The Little Old Lady Who Broke All the Rules (14 page)

Soon after the ship had left Helsinki for the return journey to Stockholm and passed the little island of Sveaborg, Martha felt how the wind caught the hull, but she wasn’t worried. These big modern ferries had stabilizers. None of the others seemed to care, they just carried on helping themselves at the enormous smorgasbord buffet, chatting and laughing.

‘The restaurants here are not bad at all, but the cabins can’t compare with the Princess Lilian suite,’ Martha commented.

‘Soon we will be back at the hotel, thank God,’ said Christina. ‘The standard is much higher there, and there we are on firm ground.’

‘It’s crazy how quickly you get used to things. We booked luxury cabins, after all, but they feel like tiny wardrobes compared to the suite,’ Martha admitted.

‘Well, soon we can put the art coup of the century behind us and plan new deeds,’ said Rake, putting his arm round Christina. ‘Why don’t we stay on at the hotel a little longer? We can pay our way.’

‘But we weren’t going to pay for the hotel,’ Anna-Greta protested. ‘And you haven’t forgotten that we are meant to be going to prison, have you?’

‘No, certainly not, but I don’t think we will determine when that happens; it will be the police,’ Brains pointed out.

‘We’ll see if the museum has involved them, but I don’t think they dare. Remember that P.S. we put at the end of the ransom note?
If you contact the police, we shall destroy the paintings
,’ said Martha. ‘Granted, we’re not going to do it, but that is what we wrote.’

‘Regardless, we must be careful,’ Anna-Greta reminded them. ‘The money is ours now. But we must think of future plans, Martha. Where are we going to put all this money? It won’t fit in a bank deposit box.’

An embarrassing silence followed because nobody had thought about that. That was one of the drawbacks of planning in several stages. Now they had missed something again.

‘This is not a problem as long as we have mattresses,’ she said to distract them.

‘Mattresses? That won’t work,’ the others protested, and a lively discussion immediately got under way about where the money should be stashed. The five of them couldn’t agree. As time wore on, the waves got higher and became more noticeable, so they withdrew to their respective cabins. The League of Pensioners would have to be in good shape the following morning when they fetched the shopping trolleys. Just before Martha fell asleep, she went through all the details in her head to ensure that they hadn’t forgotten anything. She thought about the second letter they had posted the day after the first one:

Martha remembered how pleased she had been with the twist at the end, but the others had been uncertain.

‘It sounds threatening,’ Christina had said.

‘Pah, it will do nicely. You mustn’t be too soft,’ Anna-Greta stated.

‘Can’t we just remove the last two sentences and sign it “Bandidos?”’ wondered Brains. ‘That sort of says it all.’

They had discussed the wording for a long time before finally agreeing on a compromise. They took away Bandidos—even though all of them admitted it was an interesting suggestion. But the ominous sentence at the end had been kept. Now that she thought about the wording again, Martha didn’t like it. It sounded so irresponsible. But she had gone to the mailbox and posted the letter, so it was done now.

The ship rolled and a large wave hit the bow. Now it wasn’t just Martha’s thoughts that kept her awake but the rough sea too. She went through the letter in her head again and wondered if the museum had managed to get hold of ten million kronor in such a short time. Perhaps they had simply put make-believe money in the shopping trolleys—museums didn’t usually even manage to get funds for lockable cupboards and decent equipment for the toilets when they asked for it. She pulled the covers up over her chin and decided to stop worrying. Renoir and Monet were priceless. Ten million ought to count as small change.

During the night the wind blew even stronger and by the early hours there was a moderate gale. When they could sail near the islands they were comparatively sheltered from the
weather and the wind, but between Åland and Stockholm the ship rolled alarmingly. Soon they were in a full storm. The five of them lay in their cabins and held on tight, and twice during the night Martha came close to vomiting. She sincerely hoped that the others weren’t feeling quite as miserable. Luckily, when the ship reached the shelter of the outer islands of the Stockholm archipelago, the sea was much calmer, and when the wake-up call came on the loudspeaker Martha had, against all odds, managed to get dressed and make her way up to the cafeteria. The others, too, looked somewhat worse for wear and none of them had more than a cup of tea and some toast for breakfast. An hour later, the five of them were already standing by the elevator when the captain came on the loudspeaker again and asked all drivers to go down to their cars. They quickly pushed the button to go down to the car deck.

At first, none of them really noticed anything different; everything just seemed a bit messier than usual. However, when they came close to the ramp, Martha saw that things were not as they should be. Instead of four shopping trolleys, there was now only one! She looked around but couldn’t see any of the others. She felt a knot in her chest and was finding it hard to breathe.

‘Brains, have you seen this?’ she whispered, so upset that she forgot to put up her umbrella. Brains still retained his cool; he opened his umbrella and Martha’s too, and moved forward with caution. He stopped and had a good look all around.

‘If we start searching for the other shopping trolleys it will look suspicious. One filled shopping trolley will give us about five million. I think we should be satisfied with that.’

‘You’re right. In crime novels, the thieves always get
caught when they try to get that last bit of loot. If we just take the trolley and leave the ship as if nothing has happened, the guards will think we are the innocent pensioners that we are pretending to be.’

‘The only thing is that they might claim the missing millions back the day we get caught,’ said Brains.

‘Pah, we shall simply let Anna-Greta sort that out later.’

They smiled at each other, and when they reached the shopping trolley Brains quickly looked for the tiny hole he had drilled for the reflector arm to stick out. He couldn’t see one. Therefore this must be the museum’s shopping trolley. They took it without looking around, raised and lowered their umbrellas twice as a signal to the others, and then slowly walked down the car ramp. Despite what had happened, Martha was not worried about going through customs. The customs officials checked anybody from a neighbouring country and they certainly wouldn’t care about five poor pensioners. But when the five of them got close to the control point, two customs officials suddenly stepped forward and stopped them.

‘We haven’t got any spirits,’ Rake quickly informed them.

‘No drugs either,’ said Christina and sneezed. She had caught a cold again.

‘So what have you got in your shopping trolley, then?’ one of the customs officials asked, giving Brains a sign that he should open it.

‘It is full of banknotes. It’s the ransom money we got for the painting robbery at the National Museum,’ said Martha, smiling courteously. She was certain that if she told the truth, not a soul would believe her.

‘No, it’s the money I won at roulette,’ Anna-Greta interjected. ‘Now I’m going to put it in the bank.’

Martha shot an irritated glance at her. You should never say too much; that would only make the customs men interested. And so it did.

‘Gambling? Oh, right. Can you please be so kind as to open it?’ said the customs man as he started to pull at the zipper.

Then Christina fainted. This wasn’t anything they had planned, but when Christina had been seasick she had thrown up all the pills that raised her blood pressure, and now she was felled by the fact that her blood pressure was so low. Martha rushed forward and lifted up her legs as she usually did while the others tried to shake her back to consciousness.

‘Please, can you give me a candy?’ Martha asked the customs official, and when he wasn’t quick enough Anna-Greta poked him in the tummy with her stick.

‘You will help the poor woman right now! Otherwise she could die!’ she roared with her razor-sharp voice, and the customs officials obeyed her immediately. While the men were trying to revive Christina, a long queue of passengers formed behind them—and it just grew and grew. Finally, when Christina—pale and confused—managed to get back onto her feet, the customs officials’ patience was exhausted.

‘Be on your way!’ they ordered her, and the League of Pensioners moved along as quickly as they could. After this, the officials didn’t wave any more passengers in for control. They returned to their office for a cup of coffee to get their strength back. So it came about that on this particular day more goods were smuggled into Stockholm than during the rest of the week.

When all the passengers had left the ship, crewman Janson and his comrade Allanson went over the car deck with a hose to clean it before the ferry departed again in the evening. The two of them had worked for the Silja shipping line for ten years and were used to the job, but that didn’t make it any more fun. After the rough crossing from Finland the previous night, there was quite a mess on the car deck and more than usual to sort out. Janson went towards the starboard side and sighed at the sight of all the debris and rubbish that lay everywhere. He started the boring job of picking up old packages, glass and other junk. A wooden crate on the port side had got loose, the lid had broken off and nails and tools lay spread out across the deck ahead of him. Life vests, rain clothes and a sack of bumpers had also been thrown about. He directed the hose at the rain clothes and sent them across to a corner, where there was already a pile of other stuff. Right next to that lay a roof box from a car. It was amazing that the driver hadn’t noticed that it was gone! On these trips between Finland and Sweden, lots of passengers got confused, and after storms it was always worse. Next to the roof box there were several life vests, shopping trolleys and some broken bottles of liquor. The black shopping trolleys were damp after having been thrown around on the deck but were otherwise undamaged. He tried to open one of them but discovered it had a little padlock. He tried the other one, but that too was locked. Then he pulled his knife out to cut open the cloth but was stopped by his comrade.

‘Have a look at this. Several crates of Finnish vodka. Can’t believe someone has left these.’

‘The owner will be stone drunk, of course.’

‘What about this, then? Urbanista shopping trolleys and a roof box.’

‘I suppose it should go to Lost Property as usual.’

The men finished the cleaning, hitched the trailer to their car and loaded everything onto it. Janson had already turned the ignition key when he stopped.

‘You know what? If there was Finnish vodka in those wooden crates, perhaps there is something exciting in the roof box and the shopping trolleys,’ he said.

‘OK then, we’ll take them to the shed,’ Allanson replied.

Janson started the car again and they drove off down the ramp. They always used an open trailer so that nobody would suspect anything untoward, and they waved to the customs officials as they drove past. It worked. Nobody had ever stopped them so far. Today they were in a hurry. They didn’t have much time before new passengers would start to come on board.

Nurse Barbara sat with her hands by her sides and stared at Katia with her mouth open. What was the girl saying? Five of the guests had gone AWOL from the retirement home? And this had taken place just when she had taken a week off work? It couldn’t be true! What would Ingmar say? Barbara was so shocked that her tongue seemed to get tangled inside her mouth and she could only manage a bleating noise. If somebody hadn’t rung the bell in one of the rooms that very minute, she probably would have grasped the girl by the neck and given her a good shaking. Nurse Barbara swore out loud. If only she
had been there herself, this would never have happened. Could one never hand over responsibility to somebody else? And what if the pensioners had sneaked out anyway? Well, she would certainly have ensured that those singing corpses came back long ago. Yes, Nurse Barbara was in a really rotten mood. Ingmar hadn’t proposed to her yet, and if he found out what had happened at Diamond House he would be absolutely furious. Then she could stop hoping. But no, she mustn’t give up. If she had got this far, she wasn’t going to give up until he had involved her in his business projects. She didn’t want to continue as a low-paid nurse, she wanted to be rich and to be able to afford a decent life! She took a deep breath, let her shoulders sink and took a grip of herself. She would solve this.

‘The police are thinking of registering them as missing, and then as soon as they use their bank cards or travel in or out of the country, we will be alerted,’ Katia attempted to console her.

‘My dear, don’t you worry. This is the sort of thing that can happen now and then. It will sort itself out,’ said Nurse Barbara. But inside she felt really queasy. She
must
find the missing choir singers at once before anybody squealed to the management. But where on earth should she look? She put her head in her hands and started sobbing.

When the five old friends returned to the Grand Hotel, the staff asked them in a friendly tone how long they intended to
stay. The girl in reception looked at the items that had been charged to the rooms. Champagne and anniversary specials alternated with luxury meals, chocolate and innumerable purchases in the hotel shop.

‘The rest of the week,’ Martha answered politely. ‘Or are you expecting somebody? Perhaps you would like to replace us with the president of the United States?’

But then Anna-Greta burst out in such an enormous neigh that the receptionist quickly flashed her widest smile and wished them a nice day. Once they were back up in the suite, they immediately opened the shopping trolley, gasped at the sight of the banknotes and oohed and aahed a long while. They merrily thumbed through all the five-hundred-kronor notes, and that was such a pleasant occupation that a long, long time passed before they tired of it. In the end, they shut the trolley, put it into the wardrobe and took out the champagne. Martha looked at the others and saw what joy they radiated. Their adventure had brought them closer together, and they had had lots of fun. At the retirement home they drank coffee, the occasional visiting artiste would sing for them, and now and then there was a religious service. But they were
passive
occupations; the secret was to do something
yourself
, and you didn’t necessarily have to become a thief for that. She felt at least ten years younger since they had left Diamond House. Nevertheless, they had worked hard almost every day. Two robberies in a single week was probably more than most professional robbery leagues could manage. Then, after only a few days of rest, there had been the exciting journey to Helsinki. Even Anna-Greta had blossomed.

Martha thought about what it had been like in bygone times
in rural Sweden, when old people moved to a cottage next to the family farm but continued to take part in the farm work. They felt that they were still needed. But now? Who wanted to live when nobody needed you? Society had become so crazy. By committing crimes, they had at least shown how much energy old people could have.
Old people can do things too
, Martha thought, and she believed that they had provided a good example of that. Contented, she went into the kitchen, took out more champagne and put it on the dining room table. Humming to herself, she refilled the glasses.

‘We must have something to go with it,’ Christina proposed, and Martha returned to the kitchen. On the way back, she went through the lounge, but just as she passed the grand piano, she had the feeling that something was different. She stopped, stared, shook her head and stared again.

Nurse Barbara lit yet another cigarette and inhaled deeply. These godforsaken unruly pensioners! The police had managed to trace them to the Viking Line
Mariella
ferry to Helsinki, but when the ship returned to Stockholm they were not on board. In her mind’s eye she could see them wandering about lost in Finland somewhere, or perhaps even further to the east. The friendly Inspector Lönnberg at the Norrmalm police station had tried to reassure her and had said that they would turn up sooner or later, but now more than a week had passed.

‘Don’t forget that they are five adults who can take care of each other. This will certainly work out all right, young lady. As soon as they turn up, I shall get in touch with you.’

But she didn’t want to sit there idly and wait for the scandal. She must do something. Rake’s son had already started making inquiries, and at Diamond House the residents didn’t talk about anything else. She had asked around among the remaining pensioners, but she wasn’t able to get any indication of where the choir gang had gone.

‘Nobody runs away without cause,’ said one old lady, wiggling her false teeth.

‘The Christmas tree decorations, that was the last straw,’ grumbled another. ‘You should never be niggardly. Then people will turn against you. By the way, when will we get back buns with the coffee?’

‘If we don’t get Danish pastries or buns, then we might disappear too,’ ninety-year-old Elsa chipped in with a cunning grin. ‘And why don’t you serve traditional Lent buns? I like them with lots of cream and almond paste.’

Nurse Barbara couldn’t understand what had happened. It had always been so calm and pleasant at Diamond House. Everyone had sat in their armchairs all day and watched TV. Now they were all grumbling. Barbara was very worried about Martha, Rake and the others. She couldn’t fathom how they had managed to get out of the retirement home. They must have had outside help, perhaps from their children. Their kids, yes. Rake’s son had phoned from his ship and sworn and bawled her out, so she couldn’t count on him. But perhaps Christina’s children might help her? Nurse Barbara decided to phone them. She couldn’t manage this on her own any longer.