The Light of the World (21 page)

The thing in the stall grunts. He looks at me
with hatred and a hollowness I would expect to see on death
row.

"He is new. He is not trained and broken
properly yet." I look at the expression Constantine has and shiver.
He is an evil man. I can sense his evil too. If I let myself, I can
taste the blood the way he does. I can feel the life he steals
flowing into my mouth. I know I will like it.

"We are the same." I mutter.

He looks at me and frowns, "You are innocent.
Never let them tell you different. None of this is your fault." A
sick and filthy grin crosses his delicious lips, "I however have
enjoyed many aspects of my life." His tongue flicks from his mouth
and wets his lips.

I am horrified at my attraction to him.

Sexually, I am dysfunctional. I am only
attracted to danger and pain. I should have stayed at the convent
with Michelle.

Mona's eyes are closed.

He sees my expression and speaks softly, "I
don’t want her to see them. I want her to remain unchanged and
unspoiled. I have her believing she is in an armchair watching
Casablanca. She deserves that. I just can't let her alone in the
house. She is pure."

He looks around as if the house is listening to
us.

He holds a hand out, "Every stall has someone in
it that has committed horrific crimes and gotten away with them.
Feel free to enjoy the company of one. Just pull the lever at the
end of the hall for the one you want. Tom will watch for when you
want out of here."

I nod and he leaves. I never realized he would
leave me alone here, with criminals. Nerves start to fill me as he
closes the metal door and I am alone in the hallway.

Every noise they make gets under my skin. My
fingers tense. I look around. My heart beat speeds up.

I can hear them breathing. I can hear the sick
thoughts they have. The teacher watches me from the bed in his
cell. He watches me and thinks something I can't let my brain
comprehend. My blood boils. I feel something coming alive inside of
me. My skin vibrates. I look at the metal door and the wall where
the levers are. I walk to it, letting the boiling anger and disgust
inside of me fill up. I pull the second lever. The stall door
slides into the wall.

The thing that used to be a man, before he let
his darkness overtake him, steps from the cell. He is much larger
than I thought. My nerves come back. They push away the bravery I
have mustered.

He smiles and tilts his head.

"You're a very pretty girl. What's your
name?"

My mouth twitches. His thick fingers ball into
fists and then straighten out again. I can hear the knuckles
cracking.

I shiver and watch his shadow on the floor. The
air whispers and sparkles. The dead want me to run. They fear him.
When the dead fear you, something is wrong inside of you.

He looks at my chest and licks his lips. I try
to focus on the feelings I have inside of me. The feelings of
disgust. I can't make them bigger than the fear.

He lunges, suddenly and pins me against the
metal wall. I start to cry. His warm skin is making heat
everywhere. It's angry heat. He licks my neck and pins my arms
against the wall. His legs hold mine. He has done this before. He
anticipates my moves and counters before I even have a chance.

I feel a sob rise in my throat. I'm still
panicking. He doesn’t kiss my mouth. He must know not to. His face
buries itself in my neck. He spins me and throws me to the floor.
He pounces. I try to scramble away but I can't. My head slams into
the floor and he is on top of me.

I see stars, but then I see something else. I
see a color. It builds at the back of my eyes and becomes
everything I see.

I see red. Raw red anger and hatred.

It's his, not mine.

My eyes do their thing. I inhale him even from
the floor. I can drink from him without seeing him. I can taste him
in the air. I drink and feel his essence inside of me. I can taste
his evil. It's sweet and delicious. He weakens for a moment.
Apparently it's all I need. I turn and wrestle him off of me. I pin
him to the floor. I'm sitting on him the way I did Wyatt. Pelvis to
pelvis. I lean forward until our faces almost touch and take the
biggest breath I can. As I am doing it, I hear a click.

I suck him until I feel fingers biting into my
skin.

I look up to see the angry child killer looking
at me, with contempt and hatred. She wraps her dirty fingers around
my throat. My mind is panicking but my body ignores it. It reacts
on its own. I push her and pin her in the air. I suck from her
until the next click.

I am lost in a sea, no a buffet of tastes and
pleasure. The clicks are coming two at a time but I don’t fight
them. I dance with them. I twirl and suck, choke and suck, and
devour them one after the other. I choke one, while eating
another.

Something is happening and my body is giving
into the moment. Every bad thought and dirty moment is filled with
the sweetness they stole from someone else.

My leg kicks at a tall man. I pin his face to
the wall with my foot and drink from the man trying to grab at me
and scratch me.

I drink from the man I choked with my foot, like
a ninja. I pull away and feel like I could run straight up a
skyscraper. I am invincible. I am on fire in a good way. My stomach
rumbles low, it feels hot and naughty. I look around the room for
my next bite, but there is no one. The floor is littered with
bodies. Their faces are distended in awkward positions. Like they
died crying out.

They did.

I look at the cells. Every stall door is opened.
There is no one left. I walk to the hall and let the food I've had
be enough. When my finger grazes the cold metal of the door I feel
it. Reality slams into me.

I look back, horrified at what I have done.
Remorse, self-loathing and regret battle around inside of me.

My jaw trembles. I have murdered a dozen people
like it was nothing. The moves of my death dance fill my mind. I
sucked them and never thought another thought.

I have never had such a conflict inside of me.
Not even when loving Wyatt whilst hating him.

"You are more impressive than I remember."

I look at Constantine who is beside me. The
metal door is closed and yet he is here like he never left.

"Why did it taste so good now but when the devil
used me to cleanse, it tasted so bad?" I speak but don’t recognize
the voice.

"He forced it on you. Plus it's so much all at
once. Nothing tastes good when it's shoved down your throat. But
here you ate like you should. Naturally."

"You opened all the doors."

He nods, "I needed to see if you were
ready."

My hands react. I have no control over my body.
I pin him against the wall and look up at him, "What did you do to
me?"

He smiles, "I freed you."

My fingers stop biting at the soft dress shirt.
He wraps his arms around me and holds me to him, "We'll succeed
this time Rayne. I promise."

My eyes shut but fill with images.

I'm standing on the cliffs. It's raining and
dark and the sea is everywhere. The salt clings to me. I'm wearing
a long dress. I'm me. My dark hair clings to my face. I hold a
sword and a dagger. A man comes at me and I fight. My body twitches
as I watch the images. It wants to move along with what I see. Like
how I twitch watching dancing, like I should be dancing too.

I kill the man and he falls off the cliff. I'm
standing on an outcropping of rocks, jagged rocks.

Another man comes at me. I spin and butt the
hilt of the sword in his face. His nose bleeds. We fight and I
slice the dagger across his cheek. I grab his face and lick the
blood from his cheek. I press my lips against his and suck him dry.
He drops to the ground in a heap. I kick him off the cliffs and
watch as Constantine walks along the rocks. He laughs and grabs my
face. He kisses me and I remember it all.

I look up at him. He bends his face, pressing
his lips into mine.

"You came back to me." He whispers.

His lips are feverish. I let him devour me. I
swear I can feel the rain upon us and the sword in my hand.

He pulls away and cries out. He grips my
forearms, "What have you done? Have you Handfasted?"

I tremble, "He tricked me. Wyatt tricked
me."

He looks at the white ceiling and screams.

She moans in her sleep and it bothers me. Not
because she is making noises, but because she is dreaming about
him.

If I could have normal dreams and normal sleeps
I would bet we would both be dreaming about him.

Asshole

He pushed me hard enough to make me remember
him. Unfortunately my memories are not whole. I remember the
feeling of a sword in my hand and the feeling of killing something
without guilt. I knew what I was and had no issues with it. What I
don’t remember is a much larger list, than what I do. Constantine
is the center of my confusion. I loved him. I know it. When I look
at him I feel it. But I also fear him and sense a betrayal.

I can't sleep. It's never actually happened to
me before. I don’t seem to be resting with the dead. I can't help
but wonder if it's him or if I over ate. They never filled me up.
It wasn’t the same as the devil who fed me. He made me feel full
and sick. This is more like I am full of energy.

I get up from the bed and leave the room. I
wander down the wide hallway and glance at the paintings. I walk
like my feet know the way. Suddenly the air is sparkling and the
dead are calling me. They want me to lie with them, there in the
hallway. Weirdo's.

My feet walk through the mazes of hallways and
corridors until I come to a dark door. It's closed. I reach out and
brush my fingers against it. I've seen it before. I act before I
can think and stop myself. I reach for the handle and turn it
slowly. I slip inside of the door and close it quickly.

My back is pressed against the door. My heart is
attempting to beat out of my chest. The door makes me nervous. The
room makes it worse. So many things feel like they're trying to
come back to me all at once.

I look around in the dark. My eyes have been
doing their thing all night.

The room is jam packed with old trunks and boxes
and chairs. Dust lingers in the air. I recognize one trunk
instantly. I cross the room silently. I kneel at it and run my
fingers along the carvings in the oak. A tear slips from my eye. I
trace the old fashioned design. I remember it.

I remember my maid filling it with my things.
Her face is hidden from me but I know I loved her like a mother. So
many pieces of my memory are still blocked.

I know I was about to leave for the Americas the
next week. I remember so many things upon seeing it.

Constantine was there.

He was with me constantly.

He laughed and told me the lies I needed to
hear. He rescued me the first time it happened. The first time I
changed. I was in a heap down a long dark alley. I sat there
sobbing in a torn gown with a dead man in my arms.

Constantine kissed my fingers and carried me
away. He saved me from myself and the hatred I began to feel, as I
began to understand what I really was. He trained me with the
swords and daggers. He taught me to fight using what I was. He
loved me and kissed me and together we plotted the demise of the
seven devils. My parents and the five.

"What are you doing in here Ellie?" I turn
hearing my name, from before.

The moonlight coming in the window glints off
his eyes. Seeing him standing in a corner the way he is brings it
back. The memories flood. The emotions take over. I barely recall
who I am now.

The last memories filters in slowly, it takes
its time. It burns me slow and deliberately. Ellie wants me to
remember exactly how it felt when Constantine drove a sword in my
side, and let the Van Helsings take me.

He sees the recognition on my face.

I leap at the wall but he's gone before I get
the chance to rip his throat from him. I slam into the wall
chipping my nail on the corner.

The memories merge. The story fills in.

I have the answers I have been seeking.

I turn and walk from the room. I don’t slip
through the halls. I stomp and pound my way to our room. Feelings
as old as time, crush against me.

The monster in me wants to feed and let the pain
of others wash away my own, but the girl with the broken heart
takes over. I drag my fingers along the wall, knocking the
paintings to the floor. I swipe my arms across the desk at the top
of the stairs, knocking everything to the floor. I am angry and
broken. Wyatt and Constantine. In every life I have been broken by
love. Fitz was right. I never should have fallen in love.

No matter where I run or what I do or who I eat,
the heartbreak is there.

I am broken.

Tears blind me.

Mona is in the hallway looking alone and small
and frightened. She is scared of me. Finally.

I look at her and drop my gaze, in shame. If she
knew of the things I'd done, she would run away. She would scream
and run and never look back and I would be completely alone. I
deserve to be alone.

She does the thing she always does. She wraps
her arms around me and lets me mentally collapse.

"We need to get out of here now." I whisper into
her hair. "He's evil. Like Wyatt."

She nods and holds me. She doesn’t ask, not
yet.

She asks in the car we steal. Of course I take
the nicest of them. It's small and red and the inside smells too
new and clean. It's fast. I don’t think I can control it. Even with
my new found strengths. I stroke the steering wheel and grin. I
know he loves it. He always liked the fastest of things. Horses and
hounds and women. I flinch at the memories I now have. Him in the
arms of women. Women he would always tell me were food. After the
sword stabbed me in the side and I was dragged to the tower to be
tortured and starved for the devils, I knew. I knew he was a liar
and a bastard and they were more than food. They were conquests. No
different than I was.