“Devin.” He gripped his upper arms gently and stared him straight in the eyes. “I swear to you, Kelly isn’t one of those people. She understands what you’ve been through and she isn’t going to hang anything over your head. She’s a good woman.”
“But I wasn’t a good man.” Devin’s voice cracked and he dropped his gaze again. “Sometimes...sometimes I feel like I’m pretending to be something I’m not.”
“And I get that, too.” Nick’s voice became lower, filled with compassion. “But have you ever thought that maybe you used to pretend to be something you weren’t? Maybe this is the real you?”
Devin’s eyes snapped back to his and it seemed like at that exact moment, that very precise second in time, a realization came over him. Perhaps he’d never actually thought about it before. Maybe the person he used to be had never been the person he actually was.
“Think about it.” Nick winked and then turned to head back up the stairs. “Now, hurry. I’ll distract her while you go back to the house for the flowers.”
“Nick?”
He paused on the third step up and turned to look at him. “Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Devin peered up at him with those beautiful eyes of his, and smiled. “For having so much faith in me.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that, Dev-o. That’s what friends are supposed to do.”
With that, he turned and continued up the stairs, more than ready for their special night with Kelly to get underway.
—————
D
evin
He really was grateful to have a friend like Nick. Even though his memories were gone and he felt like he was an astronaut on a strange new planet, he was pretty sure he hadn’t had many good friends before everything went dark.
Devin considered himself lucky now, and he was hopeful he could mend things with Kelly before they were beyond repair.
Clutching the fresh carnations in one hand and holding an umbrella in the other, he made his way back towards her house about thirty minutes later.
Tonight will be a good night.
That was something else his doctor had drilled into his head; he was supposed to claim good things so they would actually happen, not bad things, and Devin definitely knew he could be on the pessimistic side—as proven with the situation he was in at the moment.
“Claiming good things means they will happen if you set your mind to it, just like if you claim bad things. You’ve got to be optimistic, Devin, or you’ll live the rest of your life in negativity and that’s not a life you want.”
Of course, it wasn’t a life he wanted! While he didn’t know
what
kind of life he wanted at the moment, he knew damn well it didn’t involve being miserable.
I’d like to be happy.
He’d thought about it many times while in the institute—being happy. He imagined, by some great miracle, that he’d meet someone nice and settle down with the white picket fence and the whole nine yards. He would
not
be like his father or brothers, but rather more like Laney. She was a hell of a woman if she was capable of forgiving him after everything he’d done to her.
I wish I’d never done any of it – why did I do it?
Sometimes he was tempted to make contact with Mia, the girl who had been his partner in crime that night. He wanted to ask her the details of what happened, why it happened, and what led up to the night that no one else could forget.
Except for him.
It’s better that I don’t remember.
Remembering the atrocities of that night – remembering he’d hurt Laney – he hated himself enough already without adding anything else to it. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t remember anything.
I hope she’ll forgive me.
He lifted his eyes to gaze at Kelly’s front porch and his stomach twisted into anxious knots. Nick seemed to be right about a lot of things, but what if he wasn’t right about this? What if Kelly really did hate him and any potential friendship was now ruined?
Good going, you idiot.
Forcing himself up onto the porch, he closed the umbrella and set it aside, and then he lifted his hand to knock once more.
Please don’t let me screw this up again. Don’t let me say anything stupid.
The door swung open and there stood Kelly, all smiles.
“Come on in, Devin!” She grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. “What pretty flowers!” Snatching them from his hand, she lifted them to her nose and sniffed loudly. “They smell lovely – they’re for me, right?”
“Hello—yes, yes they are.” He stumbled forward in confusion. She didn’t seem very mad anymore.
Music filled the air, a fast song with a good beat. Kelly kept a firm grip on his hand and he watched, even though he tried not to, as her hips swayed back and forth. She’d changed since his last visit, and holy hell that dress made her look good enough to eat.
No! She is only my friend, if we’re even that.
His eyes darted back up to her when she turned to face him, that beautiful smile still plastered on her lips. “Do you like dancing, Devin?”
“I...I...” God, he didn’t know! He didn’t know anything he used to like, aside from cheesecake. “I...maybe?”
“Everybody likes dancing.” She slurred, wrapping her arms around his neck, the flower petals tickling his heated skin.
The movement was so sudden and unexpected. All he could do was stare at her with wide eyes and pray he didn’t look like a complete idiot as she continued swaying to the music.
“Patrick used to dance with me.” She murmured as she rested her cheek against his chest. “We danced all the time.”
God, could she hear how hard his heart was pounding? He didn’t mean to be nervous about it, but there was just something about having a pretty lady in his arms, and the sweet scent of her perfume made him dizzy.
Surely, I was smoother with ladies than this.
But no, he knew that wasn’t true. Laney had told him the cold, painful truth about his treatment of women – he didn’t like it a damn bit.
I can change. I can do better.
“I bet that was nice.” It wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted to say, but nothing else was coming to mind. He’d been ambushed with a dance and no one could really expect his mind to catch up so fast, could they?
“It was. I miss him.” Kelly lifted her head to peer at him, her eyes glittering with tears. “I’m really sorry that I yelled at you earlier.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Kelly. I’m the one who needs to apologize. Again. That was really thoughtless on my behalf.”
“No, no. Shhh.” She pressed a fingertip against his lips and shook her head. “It’s true. I’m such a cold-hearted woman these days. I jump the gun on everything, Devin. You don’t even know. Sometimes, I can’t even tolerate myself.”
His eyebrows pinched together as her finger slid down his chin and he caught a whiff of something sickly sweet on her breath.
“Are you...are you drunk?”
“No.” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “I just had a glass of wine before dinner. Maybe two. I had to lighten up before I made everyone miserable.”
He glanced over her head and immediately sought out Nick, who was nowhere in sight.
What am I supposed to do? She’s drunk.
“Do you think that’s a good idea, Kelly? I mean, your daughter...isn’t she still home?”
“No, no.” She pulled away from him, her eyes wide. “Gosh, no, I’d never drink with my kids in the house. Not even a drop, Mister. Mrs. Herron...Herr...Harry-tong came to get her a few minutes after you left.”
“And you just happened to get this drunk in between then and now? How is that possible?”
“I’m a light-weight.” She sighed. “And Nick is in the kitchen finishing up dinner for us. Isn’t that nice?”
“It’s very nice.” He relaxed a little as her arms found their way around his torso and she clung to him tightly. Their dance continued and he actually found it to be enjoyable, aside from stepping on her toes here and there.
Maybe loosening up was what he needed, too. Maybe then he would start enjoying being alive.
N
ick
“Where are the candles? Kelly, do you have candles?” Devin’s voice echoed around the dark room, followed by a loud thud. “Ow!”
“Oh my god, is he okay? Are you okay?” Kelly screeched. “Stupid storm. I cannot believe the electricity got knocked out. Boo.”
“Easy, guys.” Nick chuckled from his spot at the table, remaining calm even though it sounded like a damn flood was raining down upon them. “Just stay where you are until we find some light. Kelly?”
“Yes?”
“Do you have a flashlight in one of your drawers by chance?”
“Yes! Yes, there’s one near the sink, I think. My idea, not Patrick’s. Just so you know.”
He snickered and rose from his seat, carefully feeling around in the darkness. His fingers touched the edge of the table and he hoped he was going in the right direction.
Drunk Kelly is adorable Kelly.
He hadn’t really meant for her to get so lit, but after that first glass of wine, she just didn’t stop.
Who was he to tell a woman she couldn’t have a second glass of wine? Any man dumb enough to intervene with a woman and her wine deserved whatever wrath fell upon him.
He was not that dumb.
“Stupid storm.” Kelly whined. “Devin, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Devin replied. “But my knee might say otherwise.”
I’ll kiss it better,
he wanted to say, but it was too soon for anything like that. Devin and Kelly had most certainly been raised differently than him. Plus, they were younger. Nick was halfway to forty—it wasn’t that far away, honestly—and he didn’t believe in wasting time. If he wanted something, he went after it. But, he couldn’t this time. Not until he was for sure.
For sure of what, exactly? That they were attracted to him, too?
I really don’t know if Devin likes guys.
He’d done his best to observe the younger male over the last two weeks, but Devin seemed to be really private about a lot of things. And Nick shouldn’t expect more from him anyway. It took a great deal of courage to speak about one’s past, even if they were terribly ashamed of it.
And Kelly? Shit, where did he start? She had two children—which wasn’t a problem at all—and she didn’t seem interested in dating.
She definitely hasn’t had dinner with a guy since her husband’s death.
She must have been a nervous wreck all evening. It wasn’t long after Devin left that Mrs. Harrington showed up to get Jamie, and after that? Well, she started shaking like a leaf and stammering something awful. He honestly felt bad for her.
“Do you have any wine?” He asked. “I really like wine.”
“I do, but I don’t know if it’s any good. It’s been sitting in my fridge for well over a year. I’ve never even touched it.”
“That’s adorable.” He flashed her a smile and stood from the table, then he walked to the fridge and pulled it open to peer inside. “So it’s never even been opened, right?”
“Nope. It just sits there and taunts me, but I honestly don’t drink the stuff anymore. Jamie and Justin keep me pretty busy.”
“You don’t even take a sip after they go to sleep?” He glanced at her over his shoulder.
“Heavens no. What if an emergency comes up? What if I have to drive one of them to the hospital or something?”
“Adorable.” He re-affirmed as he tugged the bottle out of the fridge and read the label. “This seems like good stuff – can I pour you a glass?”
Her eyes shifted to the bottle nervously, but he could tell she was considering it. “Do you think that’s a good idea? I’m a light-weight.”
“I used to be a lightweight, too. As long as it’s done in moderation, you’ll be fine. Just one glass isn’t going to hurt you, Kelly.” He retrieved a glass and made his way back to the table, pouring it carefully for her. “Besides, after the afternoon you’ve had, I think you deserve a drink.”
“Oh, you’re right.” She rubbed at her temples and sighed. “I was so terrible to Devin. I swear I didn’t mean to lose my cool like that; he didn’t deserve it.”
“He may have deserved it a little.” He pushed the glass towards her with two fingers. “I don’t like him talking like that either.”
“It just depressed me and made me angry. I mean,”—she huffed and lifted the glass for a quick sip—“I miss my husband every day. I’d give anything to have him back.”
“I feel the same way about my mom, but you know what?” He sat down across from her and propped his chin against his fist. “It helps to think she’s better off now. She’s not in pain anymore.”
“Patrick wasn’t in any pain.” She shook her head sadly. “He wasn’t sick, Nick. He was ripped away from me. I...I never even got to say goodbye.” Taking a few hearty gulps of wine, she then gazed at the glass thoughtfully, sadly. “I wish I could have at least told him how much I loved him.”
“I’m sure he knew, Kelly.” He watched as she finished off the glass and glanced at the bottle. She probably didn’t need to drink it so fast – was he becoming an enabler?
“Pass that over here.” She beckoned the bottle closer and licked her lips. “It’s delicious.”
“Wine is great. I don’t know why more people don’t drink it. It’s also awesome that it doesn’t ruin if it hasn’t been opened, or if it’s kept in the right conditions. It just ages and gets better with time. Sort of like me.”
That last part was a joke, kind of. He didn’t want to seem arrogant or anything, but he was an excellent catch for his age. He still had stamina and his charm remained as great as ever.
“I’m sure.” She giggled. Her eyes glazed over as she poured herself another glass and tilted her head back to down most of it, only to refill it again.
“Hey now, you might want to slow down...”
“Do you like music? I love music.”
“Uh, yeah. Who doesn’t? But—”
“I want to dance.” She stood from the table and finished off her second...or was it third and a half...glass of wine. “Let’s dance.”
“Okay, but what about the food?”
“It’s already finished. I’m just waiting for dessert to finish chilling.”
She rounded the table and grabbed his hand, tugging him up.