The Loner (24 page)

‘Another day then?’

‘Yes, that would begood, thanks.’ ShegaveJudy a hug. ‘And don’t forget to thank your mam for me. My mouth is fair watering at what you’ll be eating tonight. I think my mam is cooking tripe – ugh – but it’s Dad’s favourite!’

Giggling, thegirls parted company, with Judy going oneway and Annietheother. At thecorner they turned and waved.

‘See you later!’ Annie’s voice sailed down the street. With Judy gone, she felt incredibly lonely and bereft. ‘I should have stayed with her,’ she muttered.

She turned her thoughts to Judy and Davie. She so much wanted her friend to find happiness, but she doubted it would ever be with Davie. I didn’t mean to say cruel things, she thought. It’s just that I don’t want her to be lonely. One of us being lonely is more than enough. This made her laugh wryly, though shefelt morelikecrying.

She stayed for a few more minutes, letting the thoughts run through her mind – good thoughts, bad thoughts, and all of them disturbing,

‘You were right, Jude,’ she murmured. ‘I do love Lenny. I love him so much it hurts. I work with him, I talk with him, and we laugh together – and all thetimehe’s longing for you. Hetells mehow much he loves you, and I desperately want it to be me he loves, but it isn’t and it never will be.’

Nothing in her sorry life was as bad as knowing shecould not makeLenny loveher. But if she couldn’t havehis love, shedidn’t want him to be hurt. ‘Pleaselovehim back, Judy,’ sheprayed. ‘I know you won’t besorry. You’ll cometo lovehim in the end, you won’t be able to help yourself. I know how much you long for Davieto comehome but with him gone, you will never find better than Lenny. He’s a lovely bloke. He’ll cherish and love you, and takecareof you for therest of your life.’

When tears threatened, she got up and walked on, in the chilly evening air. I’m no good for him, shethought sadly. I’m no good for anyone. Maybe I’m not meant to be happy. But I don’t mind, not really. I’ve been unhappy for so long it doesn’t matter to me any more.

‘Hi, Annie!’ Lenny had walked straight out of her mind and onto the pavement before her. ‘I’ve been calling from across the street,’ he said as he came towards her. ‘You seemed miles away.’

Her heart racing, Annie managed a bright smile. ‘Lenny!’ He was the last person she expected to see, the first person she wanted to see. Her spirits rose immediately. ‘What have you been up to?’

‘Well, as it happens, I’ve been looking at the beginnings of my empire.’

She laughed. ‘Oh, I see. You’ve been to see the new shop?’

‘Yes. And this is thefirst timeI’veseen it completely empty. I didn’t realise how much work needs doing. The storerooms upstairs are a disaster, and there isn’t an inch downstairs that doesn’t need attention – rotting wood, paintwork chipping, and in places it needs new floorboards. God knows what else I might uncover.’ He made a little-boy face. ‘I don’t supposeyou could givemea few ideas, could you – being a woman and all that?’

‘What … you mean mop the floor and wash the walls, and then if I’ve time, check the plumbing and happen fix a new sink in the back? Will that do, sir? Or is there more?’ It was odd how her heart sang when she was with him.

He mimicked her mood. ‘Well, we already know for a fact there’s more to do than mop the floor and get stuck into a bit of plumbing.’ He laughed. ‘Why don’t I let you renew the roof and rewire the entireplacewhileyou’reat it?’

‘All right then …’ Anniegot serious. ‘What did you have in mind?’ Whatever it was, it was nothing likewhat
she
had in mind, that was for sure.

‘I just need to talk over my ideas with you, about colour schemes, shelving and layout – that sort of thing?’

‘Well, yeah, o’ course. I’d enjoy that. When were you thinking?’

His facelit up. ‘If you’renot doing anything right now, I’vegot thekey.’ Digging into his pocket he took out a long iron key and waved it under her nose.

‘Wouldn’t it be better if you asked Judy?’ Annie said carefully.

‘Not yet, not until it’s all finished. I want it to bea surprise.’

‘I see.’ Shecould comeand do thedonkey work, but Judy wouldn’t haveto lift a finger. But Annie didn’t blameanyone. It was only what shemight have expected.

‘So, will you comewith menow and look it over?’ he said eagerly. ‘Can I steal a few minutes of your time?’

Annie didn’t need asking twice. In fact, if Lenny wanted to ‘steal’ the rest of her life, it would be his for thetaking.

They spent a full hour in the shop. ‘You were right,’ Annie said, stepping over a jutting floorboard. ‘It is a disaster.’

But the two of them had great ideas, and taking out a pencil, Lenny drew a plan on the wall. ‘I see it like this.’ He sketched out his ideas.

Annie then sketched her ideas, and together they worked out the perfect layout for the shop. Afterwards he took her for a bite to eat and coffee at the nearby Wimpy Bar and the ideas continued to flow, until he walked her to the tram-stop, where they waved cheerio.

With Annie safely on her way, Lenny went to the pub, where he continued making notes and plans, and before he realised it, the time had run away with him. In jaunty mood, grateful for Annie’s help and deeply satisfied with his day’s work, he madehis way homeunder thestars.

As he came up the street, yawning and ready for bed, Lenny saw the figure of a man climbing out of a car outsidehis home; in thelamplight, he recognised the tall man in the long dark overcoat. What was
he
doing here?

Over the past few years – ever since he’d left school, really, he’d become aware of this man taking an interest in him. If they passed in the High Street, the man would nod and Lenny would acknowledge him. But they never spoke. It was strange, theboy thought. Almost as if heshould know him, although hedidn’t. Ron and Patsy (he no longer called them ‘Mam’ and ‘Dad’) had never mentioned him … Oh well, Lenny thought tiredly. It was one of life’s little mysteries. He had enough on his plate at the moment, to bother worrying about that.

However, as he came further down the street, a deeper memory was triggered from his boyhood. This sameman had called round to thehouse once. He could hazily recall his mother arguing with theman, and another timehehad found them whispering downstairs. He remembered how nervous his mother became, when he asked her who theman was. From that day to this, hehad never again seen the man at the house. Until now.

Instinctively, he backed into the shadows. There was no mistaking him: it was thesameman. Who was he? What did he want with the Reynolds family? Lenny’s curiosity was heightened. If he had cometo seeRon, hewould beunlucky. When the visitor was let into the house, Lenny carefully started forward. Ron was over at a mate’s house, helping him build a shed in the yard, and if he ran trueto form, hewouldn’t berolling homefor ages yet.

Suddenly, though he did not know why, it was important to Lenny to know why the man was here.

Taking out his key, he slid it quietly into the front-door lock and turned it; with trepidation he pushed open the door and softly closed it behind him.

Already he could hear raised voices coming from thesitting room. ‘You’d best givemewhat I’m owed,’ his mother was saying angrily, ‘or I’ll shout thetruth from therooftops – and then what will you do, eh?’ Shegavea low, harsh laugh.

The man’s contemptuous answer was enough to stem the laughter. ‘You silly bitch! You can shout and yell all you like, and I won’t give a bugger!’

‘What areyou talking about?’ Shocked by his defiance, she demanded, ‘I want my money. That was the agreement, and as far as I’m concerned, nothing’s happened to change it.’

‘You bloody fool, you’renot listening! Can’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you?
She’s left me.
Janette found the letters we exchanged and now she’s gone – and she’s taken young Charlie with her. Worse than that, she told her father and he’s pulled the rug from under me. He’s kicked meout of thefamily business, and taken back the house we’ve lived in all these years.’

‘You’re lying, Stuart. Now hand over my money!’

Lenny heard a scuffle. Then: ‘LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYING!’ Theman’s voicebrokein a kind of sob. ‘I’vegot nothing – no family, no home and without references, no job. So don’t ask mefor money, becausethanks to you, I’vegot none!’

There was the sound of another scuffle, and of furniturefalling over. ‘GET OUT BEFORE I TAKE THE POKER TO YOU!’ Patsy roared. Her voiceshaking with rage, shewarned him, ‘You haven’t heard the last of this by any means. We had an agreement and by God, if you know what’s best for you, you’ll find what’s owed me. I don’t care where you get it. Just make sure you bring it before the end of the week.’

‘And if I can’t?’

‘We ll, now …’ He r voicewas slimy-wicked. ‘It isn’t just your wifeand father-in-law who think you’re the worst kind of scum. There’s somebody else who might want to knock seven bells out of you when heknows thetruth – or haveyou forgotten?’

‘No. I haven’t forgotten,’ the man called Stuart said tiredly. ‘In fact, that’s the other reason I’m here.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Lenny’s mother sounded suspicious.

‘It means I have to start again from scratch, and I don’t like the idea of doing it all by myself. And besides, I’ve been watching him. He’s a good strong fellow, with a clever head on his shoulders, and I understand he’s bought the old tailor’s shop on the High Street. Oh yes, I’m sure the two of us will work together very well.’

‘So that’s it. You’restill thesamecunning bastard you’ve always been!’ Now, she was bundling him into the passageway; though as yet neither of them had seen Lenny standing there against the wall in theshadow of thehallstand. ‘It’s not Lenny you’re after at all, is it, eh? You’ve seen how he’s making good, and you want a piece of it.’ She laughedinhis face.‘Onceheknows about you,he’ll be so disgusted he won’t even want to shake your hand, never mind work with you!’ She gave him a mighty shove. ‘It wereme as brought him up, wiped his backside and washed his smelly socks, and it’s mewho’ll havefirst call on whatever fortunehe makes. So bugger off, and don’t come back, or —’

She was shocked to her roots when Lenny stepped out. ‘My God, Len, it’s you. Christ – you gavemea fright. I didn’t seeyou there…’ Flustered, she took the man by the arm, and smiled her best. ‘This is Stuart Fitzwilliam, an old friend of me and your dad,’ she told Lenny. ‘He’s just leaving. I’ll see him out … you go inside, son.’

His face set sternly, Lenny blocked her way. ‘Who is he, Mam?’ His voice was ice-cold. ‘What is heto me?’

‘Nobody! Nothing!’ She had never seen Lenny look at her like that before, and she was shaken. ‘Like I said, he’s just a friend.’

Lenny addressed himself to the man. ‘Who are you?’

‘I think you know.’ There was a certain satisfaction in the man’s voice. ‘I’m your father. I’ve come to take you away from her, back with me. You don’t belong here, in this squalid dump. You never did.’

Lenny took stock of him, this respectable-looking, smartly dressed man with the sad eyes, and her, Patsy, beside him, bold as brass, her false smilehiding a multitudeof sins. ‘Is that right?’ he asked of her. ‘Is this man really my father?’

‘No!’ She was screaming now. ‘Don’t listen to him. Whatever he tells you, it’s a lie – a downright lie!’

Theman’s voicecut in. ‘Wehad an affair, and you were the outcome. Like Patsy, I was married, and though I’ve always regretted it, there was no placefor you in my life. Sincetheday you were born, Patsy and Ron both agreed to keep you, as long as I paid. And my God, haveI paid! I’vepaid through thenoseto keep you in houseand home, and more besides. Bled me dry they have, all these years. A few meaningless afternoons of sex with her, and I’ve been made to pay a million times over. But now, it’s finished. You are my son, and I want you with me.’

Hesmiled likethecat who had thecream. ‘We’ll do all right, son, you and me together.’

When he made to lay his hand on Lenny’s shoulder, the young man grabbed him by the wrist and held him off. For a long, revealing moment, hestared at theman, unableor unwilling to believe what he had just been told. And yet, deep down, he knew – and it was a blessed relief.

When he spoke, it was in a calm, collected manner. ‘All my life I’ve never felt that I belonged. Somehow, I knew I was not a part of this family. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been rejected, unloved and punished, for something that was not of my doing. While you played Happy Families, I was nothing, a nobody. Alone, and made to feel guilty for being alive.’

His eyes hardened like bright marbles. ‘You have no idea how it’s been … no idea.’

Stuart Fitzwilliam stepped forward, a look of alarm on his face. ‘But that’s all over now, son. I’vecometo claim you. I’vealways wanted you, but it was difficult. You have to believe me …’

Lenny’s confident smile belied the hurt he was feeling. ‘All those years, and you never once acknowledged me. And now, it makes no difference whether you want me or you don’t.’

Looking from oneto theother, heinformed them in a quietly controlled voice, ‘It’s too late, because I don’t want you –
any of you
.’

His accusing gaze lingered on the woman he had always believed was his mother, but who had never loved him in that way. ‘I came home tonight to tell you that I would be moving out in a week or so,’ he said. ‘But after what I’ve heard here this night, it’s best if I go now.’