The Little Woods (8 page)

“What? Why?”

“Some of the girls give her a hard time, and, well, Courtney—Ms. Harlow, I mean—has been having a tough time. We want to keep her.”

“Yeah.” I shrugged, thinking Ms. Harlow would not care one way or the other how I treated her.

“You’re a good kid, Cally. I’m so glad you’ve come to St. Bede’s.”

I looked away, blushing, wondering how much she knew about me.

Around nine, Asta cut it short and told us it was time to go. The boys groaned and packed up their game. I was gathering my things when Asta touched me lightly on the arm.

“Cally,” she said. “Stay a minute, if you don’t mind. I want to have a word.”

The boys filtered out. Carlos gave me a furrowed brow and a conservative wave.

“What’s going on?”

“Tea?” she asked brightly as the kettle whistled on the stove. “Come into the kitchen a minute. Take a seat.”

I sat down at the large wooden chopping block, next to a vase of gray-white flowers. I reached out and touched a petal.

“What are these?” I asked.

“Those are asphodels.”

“I’ve never heard of them.”

“Really? The word
daffodil
is a derivation of
asphodel
.”

“Oh,” I said, running my finger along the silky petals. “So these are daffodils?”

“No,” she said, laughing. “They’re asphodels. They’re the flowers of the dead. It’s said that when you die, if you’ve led a drab, unexceptional life, then you spend eternity in a field of asphodels. It’s one of the lands of the dead, Tartarus and Elysium being the others, for the villains and the heroes respectively.”
She smiled and poured the boiling water into two mugs. “I like to keep them in the house. It reminds me to be exceptional.”

Soon I had a cup of tea before me, threads of steam swirling off the top, the scent of chamomile making me a little sleepy. She sat across from me, her eyes wide and gentle.

“So, um, Ms. Snow, you wanted to talk to me?”

“Asta. I want you to call me Asta. Listen, Cally, I think we need to confront the elephant in the room,” she said, fixing her cool blue eyes on me. “I’ve been waiting for you to say something, but it doesn’t seem like you’re ever going to. You know who I am, don’t you? You know I’m Laurel’s mom, right?”

I nodded, my stomach contracting in unexpected spasms.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t think about your sister. Clare was a lovely girl. You remind me of her.” She cocked her head to one side. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I’m not really telling anyone about, you know, what happened.”

“Mmm.” She nodded. “I see. But why here? Of all the schools, why here?”

“I don’t know. I’m getting a free ride, and I figured why not take advantage of that opportunity?”

If she noticed how finely my statement rode the line between bullshit and sincerity, she didn’t let on. She nodded, and then, after a moment of silence, she spoke. “I think that’s very wise, Cally. Very mature.” Then she reached across the table and took my hand. “You know, in some ways, I think it’s fate that’s brought you here. And I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I think you’re a very brave girl.”

Something about the way she smiled at me and the warmth
of her touch reminded me of my dad teaching me to ride a bike, and how with the warmth of his hand at the small of my back, falling had seemed impossible.

Those first few weeks of school were difficult. I did my best to fit in and be social, but I was finding it somewhat awkward. Cliques had been formed so long before my arrival, and were so firmly demarcated, that I just couldn’t seem to squeeze my way in. Helen and her crew seemed always to be off doing their own thing, and while Jack and Sophie were usually better about including me, they were like a long-married couple—straightening each other’s clothes and kissing each other’s cheeks—and spending too much time with them could make you feel like a third wheel.

Every time I came into the dorm, I checked the message board, just in case Danny had decided to get off his ass and call me back, but my name was never written up there. Then, one Saturday evening, I found a message from Kim.

Her voice cracked when she answered the phone, and I could tell she hadn’t been sleeping. Danny had been arrested. He’d been caught with explosives in his backpack and had been sent to one of those boot camps for miscreants where they made you stomp around endlessly in the woods, testing the limits of your humanity. When I hung up the phone, I wanted to cry. Poor Danny. The only thing he hated more than nature was exercise. How was he going to manage? Danny didn’t always make the best decisions, but he was a good kid. I knew if I’d been home, I would have been with him, and now I’d probably
also be marching around in the middle of nowhere, trying to light fires and survive the elements. Honestly, at the moment that didn’t sound too bad.

I needed to talk to someone who’d understand, but telling people my cousin had been arrested didn’t seem like the greatest idea from a social-normality standpoint, so I just swallowed down my worry and headed to dinner. If I got up there in time, at least I’d be able to sit and talk with someone, even if it was just about the basketball team. But my social timing seemed to be perpetually off.

I saw Sophie and Jack leaving the dining hall just as I was entering. They were flushed with laughter and linked arm in arm. I thought they were going to stop and talk, but they just waved and passed me by. A moment later, Jack turned and grinned at me.

“I like your shirt,” he called.

I stared down at my oversized T-shirt with the logo of a Japanese noise band on the front. I wasn’t sure whether he was making fun of me.

“Thanks. Where are you guys going?”

“Town,” he said.

“We can go into town?”

“Only on open Saturdays.”

“Oh,” I said, still not entirely sure what an open Saturday was, despite being in the midst of one.

“We’re gonna be late for first bus,” Sophie said, and pulled him on.

He blew me a kiss and then they were gone. As usual, I had no idea what was happening. I grabbed a grilled cheese and
some chocolate milk and went to sit with Helen, Pigeon, and Freddy. They seemed to be just finishing up.

“Hey there.” Helen smiled. “You look cute in that jacket.”

“Thanks,” I said. I looked at the sleeve of my grungy army jacket I wore pretty much every day.

They were starting to clear their plates away, and with a sinking feeling, I realized I’d be eating alone again.

“Sorry we can’t stay and eat with you,” Helen said. “We’re in a hurry.”

“Where are you guys going?” I asked hopefully.

“Town,” Helen said, looking around the room. “We have to hurry if we want to get ready and catch the second bus.”

Plates clattered and Pigeon giggled excitedly as they gathered up their things.

“Maybe we’ll see you down there.” Helen smiled and then skipped off with her tray.

I looked down at my sandwich and felt a terrible weight on me. I took a bite and tried to choke down a familiar feeling. It wasn’t exactly like I’d been excluded, but I hadn’t been invited either. Did everyone need an invitation, or was that just me? Was I socially reticent to the point of phobia? Would a different girl simply have invited herself along?

After dinner, I wandered over to the library and went upstairs to the reading area with the comfy chairs. Carlos was up there reading the
Wall Street Journal
.

“What’s up, Carlos?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Just catching up on current events. I hate feeling so isolated here.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”

I read for a while and then fell asleep in my chair. Carlos woke me just before the library closed, and groggily, I made my way back down to my room.

The next day, I was in my room, trying to keep my books from falling over on the shelf, when the door slammed open and Helen came flouncing in. She tossed her copy of
The Complete Works of Shakespeare
onto the bed and smiled triumphantly.

“Audition go well?”

“Let’s just say I tore Miranda a new asshole.”

“And that’s what they’re looking for these days, is it?”

“The part is mine,” she said, smiling brilliantly. “Cara Svitt was practically crying when I left. Hey, listen,” she went on, placing a hand on her jutted-out hip. “Sorry we kind of ditched you last night. I thought you’d meet us downtown, but you never showed.”

“Yeah, I went to the library.”

“Next time just come with us, okay? I felt really bad.”

A moment or so later, Noel trailed in behind her, a Cheshire grin lighting up her face.

“I just had a really good talk with Asta,” she said, and sat on my bed, pulling her legs up into the lotus position.

“God.” Helen rolled her eyes. “You are developing a serious case of hero worship.”

“I am not. We just have really good talks. She’s wise, you know, and it makes me feel better to know that someone has the world figured out.”

“I’m sorry,” Helen said, shaking her head. “But she does not have the world figured out. No one does.”

“What are you up to now, Cally?” Noel smiled.

I shrugged. “Nothing. I don’t know. I guess I should go to the library. Do some homework.”

A wicked grin spread across Helen’s face. “No you shouldn’t. Come with me.” She grabbed my hand and started pulling me from the room. Noel sprang up to follow.

“Where are we going?” I was resistant at first, but soon we were running down the hill toward the theater, the air around us cold and lit with a kind of moist electricity. My knees felt weak and wobbly as we ran. Helen pulled me harder, smiling back at me over her shoulder, and soon we were laughing, swept downward toward a little rock wall. I stuck my hands out just in time to keep from slamming into it, but Helen simply leapt up and perched on top like a sparrow. A moment later, Noel caught up to us, panting.

“What’s going on?” she managed to say. “What are we doing?”

“We’re hanging out outside the theater,” Helen said, and rolled her eyes at her sister.

Noel shot her a confused look, and then the metal front door swung open and boys started trickling out. Shane Derwitz, Brody, Alex Reese. Now I knew what we were doing here.

I glanced sideways at Helen and she smiled at me. I climbed up to sit beside her.

Alex nodded when he saw me. He came over and leaned up against the wall. Brody followed.

“How’d it go?” Helen asked.

“Okay, I guess,” Alex said. “Even if I get the part, I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it. The coach is kind of on my ass about it.” Then he met my eyes. “Why didn’t you try out?”

“For the play?” I laughed. “Are you serious?”

“I bet you’d be good.”

“Sorry. I can’t act my way out of a paper bag.”

“What are you guys up to now?” he asked, and I could feel something tingle and lurch up my spine. I’d never met a boy like Alex before. At my old school, a guy as hot and popular as Alex would have been a dick, and probably kind of an idiot, but Alex was different. He was smart, and kind, and I wanted to hang out with him as much as I could. It was a weird feeling.

“Nothing,” Helen said. “What about you guys?”

“Let’s do something fun,” Brody said, taking my hands to help me jump down from the wall. “Let’s go up to the pond and look for salamanders.”

“Is that, like, a euphemism or something?” I asked, looking to Alex.

He shook his head. “Brody’s really into salamanders.”

We walked a short way to the edge of the woods and ducked in through an opening in the chain-link fence. I was pretty sure this was against the rules, but I didn’t really want to check with the others. Something fun was finally happening, and I didn’t want it to stop. Noel and I walked a few paces ahead of the rest, but I could feel the warmth of Alex’s body behind me. Soon we were moving into the foliage, bright green leaves gliding against my face. I tried not to slip on the florescent moss. The air was wet, and magical, and cool.

“How far is the lake?” I whispered to Noel.

She shook her head. “It’s not a lake. It’s just a little pond out in the woods a ways, but it’s really beautiful, and, like, ethereal.”

“And we’re looking for newts?” I asked, crinkling my nose.

“Salamanders.”

“Oh … why?”

“Because salamanders are cool,” she said as if everyone obviously knew that.

As we walked, I became very conscious that Alex was walking a few paces behind me, and I suddenly wondered if my behind might be weirdly shaped. I’d never really thought about it before, but it suddenly seemed terribly important.

After a short walk through lush green foliage, we emerged into a clearing, and at its center was an enchanting body of water. Like Noel had said, it was just a pond, but what a pond it was. It rested there in a near-perfect circle, mist half shrouding its blue-green waters. Electric-green fiddlehead ferns sprang from the earth, bowing their heads toward it in obeisance. Lily pads and lotus flowers rested on its smooth surface. It was as if we had emerged from the forest path directly into the apse of a magnificent cathedral. My breath caught. I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. I felt someone’s eyes on me. I turned to see Brody smiling.

“This is the place that’s supposed to be haunted?” I said. “It’s beautiful.”

“Well, it’s not haunted during the day, silly,” Brody said, smiling like a little boy.

“Okay, so where are these salamanders?” I asked.

Alex gently placed his hand on my shoulder. “They’re usually
around more after it rains, but it hasn’t rained for a few days. It probably would have been better to come tomorrow after it rains tonight.”

“You can tell it’s going to rain?”

“Yeah, I have Native American blood in me and we can all tell magical stuff like that about the weather.”

“Really?”

“No,” he said, laughing and crinkling his face into a sneer. “What are you, a crazy racist? I read the weather report in the paper.”

“Oh,” I sighed, my voice catching in my throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t really think you’re racist. I was just messing with you.”