The Light in the Wound (11 page)

The next few days and months flew by in a blur. College acceptance letters started coming in the mail, and Alicia and Jesse both got accepted to the schools of their choice. I, on the other hand, had applied to four schools and was accepted to all of them except the one that Jesse was going to be attending. I was devastated and worried about what that would do to our relationship. I guess it was mainly because by this time, I didn’t really have much of an existence outside of him. I called my mother from school the day we received the results.

“Mom! I didn’t get in!” I cried to her on the phone. She knew what I was referring to because I had told her all about my four choices of schools.

“Isabel, calm down. It’s okay. I’m surprised about that, but let me make a few phone calls and I’ll take care of it,” she assured me.

“No, Mom, there’s no point. I guess I’ll just attend my second choice. I’m just calling because I needed someone to talk to.”

Thirty minutes later, my mother met me at the door as soon as I walked into the house.

“Isabel, it’s been arranged. You need to see Dean Reyes tomorrow at the College of Economics. You’re in,” she said arrogantly.

“Huh? What, Mom? How did that happen?” I asked, still not understanding what she had done to pull this off.

“Isa, you forget. Your grandfather is a big contributor to that school. He holds the Economics chair in that department. There was a misunderstanding. You should have gotten accepted.”

Points for Claudia Holtzer, the best mother in the world. I couldn’t wait to tell Jesse that we would be going to the same school. Together.

High school graduation came and went. I didn’t really participate in my school’s festivities since I hardly had any friends there. Instead, I attended Betty and Jesse’s events with their respective family members. I was so happy to be a part of their celebrations that I didn’t really miss not attending mine. Jesse kept my graduation picture in his wallet and gushed about how beautiful I looked every time he had a chance. Our summer was filled with trips to the beach on hot sunny days, nights out with his friends and preparations for Alicia’s baby. Betty and I spoke every day on the phone and saw each other at least once every weekend. She was getting very serious with Leigh, and Alex was still a comfortable friend running around in the same social circles. My mother’s focus was now on both Gracie and the baby and her relationship troubles seemed to take a backseat, at least for a few months.

First day of school. Wow, the university was huge. Bernard, our chauffeur dropped me off at the front entrance. I missed Alicia so much. We were supposed to experience this together. I told Jesse I would meet him later in the evening, after we attended our classes. At that time, it was just my books and me. And my new outfit. As I walked through the enclosed walkway, I could see tons of freshmen students sitting on the side benches, people watching, jeering at the girls, making conversation. I recognized a few familiar faces from our respective schools but didn’t stop to speak to anyone. It was a bit of a hike over to the Liberal Arts building and I was going to be in a block class for the first year. I liked the idea of making friends and moving from class to class with a set group of people, kind of like a homeroom type of deal. This was the university’s way of helping new students to transition into a larger environment. Most of the high schools in the country were private schools with a limited number of enrollees. Sure, the private school kids would always gravitate toward each other, but being in these surroundings would expose us to students from all walks of life.

Room LA432 was where I was to spend my first year of college. I walked in to find that most of the seats had already been taken. As I stood by the doorway, I heard someone say, “Miss, excuse me, miss, you can take this seat beside me.” Hmm . Cute guy. Tall and skinny, blond hair.

“No, miss, sit here.” Another guy pulled out the chair next to him and gestured for me to come and sit down. Oh gosh. Everyone was looking at me now, those steely dagger eyes from the girls in the room.

“I’ll sit here, thank you,” I declared rather uncomfortably, as I found the desk closest to the door.

“Oh, hey. You’re Jesse Cain’s girlfriend, aren’t you?” A girl with fiery red hair turned around to face me.

“Um yes, I’m Isabel Amarra. Nice to meet you. You are?”

“I’m Terry. I was on the Student Council of my school. Worked with Jesse a lot last year. He’s something else. You are so lucky.”

“Yes, I am. Thank you.”

The homeroom teacher walked in, introduced himself and had everyone else introduce themselves as well. It was a fun day as we received our various syllabi and got to do some group work together. I made some new friends, some really sweet guys who remain my closest friends to this day. The girls weren’t too friendly toward me at first, but I was sure they would warm up to me in time.

After our classes were over, I was supposed to meet Jesse by one of the stone benches underneath a row of trees by the gym. I pretended to read my notes over and over again because he was thirty minutes late. Bernard, our family’s chauffeur was waiting outside to take me home. My irritation quickly dissipated as soon as I saw my Prince Charming strutting toward me. Oh, with an entire entourage of people. Girls and guys.

“Hi Issy. Sorry, I got stuck in a Student Council orientation.” He took my hand and all was right with the world. He had this scorching look on his face, as he eyed me from head to toe, and his eyes rested on the top that I was wearing. It was a fitted top with buttons down the front cinched with a wide belt, a mini skirt and finished off with a pair of Chanel ballet slippers. “Guys, this is my girlfriend, Isabel.”

“Isabel, these are the members of our school party — Ryan, Karen, Ray, Marnie and Bob.”

“Hi everyone, so nice to meet you all.”

Jesse gently pulled me up and led me in front of them. “We’re gonna run. See you tomorrow.”

We walked arm in arm toward Bernard, who was waiting right outside the school gate for me. Jesse held me a little bit too tightly, but I liked it. I wasn’t going to complain.

Jesse’s house was about 20 minutes away from our school, while mine was farther into the center of the city, about 45 minutes away. I asked Bernard to swing by his house so I could drop him off.

As soon as we were settled in the backseat, Jesse was all over me, nuzzling my neck, stroking my hair, pulling at my earlobes with his lips.

“Issy, you look so good. So pretty. You wore this for me, right?” He grabbed my breast and fondled it through my blouse. I nodded my head absentmindedly, warmth radiating throughout my body. I missed him so much.

“Oh wait, hey, are you wearing makeup too?”

“You like it? Evie took me to this new store yesterday and I thought you’d like this color.”

“Well, it’s nice. But ... I like you better without it. And since you only wear this for me, I’m telling you that you don’t have to wear any to school, okay?” His hands traveled up from my knee to my thigh as he said this, the vibration of his voice on my neck. “And this skirt. Way too short, Issy. No one should be able to see these legs but me.”

“What are you saying Jess?”

“What I’m saying is please, Issy, no makeup, fitted blouses or short skirts to school. Okay? Only with me. Only when we’re alone.” He tightened his grip on me.

“Sure. But I just want to look good for you.”

“You look perfect to me. You don’t have to do this for anyone else,” he whispered in my ear.

Jesse took my hand and placed it on his jeans, beckoning me to pull his zipper down. The satisfied look on his face assured me that I was able to appease him by the time Bernard stopped in front of his house.

“If all you can do is crawl, start crawling.”

—Rumi

Alicia gave birth to a healthy baby girl during my freshman year at college. We named her Chelsea and she brought the happiest, most radiant abundance of sunshine into our home that year. I was constantly pushing Alicia and Carter out the door for every opportunity to babysit this wonderful new member of our family. Gracie was already six at that time and she played the role of little, big sister to a hilt. It was heartwarming to watch her relationship with the baby. Meanwhile, my mother was undergoing another breakdown in her relationship. It looked like Mr. Glass had decided to go back to his wife and family. I walked into the house one late night, after attending a party with Jesse, to find my mother sprawled out on the floor right outside her bedroom door. Mr. Glass had locked her out of their room because she had threatened him with a knife. My mother was begging and crying, pleading for him to let her back in. I knocked on Alicia’s door and asked her for some help in getting Mom to my bed. As we both guided her slowly down the hall and away from her bedroom, she muttered to us that she had swallowed the whole bottle of Seconal. Instead of continuing to my bedroom, we were calling for the ambulance.

It had been two weeks since my mother was confined to the ICU and then transferred back to the hospital basement. Alicia and I visited her in the early evenings. She was listless, tired and always asleep. The doctors said that she would have to be transferred to a rehabilitation facility on the outskirts of the city. Mr. Glass had moved out by then, and I was worried about the financing for her treatment. I had access to the household checking account, but my mother was basically living off her allowance from her parents. Mr. Glass had not contributed a single cent to the maintenance of the house while he lived there with my mother, his mistress.