The Lost Truth (8 page)

O
ver the course of the next couple of weeks, Katie came out to Janice’s house every other day. She helped me with exercises, forced me to go on walks, and we spent a lot of time down at the lake, working my leg muscles to build them back up.

Sitting in the grass beneath the starry night sky one evening with Katie, I looked into the vastness of space. She and I spent a while just admiring the greatness while we shared a silence that we had both become accustomed to. A lone satellite suddenly streaked through the dark sky. Noticing Katie closing her eyes, I erupted in laughter.

“What’s funny?” She opened her eyes and looked over at me.

“Were you just making a wish on that satellite?” I turned onto my side and propped my head up with a hand.

“No.” She laughed. Cringing, she continued. “That wasn’t a shooting star, was it?”

I shook my head. We both began laughing.

The moment swept us by surprise, and suddenly, we both leaned in toward each other and our lips touched, sweeping us further into the moment. Pulling back from the kiss, I was a bit confused. Judging by the look on her face, she was too. “What was that?”

“I’m not sure . . .” She hid her face in her palms. “I’m so embarrassed. You’re my patient.” She jumped up to leave.

Reaching over, I grabbed her hand. “Katie, wait.”

“What?” she said nervously. “This is weird, Clay. We’re sitting here under the stars, and I’m supposed to be helping you, and I feel like . . . I don’t know.”

Gently pulling her back down to the ground by her hand, I shook my head. “Stay. It’s okay.”

“Can we just not talk about the kiss?”

“What kiss?”

“Seriously? The one we
just
had.”

I laughed and shook my head. “No. I was confirming what you were saying. There was no kiss.”

She turned red and began laughing as she tossed her head back. “I’m such a ditz.”

Katie lay back down in the grass as her smile continued a bit longer. We both turned our eyes back to the starry night sky. “Clay . . .” Her voice became serious.

“Yeah?” I responded as I watched a bright set of stars twinkle.

“Why do you think bad things happen?”

The question stirred a bit of emotional gook that lay near the bottom of my soul. It kicked up to the surface like a disturbed patch of dirt off the ocean floor. “Bad things happen because that’s how life works.” I looked over at her. “Life’s messy. Everybody gets dirty.”

Katie waited a moment to respond and looked over. “Is that how you feel? Life is just a dirty mess?”

Turning my eyes back to the sky, I placed my hands behind my head. “I don’t know, Katie. Haven’t you been through some stuff you’d rather not have happened?”

“Yeah . . .” her tone was soft and hiding something tucked away underneath the layers. I didn’t dare pry. I didn’t want her digging for more in my past.

The back door to Janice’s house opened and the porch light turned on. Jerking my head up, I looked toward the porch to see Janice walking down the steps and out to us with a plate. Setting the plate down between Katie and me, she said, “Enjoy!”

The smell of the freshly baked chocolate chip cookies filled the air between us, and I smiled as the aroma brought back memories of my mother and her famous double chocolate chip cookies. It was a bittersweet memory, because it was the only good thing I could remember about her. “Thank you.”

“Thank you, Janice,” Katie said, reaching over and snatching up a couple from the plate.

“You’re welcome. Did you already feed Kip today?” Janice asked as she turned back for a moment.

“I didn’t. Could you?”

She smiled. “Sure.”

As she walked back toward the porch, Katie finished a bite of cookie and said, “These are good. I haven’t had homemade cookies in ages.”

Smiling, I grabbed one from the plate. “Our mother used to make them all the time growing up.”

“Nice. Was she a homemaker?”

“Yeah.” Lying back down in the grass, I thought back to all the years she stayed home with us kids while I was younger. “She and my father felt it was important to have her in the home.”

“Wow. Both my parents worked growing up.” She paused. “We did have dinner at least three times a week as a family, though.”

“That’s good.”

Katie paused for a moment and then cleared her throat. “I’m going out of town in a couple of days. I won’t be back for a while.”

Looking over at her, I raised an eyebrow. “Where?”

“Hawaii. My parents are renewing their vows and are flying everybody out there.”

“Wow, that’s an awesome step in a marriage. Have fun.”

Reaching over, she touched my arm. “By the way. Good luck with your ex-wife this week.”

Cringing, I responded, “Thanks.”

“Hey. At least you get to see, Cindy. Right?” Katie released her touch from my arm. “I’m sure Cindy’s just as tickled to see you as you are her.”

“I’m hoping she’s excited . . .”

“You’ll enjoy having her here. Oh, hey. You could take her down to the lake and work your leg out some in the water.”

“Good idea. I know I’ll enjoy the time with Cindy. I just worry about Gail being around.”

Looking over at me, Katie asked, “Do you still love her?”

“Who?”

“Come on,” Katie retorted.

Letting a breath out from my lips as I thought about Gail and myself, I shook my head. “I don’t. I love the idea of her. The life we had as a family. No one ever gets married and has kids thinking they’ll split up someday. But . . . I don’t think it’s much more than that.”

Katie kept quiet.

“Hey. Could you get me one of those Hookah necklaces from Hawaii?”

She laughed. “You mean
Puka?
”

I began laughing. “Yeah. That’s what I said . . .”

“Tell you what. I’ll get you a Puka necklace on one condition. You wish on every satellite you see.”

We both began laughing.

We didn’t kiss again that night. I wasn’t really sure how the first one even happened. The kiss was nice, but I mostly cherished the time we had to be able to share the company of another soul who understood life.

T
he following day at my meeting with John at the church I was reading
Farewell, My Lovely
, a hard-boiled crime novel, while he worked on his sermon for Sunday. Out of nowhere, John was suddenly overcome with laughter.

Looking up from my book, I looked beyond my reading glasses and across the desk at him. “What’s so funny?”

He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes as he tried to shoo my attention away with a hand. Marking the spot in my book, I closed it and set it on the chair next to me. “No, what’s so funny, John? You have me intrigued.”

He glanced down at his Bible and then up at me with a hesitant look on his face. He smoothed his fingers over the open pages of Scripture and put his reading glasses back on. “In First Corinthians 7:28 it says, and I quote, ‘those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.’ ” John lost all ability to keep in his laughter as he finished the verse. As he continued to laugh to the point of tears, he managed to continue, “This isn’t a verse that’s told to you when you’re up at the altar!”

Taken aback, I raised a brow as his laughter continued for a moment longer before finally settling down. “John. I’ve heard and know the verse. I guess I’m just missing the funny part.”

He shook his head as his laughter came to a stop. “It’s not even really that funny. It just struck me as such in the moment. You know, this morning, Suzzie got after me about the garbage not going out to the curb again?” He shook his head and smiled. “You know, there’s a lot that you don’t really
get
until you’re in it for twenty years.”

Pressing my lips together, I nodded.

“Sorry,” he replied. “I know you and Gail were together for longer than that . . .”

“Yeah.” I reached over and grabbed my novel. As John went back to working on his sermon, I looked down at my book but wasn’t reading. I thought about Gail and how she’d be in town tonight. Cindy came streaking across my mind, and I smiled. It had been far too long since I saw her last. November of last year, to be exact. Returning to the text I was staring at, I went back to my novel.

Janice arrived home at about three that afternoon, a few more hours until Cindy would be finally back in my arms where she belonged.

As I was refilling Kip’s water and food on the back porch, Janice came outside through the screen door.

“How was your meeting with John today?” she asked as she rested a hand on her hip.

Turning an eyebrow down at her as I rose to my feet and patted my hands off on my pants, I shrugged. “As expected. What’s got you all bothered? I didn’t forget to move the sprinkler like you wanted . . .”

She glanced out at the sprinkler in the yard and shook her head. “Paul’s not coming over. He was supposed to be here for dinner tonight. But he said something came up with work.”

My eyes drifted to the yard where the sprinkler was, and I thought about the pool tournament I knew Paul was going to tonight.

“What?” she asked, stepping closer to me. Tilting her head, she asked, “Do you know something?”

Shaking my head, I lied. “No. I’m just thinking about Cindy. She’s going to be here soon.”

Janice smiled. “She’s a doll.”

Going back inside, my mind took me back to the last time I saw Cindy. It was a sad few minutes when she came into the hospital room beside Janice. Her teddy bear, CeCe, hung from her little fingers as she strolled across the smooth hospital room floor and to my bedside. Barely able to look over at her because of all the bruises, I took my hand and cupped the side of her face as I looked into her pretty brown eyes and told her that Daddy loved her. She cried as she laid her head against my side, and I brushed my fingers through her hair. That painful memory has lived in the recesses of my memory the last eight months since Gail took her away from me. That lonely memory was the one that stuck in my mind the most. Not the Saturday night ice cream runs after dinner as a family or the slow dancing under the stars after she graduated Kindergarten and she asked me to marry her. No, it was the day I was in the hospital and I saw my sweet princess for the last time. It lived with me daily because I didn’t know if I’d truly see her again. Gail had informed me via text that last day that she’d never let Cindy see me. It took months for her to change her mind, but even then, I barely got to speak to Cindy. It had been a hard and long road. The papers were in place for custody now, but they weren’t for a long time.

“Homemade macaroni sound good for dinner?” Janice asked, looking in from the kitchen.

As I sat on the couch, I nodded over to her. “She loves your mac and cheese.”

“I know. She’s going to be excited.” I heard the cupboards open and drawers open. “That cat is back!” Janice shouted from the kitchen.

I stood up and headed in to see. My leg about dropped me as pain shot its way through and into my foot. Grabbing onto the kitchen table for balance, I held myself up and Janice rushed over to me. Grabbing my arm, she helped me get stable footing.

She had concern written all over her face. “Have you been doing those exercises Katie showed you?”

I nodded as I slid the tip of my tongue across the bottom of my lip. The flash of pain was bad. Looking past Janice, I stared longingly for the freezer.

Seeing what I was looking at, she put her hand on my chest. “Don’t do it, Clay. For Cindy. You haven’t been drinking at all lately. Don’t do it, brother.”

My jaw clenched as I looked at her. “What about doing it
for
her?”

She shook her head. “That wouldn’t help her. You know that.”

“I’ll just be in pain and struggling to think straight while she’s here. That sounds like a great idea, Janice! Jeez.” My lips pressed firmly together as the pain radiated.

She put her finger about a quarter inch away from my nose as she held a look of contempt. “If you want to be drunk, you don’t deserve to be a father.” She tossed the hand towel in her hand down on the stove and walked out of the kitchen. As she left the room, her words echoed through my existence and travelled straight into my heart. Janice cut right through me and exposed me for what I was—an undeserving father. Another wave of pain rocked through me as I stood in the kitchen, and I looked over at the clock on the stove. I still had time to get a few shots in me before Cindy got to the house. I needed this pain to go away, or I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the time I had with my daughter.

Hurrying as quickly as I could across the kitchen floor, I opened up the freezer and slipped the bottle of whiskey out. Undoing the cap quickly, I brought it to my lips and took a swig.

Then another.

Janice walked by me without so much as a look and went into the kitchen to finish preparing the macaroni and cheese for dinner.

As the whiskey hit my stomach and began to relax me, I felt the need to apologize. “I’m sorry,” I said as I came into the kitchen and leaned a hand on the counter. “I don’t get why you’re mad. I’m doing physical therapy with Katie. I’m going to
John.
And I went fishing with your lover.” Looking to the window that was outside, I asked, “Did the cat leave? Or . . . did we just forget about it?”

She ignored me.

Going closer to the sink, I leaned over and saw no cats in the yard. “Must have left.” Relaxing my posture back down from the sink, I crossed my arms and looked at my sister as she finished putting the macaroni and cheese into the casserole pan. “I’m not even the one you should be mad at.”

“What’s that mean?” she asked, turning around.

“Oh. You speak now . . .”

“What’s that mean, Clay?” she asked sharply, taking a step closer to me.

“Nothing.” Turning, I went to leave, but she grabbed my shirt and pulled me back into the kitchen. “Tell me what that meant!”

“Your boyfriend’s playing in some pool tournament tonight . . . he lied to you.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my fiancé!” She turned and put the pan of macaroni and cheese into the oven and said, “It’ll be done in an hour.” Grabbing her car keys and purse off the counter, she raced for the front door on a mission and with purpose in her steps.

Following after her, I said, “You can’t go to Paul.”

“Yes, I can.”

“Don’t tell him it was me!” I said as she opened the front door.

She shut the door. Turning around to me, she shook her head. Janice’s eyes were heavy with disappointment and rapidly forming tears. “You didn’t even like him, Clay. Now what? You’re friends? You go fishing with the guy once, and you two are bros? I am your sister! I should definitely come before any bro code you may or may not have established.”

Thinking for a moment, I rubbed the back of my neck, but she didn’t wait for me to respond. She turned around, shook her head, and left.