”
Jenna was like, “Yeah. And I have to say, I don’t know why you got rid of him. I mean, I guess he’s a little nerdy or whatever, but he is unbelievable in bed. Seriously, Brett had a bigger cock, but your ex-boyfriend was way better.”
Seriously, I almost puked. I mean, I knew eventually Kyle would hook up with some other girl, and I thought I was okay with that, but I didn’t expect him to ever be able to hook up with a girl in a sorority. Like, I could see him hooking up with a band chick or something—but seriously, another Kappa? I knew I wasn’t supposed to be mad because I was like technically the one who cheated on him and then broke up with him, but I mean I wasn’t very happy about it.
And then, to make it even worse, not only did Jenna hook up with Kyle, she also got to hook up with Brett. I guess Jenna could tell I looked a little mad or something, because she was like, “You’re not mad, right? Like you’re cool with this, aren’t you? I mean I never would have done it if I thought you were going to be mad. But like, you were the one who dumped him I thought and everything, right?”
I had to be like, “Yeah. I’m cool with it,” but I wasn’t totally cool with it. I went to my room without taking a shower and called Brian. I was like, “Brian, I need to come over.”
He was like, “For real?”
I was like, “Yes.”
He was like, “Um, I guess. I have a class at two, though, so…”
I was like, “Okay. I’ll come over now then.”
So I went over to the Pike house and he let me in and we went back to his room. We weren’t like an official couple or anything yet, but we hung out and hooked up like pretty much every other night. I wanted to tell him what was going on, but I knew I couldn’t, so when he was like, “What’s up?” I was like, “I just wanted to come over and see you. Is that cool?”
He was like, “Yeah, coolio.”
I was like, “Okay, good.”
Then we just sat there for a minute and he was like, “So, seriously, what’s up? Do you want to fuck or…what’s up?”
And I guess at that point I kind of figured out that it might have seemed weird that I was over there that early in the morning, and I didn’t want Brian to think I was one of those girls who was always like a basket case or overly emotional or something. So I was like, “Okay.”
He took off his pants and started jerking himself off to get hard and he was like, “I didn’t brush my teeth yet. Is it cool if we don’t kiss? My breath is nasty, for real.”
I was like, “Yeah.”
While we were fucking I could only think about Kyle. Brian was really fun to fuck because his body was so amazing, but he wasn’t as good as Kyle. He just really didn’t care about anything but getting himself off. Like Kyle would always reach around and play with my clit if we were fucking doggy style. Brian never did that. Or sometimes Kyle would just go down on me for like forty-five minutes before we ever even started actually fucking. I’d get off like two or three times from him eating me out, and then I’d get off again while we fucked. Brian had only gone down on me once, and it wasn’t really even worth the time he spent. He just kind of tried to stick his tongue like in my actual vag. Like he never even went for the clit.
While Brian was fucking me in his room, doggy style, with me bent over the side of his bed, I like really missed Kyle for a split second. I kind of at least hoped at some point we could have sex one more time and I got kind of sad that I might never get to do it. Then I got kind of mad that Jenna was the last girl to have had sex with him. I mean, Jenna? I thought she probably just did it because of Brett, but still, she fucked Kyle. I didn’t hate her for it or anything, but it was pretty shady.
I figured out I wasn’t going to cum because I was thinking about all of this shit way too much. Brian pulled out, came on my back, and then kind of slapped his dick against my ass a few times, which he like did a lot. I thought it was kind of weird, but not weird enough to ever stop him from doing it. Then he was like, “I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
I was like, “Can I get a towel or something?”
He was like, “I only have one clean one left. I’ll get you some toilet paper or something. Hang on.”
So I stood there in Brian’s room with his cum dripping down my back thinking about Kyle and wondering if Brian would want to snuggle in his bed until he had to go to class like Kyle did after we had sex. I figured I probably already kind of annoyed him just by inviting myself over so I didn’t ask him to do it when he came back with a handful of toilet paper for me.
There was a spot of cum in the middle of my back I could feel but couldn’t reach. I handed him the toilet paper and I was like, “Can you help me out?”
He took it and laughed and was like, “Sure.”
He wiped the cum off my back and threw away the toilet paper. I turned him around and tried to kiss him but he was like, “I still didn’t brush my teeth.”
I was like, “I don’t care.”
He was like, “For real?”
I was like, “Yeah, for real.”
When I kissed him I thought back to a time when Kyle and I were first dating, one of the first times I spent the night in his room. He actually got up in the early, early morning, when he thought I was still asleep, and I saw him take his toothbrush and mouthwash down the hall to the bathroom in McElvaney and then he came back and started kissing me. It wasn’t even to try to fuck me; he just wanted to kiss me. Then I started thinking about Jenna fucking Kyle and I was glad I didn’t ask her about the details. It was easy enough for me to think about what Kyle looked like when he was fucking me and then think of him fucking her instead. It would have been even worse if I had known the exact details.
After a few seconds of kissing Brian was like, “Okay, babe, I need to get some stuff done before this class. You want to hang out tonight?”
I was like, “Sure,” and the fact that he asked me if I wanted to hang out that night made me happy. I put my clothes back on and Brian slapped my ass as I walked out of his bedroom, which also made me happy. I felt like he wanted me, and I guess it was like as long as I knew he wanted me, I could stop thinking about Kyle.
I admit I was surprised
that Kyle was able to actually fuck one of the sluts I brought to my house that night, despite our initial agreement upon that being the very purpose for his attendance. I assumed the pride I felt for his actions was similar to what a father must feel for a son hitting a game-winning home run in Little League. I assumed that his old feelings for Heather hadn’t completely dissolved, and more than that, I assumed his general attitude toward women had remained virtually the same. But I knew something slight in him must have changed. Up until that point, Kyle had never had meaningless sex, which is not to say it was meaningless for him. I should say that he had never had a one-night stand. Of course it had meaning for him, and I hoped that meaning was rooted in a step toward a deeper understanding of how all women should be regarded—as whores who exist primarily to slake our carnal thirsts and secondarily to carry children and aid in the propagation of our species.
These were the points I hoped to illuminate for Kyle when I took him to lunch the following afternoon. I had planned the event as a minor celebration and suggested we go somewhere worthy of the occasion, but he insisted on Chick-fil-A, his favorite place to eat. This had been his choice since we were children, and it was something that became very endearing to me. Anyone else, when presented with an offer by me to be taken to lunch anywhere in Dallas, would choose the most expensive restaurant imaginable. But Kyle never did. It was always Chick-fil-A.
This lunch conversation occurred on a Saturday. I remember this specifically because after getting our food I made sure to choose a seat next to two fat old women who were engaged in a conversation about the sermon that had been delivered in their church the previous Sunday. It had something to do with rationalizing the donation of more than 10 percent of your income to the church. The phrase “you get what you give” was thrown about several times, and both women seemed to agree that tomorrow they were going to up their contributions to the collection plate. This, of course, is all irrelevant.
In a voice I made sure was loud enough for the religious hogs sitting next to us to hear, I asked Kyle how he liked fucking the slut I coaxed to my house. I further inquired as to whether or not he fucked her in the ass, and finally asked him where he shot his load. My reason for wanting to know this final detail was that I had fucked the same girl only moments later in the Jacuzzi, and as I pulled her hair I thought I might have felt semen in it, but was too frenzied by the throat-fucking I had given her friend to stop and check.
He assured me he used a condom and all of his seed was contained within it, which led me to silently wonder what was in her hair. At this point the hogs, meals only half-eaten, chose to move to another table. As crowded as the Chick-fil-A was on that day, their table was quickly taken by a family with two young children. I pitied the children, knowing their mother had to be that certain kind of self-righteous, hypocritical, Christian, suburban Dallas cunt who would push her pedestrian and outmoded beliefs on them until they were fully indoctrinated, and they would repeat the cycle with their own children, and so on and so forth until the end of time.
I chose to keep my voice at a level of volume that would make me clearly audible to this family as I asked Kyle if he had gleaned any new understanding about the cold fact that he would, I was certain, ultimately come to realize as clearly as I did that all women are nothing more than collections of wet, warm dick-sized holes, the only variable being how tight those holes are on any given individual.
Before Kyle could answer, the father of the family cleared his throat and said something to me about there being children and women present. I pretended not to hear him and looked to Kyle for his response. He shook his head, presumably at my obvious attempt to offend the family, and explained, then thanked me for delivering the whore to him. He said going into the night he was unsure what his reaction would be, if he would even be able to fuck the slut, but once he started doing it he found it to be extremely cathartic. He made it clear that, while he was nowhere near the line of reasoning I employed when dealing with cunts, he had come to a more firm understanding of the fact that there can be sex without love, and he was sure that he was on the road to recovery from the breakup.
As a surprise, before we went to lunch I had called Gina at the Kappa house to learn of Heather’s reaction when she was told about Kyle fucking the other slut whose name I must have known at some point. I relayed to Kyle that Heather seemed visibly upset, and almost immediately called Brian, the Pike whose dick I witnessed her sucking, and wasn’t seen for the rest of the day after telling her big sister that she was going to see him.
This last bit of information, it turned out, should have been withheld. It seemed that Kyle enjoyed hearing about Heather’s reaction up to the point that it drove her to the very man she cheated on him with. His questions about their official relationship status were unrelenting, despite my initial truthful admission that I had no idea about any of it. I tried to calm him, explaining that he would be better off without her, that he should focus on starting anew, that I could even arrange for him to fuck the same slut if he wanted, or a different slut, et cetera.
He calmed down at some point and agreed with me that it was best to put her out of his mind. Our lunch ended with Kyle telling me that he thought he was ready to turn a new page. I assumed that meant trying to fuck as many sluts as possible in the remaining three years he hadn’t squandered at SMU. I was wrong.
It was only a few weeks
after having sex with Jenna that I found myself in the molecular genetics lab passed out. I had been in there for probably five hours straight with Erin, working on our lab final. We had a few weeks to put the project together, but we were both pretty motivated to get it done as quickly as we could so we could get some feedback from the professor and change certain things here or there if we needed to.
So I was asleep, head down on the desk, when I felt hands start to give me a back rub. I woke up and found the hands were Erin’s.
She said, “I’ll do you, then you do me, then we’ll work for thirty minutes.”
We had actually become pretty good friends, but we never really hung out outside of class unless it was to study. She was an engineering student who was just interested in genetics, so she signed up for the class without ever taking the pre-req, which you could do if you got clearance from the professor. She said to get it he made her take some kind of a preliminary exam, which she got a 100 on, so the professor let her in. Yes, I found that attractive.
We’d spent a lot of time together, but the back rub was the first time she ever touched me beyond a brush of the hand here or there. It was weird. It seemed almost too forward, but it also kind of seemed like she had no sexual interest in me at all. It was clinical. Either way, it was nice; she had strong hands, and my back was really stiff from sitting at that desk for so long.
She said, “You seem really stressed out lately, like for the last month or so.”
We had been lab partners for almost an entire semester, and she knew I had a girlfriend. But at that point I hadn’t told her about how my ex-girlfriend was a dick-sucking whore or anything. Honestly, I was kind of embarrassed by it, and I didn’t really think Erin would give a shit about it anyway. But for some reason I said, “Yeah, I uh…my girlfriend and I broke up.”
She said, “Oh. That sucks.”
I said, “Yeah.”
She said, “What was the deal?”
“She’s in a sorority and…”
“Say no more.”
“What?”
“I already know what you’re going to say. She did E at some party and had sex with another guy.”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“That sucks. My sister was in a sorority when she went here, and she cheated on every boyfriend she had during college. So did every other girl in her sorority. I love my sister and everything, but she’s a nasty skank.”
She gave me one last squeeze on the back of the neck and said, “My turn,” then sat down in the chair I’d been sitting in, and I started rubbing her back. Heather only gave me two back rubs in the history of our entire relationship, and they were both pretty shitty, as I remember, like she just didn’t care about doing it. I always hated that.
As I rubbed Erin’s back she said, “So you got any new prospects?”
I said, “None that I know of. If what you said about sorority chicks is true, then I might be up shit creek. Pretty much every girl at SMU is in a sorority.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s around seventy-five percent, isn’t it?”
“That leaves the top twenty-five percent of all girls at SMU for you to choose from. That’s not so bad.”
There was a time when a comment like that would have slightly pissed me off because it insulted Heather, but that time had passed. I thought she was out of my life forever. I hadn’t heard from her in a long time, and I was ready to move on. I should have transferred to another school while my spirits were high. Instead I said, “I see. So you’re putting yourself in the top twenty-five percent of all the girls here?”
She said, “Wouldn’t you? Not to toot my own horn, but I’m going to be a literal rocket scientist at some point. And I’m not horrible to look at, right?”
She turned around and I looked at her. I’d thought Erin was cute from the first time I saw her—a little blonde with a round kind of face that made her look like she was always smiling even when she wasn’t. She probably weighed all of one hundred pounds, and she had really nice legs. She ran three miles a day before class.
I said, “Not horrible at all.”
She said, “You know, I don’t have any prospects at the moment either.”
I said, “I’m sure that’s not true.”
And at that moment I really had no idea what was about to happen. I guess I was always naive with girls, but Jesus fucking Christ, I probably could have been having sex with Erin a long time before we actually did, which wasn’t that night but was pretty soon after. That night she said, “Well, you’re right. It’s not entirely true. The one guy I kind of liked for a while always had a girlfriend, but I just found out not too long ago that he’s single. So I guess I kind of do have a prospect. But I don’t really know if he likes me.”
Again, I had no idea at that point that she was even remotely talking about me. I know, I was a fucking idiot.
I said, “Why don’t you just ask him?”
She said, “Okay. Do you like me?”
And I don’t know if it was because it was so late, or because I actually was suffering from some kind of a slight touch of Down syndrome, but I said, “Are you practicing on me, or am I the guy you’re talking about?”
She said, “You’re the guy, you retard.”
I said, “Oh, really? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
She said, “Uh, you had a girlfriend.”
I said, “Right.”
She said, “So…”
And I thought about it with a little more depth than the occasional times I had jerked off while thinking about Erin. She was smart, pretty funny, very cute, not in a sorority; we shared a lot of similar interests.
I said, “Yeah, I think I do like you.”
She smiled and said, “Then I think you’re supposed to kiss me now.”
I leaned in and kissed her. It started kind of slow. It was a weird experience to kiss Erin for the first time. We had been friends, and friends only, for so long that it seemed strange—not in a bad way. It was just very unexpected and the first few kisses were definitely feeling-out kisses, for me anyway. No tongue, just kind of seeing if this could actually work, and it did.
After the first few seconds, she put her hand on the back of my neck and pulled me down on top of her, right there in the molecular genetics lab. Heather had a good body, but not like Erin’s. Erin was strong and athletic, which was something none of my other girlfriends were. Erin’s entire body was tight.
We made out for fifteen minutes or so that first night and then she said, “Wait. Wait.”
I pulled back a little and sat down in the chair in front of the table she was lying on.
She said, “I really do like you. I have for a while now. But I don’t really want our first time to be in the molecular genetics lab. Is that okay?”
Honestly, I didn’t really want that either. I didn’t know then what would happen between us in the months to come, but I had a feeling there was a possibility for some kind of relationship to happen, and I did want our first time to be a little more special than it was shaping up to be.
I said, “How about this: Tomorrow night we go out to dinner, like a real date, and take it from there.”
She said, “Okay,” with her cute little smile.
I walked her back to her apartment, which was just a few blocks from campus, and we made out a little bit more on her front porch. Then I walked back to McElvaney, passing Heather’s sorority house on the way home. I honestly didn’t even give her a thought.