Authors: Vacirca Vaughn
Weren’t victims
always a little bitter?
Working herself
up to a full rage, Phoenix jumped off the couch. “Paulo,” she said in a
stone-cold voice, “I’m leaving. Sorry for all the drama. I have to
go.”
Paulo
nodded. “Yeah. Maybe it’s for the best.”
“I guess I
should say sorry or whatever, but it won’t mean anything.”
“Not if you say
it like that. Only say it if you feel sorry about something.”
“Well, sorry
for stressing you out. What are you going to do about your window?”
“They’re coming
tomorrow to replace it.”
“Oh. Okay
then. Thanks for everything, I hope you have a good week.”
“You’re not
coming to church tomorrow morning I take it,” Paulo looked at the floor.
“
Naw
. Like you said, it hasn’t helped me or
anything. Also, I won’t bother you at the center anymore. You’ve
shown me a lot and think I can manage from here.”
Paulo twisted
his lip. “Okay then, if that is how you feel.”
“Yeah, it’s for
the best.”
“Uh huh.”
“I will give
you a check for your services as soon as I get the money.”
Paulo
laughed. “No thanks, Phoenix. Unless you’re paying me with love, I
don’t need payment.”
“Like my love
would be good enough,” she barked.
“Love without
bitterness is always perfect,” Paulo struggled to put on a smile. “I’ll
work on mine as you work on yours.”
“I don’t have
any bitterness and even if I did, so what? I’m allowed after all I’ve
been through.”
“You keep
working on the real makeover, okay?” Paulo said, pointing to his head and his
heart. “The one on the outside only lasts for so long.”
“Alright,
goodbye,” Phoenix said, rushing away.
Paulo watched
her leave, watched her through the hole in the door, as she raced down the
steps.
Turning to his
big, empty apartment, he felt the tears spilling onto his cheeks.
“Father, what
have I done? I am only thirty-six and have lost a woman I love for the
second time. But you know what, Lord? I am done. I am at the
end of myself. I don’t have the strength, I don’t have the answers, and I
don’t have the power. I am so in love with Phoenix I ache every time I
hear her name or her voice. But, now, I give her over to You. I
trust You, Lord. I can’t help her…I can’t even help
You
to help
her. I can only be used by you and I believe I did what You commissioned
me to do. I turn her over to you, Lord. She was Yours and will
always be, in the Name of Jesus. You don’t need my help fixing her or
healing her. You need my faith. So with the faith I still have
left, I hand her over to You. I trust You to do what You promised.
I am stepping out of Your way. I learned from Liz. I release my
feelings from Liz’s death over to You as well. You healed Liz Your way,
You’re healing me Your way, and You will heal Phoenix Your way. I ask You
to supply the wife You have for me in Your timing. I am ready now,
Lord, to love. I am not afraid. Just do what only You can do, in
Jesus’s
Mighty Name, Amen.”
And the Lord
watched His son cry. He placed His loving arms around Paulo to bring
peace to His boy. His heart ached for His son’s pain, but He was so proud
that his
His
son had finally learned all that He had
been trying to teach him for almost ten years.
Paulo learned
to trust God for the woman he loved.
And God decided
then that Paulo had passed his test. He commanded His angels to prepare
the other wife Paulo would meet if Phoenix did not pass hers.
But He would
not let her fail without giving His daughter His all. God only gave His
best to all His children. If she rejected Him, it would be her choice and
He would hand her over to darkness.
But He would
not let her go without a fight.
The Father
turned to His other Son, the Savior. “Send Your Spirit to her.
Order her steps. Tonight is her last chance.”
Jesus looked
upon the Father. “Please, Father, she was one of Mine. Let Us fight
for her.”
The Lord God
watched Phoenix as she walked home, practically faint with her tears. “I
love her. We will fight one last night for her. After that, I give
her over, My Son.”
So the Father
looked down upon His son, Paulo, and renewed his strength.
“Paulo,
pray,” God commanded. “One last night.”
And Paulo heard
his Father’s voice in his heart. Paulo wiped his tears and prepared to
pray one of the most important prayers of his life, outside of the prayer for
his own salvation. He grabbed the Word of God, as led by the Spirit, to
read the scriptures given to him. After the Living Word further renewed
Paulo’s strength, He allowed the Spirit to take control, as he began to fight
for the woman he loved.
Paulo spoke in
tongues and then spoke with a voice of authority. “Father, in the Name of
Jesus, I stand on Your Word. You gave Phoenix her name, Lord, because it
was a spoken prophesy over her life. Long before she was born, You had a
testimony for her. You knew she would fall, Lord, and be consumed by the
fires of her personal hell. But You knew that she—like the mythical bird
for which she was named—would rise from the ashes, oh Lord. I command, in
the mighty Name of Your Son, that she will rise from the ashes of her faith and
the ashes of her life, Lord. I believe that she will not fall. She
will not lose her chance, Lord God, because the Word declares that whatsoever
we shall ask in
Jesus’s
Name, we shall receive.
I receive on behalf of Phoenix, that she will live a resurrected life.
Call her back from the dead, oh Lord! In
Jesus’s
Name, I ask that You raise up more saints to fight this battle for Phoenix
tonight, Lord—”
Satan watched
Paulo pray, feeling his efforts weakening. He tried to distract Paulo
with thoughts of Elizabeth. He tried to remind Paulo of the hurtful
things Phoenix had said and done to him, in spite of how much he loved
her. He tried to make Pride cause Paulo to feel wounded that Phoenix had
still not professed her love. When Paulo had prayed for four straight
hours, Satan even tried to cause him to fall asleep.
But no matter
what Satan tried, he could not get past the fifty warrior angels of the Lord
that had formed a barricade around the prayer warrior’s entire building.
They eyed Satan’s demons as their golden swords flashed brighter with each word
that Paulo prayed. They almost seemed
hopeful
that Satan’s demons
would make a move. They blocked Satan, becoming more empowered with each
scripture and prayer Paulo declared over Phoenix’s life.
Satan began
howling in rage that he no longer had access to Paulo. He knew his window
of opportunity to win back Phoenix was running out.
Satan decided
to give Phoenix all that he had left; he would use the most effective weapon he
had ever used against her.
He had worked
hard in the past week to prepare the weapon he would use.
His weapon was
more than ready.
And Satan
always saved the best weapon for last.
He always used
his best weapon last to prevent a breakthrough.
Chapter 26
Finally,
be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of
God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our
struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the
authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual
forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of
God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground,
and after you have done everything, to stand (Ephesians 6:10-13).
While Paulo
fought, Phoenix cried.
Hot tears hit
her cheeks the moment she left his building.
Making her way
home alone, she felt the loneliest she had ever felt in her entire life.
She had ended
things with the one person in her life who had loved her for who she was, not
for what she looked like, what she did for him, or what she could offer him
And now she
would be alone.
When she
reached her building, she jumped on the elevator and leaned against the wall,
spent. When the elevator reached her floor, she lingered, letting the
elevator door slide closed. Almost in a trance, she pressed the button
for the eighth floor.
Phoenix was
afraid to face her friend after the way she had spoken to her, but she couldn’t
bear to be alone right then. She didn’t want to go to Cara. She
didn’t want to ask her for help. But she felt she had to at all
costs. She didn’t know why, but she knew if she did not, something could
be lost forever. Swallowing her pride, she trudged to the apartment and
knocked.
“
Chica
!
” Cara exclaimed, throwing her arms
around Phoenix’s tear-stained neck. “Praise God! I’ve been praying
for you. You alright?”
Phoenix
sniffled through an “I’m okay,” as Cara led her into the apartment. She
didn’t acknowledge Cara’s comments about praying for her. Lots of good
that
did. “Sorry to interrupt your evening.”
“Girl, please
don’t start that mess,” Cara said, giving Phoenix’s hand a squeeze.
Cara rushed to
get Phoenix a glass of water and a box of tissues. When she returned, she
handed the glass to her friend and used a tissue to pat Phoenix’s cheeks.
When she was done, she sat down. “I’m sorry for how I pushed you earlier,
Chica
.
As much as God has been trying
to teach me to stop getting involved in things unless He leads me to do it, I
turn around and do it again. I call myself trying to help. But,
still, I am so sorry I pushed you into something you were not ready or willing
to do.”
Phoenix gave
her friend a wide-eyed look. “What do you mean, ‘you’re sorry?’ I
am the one who was horrible for yelling at you like that. No, I’m
sorry. You were just trying to help and play the peacemaker.”
“More like
troublemaker!” Cara snickered. “Anyway, Phoenix, I am so sad for
you. I can understand why you got so angry. I was just trying to
get you to forgive so you can be blessed, you know? But you was
right. My job ain’t to preach to you twenty-four, seven. I am
supposed to share what I believe is true and leave it up to the Lord to do the
rest. But you live, you learn.”
“Well, thanks
anyway. It didn’t work the way we expected but if it had, I would have
been thrilled. I just lashed out at you because I didn’t at them.”
Cara waved her
hand. “I know, but it don’t matter. I might have done the same
thing.”
The two girls
hugged.
After Phoenix
explained what happened with Paulo, Cara struggled not to jump in with her
opinions, even though she was disappointed to hear how things had gone.
She had done enough meddling and perseverating for one day. Instead, she
put a comforting arm around Phoenix and simply listened. And when Phoenix
finished sharing, she was relieved that she didn’t feel the need to jump in
with her own advice or opinions or solutions. That time, at least, she
remembered to ask the Spirit of God to lead her in the best way to help her
friend. Calling James out of their bedroom, she asked him to join them in
prayer.
“I don’t know
why,
Chica
,
but I have a strong sense
that we need to continue to pray for you and—”
“And when my
baby says to pray, I pray,” James boomed, already grabbing his Bible.
“The Spirit of God knows what we need before we even ask, so let’s ask.”
And Phoenix sat
there, stunned, as the husband and wife laid hands upon her, beginning to pray
in God’s holy language.
An hour later,
Phoenix dragged herself down to her apartment. She had expected to feel a
little better spending time with her friends and having them pray for her for
such a long time. She had no idea what they prayed for, but she felt
worse than ever. While Cara and James were praying, she continued to have
flashbacks about Cedric and the fact that he was getting married and having a
baby. Her anger intensified and she wanted to run from the room
screaming. Something forced her to stay put. She fidgeted and tried
to come up with an excuse to leave suddenly, but she could not go no matter how
much she tried. Besides, she told herself, her friends were going through
the trouble of praying for her. The least she could do was sit there and
look
interested.
But what was
the use? She had destroyed everything. She had gotten everything
she had ever longed for, prayed for, hoped for, and still turned around and
messed it all up. She wished she could have what Cara and James had, a
wonderful family and an unwavering faith in God. She wished she could
have the peace that Cara, James, and Paulo always seemed to have, even when
they had troubles.
She wished she
could just be happy.
She felt bad
for lying to her friend. Cara had asked if they would see her the next
morning at church, and Phoenix had responded that they would, while knowing she
had already decided not to attend. She knew in her mind that she needed
to be at service more than ever. Her heart, however, just wasn’t in
it. She didn’t want to go to the service without Paulo. And she
didn’t want to keep facing God only to reject Him over and over
again. What good was returning? What was going to church
doing for her at this point? She was still messing up her life. She
had been terrified when Cara and James had prayed, not only because they had
prayed in tongues, but because she felt, for the first time in her life, that
prayer was a waste of time. She was done praying. There was
no point. She believed fully in the Gospel of Jesus and in the God that
had sent Him to die on the cross for her sins. She just wasn’t sure she
believed anymore that the Gospel could help someone as disgusting and horrible
as her.