Read The Lost Trucker (The Trucker Saga) Online
Authors: Rose Dewallvin
“What are you doing?” I ask him as I am pulled out of my orgasm daze. And I feel myself being laid down on my soft bed. Ryder strips off his shirt and this is the first time that I see the tattoo on his shoulder. It looks like a tribal one and it snakes up and around his right shoulder. As he turns around to undo his jeans and
I see that he has another one. It is a dragon with 2 letters in the middle, on his back. Damn, he is very handsome without clothes on. “You know, I really enjoyed what you did to me. But I still haven’t changed my mind.”
He shakes his head and walks over to the other side of the king size bed and pulls the covers back to climb into the bed with me. He reaches over, grabs a hold of me and pulls me to him and pushes me into his chest with my back to him. “Faith, you need to realize that I will wait and I am going to respect your request. So please, don’t ever forget that. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to bury myself balls deep inside you BUT I also want to be more than just some notch to you.” He says with so much emotion that I have no choice but to believe him till he proves me wrong.
“There is just so much about me you still don’t know Ryder. I want to be able to trust you and tell you but I keep stopping myself.” I admit to him for the first time that I want to be more with him at some point. “I just hope soon that my heart catches up with my mind. At least where you're concerned.” I say as I snuggle more into his warm arms that I seem to disappear in.
“In time babe. In time, and when you decide to tell me everything I will be here waiting for you. Now sleep my beauty.” He says and within a few seconds I hear his breathing start to mellow out and I realize that he is yet another man that can fall asleep in a matter of seconds.
Let’s just slow down a little bit….
I wake up the next morning and reach over expecting to feel Ryder still in bed with me, but I roll over to nothing. My stomach starts to sink and I realize that he has pushed his way into my life and into my heart.
You can’t do this again Faith! You’ll be broken even worse.
I tell myself and I know that it’s the truth.
I not only basically gave myself to Ryder the second he showed interest in me but I blindly fell for him.
Shit, now you’ve gone and done it!
The only thing that I can really do is just talk to him when I see him next and see about slowing the hell down. This is way too fast, I made Beau wait 2 years. How could I do what I did with someone that I haven’t even known personally for a month.
“There is something about you. I just can’t put my finger on what it is. But it makes me want you more.”
Ryder’s words to me just flow thru my mind. I shake my head a little and get out of bed. I walk across my bedroom and realize that Ryder’s t-shirt is on the floor, without thinking I walk over pick it up, hold it to my nose and inhale.
GOD, he smells amazing!
I throw the shirt in the dirty clothes pile and decide even though it smells like him I will still wash it.
I strip off my pj’s and walk into the bathroom to get ready for my shower. I turn on the hot water and step into the steady stream of warm water. It is such a soothing feeling as it works out the soreness in my muscles.
*****
I walk out in to the kitchen after I am dressed in a black and pink skirt with a pink and black wrap shirt. I have on a pair of black wedges with pink stitching. If you can’t tell, my new favorite color is pink. It fits my moods lately, not to mention that Layla has only been buying or bringing me clothes that are pink and black.
“Girl, you may not believe this but I think you look hot in pink and black together. It compliments you.” She said the last time she was here giving me some clothes and food. She has really become a lifeline for me. I think I would have gone insane with my thoughts if it wasn’t for her and the diner.
I walk over to the iPod docking station and turn on
Seethers- Broken;
this song really only seems fitting for right now. I have let myself go to someone that I don’t even know. It took me years to realize that I was in love with Beau, and here I am 4 weeks after meeting this man and I am giving myself to him.
Cut yourself some slack, you didn’t sleep with him! But you're falling for him and you need to slow it down.
I can’t stop feeling that we did something wrong, like we aren’t meant to do things like that. But all I can think about is how his lips felt on my body and how my body responded to him.
Well, that was awkward but now I have to really wonder why he is all of a sudden leaving. Whatever, I am not going to let my feelings get all hurt because of my past. Ryder is a big boy, he can take care of himself but why am I so worried? I should have known from the beginning that it was never going to work with us.
I push the skip button in the middle of
Amy Lee
singing her way through
Broken
and switch it to
Sick Puppies- You’re Going Down.
I set my cell phone down on the kitchen table and start to go about getting ready for work.
“What has crawled up your ass and died missy?” Layla says as she bumps her hip into my ass as she walks by. Clearly she can see my miserable looking face.
“I am just starting to realize that I am probably better off alone. No matter what I do I am just not happy. Or if it seems like I am starting to be happy something happens that fucks it all up.” I say on the end of a sigh.
“You better not have fucked Ryder! IF you have so help me god girl, I am going to skin him and then kick the shit out of you. FUCK! I knew this was going to happen. Damn it.” She says as she storms off out the back door and lights a smoke.
I finish giving out the plates of food and look through the little window towards the kitchen. “Tony, can you keep an eye on up front? I need to go calm mother hen down before she blows a cork!”
“Yeah, that’s fine Faith.” Tony is a short gray haired tattooed cook. He is nothing nice to look at but he is good people.
I turn and charge outside. “
Layla, what the hell was that about? How could you talk like that in front of all the guys? You don’t think I catch enough shit here because of how young I am.”
“Well, did you? Did you fuck up and sleep with Ryder?” She doesn’t seem to stop for a second as she spits this out.
“Well, I don’t really think it is any of your business but no. We did not have sex, I have to tell you Layla, I don’t know what is so wrong with Ryder. He has been nothing but a sweetheart to me.” I shrug my shoulder and pull out a smoke.
“He is going to break you. I know it sounds like I am being a bitch but I am just warning you so that you are aware of what is going to happen. He is just like our father was neither of them able to settle down in just one spot.” She shakes her head and lets out a sad, frustrated
and defeated sigh. “But I am going to be here for you sweetie. I am not going anywhere and I am not going to take his side on anything that happens.”
It really sounds like she is predicting our future or something. “Well, it is probably over anyways. He wasn’t there this morning when I woke up and he text me asking if we could talk and I said yeah. He said that he is out on a run and doesn’t know when he is going to be back.” I tell her as I put out my smoke and walk into the bathroom to wash my hands before I head back to work.
I hear her say something like “And it starts” but I couldn’t be sure because I am already half way into the kitchen when she walks back in. I don’t think anything of it as I return to work.
*****
After my shift is over I decide since I have nothing planned that I would call a cab and go to the little tavern in the next town and have a few drinks.
The cab is going to be here around 5:30 so I have about an hour or so to get ready. I run upstairs into my apartment and head right for the tub. I fill it up with bath salts and soak for a few and do all the other things women do in the tub. I wash my hair under the shower and finish washing my body. I dry my hair a little bit and then put some curlers in that I got from
Layla. I walk out to the kitchen and turn on the iPod and turn up
My Darkest Days – Move Your Body.
One of my all-time favorite bands, I turn it up as loud as I can and walk back into the bathroom to finish getting ready to go out for a few. I text Layla earlier and informed her that I was going out for a few; she said that she would come down after the night manager got to the diner which was around 7. So I would be at the bar for a little while by myself. No biggie.
I am just starting to do my hair when I hear my phone chime that I have a new message. I pick it up and see that it is from Ryder, I
cant stop the huge grin that I get across my face.
Is he kidding? Did he just break off whatever this is with a text? Should I have thought it would end up any other way? No, and you know what. I am fine with it. I am just going to ignore him and forget about him. Tonight is definitely going to involve some alcohol and lots of it. I don’t have to work tomorrow so why not.
Two Long Months Later…
So it’s been two months, two fucking months since I have heard from or even seen Ryder. But he is constantly in my head, not one second goes by that I don’t wonder if he is still thinking about me or if I was just a cool conquest for him.
“Hey, Ziggy! Have you seen or heard from Ryder?” I say as I walk up to Ryder’s best friend. His blonde hair is a mess and he looks like he has been worried about something. If I knew any better I would think that Ziggy didn’t drive truck, come to think of it. I have never seen him in one only seen him on his bike.
“Nope, I haven’t seen him sweet lips. Has he not contacted you or
Layla? That is strange for him to just up and disappear like that.” Ziggy says while he eats his country-fried steak. “Hey Flem, you heard from Ghost? He ain’t called his ol’ lady lately.” He looks at the short haired Indian sitting to his right.
“I’m not his old lady. I am just a friend who is concerned.” I say to the table as I turn to walk away and go about my business.
“The way that your name rolls off his tongue when he talks about you is something else. You may not be his ol’ lady yet, but girl… You will be. Mark my words.” Ziggy says with a laugh and goes back to talking to the guys.
For some reason to me it feels like those guys know something that they aren’t telling me. Maybe it is because they don’t know me and see me as an outsider. Just because they are cool with Ryder doesn’t make them cool with me. But whatever, I just go back about my business and start working. I pass by
Layla’s office and see; she’s in there with her glasses low on her nose and her hair pulled up in a crazy bun on the top of her head.
“Hey baby cakes, how ya doing? Have you heard from my stupid brother yet?” She says as she continues to punch numbers in the calculator.
I snicker and walk in to the kind of roomy office. I think she switched her office with the old stock room.
“Nope! I haven’t heard shit from him since he told me that he wanted to ‘slow things down’.” I shake my head and look down at the grungy floor that could use a good bleaching.
“Eventually he will show up, he always does. It seems like when something really bad is getting ready to happen or has happened, he takes off for a few months at a time. I really thought he had changed this time though. He really seemed like he wanted to change his life.” She says as she sighs a little bit but keeps punching numbers.
“Well, I hope he isn’t talking about quitting trucking for me. I could never ask someone to give up something that they love.” My throat catches a little bit as I hold back raw emotion towards her brother and I think she picks up on it because she stops typing and turns to look at me.
“Baby, you aren’t falling in love are you? Y’all haven’t known each other that long so tell me how could you love him?” She asks me with the concern of a mother now, I can finally tell the difference in her eyes the way she looks at me and the way her forehead creases. She is talking to me as a mother not a friend or Ryder’s sister.
“I don’t think that I am in love with him, really. I am just concerned. We started to become so close.” I tell my first lie to Layla.
“I have been in love before and it never felt like this. With Beau it didn’t feel anything like this, I could see myself with Beau and with Ryder it’s not that I can’t see us because I can. I just see us fighting tooth and nail for each other all the time.” I can’t hold it back any longer. I start to cry again. My head drops down into
my hands and I start to quietly sob.
“
Honey, that is love. It is a different form of love. I am a firm believer in everyone gets two loves in their life. You get your soul mate and you get your first love. You can have both at the same time. But your soul mate is the one that you will constantly fight for. Did you not promise Ryder that you would be here for him no matter what?” She takes a hold of my hand and squeezes it a little in a comforting way. I nod my head and start to cry a little bit more. How does this woman bring this out in me?
“What do I do?” I ask her and all she can do is join me on the ratty couch and hold me while I cry. I am not 100% sure why I am crying but I think it is a combination of the realization that I am finally over Beau and the heart stopping feeling that I am in love with Ryder.
*****
The next couple of days go by like the last couple of months have, slow and pointless. I decide that I am going to cover an opening shift at the diner for one of the other girls that
is getting married.
I walk in the back room at 7am on a Saturday; which is crazy for me because I never get up that early period! I grab my apron and tie it around my waist and walk out into the dining room to say good morning to all the guys in there. As I round the corner I stop in my tracks and drop the coffee pot that I have in my hand, it shatters on the floor. On the right side of the room Ryder is sitting at the end of the counter with
Ziggy and Flem.
What the hell?!?
I scream to myself. I slowly start to turn around and walk the opposite way to where those guys are.
I decided to start taking my orders at the far end of the counter in hopes that it would take me so long to get to them that they would leave. But of course my luck is shit lately
cause they are still there.
I walk up to the counter in front of them and look down at my pad and say “So what’ll it be boys?” they stop talking instantly and Ryder turns to look at me. He has surprise written all over his face, like he is surprised to see me. Better yet, he looks surprised to see I am STILL here.
“Hey…Babe…I didn’t know that you were still here. I haven’t seen you the last few days.” He says as he runs his hand thru his thick hair;
that I wish I could run my fingers thru.
Stop thinking these things!
“Oh, Hi Ryder! Didn’t see you there.” I say with a very cocky tone to my voice to make it sound like I really didn’t see him. But I can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t believe me.
“Well, I will get the all meat omelet and sourdough toast. And I would also like a chance to talk to you and explain things.” He says and I almost instantly want to jump the counter and throw myself at him but I don’t. Self-control is what I am teaching myself again.
I start to laugh and all I can do is turn and walk away. I stop when I get to the door to the kitchen. I back up a little bit and look down the counter towards Ryder.
“Hey Ryder, if you really wanted to be a man and talk. You would have got a hold of me weeks ago. So no thanks.” I push open the swinging door and head right for
Layla’s office.
I am just about to shut the door and lock it when I feel a hand hit the door and it is pushed open by Ryder. “What the fuck?” Is all I can get out before Ryder has me off the floor and in his
arms.
“Oh Faith, you have no idea how much and how long I have wanted to hold you. Ever since I got out of your bed that morning I have only wanted to be back in it with you. I told you before that I am drawn to you; I can’t explain it but you pull me to you.” He looks deep into my eyes into my soul; I can feel him chipping away at the walls that started to build again when he left like he did.
“Ryder, I don’t know if I can put myself through all of this again. You know what I have been through in the past and I am starting to feel used and I can’t do this, not now, not ever. I drop my face and look down at our
chests smashed together and I feel his heart beat against my own. It’s like our bodies are thumping to a singular rhythm together.
Ryder sets me down softly on the floor and then grabs hold of my face with both his hands. “Faith, I am going to claim your mouth again. You’re mine and you will always be mine.” He leans down and by instinct I close my eyes and brace for his mouth on mine.
We slowly start our kissing match then things instantly heat up when I moan slightly. Ryder picks me up by my thighs followed by my legs which I tightly grip around his waist and I then deepen the kiss. I let out another small moan as I feel my back hit the door and Ryder is pressed up against me.
I start to struggle a little bit, pushing as hard as I can. I wiggle my head and I am able to break the kiss but he moves his mouth to my neck. I start to breathe a little heavier. “Ryder, we need to talk about us. I understand that you’re a trucker and that you leave for days at a time but you can’t just up and leave me like that. I was so beside myself while you were gone. I thought that I had done something wrong and that’s why you left.”
Ryder sighs against my neck, “Faith, I will tell you about why I was gone soon. But can I take you out to dinner and then a movie before we have this talk. I want to spend some time with you before you make any rash and harsh decisions about me and us.”
“Why would I not want to be with you anymore? And we’re not even together for you to think that. But I don’t think that I could ever not want you. I think about you all the time. There isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think about you. But Ryder, I can’t do this. I can’t do us if you don’t start being a little bit more open about things in your life. You don’t have to tell me everything but you have to tell me why you were gone so long. You have a cell
phone; you could have text or called.” I slowly run my fingers thru his hair and sigh when he continues to kiss my neck.
“I will tell you everything tonight baby. I promise.” He says then kisses me deeply on the lips. He then lets me go, opens the office door and walks out like nothing just happened.
*****
It’s been two days since Ryder has been back and it honestly feels like he never left, we have been spending time together again and it actually feels like we could have a future but something just isn’t fitting. I need to make sure that Ryder keeps his word to me on telling me what the hell is going on.
“So babe, you ready to go?” I stop filling the napkin holders and look up, Ryder is standing in front of me and looks amazing! He has on a Fox Racing shirt and a pair of faded jeans hung low on his hips.
“Yeah, give me a second to go put my stuff away and clock out.” I turn and am already making my way to the kitchen to clock out. Tonight is the night that I am going to make him tell me everything.