The Making of a Princess (8 page)

Just like Amanda.

He scrubbed both hands over his face. He couldn’t believe he’d slept. Being responsible for the Prince made him hyper diligent. He had to be careful who he spent time with and how he spent that time. He didn’t sleep with his companions—he hadn’t found anyone worth taking that risk for.

Amanda was different. She posed no threat. At least not to the Prince.

She was a huge threat to Xavier.

His phone beeped, signaling he had a text message. He looked for his pants, didn’t find them, but located his phone on the nightstand.

DNA results confirm relationship. Bring subject to Pasadonia at earliest opportunity.

Xavier’s heart sank. His time was up. There was no question now what his duty was, yet he felt a heaviness in his gut that was completely foreign to him.

He should find her and tell her that she was a royal princess of Pasadonia, that he was her servant, and he would be escorting her to meet the father she’d been trying to find.

Duty was clear-cut, the Prince before all others.

He didn’t want to do it. Didn’t want to see her face when she learned he’d been lying to her.

Oh he could pretty it up, say he hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up if the test was negative, that the omission of information wasn’t the same as telling a falsehood, but the truth was she’d see it all as lies.

He understood why, of course. Her grandparents played with the truth, telling her only what they wanted her to know, whether for her own good or their own comfort. That lack of trust and respect made her sensitive to the truth. Anything less than total honesty was a lie.

He had no choice. If he refused to tell her, they’d only send someone else. He would not allow that.

But his protective instincts toward Amanda rivaled what he felt for family. Except there had never been a conflict between the Prince and his family.

Not that he expected any harm to come to Amanda. Certainly not physically, but her emotional welfare mattered, too. Who would watch out for her if not him?

He admired her intellect, her candor and loyalty. She was generous, caring, and brave. What she lacked was any sense of self-preservation. She gave her grandparents way too much control over her. How much would she give up for the father she never knew?

Tomorrow, he decided, was soon enough to find out.

CHAPTER EIGHT

“G
OOD
,
YOU
’
RE
AWAKE
.”
Amanda flipped on the overhead light as she entered the room carrying Xavier’s clothes. The one thing she’d insisted on in an apartment was a washer and dryer. “I dried your things.”

“Great.” He stood and reached for the stack in her hands.

She blushed and busied herself at the dresser, looking for a bracelet to brighten up her scoopnecked black sweater.

“We didn’t talk about dinner. My friends Michelle and Amanda are in town and I’m going to meet them at this great Italian place. Would you like to join us?”

His presence loomed behind her and she felt the warmth of him along her back and then the heat of his mouth on the exposed nape of her neck.

“I would prefer to have you to myself.” His voice was gruff. “But I will settle for sharing you with your friends.”

“I’m so glad.” Delighted with his response she twirled in his arms, linked her hands behind his neck. “I really want them to meet you. Well, you already met Michelle, but now you’ll get to know her. Wait.” She stopped chattering, finally noticing his clenched jaw and the light of battle in his eyes. “You’re upset. What’s wrong?”

For a moment his expression went ice cold and then he rolled his shoulders as if throwing something off. He leaned down and kissed her softly.

“I am nervous to meet your friends.”

“Nice try.” She straightened his collar where the corner was turned under. “But nothing makes you nervous. You can talk to me, you know. Am I being a Xavier hog? Do they need you to come into the museum? Or is it something from home? Is everyone in your family okay?”

“So many questions. My family is fine, thank you.”

“You’ve listened to all my gripes,” she said sheepishly but she was earnest when she continued. “I’ve never seen you upset. I want to help you if I can.”

She felt his hand fist against the small of her back and then relax.

“It is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow. Let us enjoy tonight with your friends.”

“Are you sure?” she persisted. “I’ll be disappointed, but I understand if you have to go.”

“I need to be where you are. Of this I am sure.”

She lit up at his reassurance, at the old-fashioned phrasing that made her feel special, even when she knew it was probably a second language thing.

“Great. Then we should go.” She slipped on a red and black bangle bracelet and led the way to the door. “Don’t scare me like that. I thought you were going to tell me you’d been called back to Pasadonia.”

* * *

Amanda laughed at Nate’s dry comment. An ex-soldier turned small-town sheriff, his stoic pragmatism made him the perfect foil for the jaded, artistic Michelle. Just as the reckless hockey player, Max, was the ideal mate for Elle, a by-the-rules, family-oriented optimist.

Joy bloomed within Amanda. Sitting here with her dear friends, with the men they loved, and with the man she loved, was the happiest she’d ever been.

She loved Xavier? She carefully set her wine on the table. “Excuse me. I have to go to the restroom. Elle, Michelle?”

The two immediately stood up. “We’ll be right back,” Michelle declared.

“Why do they do that?” Nate said behind them.

“My theory is it’s a pack thing,” Max answered easily. “Ingrained into their DNA from the day of cavemen, when it wasn’t safe to venture out alone.”

“Creative thinking.”

“I can only tell you it is the same in Pasadonia.”

Michelle rolled her eyes.

Elle grinned. “They are so clueless.” She pushed into the restroom, held the door for the other two. “What’s up, Amanda? You were okay and then you suddenly went white.”

Amanda paced in front of the three stalls with shiny red doors. “I’ve done something really stupid.”

“Calm down, babe, we’ll work this out,” Elle assured her.

“As soon as you explain,” Michelle agreed. “I was sitting right there and didn’t see any stupid behavior.”

“That’s because it’s in here.” Amanda tapped her chest over her heart. “I love Xavier.”

“Oh, Amanda!” Excited, Elle clasped Amanda’s hand. And then she connected the dots that Xavier would be leaving in a few weeks. “Oh, Amanda.”

“What am I going to do?” She pleaded for guidance. “I don’t want him to go.”

“How does he feel?” Michelle asked. “Is there any possibility he’d stay?”

Amanda shook her head. “I can’t see where he would. He’s a royal guard. His whole career is tied to the Prince. And his family is there. It’s clear he cares deeply for them.”

“How does he feel about you?”

“I don’t know. He likes me.” At least he seemed to care about her. How did you tell these things when it really mattered? He hadn’t talked about love. But then neither had she.

Why would they, when he was leaving so soon?

“Amanda.” Michelle propped a hand on her hip. “He likes you? Please. The man has been devouring you with his eyes all night.”

“Oh yeah,” Elle confirmed. “He’s definitely enchanted with you.”

“Really?” Amanda asked, hungry for reassurance. “No, I know.” This when Michelle threw her hands up in disgust. “I know he wants me.” Her cheeks heated as she remembered their afternoon play. “But that’s lust, right? I want him, too, but what I feel is so much more than that.”

“What do you feel?” Elle asked.

“I love being with him, talking, learning things. We have a lot in common. He was upset before we came over tonight. He wouldn’t say what it was about, but it matters to me. I’ve had a really good time, but inside I’ve been brooding about how he’s feeling and if there’s anything I can do. He’s going home for a week next Tuesday. I keep thinking what if he doesn’t come back?”

“Oh, hon.” Elle rubbed her arm in sympathy.

“And then I’m sitting there watching you with the men you love, seeing how you look at them, as if they were personally responsible for the end of world hunger. And it hits me that’s how I feel about Xavier. I don’t want him to leave.”

There was no answer for that so silence fell over them as they stared at each other wishing for a resolution. Fighting back tears, Amanda needed to get away from the sympathy in their eyes and stepped into one of the stalls.

Two tears rolled down her cheeks. She’d never felt so impotent in her life. The three of them were usually undefeatable when they attacked a problem together. But love couldn’t be forced, and the situation was what it was.

She’d been right to have concerns earlier, but they’d come too late to save her. The time for caution was past. Thinking back, she realized she’d been lost from the very first night.

A few minutes later the three of them were standing in front of the mirror washing their hands. “Thanks for listening to me.” She told her friends, “I’m so glad I have you both.”

“What about the sex?” Of course that was from Michelle. “Is it hot?”

“Honestly, Michelle,” Elle protested on Amanda’s behalf. “It’s not all about the sex.”

“No, but it is a factor. And our Amanda is a little naïve. If the sex is really good, she could be mistaking that for deeper emotions.”

Arms crossed in front of her, foot tapping, Elle considered the argument. “Okay, that’s a valid point.”

Both women turned their gazes on Amanda.

“Oh.” Heat scorched her cheeks. “Steaming hot.” Literally. “When it finally happened. He was such a gentleman I practically had to seduce him.”

“You had to seduce him?” Michelle demanded and turned to Elle. “Does that sound right to you?”

“Max ‘the Beast’ Beasley, bad boy of hockey, is a gentle, dedicated father,” Elle pointed out. “Xavier is an honorable man, here for a short time. Amanda is special. Maybe he didn’t want to hurt her.”

“Maybe, and six weeks can be a long-term relationship for some people.”

“But it doesn’t take a genius to know Amanda isn’t one of those people, and Xavier strikes me as pretty sharp.”

“Hey,” Amanda broke in. “Standing right here.” Anger snapped in her voice. “If you’re questioning Xavier’s manhood, don’t. He’s all man, an incredible lover, and yes, he does respect me. If you heard the stories I’ve heard about his mother you wouldn’t question his restraint.”

“Oh my, look at her defend her man.” Michelle affectionately tugged Amanda’s strawberry blond hair. “It must be love. Here’s a wild question, would you move to Pasadonia for him?”

“Wow.” Amanda froze as the concept rolled through her mind. Her first reaction was no, how could she? Her only family was here. Her dear, dear friends were here. But then she considered never seeing him again, and her whole being rejected the idea.

Stricken, she looked from Michelle to Elle.

“I don’t know,” she confessed.

Michelle reached for her hand and Elle placed hers over both of theirs uniting them all.

“My advice?” Michelle squeezed her fingers. “Whether it’s four days or a month, enjoy him while you can.”

Amanda bit her lip. It wasn’t the answer she’d hoped for, but it may well be the best advice she was going to get.

“I will. Thanks.” She hugged Michelle and then Elle. “Let’s go enjoy our men.”

Amanda led the way out and found Xavier leaning against the wall across from the ladies room.

“Hey,” she greeted him as her friends slipped past her and headed for the table.

“You were a long time,” he said, not moving. “You were pale when you left the table. I worried something might be wrong.”

“Sorry.” She stepped close, placed her hand on his chest. “Just catching up with my friends. Are you okay?”

He pulled her hand to his mouth, pressed a kiss in her palm. “And the tears?” He gently swept his thumb under her right eye, rubbing away lingering wetness.

How to answer that without giving up all her secrets? With
a
truth, if not
the
truth. She waved toward the table and the path her friends had taken.

“They are crazy, stupid in love. It got emotional.”

The intensity of his gaze never lessened. “You would tell me if you were hurting?”

She blinked back fresh tears. How sweet he was, how concerned for her welfare. Maybe he was a little enchanted.

“Yes.” It wasn’t a lie. Loving him hurt, but it was also heart-warming, exhilarating, and wonderful. She chose to focus on those elements until she was forced to say goodbye. “Come on.” She looped her arm through his. “Let’s go home and I’ll show you just how good I’m feeling.”

Michelle had the right idea. Amanda would enjoy him while she could.

CHAPTER NINE

“T
HE
P
RINCE
OF
Pasadonia is my father?” Shock made Amanda numb as she repeated Xavier’s words.

She sat in the muted elegance of Xavier’s suite at the Fairmont. A soft blue chair wrapped her in classic comfort. He’d asked her to come by this afternoon after work. She’d been excited to see him and thought they might go to dinner. Instead he sat her down and announced the Prince was her father.

He was different this evening, closed off from her, his expression guarded like when they’d first met. And he hadn’t kissed her. Now he’d presented this odd joke. Something smelled off, something that had to do with what upset him last night.

She tried for a lighthearted laugh in the spirit of his joke, but it fell short, sounding like a choked gasp. She was no good at pretending. So she went with the truth.

“Xavier, this isn’t funny. I’m serious when I say I want to find my father. Yes, my mother traveled through Pasadonia the summer before I was born, but I’d never claim a relationship with the Prince.”

“Of course not. You are too honest, too caring.” He spoke quietly, calmly. Not as if he was joking at all. “It is my hope that knowing your mother traveled in Pasadonia will help you to accept the Prince as your father more easily.”

“Stop saying that.” She shot to her feet. “The Prince of Pasadonia is not my father.”

“The proof is indisputable.” He gestured to an envelope on the dark wood coffee table. He kept his seat as she paced away. “The Prince is eager to meet you. I have been charged with bringing you to him.”

“A dim resemblance to a distant relative is hardly indisputable.” Agitated, she twisted her watchband as she paced in front of the window. “If my mother’s travels to Pasadonia were so relevant, why didn’t you say something at the time I told you she spent time in Pasadonia?”

Something flashed through his eyes, but it came and went so fast she wondered if she didn’t imagine the slight flinch.

“There was nothing to reveal at that time.”

“At that time? I don’t understand any of this. How does the Prince even know about me?” This was unreal.

He rose and came to her, halting her restless movements by taking her hands. His warm touch soothed her and she leaned into him.

“I’m sorry, this just doesn’t make sense.”

“Amanda.” She felt his hand run over her hair before he set her away from him. “I sent him the picture I took of you and Michelle. It was my duty. The resemblance is quite strong. The Prince was intrigued and the DNA test confirmed the relationship.”

“DNA test?” She pushed away from him. All warmth drained away. “How? You sent DNA?” Of course he did. Where else would they get it?

“It was necessary for an accurate identification. I know you are unsettled by this news, but there is nothing to fear. I will be with you.”

“You stole my DNA?” The words came out raw, but then that’s how she felt.

His shoulders went back. “Yes. It was an order.”

“Oh.” Her mind raced, going over the past two weeks. “Oh.” She closed her eyes as it all became clear. She’d been an assignment. He didn’t care for her. He was just doing his job, babysitting her until the test results came in.

“Amanda.” He tried to close the distance between them.

“No.” She backed away, step for step. He wasn’t the honorable man she’d thought him. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you just ask?”

“If the tests were negative, there was no need for you to know they were ever done.”

“And I could make no claim against the Prince, right?”

“It was a matter of discretion.”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, desperate for an explanation that made sense. “You were upset last night, what happened? Have you been ordered back to Pasadonia and you’re pulling this stunt to make it easier to leave? If so, please stop, I’d rather keep the good memories of our time together.”

“I have been ordered to return to Pasadonia and bring you for presentation to your father. We shall leave on Tuesday.” He spoke with a terrible formality, stiffness in both his tone and his spine.

He was so unlike the warm and solicitous man she’d grown to love it took her a minute to process what he’d said. All her doubts and concerns came back to haunt her.

Except she’d never suspected him of deceit.

“Oh no, I’m not going to Pasadonia with you. I’m never going anywhere with you ever again.” In fact, she’d had enough. Where was her purse? She swung toward the chair she’d occupied earlier.

He stepped into her path. “I understand you are upset, but if you do not go with me, his majesty will only send another escort, and another, until you agree to come. Why drag this out? You wanted to find your father, now you have—and he desires to meet you.”

“Yes, I wanted to know who my father was.” She rubbed at her temple where a throbbing headache had blossomed. Her weariness and disillusionment were clear in her voice but she didn’t have the strength to hide her emotions at this point. “But whether I met him or not was to be my decision. I have obligations, a job, family. I can’t just drop everything and get on a plane with you.” This conversation was going nowhere. “I have to go.”

“Of course.” But he didn’t move out of her way. “Amanda, you are an intelligent woman. You are smart enough to know the truth when you hear it.” He walked to the coffee table, picked up the manila envelope, held it out to her.

She lifted furious eyes to him, letting rage override the hurt. “I don’t want it.”

“I know you are angry with me, but you know I would not lie to you. Read it. Call me on my mobile.”

She snatched it from him. Picked up her purse. Headed for the door. “As far as I’m concerned all you’ve done is lie.”

Xavier’s hand on her arm stopped her.

She whirled on him. “Don’t touch me.”

He immediately released her and threw both hands up in the universal sign of surrender.

“I may be a fool,” she bit out, holding her purse and the envelope in front her like a shield. “But I’m not stupid. You used me. You—” Her throat closed, cutting off her words. Swallowing, taking a deep breath, she fought for control. “You stole a part of me. You lied. And you used my attraction for you to lull me along until the test results came in. You don’t get to touch me ever again.”

“I did no—” He cut himself off to stand stoically silent. The only sign of agitation was the heavy rise and fall of his chest as if he exerted great control.

What had he been going to say?

What could he say?

“Was any of it real?” She hated the plea, hated the need to validate a relationship that clearly existed only in her fantasies. Maybe she should have paid more attention to Grandmother. Because obviously she was right, Amanda was too naïve for her own good.

“Don’t answer that. Of course it wasn’t. No wonder you never made the moves on me. You weren’t attracted to me. Oh Lord, yesterday.” Anguish gripped her. “You must have felt compelled to make love to me.”

She wanted to hide in shame but forced her chin up. “I’m sorry—”

“Do not!” Fire flashed in his eyes but only for an instant before he leashed his emotions once more. “You forced nothing. My feelings toward you are of no matter.”

“It matters to me!”

“I should not have touched you. It was inappropriate and I apologize.”

Her heart broke a little more with every word he spoke.

“You forbid me from expressing sorrow for forcing you into a difficult position, but it’s okay for you to dismiss what passed between us?” Her voice shook with the power of her emotions. “I get to say what is appropriate for me. I am not a citizen of Pasadonia. You are not responsible for me.”

“I am a royal guard.” His shoulders straightened to sharp edges. “It is my duty to protect and serve the royal family. You are of royal blood. My duty is clear.”

“Duty.” More than her voice broke on the word. “My grandparents have taught me all about the warmth of duty.”

He slowly closed his eyes as if it took an effort to bank the mix of emotions that had risen to the surface. She imagined regret, sadness, anger but dismissed it as wishful thinking. Most likely it had been impatience.

“You and your prince can keep your duty.” She stepped around him, turned the door handle. “I don’t need it. Or you.”

This time he let her go.

* * *

“If you get on that plane, you are cutting all ties with your grandfather and me.” Grandmother sat ramrod straight on her cream sofa, her hands clenched in her lap.

For the second time in as many hours Amanda sat stunned by news being directed at her. She’d gone directly from her interview with Xavier to her grandparents’ home to give them the news.

She didn’t need to read the DNA report to realize he’d been telling her the truth. No, she wasn’t dense. But she’d read it anyway. All three pages of it, one with the Prince’s DNA graph, one with hers and the third page explaining the validation process.

It wasn’t difficult to see the similar spikes on the graph. Besides what would the Prince gain by claiming a relationship with her if there wasn’t one?

The Prince of Pasadonia was her father.

She’d rushed to Sausalito to inform her grandparents, thinking they would want to know, hoping for some sympathy and guidance in the face of Xavier’s demand to leave on Tuesday for a command introduction to her royal father.

She’d been wrong.

Not only was Grandmother not sympathetic, she was outright hostile.

“That man stole our daughter from us,” Grandmother denounced in frigid tones. “He can’t have you. Your grandfather and I have raised you as our own. You owe us your loyalty.”

“That man?” Something in the way she said the words made Amanda go very still. “Grandmother, do you know who he is? Have you known who my father is all this time and kept if from me?”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady.” Grandmother looked sternly down her nose at Amanda. “There was no need for you to learn anything of your father. We have provided for your every need.”

“It’s not a matter of needs. It’s a matter of identity. Of knowing who I am, of knowing what family I have and who they are.”

“You are our daughter’s child. She should be enough for you.”

“How can she be enough for me when you horde information about her like she’s gold mined from a depleted shaft? As if sharing with me diminishes her in some way?”

“She died,” Grandmother said with great vehemence. “Because of you, she died.”

“It was my fault.” Amanda’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She’d always known they blamed her for the loss of her mother and here was the confirmation. “So I didn’t deserve to know her?”

Grandmother looked away. “Such a loss is difficult to talk about.”

“Why?” Amanda pleaded. “Why was it so hard to tell me about her?”

Silence greeted her query.

“Do you hate me that much?” Amanda whispered.

“Stop being so dramatic.” Grandmother leaned forward to minutely adjust the magazine atop the coffee table. “If you must know, she shamed us. Do you have any idea how humiliating it was to have her sashaying about campus pregnant and unwed? Hunt is a small, prestigious university with traditional values. Your grandfather and I suffered censure for months.”

It was all too easy to see their reputations had meant more to them than their child’s happiness. How sad. And how familiar.

“And my father?”

“Of course we knew who he was. At first Haley refused to tell us, but when the complications developed after your birth, she told me everything.”

“But you didn’t contact him?”

“Why would we? He didn’t deserve you.” She crossed her arms over her chest, jutted her chin. “With Haley’s passing, sympathy replaced the disapproval around campus and we were able to put her indiscretion behind us. If you acknowledge Jean Claude Carrère now, the circumstances of your birth will be resurrected, and we’ll be forced to relive the mortifying scrutiny all over again.”

“What about me? What about my opportunity to know my father?” She challenged her grandmother like never before.

For Amanda it had always been about pleasing her grandparents, always seeking their approval. That ended now. The sense of betrayal, compounded by her grandmother’s lack of concern, was huge.

“Have you ever thought about what would make me happy? Have you ever put my needs before your own even once?”

“I let you go to that princess camp you carried on about.”

“Once. You refused to let me go back even though I begged.”

“Because it was a waste. And you were obsessed with all things princess.” She sniffed her disdain. “I was supposed to tell a child who mooned over every fairy tale and Disney princess that she was the daughter of a prince who didn’t know she existed? Not likely.”

“I was eleven. I outgrew the fascination. You could have told when I got older.”

“Stop this now.” Grandmother clearly disliked being questioned. “This emotional outburst is unbecoming on you. We did our duty. We raised you as our own, provided a good education for you. You should be grateful.”

“Grateful?” Amanda asked appalled. “Family shouldn’t have to be grateful for supporting each other. I love you and Grandfather. Do you love me?”

She didn’t know where the question came from except when she stopped and thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time she heard either of her grandparents actually voice their affection for her.

“Now you’re being silly.” Grandmother stood and smoothed her camp shirt over her linen pants. “You’re not going, so this discussion is over. We won’t speak of this again. It would distress your grandfather.”

“I am going.”

Grandmother froze, turned slowly to face Amanda. “You’re just saying that to be contrary.” Her icy tone made Xavier’s coolness seem warm and toasty. “I won’t succumb to emotional blackmail.”

Amanda jumped to her feet.

“Emotional blackmail? I simply asked you to admit you love me. Something you couldn’t do.” She paused. And still nothing. “Emotional blackmail is telling me by boarding the plane I’m cutting all ties with you and grandfather.”

“It’s for the best.”