The Lotus Still Blooms (6 page)

While driving with a friend, a delightful spiritual teacher, a driver on the freeway did an unconscious maneuver and caused the man with whom I was traveling to take quick action to avoid a collision, which he executed with skill. Then he started to swear a blue streak. It was every bit as rattling as the other driver’s erratic moves. It wasn’t the time to say anything to my friend, but it was a reminder that living consciously does not take a holiday when another person drives poorly. It takes constant practice, practice, practice to bring a life-transforming philosophy into
every
moment of our lives, even while driving on the freeway.

We do this first by being the observer and noticing what we are allowingto escape from our mouths. We hopefully are mature enough not to use the childish excuse, “I just can’t help myself when those words come out of my mouth.” The only person ever responsible is the person yelling and verbalizing anger.

Next we take the angry and fearful feelings we are about to express as harsh words and we consciously release them to: the clear light, a divine presence, a bodhisattva, etc. Next we are consciously aware
not
to go back and pick them up again. If our speech causes anyone to suffer, then it is not Right Speech.

The Buddha teaches that if we need to have a conversation with someone who is agitated, or who has a difficult personality, we need to continuously be mindful, consciously breathe in and breathe out, and listen deeply to that person for one hour. If, during that hour, you begin to feel agitated yourself, say to the other dear one, “I truly want to listen to you, but I find myself unable to continue. So let us agree to stop for now. Then in a few days, after much meditation, we can meet again.” How often do we communicate with such an enlightened mind? Can you even imagine how blessed our world would be if we all began to communicate in such a way?

Right Speech is as much about how to speak and address others as it is about what to avoid. In Right Speech we learn to verbally encourage others. Once, a fellow minister reflecting on the giving nature of a well-known teacher, said: “She is the best cheerleader I have ever met. She always has an encouraging word and is quick to praise another’s noble efforts and good works.” What a lovely comment to make about someone—one who not only looks for and sees the good but takes the next step and praises it, as well.

In our Western society we have a harsh manner of communicating to friends and strangers alike. It tends to be both direct and impolite. How often do you say, “Excuse me,” “Please,” “Thank you so very much,” “How kind,” “How thoughtful of you” or even “Good-bye”?

Right Speech is called the sentinel at the door of our consciousness. Practicing Right Speech results in what the Buddhists call an accumulationof merits. In Christian thought and teachings we do not have a direct correlation, but we could make a broad comparison through the idea of attracting grace or gathering good karma into your life.

People will just naturally be more attracted to us the more we draw to ourselves good energy merits. We become a blessing to others and ourselves, as well. We cease from ever harming others through our words. As adults we live by the simple teachings most of us have been taught as children. Before speaking, check out the inner pulse of your communication.

It couldn’t be easier or more direct. One would think it would not be so difficult to always and only speak words that are kind, helpful and true. We truly become the better person, deepening our spiritual path, expanding toward enlightenment.

A Hindu teacher gives this advice to his students about telling the truth: “Anyone who succeeds in telling the truth for twelve consecutive years will become enlightened.” That is certainly a noble goal to aspire to—no fibbing, no half-truths, no white lies, only full, totally honest disclosure.

In the early nineties I attended the Tucson, Arizona, teaching on Patience given by the Dalai Lama. It was modestly attended. Once, after the students formed an arc through which the Dalai Lama was to pass, we were instructed not to touch him or speak to him and to stay in a semi-bowed position, a sign of respect. There was great excitement in the air, and as he approached I felt so very blessed to be in such close proximity to this holy man. He was passing inches in front of me, as I held my hands in a prayerful pose and bowed.

The instant he was even with me, he abruptly stopped, snapped his head to the side and looked directly into my eyes. It took my breath away. All I can say is that it was an instant between us that was a holy encounter. It has remained with me to this moment. The Dalai Lama looked into me, and I was blessed. There have been a number of close encounters since, and of course they are all filled with goodness. But nothing could touch that first holy encounter. It left me speechless. And I have seldom spoken of it because it was so sacred for me. There are times when practicing Right Speech that it is appropriate to remain silent.

In Right Speech we are aware that our words can heal or harm. They can lift up or tear down. When we are in our right mind, why would we ever allow ourselves to harm or tear down another person through our words?

When we live in ignorance and not mindfully, we can allow our speech to come rushing out of us, and at times it seems it has bypassed our thought and has a life of its own. Andrew Harvey says, “Speech is the primary medium of enlightenment.” The purpose of enlightenment is to serve all others. Right Speech is an outgrowth of Right Thinking. They cannot be separated.

One of the most effective methods to train the mind toward Right Speech is through the use of affirmations. Insert your own name in the affirmations following to personalize them. Here are some examples to get you started, but feel free to create your own. Just make sure they are focused on the positive and what you want, rather than what you don’t want.

The Dalai Lama suggests that before arising in our morning meditation we commit to being mindful of our speech throughout the day. At midday we check ourselves by asking, “How am I doing so far? Have my communications been clear, truthful and kind? Are there alterations to be made? Let me now adjust and go on with a fresh start.” At the close of the day ask, “How did I do today?” Hopefully we can say we did really well and, if not, resolve to pay much closer attention to our speech tomorrow.

—HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA

—HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA

RIGHT ACTION

MOST SIMPLY STATED, Right Action means “do no harm.” Always come from the space of the heart, be kind, live mindfully, practice conscious consumption.

Right Action is being certain that our every action is in accord with our inner essence. It is consistency of being—as within, so without. It is knowing when to act and when to be still, when to work in the outer realms and when to work in the inner realms.

When we do not practice Right Action, we cause ourselves so much suffering, and we cause great suffering to those around us, as well. When one is not consciously engaged in practicing Right Action, there is a disconnect between what is being thought, said and done. It is so easy today to witness this disconnection coming out of the behaviors of so many, whether they be celebrities or a professional colleague or your next-door neighbor. The following story illustrates this point:

Stephen thought he could “get away” with cruel, ruthless, cheating behaviors toward his devoted wife, Shelly, in order to continue to get what he wanted. But, as I had to keep telling my girlfriend Shelly, “He cannot.” Friends of ours, they had been married for many years. They shared many interests, had similar backgrounds and education. He was a doctor, she a Ph.D. It was a second marriage for both. The first years they appeared connected and happy, and although their lives were frequently focused on appearances, they were the typical affluent American couple, always accumulating more and better stuff, always upgrading.

Then an opportunity came to Stephen to have a surgical practice three to four days a week hundreds of miles from home. He took it and rented an apartment near the hospital, commuting home on weekends. Finally they moved from their primary home out of California, a community property state, to his new location, not a community property state, quite a distance from their former community and network of friends.

Alone every week, Shelly felt very isolated, lonely and disconnected away from her work and supportive women friends. She picked up a consulting job and was working sixty to seventy hours a week to fill her empty time and life. She would frequently call me for support and advice. I would urge her to seek a spiritual connection and community for support where she now lived. She was drawn to Buddhism and no longer found solace in the religion of her childhood. She read a few of the Buddhist books I recommended, but that was as far as her spiritual path went. She did not find a sangha, a spiritual community or anyone nearby to connect with on a soul level.

Stephen began spending more and more days away, and the gulf between them continued to widen. Red flags were flapping in the breeze of Shelly’s life. I could see it. Her other friends could see it. Her siblings could see it. But as is so often the case in such circumstances, Shelly could not.

Then late one night the phone rang. Fearing something was wrong with Stephen, she answered with trepidation. Something was wrong with Stephen, all right, as Shelly soon learned from Richard, the male voice at the other end of the line. Shelly had met Richard on several occasions in large social gatherings, but she did not know him or his wife, Charlotte, well. Richard told Shelly that in recent months he had begun to be suspicious of his wife’s behavior. He had just returned a day early (intentionally) from a conference only to find Stephen in bed with his wife. When he confronted the two of them, he asked Stephen, “Are you going to tell Shelly, or do I have to do it?” Stephen refused, thus the 2 A.M. phone call.

As the story unfolded, the affair had been in full swing before the move out of California. The move was all part of Stephen’s master plan to get them out of a community property state, to isolate Shelly, be away from their new home a week at a time and be free to establish his new life.

Shelly nearly lost her soul’s center and everything else. She was adrift. To all outside appearances, it looked like Stephen was “getting away” with all of his scheming and deceptive ways. Shelly felt betrayed, vulnerable, wounded and lost. Stephen had also been busy moving money around and burying assets. His actions were about as far toward “wrong action” as one could go.

Shelly would call me crying, “He’s getting away with it!”

“No,” I’d calmly reply, “it may appear that way today, but in the great and cosmic justice of life, he cannot get away with such wrong action.” Then we would speak about karma, not from a revengeful view gleefully waiting for him to get his comeuppance, but from a knowing of the law of cause and effect. Our every action, no matter how small, is replete with consequences. Sexual activity that harms another person is never Right Action. It is pregnant with consequences. Through the ages sexual misconduct has created tremendous suffering.

Stephen’s life is rife with consequences. Shelly just needed to be ever mindful that her hurt and anger did not fester into even more negative states that could manifest as more negative karma for her. She had much to examine and heal and forgive, before she could go on. Their divorce was long and further filled with deceptions. We kept speaking of her need to stand firm and not collapse under his raging intimidations and nasty behavior. It was very difficult, but she made it through. Shelly truly endeavored to practice conscious living even through her pain. She strove to be mindful of her actions and not succumb to rage that would mirror Stephen’s behavior. She is now living in California once again. She is practicing and studying Buddhist teachings, she is in the midst of intensive, ongoing counseling, and she is finding her center once again. Her suffering is coming to an end, in large part due to her Right Action. She is becoming happy once again. She is learning to forgive and trust herself.