The Love Series Complete Box Set (175 page)

He strode back over to me, pulled me up by the collar once more. “Now, clean this mess up and get out of my face. You’re no longer my son. May as well be dead for all I care.”

“Rebecca, get in the kitchen now. It’s almost dinner time.” She followed behind him, like the battered and broken woman she was. Reid helped me clean up the hallway, mopping up the blood and vomit mixture with a few towels.

Wordlessly, we walked up to our room, tended to our wounds and stared at our ceiling.

“Shane.” Mom knelt beside my bed. I had to have fallen asleep because the room was pitch black and Reid snored lightly in his bed on the other side of the room.

“Mom.” She reached down and clasped our hands together. I couldn’t see her; the room was too dark, but I knew she had been crying. I could hear it in the rasp of her voice.

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.” I nodded, my head throbbing in violent pain. Surely, I’d needed medical attention, but that was always out of the question.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll be fine,” I lied.

“We’ll figure it out. It’ll get better. Maybe we can leave and just hope he won’t find us.” Before she could say more, we both heard my father’s stumbling footsteps from the hallway. “I have to go, but we’ll figure it out. I promise, baby.”

As the door softly clicked behind her, I vowed that he would never be able to find me.

One last call. It went straight to voicemail, just as I’d expected.

“Dylan, I’m sorry I couldn’t be everything you needed, everything you deserved. I love you. I always will. I’m sorry.” I choked back the numb tears. My insides were hollow; my life was empty.

One last letter.

Mom & Reid,

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pain. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you both; you deserve more than that, more than me. Please know that I tried to think of a better way, I really did. There just isn’t. So this is how it has to be; it’s too difficult otherwise.

Shane

I licked the envelope closed, tossed it on Reid’s pillow, and walked across the hall to the bathroom. Everyone was gone. Dad had left for work, but not before creeping in my room, telling me to be here when he got home later. Reid left for school, his face bruised and body haggard. I wasn’t sure where Mom was. At work, I’d assumed.

It was just me and my failures, my sadness, my
nothingness.

That there was nothing left at all was a harsh reality to face.

Looking down at the handful of Mom’s sleeping pills, I thought to count them, but there was no point. After swallowing back as many as I could, I leaned against the sink. Thoughts of Dad finding me if I had the courage to run away raced around my already fucked-up head.

I’d make sure that never happened. I turned the water on in the tub, slipped into the warm bath. Once the drowsy sickness of the pills blurred my vision and made my hands wobbly, I pushed the blade against my skin and let the pain fade away.

Chapter Thirteen

November 20, 2007

After three days of radio silence, I felt like I had finally cleared my head. I couldn’t stay pissed at Shane forever, and if I was being honest with myself, I wasn’t entirely innocent in this whole mess. I should have let him explain. I should have called him back.

I threw my stuff together to head home for Thanksgiving, excited to see Shane again, to tell him how sorry I was for shutting him out.

When I got into my car, I plugged my phone into the charger and turned it on for the first time in days. Lights flashed and
bloops
sounded out. Fifteen voicemails and twice as many texts.

The most recent was from Reid. Ice flowed in my veins as I opened the message. Two words stabbed me in the chest.

He’s gone.

I couldn’t go there yet. Maybe Reid simply meant that Shane ran away. He’d said as much before we had our fight. That’s what it had to be. I tried to remain calm as I scrolled through the rest of the text messages. There were lots of “I’m sorrys” and “We need to talks” from Shane right after he’d left, but after the second day, his texts stopped.

I broke in a cold sweat when I saw the next set of messages were only from Reid.

Where are you?

Turn your phone on.

Dylan, come home.

And then the final one,
He’s gone.

My fingers trembled as I dialed into my voice mail. Most of the messages were the same as the texts. I scrolled down to the longest one, figuring that’s where I’d get the most information.

Chills raced over my skin when I heard Shane’s sad voice, raspy and dry. “Please believe me. I wasn’t with her. It was all a cover to get my father off my back. I love you. Only you. I want to be with you. Please call me. Please forgive me. Please come back to me. I’m nothing without you.”

A sickening feeling filled the cabin of my car as I clicked on the last voicemail attached to Shane’s number. “Dylan, I’m sorry I couldn’t be everything you needed, everything you deserved. I love you. I always will. I’m sorry.”

A loud sob roared from my chest.

My mind needed the confirmation that my heart already had. I did a quick check of the time stamps on Shane’s voicemails and Reid’s text. The text had come in hours after the final voicemail.

There was one more voicemail from a number I didn’t recognize. Hope filled my chest. Maybe it wasn’t true, after all. Maybe Shane had run away and Reid only
thought
he was gone. I clicked on it and listened to the most insidious slew of vehemence I had ever heard in my life.

Shane’s father.

“Stay away, you fucking fag. If you show your face around here, around my home, if you for one single second think about showing up at the funeral, just know that I’ll be waiting. I’ll put you in a box right next to him. It’s all your fault he’s there in the first place.”

I opened the door before the vomit came out. It splattered in a loud, wet sound on the pavement.

He was gone.

It was my fault.

I could have saved him.

Instead, I shut him out, let him fall to his own fears; let him do the unthinkable.

I had called him weak, a coward. I had been no better than his father.

I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come. All that came was a bitterness like no other.

I’d lost the only person I’d ever loved because I was too proud to listen to him.

So I did the only thing I could think of.

I got in my car and drove. I drove out into the middle of nowhere, hoping that I could escape the sadness.

Turned out, it was sitting next to me the whole ride.

Chapter Fourteen

May 16, 2015

“What the hell, man?” Reid’s smug-ass face is all that greets me as I open the door to my apartment. Running a hand over my face, I shield my eyes from the early morning sun as it glares through the door.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he snickers, sliding past me, Braden on one hip and a bag of what smells like egg sandwiches in the other.

“You brought me breakfast. And I didn’t even have to sleep with you to get it,” I joke through my yawn, closing the door. “What time is it, anyway?”

Reid pulls a face at me over the sleeping with him joke as he puts Braden on the floor, scattering a few toys in front of him. “It’s just after eight.” He pulls breakfast out of the brown paper bag and starts making some coffee in the kitchen.

I don’t have patience for him right now. Punk just woke me up way before I needed to be, on a Saturday, no less. I don’t know what his problem is, but I’d much rather chill with Braden than listen to Reid toss crap around in my kitchen.

Clicking on the television, I quickly find Sesame Street. “Hey, little dude.” He barely looks up from the toy car he’s chewing on, but when I hold my fist out in front of him, he bumps it. I pull it back and shake it a few times, pretending that he’s hurt me. “Ow ow. When did you get so strong? Show me those muscles.” Braden laughs at me like the fool I am and grunts as he curls his arms into a body builder’s pose. I pinch his biceps, playing along with our little game. “You rock, man.” Reid steps in behind us, holding a mug of coffee up to his mouth as he blows on it. “You keep it up and you’ll be stronger than Daddy real soon.”

I ruffle Braden’s hair as I stand and walk over to Reid. After pouring a cup of coffee, I sit at the table and unwrap my breakfast. “So seriously,” I mumble around a bite of food, “to what do I owe the pleasure?” I slide out a chair on the other side of the small bistro table with my foot, inviting him and his mood to take a seat.

He sits, sips his coffee, unwraps his sandwich, and eats, all without saying a word. I drop my sandwich, and wipe my hands with a napkin as I glare at him. “Look, if it’s about being late to Maddy’s party, I already apologized. I promise to be better, happier, whatever the hell it is you want from me. Could you just say something?”

He still doesn’t say anything, just looks out the small window enjoying his breakfast and sipping his coffee. “Reid, seriously, what the hell? You come over here, wake me up, give me food, and then don’t say a goddamn thing? Are you pissed or not? I don’t get you.” He’s got me so riled up that I’ve lost my appetite.

The answer to why he’s here hits me like a ton of bricks. “Wait a second,” a small smile plays across my face as I let the pieces fall in place. “The last time you brought egg sandwiches was because . . . is she?”

He shrugs, smirking at me over the rim of his mug. I chuck my wadded up napkin at him across the table. Braden toddles in from the living room and Reid pulls him up onto his lap. “Yeah.” Reid kisses the top of Braden’s head as he tears a small piece of bagel up for him. “We just found out.”

“That’s fantastic, bro.” I can’t hide my happiness; a huge bubble of excitement fills my chest. Being an only child always meant that I longed for family, longed for a sense of belonging. Now that I’ve made my way back to Reid, the closest thing I’ll ever have to a brother, and his family, it’s impossible not to be thrilled over a new edition, even if it’s not my own.