‘I don’t want to believe this, but I must,’ he said. He sounded weary. ‘I feel so alone, so isolated.’
‘So do I and I am finding it too much to take in. But at least I have Boyd to support me.’
‘And we both have our mother. We must thank God for her.’
Daisy agreed. ‘It will be easier to think of you as my brother when we are with her.’
‘We can still be together,’ James suggested. ‘But not as we were before.’
‘I don’t think it will be that easy, James. I am in a turmoil about what we meant to each other. How did it happen?’
‘I don’t know. It just did and it was real for me. There was something about you that drew me towards you, Daisy,’ James said. ‘I knew it from the day I set eyes on you outside the park gates. Do you remember?’
‘Oh yes. I think I fell a little in love with you then and a little more when I saw you in the counting house on quarter day.’
He managed a laugh. ‘You were the lowliest maid in the Abbey and you were able to sign your name in the steward’s pay book.’
‘I was warned about you several times and sent away from the Abbey in the end.’
‘But they could not keep us apart.’
They gazed at each other. ‘I should like to embrace you, Daisy,’ James said eventually. ‘A brother may do that, surely?’
Daisy shook her head. ‘Please don’t. I think we should keep away from each other for a while; until I am accustomed to who I am.’
‘I don’t want to do that,’ James replied.
‘You must, my lord
’ Mrs Stanton interrupted them. ‘Your sister has more to come to terms with than you, sir.’
James frowned. ‘Are you saying goodbye to me, Daisy?’
‘No, James. We shall meet again at High Fell when I have had time to think and clear my head.’
Mrs Stanton added, ‘You will arrive first, my lord. You must prepare your mother to receive her daughter.’
‘Very well, ladies.’ James bowed formally and went after the others.
Daisy lapsed into her own thoughtful silence as she travelled. Although bewildered by recent events, it was a new and exciting experience for her. She had a mother, a true mother who wished to see her! It was also a time of grief. She had gained and lost a father in the space of a morning. She had never met him so her loss was not as great as James’s. Her separation from James was a much greater hurt. She didn’t need to have it explained to her that it would be difficult for them to live in close proximity for the foreseeable future and her spirits were low.
She spent much of the journey staring out of the carriage window catching glimpses of Boyd as he rode. She wished she was riding out there with him, with the wind and the rain in her face. He must have noticed her watching him but stubbornly refused to return her waves, or even acknowledge her.
Did he believe she would spurn him because they had discovered a difference in their births? As she reflected on this she realised that he did. He was a proud man. He was his own man, not given to following the lead of others without good reason. He had believed that marriage to Joseph was in her best interests yet had taken her side when she had complained of his lewd behaviour. She loved Boyd for that.
He could not avoid her at the inn where they stayed for the night. The West Riding was prosperous, punctuated by the tall stone chimneys of mills from spreading townships, and the inn proved to be well appointed and comfortable. They were shown upstairs to private rooms for sitting and dining. The maid who attended Daisy’s chamber offered her services to dress for supper.
She was embarrassed at first by her close attention but the maid appeared to enjoy her task and Daisy wished to present herself well. She was grateful for the loan of a soft woollen gown in a gentle shade of green from Mrs Stanton’s wardrobe. It had belonged to her daughter who had gone as a lady’s maid to a duchess and received much grander castoffs now. The maid pressed white lace collar and cuffs, pulled her corset laces tight and dressed her hair with borrowed combs and feathers. In spite of her fatigue, Daisy was in better spirits when she entered the dining room.
The furniture was dark oak and the heavy chairs scraped noisily on the floorboards as Mr Stanton and Boyd rose to their feet. Boyd had on a new jacket, fashionably long, a shirt with a high white collar and silk tie. She smiled at him but he nodded formally, avoiding her eyes. Daisy was cross but did not wish to argue with him in front of others. A footman came forward and pulled out her chair at the dining table.
‘You look very well in that gown, my lady,’ Mrs Stanton said.
‘Thank you ma’am,’ Daisy replied.
The hot food was carried in and they ate in silence as they were all hungry from the journey. But when the wine was drunk and the pudding presented, Daisy’s dining companions relaxed and they talked. Well, she realised, Boyd conversed with Mr Stanton about coaches, highways and the value of railways while his wife occupied her discussing boots and bonnets. Finally, Mrs Stanton suggested they go to bed as they had to be on their way at first light. Boyd stood up and bowed formally as she left. She pursed her lips, flared her nostrils and returned his formality with a steady gaze. Her message was clear and he chose to remain expressionless so that her crossness turned to anger. A title and some pretty clothes did not make her any different from the girl he had known all his life!
The maid helped her get ready for bed, removed the warming pan and tended the fire. As Daisy climbed onto the huge four poster furnished with heavy drapes to keep out the cold, she made herself a promise.
‘No,’ she said to herself. ‘This is not how it is going to be between us.’ As she drifted into sleep she remembered a promise he had made to her and murmured, ‘He can teach me to ride for a start.’
The large Redfern carriage laboured up the track to High Fell and the party were obliged to get out and walk over the stone bridge while Boyd and the driver led the horses across. Daisy’s anxiety at meeting a mother she had never known became acute. How would they be with each other? Her mother had been ill and Daisy hoped the shock of seeing her son and daughter would not be too much for her constitution. What if she refused to be reunited after so many years? Daisy tried not to dwell on that but she became increasingly apprehensive as they climbed the fell and was glad that Boyd was with her.
‘It can’t be much further. I’ll ride ahead,’ Boyd suggested.
The farm was in view when he returned. ‘All is well,’ he called. ‘Lord Redfern and Abel have arrived. We are expected and welcome.’
Daisy’s relief brought a smile to her face. Her companions in the carriage were reassured also and they arrived hopefully
at a farmhouse that was grander than Daisy had imagined. She stood in a cavernous hall with a wide wooden staircase and a huge fireplace crackling with logs. A large rectangular table was set in front of it. James walked towards her with an older woman on his arm. She is pretty, Daisy thought. Her hair was greying and as she neared, Daisy noticed her features were lined with the weariness of past troubles. But it gave her a fragile ethereal appearance that was appealing. As she stared at both of them, she realised where James’s handsome features came from. Her own face, she knew, was less beautiful.
Daisy’s nervousness intensified as they neared and she was grateful to James for opening the conversation.
‘My dearest Daisy,’ he said gently. ‘This is our mother.’
‘Are you? Are you truly?’ she whispered.
Her mother nodded. She seemed unable to speak. Tears were welling in her eyes and spilling over onto her soft cheeks. But she held out her arms and Daisy fell forward into them as her own tears ran down her face. Her mother clung to her tightly. ‘I knew Abel would find you for me, my darling, darling child.’
Eventually her mother released her and stood back to take in all of her appearance and added. ‘But you are no longer a child. You are a woman – and a very gracious lady.’
Daisy found her voice at last. ‘Are you well, Mother?’
‘I am. I have been restored to health with the help of friends and you, my children, have given me back my happine ss.’ She opened her arms again, putting one around James and the other around Daisy. ‘We have much to talk about. Shall we dine first?’
There was a delicious aroma of roasting mutton seeping through from the kitchen and the party was hungry. James
sat on one side of his mother. As Daisy was about to sit down at the other side, she looked around the table.
‘Where is Boyd?’ she asked.
Mr Stanton answered her. ‘He is helping Abel with the horses.’
‘He will be joining us, won’t he?’
Her mother replied, ‘I have set places for both of them, dear.’
‘Oh. Oh yes, I see.’
For the next two days, between eating and sleeping, James, Daisy and Beth walked and talked on the fell, always accompanied by the watchful and protective Stantons. Boyd and Abel occupied themselves with surveying the farm and fell on horseback.
At breakfast on the third day Mr Stanton reminded James of his duties. ‘We must return to the Abbey for your father’s funeral, my lord,’ he explained
‘Of course,’ James agreed.
‘I do not wish to leave my mother yet,’ Daisy said anxiously.
‘Then stay,’ James suggested. ‘You will not be expected to attend the graveside and I shall make your excuses at the wake.’
‘I should like Boyd to stay too.’
‘Of course,’ James repeated.
The carriage set off the following morning. Before James mounted his horse he announced, ‘I have decided to complete my education at Cambridge and then travel. I shall do the Grand Tour. This will keep me away from the Abbey for several years. I may even find myself a wife.’
‘You will be sure to visit when you are in Yorkshire?’ Beth queried lightly.
‘Oh yes. I shall look forward to returning here. Always.’
‘Will you write?’ Daisy asked.
‘I’ll send letters to Mother. You will take good care of her, won’t you, Daisy?’
‘I shall.’
‘Then this is goodbye for the present.’ James stretched out his arms towards Daisy, offering his hands. She chewed her lip nervously but took both his hands in hers, clutching at them firmly and giving them a small shake. ‘And Mother will look after you,’ he added. ‘She is a wise lady.’ He did not release his grip.
‘Who will watch out for you, James?’
‘Stanton will engage a learned professor and his wife to accompany me on my travels.’ His horse snorted as he waited.
‘Goodbye then.’ Daisy didn’t smile but she felt more comfortable with him as her brother now.
‘Goodbye, Daisy.’
Their fingers slid apart and James reached up for the reins and placed his foot in the stirrup. He hopped a couple of times then heaved himself into the saddle. ‘Goodbye, Mother,’ he added and turned his horse’s head in the direction of the carriage.
As the party rumbled away, Beth said, ‘He is very mature for one so young.’
Abel commented, ‘He’s an aristocrat. He’s been trained for it all his life.’
‘I suppose so. He has a lot of power, hasn’t he?’ He says I can go and live in the Dower House; Daisy too, or in the Abbey if she wishes. We should all be near to your business concerns in the South Riding.’
‘What do you want to do, Daisy?’ Abel asked.
‘I don’t know.’ She meant it. She wanted to be with her
mother, but she wanted to be with Boyd as well, and wandered away to find him. She did not wish to reside at the Abbey, she thought. She felt no strong compulsion to return.
‘Well,’ Abel remarked as he and Beth went indoors. ‘I have decided to turn over High Fell to Boyd. He has been asking me about ladies’ saddles. Daisy would like him to teach her to ride as well as her mother can.’
‘Really?’ Beth commented and looked at Abel. ‘Let us leave them to their lesson.’
Abel drew two of the large carver chairs near to the fire. ‘Sit down, Beth.’ He covered his face with his hands for a second then looked directly at her. ‘I have never felt so drained of energy. Since I learnt of Edgar’s death I have had so much to deal with, when all I have ever wanted was to be here with you.’
‘Then why did you not stay with me when I needed you most?’
‘When you were a married woman, you mean?’ he argued. ‘We were both acutely aware of the dangers.’ He ran his fingers through his greying hair. ‘I knew that I couldn’t forget you but I tried really hard to build another life. It’s just that there was never anyone who came close to filling your shoes. Ever since our first meeting on the Fell you have been the only woman in my thoughts.’
Beth stretched out her hand to grasp his and they sat, side by side, watching the flames.
‘You saved my life, Abel. I did not deserve it because, although I have loved you since that day, I had to push you away to do my duty by my husband, albeit a husband who disrespected and abused me.’
‘And I dared not stay. I should have given into my desires and ruined you.’
‘I – I wish you had,’ Beth added wistfully. ‘I ruined myself instead. But it is over now and I shall not waste another day in remorse. I often wanted Edgar dead and I pray to God to forgive me for that. I shall not grieve for him.’
‘Nor I. You are a free woman and I love you.’
He slid forward to kneel on the floorboards. ‘Dearest Beth, will you marry me?’
‘Oh Abel, do you have to ask me? Of course I will. But we ought to wait awhile before we have the ceremony.’
‘You mean allow for mourning? Dear heaven, I have waited for you for too many years already. I am not going to wait six months or more before we can be together as man and wife.’
‘I am not going to ask you. I do not wish to waste any more time either. It is still possible for me to become with child, but the years are slipping away.’
Abel’s heart did a somersault and his loins stirred. ‘You mean we can – you will –’
‘Take you to my bed,’ she finished softly.
He stood up and tugged at her hand. ‘Come on, then.’
She rose to her feet with a hitherto unknown girlish excitement bubbling through her.
‘Come
on
,’ he repeated, pulling her towards the stairs.