The Lioness (5 page)

Looking
at Noori he knew what he was thinking. “I know your aunt is going to be upset
that I’m not eating. Just explain, I haven’t an appetite.”

“You
love her, don’t you?”

First
Ty jumped at the question. “It’s growing that way. I saw what I could have lost
when you brought her in. At that moment I realized what she’s become to me in
the short time I’ve been with her.”

“Have
you told her?”

“No,
not yet. I know she likes me but I haven’t rushed things, I want it to be on
both sides, not just me. When the time is right.”

“What
will her parents think? You know you and her are not exactly from the same
background. Her being from an Irish Catholic background and you….”

“I
know a Baptist Preacher’s son. We don’t have to worry about it since it’s in a
friend stage but if I tell her how I feel, well then we’ll have to work it
out.”

“What
about your family?”

“My
mother already knows about how things are heading. She’s cool with it. It’s not
as big of an issue as it was say back when I was born. She’s one in a million, like
Rose.”

**********

Rose
woke and tried to figure why she felt so heavy, so groggy. Her mouth felt like
she had swallowed a ton of sand. She turned her head and saw Ty sitting next to
her bed. “What in the world, why are you here?” Then she remembered when she
saw Ty’s look. The market, the photos she had been shooting, the girl, the
man.... “Oh my God.” She started to cry and curled up in a ball and felt
engulfed all of sudden by Ty and his arms. He had her up and was gently holding
her, mindful of her arm. She pressed her face into his shirt and cried. Letting
the storm and torrent of tears take over, she cried and beat at his chest. He
took it all, holding her, smoothing back her hair, talking while she cried hard.
She would live with the pain of that little girl’s death the rest of her life.
Even Ty’s soothing voice couldn’t erase the pain and guilt she felt and bore.

“Ty
it was my fault, my fault that she died.”

Ty
held her tight, caressing her head. He bent his head and brushed kisses against
her scalp. He needed to be in contact as much as he needed to give to her. He
knew nothing he did or said would help at this moment but maybe it would help a
bit holding her.

“Rose,
I know nothing I say will help, the whole incident will be with you forever,
but I want you to know there is nothing you could have done short of getting
yourself killed, too. Don’t you know how close you came? Noori told me. He said
you would have gotten killed too.” It was so hard to say it, it was too fresh.
He would have been done for the rest of his life.

He
tilted her face up so she was looking at him. “Listen, I know this may sound
cold but I’m glad you didn’t get any further. I couldn’t have spent....” he
looked away. He couldn’t say it, or could he? Could he tell her what he was
feeling, that she was important to him, more than just a partner, a co-worker.

“What
Ty? You couldn’t have spent what?” She touched his cheek and felt a tear. Did
he care? No, he was just her co-worker. He wanted her here so they could work
together. He liked her work, nothing more, he felt a responsibility nothing
more, nothing less. She held onto the thread though, something in his voice, in
his eyes that made her want to hope in spite of all the awfulness in this whole
situation.

Ty
looked at her, felt her cool touch and knew he was sunk. His heart was wide
open now, he was a goner. “I couldn’t—couldn’t,”he lowered his head again, “go
through life not knowing if we might have become more than friends. You’ve become
my best friend.” He felt courage swell up. He had already said enough to sink a
ship, why not go and say all? No, he wouldn’t do that but he’d come close.

“We
share so much in common, I knew we’d work well together. I just never knew it
would be this good.”

“You
like me Ty?”

Ty
looked down at her and smiled. What did she think, she was chopped liver? She
was a saint, a beauty. The sweetest person he had come across in a very long
time, no in his life.

“Yes,
I like you Rose, a lot.” He was warmed by her smile, a little one but a smile.
He had to change the subject before it got into dangerous territory. “Do you
want anything, anything to eat, drink? Hasina is dying to feed someone and I’m
afraid she will be upset with me because I didn’t eat like I should. I was too
upset.”

“I
could go for a cup of tea and some of her nan.”

“I
can handle that. Anything else?”

“Only
your company. I don’t want to be alone and somehow having you here, just
sitting is such a comfort. You don’t have to do anything for me, just stay
here. If you want, bring in your computer and work. You don’t have to babysit
me, or entertain me. I just want someone here and it would be so much nicer if
that someone, was you.”

Ty
looked at her. He reached out and took her hand. A warm feeling that he
couldn’t explain any better than feeling comforted knowing she was here, safe
and sound made him feel very good.

“I’ll
go get you some tea and nan and bring back some stuff to work on. I’ll only be
gone a minute.”

Rose
tried to sit up but her head swam. “Did I hit my head? Why am I so dizzy?”

“Doctor
said with the medicine you may feel like that for about 24 hours. Just stay
put. I’ll be right back. If you need to go to the bathroom, I’ll have Hasina
come and help. She’d have a stroke if she saw me trying to help you in the
bathroom.”

That
brought a giggle from Rose, which made Ty feel better. If she was laughing, she
would be ok. There would be scars but she would cope. She was made of strong
stuff.

When
Ty came back in with a tray Rose was sitting up. He had run into Hasina and she
was right behind him. “You get out, Ty. She may need to go to the bathroom. You
can come back in when I am sure she is okay.”

“Hasina,
I already got up and went to the bathroom, I’m fine. I just hurt, that’s all,
and now I’m really hungry.”

“Well
then while Ty sits with you, I’ll go get you something to eat. I have some teapot
soup.”

“With
mutton?”

“Yes.
So you sit back and relax and don’t move.” She scurried out, her robes
swishing.

Ty
looked at Rose. “You know you shouldn’t have gone to the john without someone.
You could have gotten dizzy.”

“I
wouldn’t have moved if I got dizzy. I would have sat down. I just hate to have
people waiting on me.”

“Get
it out of your head. We all need looking after once in a while.”

“Yeah,
but you’re not my family, you’re waiting on me.”

Ty
got up and went to her bedside after setting the tea and bread down. “I may not
be your family but I’m your friend, I hope.”

Rose
took his hand and scooted towards the edge. “You’re more than my friend, you’re
one of my best friends. One I wouldn’t want to be without.” She pulled herself
to the edge and knowing Hasina would be back soon didn’t do more but squeeze
his hand and look into his eyes. “I don’t have many people I can call my
friends, who I would trust with my life. You, Ty, I trust with my life.”

He
looked at her. Would she trust him with her heart if they ever came to it?  He
knew they could become involved, but would she let him be more if it went that
far?

He
watched as she got up slowly, favoring her right side. He could tell she was
uncomfortable. “Why don’t you sit on the bed and I’ll get you the tray.”

“I’m
not hurt that badly Ty. I shouldn’t stay in bed just because I have a few
scratches.”

He
could see the stubbornness, boy was she stubborn. “It won’t hurt for you to sit
in bed the rest of the day.” He felt like banging his head against the wall.
Seeing her chin go up and the set look in her eyes. He knew he was sunk, in
every way. She was so beautiful, even this way.

“Well
maybe I should tie you to the bed.” He saw her brows shoot up and he laughed.
He got the reaction that he wanted and it lightened the mood.

“Isn’t
that a bit kinky? I never would have thought you were into kinky.”

He
looked at her, glad to see the smile and liking the way the conversation was
heading. “I can be anything you want at this moment, as long as you behave and
sit perfectly still on the bed. It won’t kill you to let someone take care of
you for once. I’d like to be that one, if you would stop being so stubborn.”

He
saw her smile, then saw a look of mischief come across her face. Her eyes
almost twinkled, which made him feel better. She would be okay. He would make
sure of that. He’d keep the mood light and see if he could distract her, any way
he could.

Well
since your motive wasn’t what I thought. I was hoping if I got out of line, you
might....” She lowered her voice. “Give me a licking that would set me
straight, one that I wouldn’t forget.” She saw his look and enjoyed the shock
value of what she said. She still didn’t know where she was getting the nerve
to say this but it was making her feel better. He was just trying to keep it
light. A little harmless flirting wouldn’t hurt.

He
got closer to her and smiled. “If you don’t behave, I’ll have to take you over
my knee and give you a spanking, so behave.” He was saved by the door opening
and Hasina coming in. She was laden down with a tray that had all kinds of
treats. Looking from Ty to Rose and seeing their faces, she snorted.

“You
should be in bed, Rose. If Ty can’t watch over you then I will sit in here with
you.”

Rose
loved Hasina, she was so sweet and very kind and giving. She didn’t know how
she found all the treats she managed, knowing supplies were not up to par. She
appreciated what she was going through to keep a guesthouse and feed who knew
how many people every day. She and Ty were here a lot more, waiting to get
permission to travel north. But, in the meantime, there was enough work here in
Kabul.

She
took Ty’s hand as she sat back down on the bed. “I’m sorry, Hasina. It’s not
Ty’s fault, he’s been a regular jail keeper, trying to keep me on the bed,
doing everything from bullying and threats.” Seeing his face she made one of
her own.

“Well
I’m glad he’s responsible enough, you never know with men, they can be big
babies too and don’t know what to do when the time comes.” She looked over at
Ty.

“I’m
just joking, as you Americans say. I know you are trying. Rose needs to listen
more. If you think you have everything, I’ll get back to the kitchen. Some of
the BBC crew came in and they’re going to be hungry. I told them about Rose, so
I’m sure they will be in to see you.”

Great,
just what he didn’t want. He wanted Rose all to himself for the night. He was
being a selfish bastard but that was the way he felt. He felt like he had been
given a precious gift back and he didn’t want to share. If only she knew what
he felt, what she was becoming to him. She wouldn’t know unless he told her.

He
turned to get the tray with the tea and felt a pang. He couldn’t tell her, not
yet. He felt frozen up all of a sudden and it was because of Tiffany. He had
showed his heart once too soon and Tiffany had taken it, stamped on it
thoroughly, and then picked it up after it was almost completely ruined,
squeezed the rest of any emotions he had for her, and then threw it out. Just
like throwing out the garbage. She had treated him like some celebrity. When
she found he was deep, had feelings and wanted a home life, not a constant
string of parties, only after he had thought they had a future and he had let
his heart go, then she had left. That had been two years ago. Since then he was
lucky if he got past the first date. He couldn’t trust, or hadn’t, until Rose
came along. She was so different, a breath of fresh air. The more he saw the
more he liked. She wasn’t like anyone he had dated before. He didn’t want that,
he wanted Rose and he was willing to go slow in order to make sure she felt the
same.

Turning
back, he saw Rose’s eyes on him, intent, studying him. Was he easy to read?  He
watched as Hasina scurried out. That was the way she walked, always fast, robes
swishing. It was a comforting sound, though. He looked back at Rose.

“They
won’t stay long, Ty. We’ll have all evening to talk. Maybe you’d read to me
from the poetry you have. I’d like that. I find it calming to hear your voice.  Actually
I’d do anything to hear your voice all the time.”

Ty
smiled. “That’s fine, I’ll go get my collection of Hafez. I’ll read till you go
to sleep.”

“Sounds
like a date.” She smiled at him. “Really, I like listening to you. I don’t
think there is anything else I’d rather do tonight then listen to you read
poetry.”

He
had to ask it. He got up like it didn’t really matter but he was going to hold
his breath after he asked. “If you weren’t confined to your bed, would you like
listening to poetry?”

“You
know I would. I’m not fancy. I don’t go out and party a lot or go bar hopping.
I’m really a quiet homebody.”

He
smiled. Just the answer he wanted and he knew she was speaking the truth. “I’ll
be right back.”

They
actually had a nice time. Ty liked the crew from BBC and it was good to see
Rose having such a good time. Her mind was off what had happened earlier and
that’s just what he wanted. Now she was laid out on her bed and he sat next to
her with his back up against the wall.

“Where
shall I start?” he looked over at her as she was trying to get into a
comfortable position. She hadn’t said a peep the last twenty minutes, she
looked tired and looked like the medicine was wearing off that was supposed to
stay in effect for a while longer.

“Are
you sure you wouldn’t rather have me leave you?”

“No,
I don’t want to be alone. I’m going to have to take some of that medicine
sooner or later to take the edge off the pain.”

“Why
not now, then I’ll read to you.” He reached for the bottle and fumbled with a
couple of the pills. Just a couple paracettamol with codeine. “Here take with
the rest of your tea.” He watched as she took the pills and made a face. “Go
on, it won’t kill you.”

“I
just hate taking medicine. They always get stuck right here.” She pointed to
her throat. She popped them in her mouth. Ty watched as she took a sip of her
tea. The light from the candles shone off her hair, making it shine. Then she
licked off the drop of tea on her bottom lip. He watched as she swallowed and
then she licked her lip again.

Rose
glanced up and saw Ty watching her. She felt warm from the tea but also from
the fact that he cared enough to stay with her. He had become a good friend and
it made her feel good. Before she had just thought he was one of the handsomest
men ever to hit their profession but he went deep, real deep. He liked quiet. He
liked to read at night or play a board game. He liked to read poetry out loud
and liked to go on picnics. Afghans loved picnics. They had already been on a
couple with Noori and Hasina. She really had so much fun, learning more about the
culture but she had learned about Ty at the same time. She and Hasina had
watched as Ty and Noori played chess. The two so engrossed with the game, or so
she thought. She thought he had forgotten her till he looked up at her and then
his eyes caressed her in a way impossible for him to do in public. She had felt
the heat, felt the need, the burning need from his eyes. She remembered that
look and those eyes as she looked at him now. He was looking at her with the
same intensity as her music played in the background low.

“What’s
the name of the song?” he asked as he kept his eyes on her, holding his breath.

She
leaned over and took the book from his hand. “’Truly, Madly, Deeply’ by Savage
Garden. As soon as it goes off you can read.” She laid her head back and
listened to the words. Felt the words, till she felt his touch and looking up
she saw how close he had gotten. She held her breath and watched as his
chocolate eyes looked down at her, hooded, they swept her face and then he
leaned in and kissed her so softly. Really like a butterfly kiss, if she was
any further along on the pain med she would say she had imagined it. She let
his lips brush hers, tasting her ever so lightly, like when a butterfly comes
to a flower. She felt fragile, like he didn’t dare do more. She wanted to reach
up and touch him but he kept himself back. She watched as he kissed her again, a
little more, then sat back up.

She
touched her lips and then smiled, a bit trembly. She was glad she was laying
down. She would have been really dizzy after a kiss like that. Light as it was,
it was hot and she felt it to her bones.

Ty
picked up the book again and tried to concentrate on the words in front of him.
Her presence, her heat from the kiss, the vibes he got from her body as he had
kissed her was so intense. He was having a hard time concentrating, trying to
get his breathing and heartbeat back to normal. He opened the book to a page and
found the one he was on. One of the ones that would either extinguish the heat
or ignite.

I cease not
from desire till my desire

Is satisfied or
let my mouth attain

My love’s red
mouth, or let my soul expire,

Sighed from
those lips that sought her lips in vain,

Others may find
another love as fair

Upon her
threshold I have laid my head,

The dust shall
cover me, still lying there,

When from my
body life and love have fled.

He
looked up and saw her watching him intently. She was lying on her side, all
signs of weariness gone. She looked relaxed, probably in part to the medicine,
but she smiled at him. The sweetest smile he had ever seen.

Rose
loved his voice, loved the poem he was reading. He had lent some of his copies
of Hafez to her and she had fallen in love with the Persian poet and his work.
He had different translations from Wilborforce, Bell and Ladinsky. This reading
was from Gertrude Bell. His voice had mesmerized her, sending chills up and
down her spine. “Are you going to read some more?” she asked, her voice just
above a whisper.

“I
can if you want?”

“I
do, really.”

He
picked up where he left off, lost in her scent, the soap she had used earlier. 
She was so close. He had moved closer without realizing it. His leg was
brushing her, her robe showing a lot more leg than would be legal here. God,
they were beautiful. She was beautiful in the firelight. He found his spot and
tried to sound like he had a brain rather than the way he felt. He felt like
his brain had reverted back to his teen days. His hormones were moaning for
release. This wasn’t the time or place. He had been keeping a distance on
purpose, now was especially important, though with the music and now the poetry,
he was having a hard time. He scratched his leg and touched her leg on accident.
Her skin so soft, just like satin, warm satin. He looked at the page and it
blurred. He concentrated again and his vision cleared. He cleared his throat
and started reading again.

My soul is on
my lips ready to fly,

But grief beats
in my heart and will not cease,

Because not
once, not once before I die,

Will her sweet
lips give all my longing peace?

My breath is
narrowed down to one long sigh

For a red mouth
that burns my thoughts like fire;

When will that
mouth draw near and make a reply

To one whose life
is straightened with desire?

He
looked up and saw her face, her lips in the form of an Oh and then she reached
up, took the book, put it down and then, taking his hand, pulled him down. “That
mouth is about to draw near.” She smiled into his eyes and leaned in and kissed
him but not so soft like he had, but with a force that made him groan. Then he
brought his hand up and tightened the hold she had on him, caressing the back
of her head, kissing her back, letting his lips sweep hers.

He
had her down in a heartbeat, laying her down with him at her side. He stretched
out to his full length and she pulled herself in, without too much difficulty.
She looked up into his eyes and smiled. “I guess the reading didn’t put me to
sleep, like you hoped.”

His
voice didn’t sound like his, sounded like it was from someone else, anyone
else. He was laying here next to Rose and she was straining to get closer, in
former Taliban controlled Afghanistan. There were many reasons why they
shouldn’t be like this.

“God
what was I thinking of Rose? You need rest. We can’t do this, here. What if?”

Rose
looked at him and smiled. She had the same fears, but it came down to nothing,
absolutely nothing. He probably realized his folly in reading that poem but she
was glad, she was so glad. He was reading from the heart, his heart, and it
spoke to her heart.

She
saw his fear, it wasn’t so much for the rules of their host country. They were
in their rented room, their own space. All that was needed was the door to be
locked. It was probably past the time Hasina would check on her. She was
probably sweetly sleeping so she’d be up in time to heat bath water at
five-thirty am. He was scared for her, thought he had to treat her with kid
gloves. He thought she was delicate. That was obvious with the kiss he gave her
a few minutes ago. Also he worried about them and if they became a couple, how
would they hide their friendship going to the next level? This wasn’t about her
being Catholic and he growing up Baptist. It was about them, their friendship
that they had, what was blossoming between them and she wasn’t one to run from
a challenge. She was going to grab it by the front of the shirt and take it on
full throttle.

“Maybe
I should go and leave you, I mean let you sleep.” Ty tried to move but Rose’s
leg, her very bare leg was draped over his jean covered one and as he talked
she tightened her hold even more, pulling him in.

She
looked up to him, tried not to smile too much, knowing she was probably looking
like the cat that swallowed the canary but she felt like that and she knew she
was scaring him. He wasn’t sure of this. He had kissed her initially on both
occasions but now, things seemed to be moving in the direction that he wanted
but was scared to go.

“The
only place I want you to go is to lock the door and then I want you to come
back here.” She patted the spot between them. “I want you here Ty, not across
the room in a chair, waiting for me to go to sleep or in your room. I’m not
going to sleep anytime soon and if you go to your room I’m following you.”

He
saw her smile and it looked like something out of a story of Leprechauns. She
looked full of mischief and he was sunk, she had him.

He
touched her chin. “We shouldn’t... for many reasons....”

“Why,
don’t you like me, don’t you find me attractive? Or is it because I’m a
Catholic girl?  She felt hurt but she knew the real reason and she knew if she
brought it out then it would be dealt with and then that would be it. She
wasn’t one to skirt issues.

Ty
came in closer, bending and kissing her face, her cheeks, wet with tears, her
nose, her chin, then looking at her eyes, seeing them round, wondering. He
kissed her lips. God he shouldn’t, but why? He was attracted to her, they liked
each other. She wasn’t like Tiffany. No, she was far from it. She was the
sweetest most giving woman he had ever met. It didn’t matter what church she
had been brought up in. If she didn’t care then he didn’t care. His Mom was
cool about it. She so much as said bring her home so she could meet her. He had
said “Come on Mom, we’re just friends right now.” She had laughed and replied
she could hear how much he liked her.

“The
problem has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with our religious backgrounds. I
don’t have a problem with that and neither does my mother. I see you, me and us
here. I’m afraid.” He saw her lips tremble. She was probably in pain, he should
get her to bed, without him. “My parents won’t care, they would be cool if I
told them I had a very good friend.” Boy she hurt but she wanted Ty. Wanted him
more than she ever wanted anyone. Let’s stop thinking of others, let’s think
about ourselves. What do we want? I know what I want. I want you Ty, more than
anything. I don’t want to lose your friendship, but I want more. We can be
discreet while we’re here. I promise I won’t be noisy. Well I’ll try not to.”

He
laughed out loud at that. He knew he was sunk, she was saying just what he
wanted to say but couldn’t. He pulled her close. “We need to lock the door.
Make it look like we’re in bed for the night. I need to get something, or a
couple of something’s.” He smiled at her then he kissed her lips, softly like
before, just skimming them.

“Take
some more meds to cut the pain.”

“How
did you know I was in pain?

“I
can see. I know signs of pain. I’ll be right back. Cover up while I’m gone.” He
kissed her quick and got up. He saw her grab for the blanket and cover like he
said. He opened up the door and ran right in to Hasina.

“How
is Rose?”

Ty
closed the door. “”She’s taking some meds. She’s having a hard time getting to
sleep so I’m getting some more things to read until she gets to sleep.”

“Hasina
looked at Ty, trying to see if he was tired. “Would you like me to sit with her
so you can get some sleep?”

“No
Hasina, you go to bed. You get up early enough. Go get your rest. I can sleep
sitting up. I’ll be there if she needs anything.”

“Ok,
this is good of you to watch over her. You are just like her brother, taking
care of her.”

“Yeah,
well we’re far from home and she would do the same for me I’m sure. Besides I
called her here to work. It’s the least I can do.” Looking at Hasina and seeing
she was very tired. She must have suffered a lot, seeing it was the same way
her daughter had died.

“If
she needs anything I’ll call you.”

“Thank
you Ty. You are good, just like Noori.”

“Is
Noori still here?”

“No,
he went home two hours ago.”

“Ok,
well you go get some sleep. I’m going to get another book and maybe with some
dry reading she will fall asleep.”

“Ok,
you do that.” She turned and started down the hall. Turning she saw Ty at his
door. “Thank you Ty.”

“You’re
welcome Hasina. Sleep well.”

Ty
went into his room picked up a book and then went to his bag. Fumbling to the
bottom, it had been that long and he had to search but he found the few he had.
Foil crinkled in his hand. He squeezed them and felt good. Tonight was going to
be a good ending to a bad day.