The Lost and Found (36 page)

I’VE ALWAYS LOVED THE
beach. At least, I’ve always loved the beaches here in North Carolina. Those really are the only beaches I’ve been to, but Nags Head spoiled me, it was so beautiful. The silky golden brown sand caressed my feet as Josiah and I strolled along the shoreline. He held my hand as we walked; occasionally a wave came up high enough to wrap around our ankles. Thankfully the Nags Head weather scored us some warm temperatures — despite the fact it was still spring, today was going to top out just under ninety degrees.

“Josiah,” I took a deep breath. I needed to tell him something, explain something to him. He looked over at me and waited. “I… know it wasn’t fair to you, what I did. Accusing you and believing her. I know that wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right.”

“I told you I’ve already forgiven you.”

“I know you have. I just… I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t get past it.” I allowed silence to settle for a minute while I tried to gather my thoughts.

Josiah lifted our enjoined hands up to his mouth and ran his teeth gently across my knuckles. “Tell me about it. Tell me what happened, what she did.”

I took a deep breath and then told him. Everything. How she was waiting for me by my car, how she told me, in detail, all that she’d done with him. How I’d never be able to measure up to his standard. And how I’d already been feeling that way, like somehow I didn’t fit in in his world.

Josiah listened silently as I spoke, just accepting what I had to say, letting me get it off my chest, all the way up until I said that last part, the part where I didn’t feel like I fit in. “Wait. Hold up. What do you mean you don’t think you fit in my world?”

“Because I’m such a wimp… afraid of life… and you… well, you’re not. I’ve never seen anyone as strong as you. Never. I’m just afraid I’ll let you down. And I have. I did. Because I was weak and afraid, you got hurt. My fears hurt
you
…”

Josiah swung me around to face him. His hands cupped my face, lifting it so I had to look at him. “Shut
up
,” he whispered, then kissed my lips lightly. “Just stop. You
are
strong. You’re one of the strongest people I know. The bravest. You didn’t have my life growing up, you didn’t have to learn to be strong and fight back. And yet, when the pain came,
you held on
. For Ethan. You had the chance, had the choice to end all the pain, yet you chose to face it, to fight it. That
is
strength. That
is
bravery. Crimson… for crying out loud, woman — I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

“But, I hurt you, Josiah,” I cried softly, blinking away my tears.

“I won’t deny that what happened hurt, but you were hurt, too. Instead of dwelling on past mistakes that we cannot go back and change, let’s look at our future and learn from it. Deal?”

“Deal,” I whispered against his lips.

We walked on then and he held me close. I felt better, relieved. I still didn’t quite have the confidence in myself that he seemed to have, but I felt better than I had in weeks.

The day was getting warmer as the sun continued to climb in the sky, and eventually we stripped down to our suits and went into the water. As Josiah and I swam together he turned and looked at me. “You know what?” he chuckled. “This is my first time in the ocean.”

“
What
? You’ve never been to the ocean before?”

“Nope. Always wanted to go, but never had. It’s not like Idaho is close to the beach or anything.”

“So, how are you liking it?”

“I’m still taking it all in. It didn’t register that I was coming to the beach, or that I’d see the ocean, at first. My sole focus was on you.
Is
on you.”

I laughed lightly at that. “But…”

“But I do like it. It’s great. Beautiful. I can see why you love it as much as you do,” Josiah said as he reached for me, pulling me closer to him.

We drifted together, arms wrapped around each other, letting the water sooth us, the sun warm us.

Josiah

CRIMSON WAS INSANE. NUTS
. Not strong? She didn’t fit into his world? What was she even talking about? She was one of the strongest, most courageous people he knew. Josiah marveled at her own self-doubt as he watched her frolic in the salty waves.

It was his happy photograph of her popping to life. Crimson had been used to a warm, comfortable environment. One filled with family and love, devotion and acceptance. It’s easy to be a good person, a strong person when things are going well, when everything is perfect and nice.

Josiah knew from experience that people tended to show their true selves — the side they kept hidden from view — when times were tough. Crimson, despite everything life had thrown at her, chose to fight on. Even if it had been just for Ethan. Still, she’d thought about someone else first, put his needs before herself.

And she thought she was weak, that she wasn’t strong. A weak person wouldn’t have cared. A weak person would have let go and sought the easy way out.

No, Crimson was strong. Beautiful, strong, and his.

Crimson Sage

THE NEXT THREE DAYS
were full of sunshine, and Josiah and I spent nearly every minute of them on the beach or in the ocean. We’d swim and then nap as we dried off, take walks, go hiking, find tide pools and sea shells. At night we had bonfires before heading in for bed.

Tanner and Sawyer had left yesterday needing to get back for work. Cam, Fynn, and Rafe came by nearly every afternoon just to hang out and talk. Josiah teased me that they were checking up on him, making sure I was happy. I just laughed at that, but a part of me wondered if he might be right.

On two separate occasions the boys asked Josiah if he wanted to go out on the fishing boat with them. Being a guy who enjoyed a challenge he took them up on the offer. Josiah seemed to like it; he liked the water and blessedly was not affected by seasickness. Cam, Fynn, and Rafe were impressed with him and said if he ever needed a job they’d hire him. Josiah thanked them and told them he’d see.

On our last night in Nags Head we decided to go back to Smokey’s for dinner. Pete and Carol and the boys joined us and it was a nice evening. Another local band, Stormy Weather, was playing and this time Josiah danced with me. Their beat was good, a little bluesy, a little southern rock. We danced several dances; Josiah was a great dancer. He even let the boys cut in a few times, and twice I saw him dance with Gracie.

I hated goodbyes, and somehow because Mom and Dad were gone, Pete and Carol seemed like surrogate parents now more than ever. Saying goodbye to them tomorrow would be hard. I tried not to think about it and just enjoy the evening. Josiah and I returned to our seats and I reached for my water glass; the dancing had made me thirsty. My pulse was pounding, but it was a good feeling. Gracie and Cam were just returning to our table then as well.

“I like this band,” Cam said, and we all agreed. We’d have to let management know they should have them back.

I settled back in my seat, angling to snuggle into Josiah’s shoulders. He gently kissed my brow, letting his mouth linger there for a moment. I sighed in contentment and closed my eyes.

“Will you look at that…” Josiah said, his voice trailing off into silence.

I opened my eyes to look at him and saw he was staring off toward the restaurant and the other patrons. I followed his gaze and took in the five people standing a few feet away from our table. Their eyes were on me. I sat up a little straighter and wondered what they were doing when suddenly they held up signs. There were five signs. Each one had a word on it. I focused on the words in bewilderment. They read:
Crimson — will — you — marry — me?

It took me a couple seconds to put it all together. Then just as realization began to settle in, Josiah was kneeling before me; in his palm was a ring. His blue eyes seemed darker than normal, almost smoky. And they were full of emotion.

“I already got permission from Ethan and Billy. I even talked with the boys, and Pete and Carol, and Gracie. So, what do you say, Crimson? Will you do me the extreme honor of being my wife? Please?”

Josiah took my hands in his and held them. I blinked my eyes to get rid of the misty moisture that suddenly plagued me.

“You’re serious?” I asked, needing clarification. “You really want to marry me?”

“I really do.”

“Then, yes. Yes, Josiah!”

He didn’t wait a second longer, I was in his arms and his mouth was on mine. He lifted me and spun me around, and dimly I was aware of the clapping and cheering going on around us. Happy wasn’t a strong enough word for what I was feeling right now. It was more than euphoric. I couldn’t put it into words.

He set me down and carefully slipped the ring on my finger. I stared it, appreciating its beauty. Josiah had gone with a non-traditional ring; he’d picked a deep red stone, set in antique gold. It had an almost Victorian look about it. I loved it.

“It’s a garnet. As soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted it for you. Do you like it?”

“I love it,” I told him. “It’s beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful. And I need you in my life.”

“You have me for as long as you want me. And maybe even after that.”

“I’ll always want you. Always. Don’t ever doubt it.”

My smile was huge, but I couldn’t seem to help it. As we were swarmed with our friends and the strangers around us, offering their congratulations, I just couldn’t seem to stop smiling. I’d never seen Josiah smile so much either. He was lighthearted, happy. He even took it in stride when the boys came up to offer their congratulations and Fynn lifted me up for a quick, hard kiss.

I called Ethan on the way back to the beach house. He was ecstatic over the news and said, “I love it when a plan comes together,” making me laugh. I heard several of the ranch boys yelling congrats in the background. Billy got on the phone to tell me he was happy for me and would see us tomorrow.

When Tanner and Sawyer left they had taken Gracie’s car with them, so the following morning we loaded the Camaro up and finished cleaning the beach house. Our only stop before leaving town was Freaky Pete’s. Josiah promised them we’d be back soon and that news made me smile. After topping off the gas in the car, we were on the road. Our flight left at nine that night so we had to be to the airport by seven.

Matt and Shelli met us at the airport to give Gracie a ride home and to say goodbye and congratulate us on our engagement. Gracie made them wait until Josiah and I were through airport security before allowing them to leave. I told her I’d see her in a couple months for her own wedding, and we agreed to talk first thing tomorrow to go over plans and dresses.

I ended up sleeping for most of the flight, but that was fine with Josiah; he said he liked to hold me, liked to watch me sleep. Billy didn’t need to pick us up as Josiah had left his car in the long-term parking. As we drew closer to the ranch a thought suddenly occurred to me. “It’ll be weird… a little… being engaged at the ranch, but not yet married.”

“I was thinking about that. It’s been nice having you to myself for this last week. But, I guess you’ll need to be in your own room and bed some, too.”

“Yeah… It was one thing to sleep over, every once in a while, but I don’t think I should just move in or anything. Do you?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love having you there with me, and it’s going to suck big time with you up in your own room away from me, but I get that we need to set a good example for Ethan and the other boys.”