The Light in the Wound (40 page)

“I love you too. And Leigh sends his love. He says, ‘Happy honeymoon!’” She snickered.

Finally, an hour before I was to leave for the church, Pierre showed up with my dress. It was the most amazing piece of artwork I had ever seen. A strapless gown in exquisite lace with light beading all over and a big satin bow at the back. After the wedding, I found out that my dress alone had cost as much as Mellie’s salary for the year. Minutes later, the tiara was delivered by security guards over to our house. It was filled with diamonds and pearls and perfectly sat on top of my veil like it was made for me. Well, it was, actually. My grandmother had modified the old family heirloom to modernize the diamonds and settings a little bit. She felt that wearing a tiara last worn by my mother would be bad luck.
She wouldn’t have gone all out like this if I were marrying Jesse.
It was all about marrying an Ailey and making sure she showed them that I was their equal. That was my grandmother. I loved her for it because no matter the reason why, she finally loved me at that moment. Maybe I gave her and my grandfather their time in the limelight by marrying Alex. My sponsors were Senators and my guest of honor was the President of the country
.
Did I give Jesse up for this? Was he the price I paid for making them love me?

When the time came to get into the limousine and head out to the church, I asked for a moment alone with my mother. “Mom, I wanted to tell you how much I love you and to thank you for being here for me today.”

She smiled at me and kissed me on the cheeks. “You’re my daughter, Isabel Francesca. And I love you.”

“I need you, Mom. I need you in my life. I promise we’ll visit often. Alex and me. You are gaining a wonderful son. We will make it,” I said this with utmost certainty.

Minutes later, my grandfather and I were pulling into the church driveway. “Go ahead, Grandpa, I’d like to sit here until my sisters come and get me.” I leaned over to give him a kiss and ended up wiping my lipstick off his cheeks. “Thank you for everything.”

He awkwardly patted my hand, nodded his head and left me alone with my thoughts. The car was heavily tinted and I was confident that no one was able to see me inside. I laughed out loud as I saw Alex rushing toward the limousine and being held back by Evie and Alicia. I watched as they scolded him, their scowling faces pushing him toward the church entrance.

ME: You look gorgeous.

ALEX: Your wicked sisters just accosted me on my way to you.

ME: Bad luck to see the bride. Only a few more minutes, babe.

ALEX: Walk straight down that aisle to me. I’ll be waiting.

He made me smile. There might not have been a heart in there but whatever was left was filled with love for him.
I’m going to do this.

Tap. Tap. Tap. I placed my head against the tinted glass to see who it was. It was my father. No kidding.
The
Felix Amarra. Not father numbers two to five. The original. I opened the car door and motioned for him to come inside. I hadn’t seen him in years. He looked a little older and slimmer than I remembered him; his weathered brown eyes were filled with emotion.

“Papa, hi,” I said nervously. I prayed with all my might that my mother would not see him.

“Isabel, you look spectacular. My daughter has grown up into such a beautiful woman!” he exclaimed.

“Thank you,” I answered timidly.

My father had not been invited to the wedding. My grandfather, the man who raised me, deserved the honor of giving me away.

He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to see you on your wedding day, to wish you the best. I love you, Isabel. Congratulations. I hope to be able to meet Alex someday.”

“Of course, Pa. We’ll come visit after the honeymoon. Thank you for stopping by to see me, it means a lot.” I gave him a hug and a kiss. I knew I needed to feel more about this moment, but I didn’t.
He was never in my life, he could never take credit for the good or the bad that I turned out to be.

The car door opened to my squealing sisters, who spent a few minutes fawning over my father. Just then, Pierre came rushing toward the car, his hands frantically waving in the air.

“Isabel, it’s time for the procession,” Evie commanded as she took my hand to help me out of my seat.

Alicia helped to gather up my train as we walked to the red carpet that began by the church door. Voices of angels filled the church as the choir started to hum to Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. The flower girls started to walk down the aisle while scattering rose petals along the way. The church was filled with people. The beautifully hand carved pews were overflowing with heads now turned toward the church door to witness the procession.

Gracie followed next as a Junior Bridesmaid. She had grown into a beautiful young lady. Tall and lanky just like her father, she towered over the rest of her sisters. Alex’s sister-in-law, Molly, was next, followed by three more of his cousins and then my cousins. I missed Betty as I thought about how she was the only friend who stuck by me when I chose Alex over Jesse. It was Evie and Alicia’s turn to walk. Alex’s two cousins were approaching them to take their arms and begin the trek to the altar.

“This is it,” I squeaked. “See you there.”

The very moment they walked away, there he was standing right in front of me.

Jesse.

“It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears.”

—Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Seventeen long hours later, a loud thud and a jolt wake me from my reverie as the plane speed comes to a screeching halt. I turn to face my husband and I realize he is speaking to me. I can’t hear a word he’s saying. I feel like I’m going to pass out, but I must hold it together for Eddie. I take Alex’s hand in mine and he squeezes it. He looks at me so lovingly, his kind eyes telling me that it’s all going to be okay. Ten years later and he was the choice that I made.

He is the right choice.

The night of the wedding, as Jesse grabbed my arm and stopped me as I started to walk down the aisle, all the years I spent loving him flashed before my eyes. All the love I felt for him came rushing back. I couldn’t breathe but only for a moment. I’m not sure what it was, but just as quickly, a feeling of calmness washed over me. I knew what I had to do right then and there.

“Isabel, please, don’t do this. I can’t see beyond this moment without you in my life. Do you remember, you promised you would be with me forever? Let’s just go, leave all this behind,” he gasped breathlessly.

Evie and Alicia were quick to rush to either side, like guards, or more like my guardian angels. The church was dead quiet by now.

Evie quickly shuffled up the aisle and stopped right between the church door and the altar. “Everyone, please, we need a moment here.”

Alex spun around and started walking toward her. She motioned for him to stop and with her eyes, begged his brother Anthony to keep him where he was. She led me outside the church with Jesse following right behind, clutching my elbow, afraid to let go. His tears were flowing and his gaze tore right through my very core. He was wearing the same soaked up clothes that he had on the night before, and from his disheveled appearance it didn’t look like he had done much of anything since I last saw him.

I held his face in my hands and pleaded with him. “Jesse, please, please let me go. We can’t hold on to the past and let it influence what’s best for us. Alex is waiting, Jesse. Please, I want to go to Alex.”

“Issy, I love you, I have always loved you. How can I love anyone else? How can you let go of our seven years together? I’m begging you — I’ll make this right. I will,” he implored, while holding on to my arm for dear life.

“Jess, I’ll never forget you. And I will always be thankful for everything we had. Please let me go. This is what’s best for me.”

Me. As soon as I said the word
me
, he snapped back to reality and slowly shook his head. “I love you Isabel. Don’t forget me,” he whispered and took a step back, letting go of my arm
.
Letting go of my heart. Setting me free. Was it over? Truly over?
Evie and Alicia readjusted my train, as I turned around and searched for my grandfather who was waiting to give me away.