‘You’re spinning – stop it!’
‘Well, you’re taking too long with your shots.’
‘Are you accusing me of cheating?’
‘Yes.’
‘Right, you’ve had it. Goal! Two-one!!’
I bought him another beer. And then another. We were both pretty merry by now. I was laughing. In fact, I was almost high on happiness, though the beers undoubtedly helped. We were both being very flirtatious.
‘I’m glad we’re friends again, Minty,’ said Joe.
‘Are you?’ I said with a smile.
‘Yes. When we had our Brief Encounter in Paris,’ he went on with a mischievous smile, ‘you made me feel …Breathless.
I was
A Bout de Soufflé
, he added with a burst of inebriated laughter. Ah ha. I could play this game too.
‘It was a Fatal Attraction, was it?’ I enquired, with a giggle. I had another quick sip of beer.
‘Well, in a way,’ he said. ‘But I didn’t do anything about it because …’ he paused and let the ball idle for a moment in the corner ‘ …you were clearly
Un Coeur En Hiver.
’
‘Yes,’ I conceded. ‘I was having a Crack Up because I didn’t have A Wedding. Oh, great goal!’
‘Right, that’s another Peroni. You were a Psycho,’ he said.
‘I was
not
,’ I retorted. ‘I was simply one of these Women On the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown.’
‘Because you’d been a Fool for Love. But then,’ he went on, ‘It Happened One Night. We had a rather Dangerous Liaison which left us both Dazed and Confused.’
‘I did not exactly feel Dead Calm after that,’ I said as my half back connected with the ball. ‘So I stayed Home Alone.’
‘You were Gone With the Wind,’ said Joe. ‘You wouldn’t even take my calls.’
‘Well, by then I was totally pissed off with men. So I decided to concentrate on My Brilliant Career.’
‘But that caused me Misery.’
‘I’m sorry. Ooh – good goal! That was a sly one, Joe.’
‘But now it’s OK and we can-’
‘– get Back to the Future?’ I suggested daringly as I threw in the last ball. The game was almost over. It was time to talk. It was time for me to tell Joe how much he meant to me. Truly, Madly, Deeply. That I wanted us to be more than Friends. That I didn’t want him to go to LA. That I wanted him to stay in London, and make me laugh. Everything had changed.
‘There’s something I want to tell you,’ I said, as we ordered a couple of plates of pasta. ‘Something important.’ He gave me a penetrating stare.
‘You’re not …with child, are you, Minty?’ he enquired dramatically. I rolled my eyes.
‘No,’ I said. ‘I’m not.’
‘Because I’ll stand by you if you are, Minty – I’m not one to evade my responsibilities. You know that.’
‘Look –’
‘And may I say what a
lovely
mother you’d make,’ he added.
‘I’m trying to be serious,’ I interjected.
‘OK,’ he said, with a smile. ‘Let’s get serious.’
Yes, I thought.
Let’s get serious.
What a good idea.
‘It’s about Dominic …’
‘Oh God,’ said Joe, ‘not again. I was rather enjoying myself there.’
‘I only wanted to tell you that I’ve got over him
completely.
It’s over. Finito. Because I found something out. Something that’s changed everything.’
‘Really?’ he looked intrigued now. We sat down at a small table at the back.
‘I discovered that it wasn’t my fault,’ I announced.
‘What wasn’t?’
‘What happened to me. With Dominic. It was all his fault.’
‘What do you mean?’
And as we ate our pasta, I explained, slightly tipsily, about how Virginia Park had called me, and then how I’d met Dominic again, and the things he’d said, and what I’d gradually worked out for myself – that in the end, it had all been about cash.
‘It was all about money,’ I said indignantly. ‘Mammon. He dumped me in a panic, because he thought he was about to lose all his loot. And then when the crisis unexpectedly blew over, he realised he’d made a mistake, and wanted me back.’
‘But you’re not …’
‘Oh
no
!’ I exclaimed. ‘I’m not going back to Dominic. Of course not. But I’m so glad I saw him, just one more time, because if I hadn’t, a) I’d never have been able to tell him how despicable he is, and b) I’d never have known the truth.’
‘And now you do?’
‘Yes. And the truth is that I don’t have to blame myself any more. And that’s just so wonderful, because it ate away at my
confidence – the thought that I might have brought it on myself.’
‘Why
did
you think that?’
‘Because I thought the reason he’d done it was because I’d been so nice to him, so weak and compliant, that he’d lost all respect for me.’
‘But, from what you say, and from what I saw of you on the Nice Factor course, you
had
been weak and compliant.’
‘Yes, yes, yes, I know. I’m not denying that. But that’s not why he dumped me. But
I
thought it was, and I’d been torturing myself for months. It was really eating away at me. Now I know that theory was
wrong
, and that it wasn’t my fault at all.’
‘It wasn’t your fault?’ he repeated. He was fiddling with the fork.
‘No,’ I said again. And I was smiling. ‘It was all Dominic’s fault. I understand that now. I hadn’t realised quite how shallow Dominic was. And now I do.’
‘I see.’
‘It was all about
money
,’ I repeated. ‘It was as simple as that.’ I shook my head, and then I said, ‘I discovered I’m not to blame.’
‘I see.’
‘And that’s just so, so liberating for me.’
‘Well, it must be.’
‘And now I feel I can move on. I can truly move forward at last. Don’t you feel glad for me, Joe?’ I grabbed his hand. But he didn’t say anything. He was just looking at me in this slightly funny way.
‘Why don’t you say something?’
‘Well, what should I say?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Anything. Say you’re happy. Say you agree.’
‘Why should I say that? I don’t.’
Oh. He’d obviously had too much to drink. Couldn’t get his brain round it.
‘OK,’ I said. ‘I’ll explain it again, you see –’
‘Oh no, I have all the information I need,’ he said, with what seemed like a slightly chilly smile. ‘But it’s the conclusion you’ve drawn that I don’t think is quite right.’
‘Look, the conclusion I’ve drawn is that it’s all Dominic’s fault. Not mine. He was shallow. But I didn’t know quite
how
shallow he was until I saw him on Thursday night.’
‘You did know,’ said Joe, pursing his lips.
‘No I didn’t.’
‘I think you did.’
‘No I
didn’t
,’ I repeated. And I was feeling slightly irritated by now. ‘I thought Dominic was only superficially shallow –’ We both laughed at that. ‘I mean, I thought he was only shallow about appearances, about clothes, and cars and parties.’
‘I see.’
‘I thought he was only shallow about surface things. But now I know that he was shallow in a
grievous
way.’
‘It sounds like it.’
‘Then why don’t you understand what I’m saying?’
‘Oh, I do understand it. But I just don’t agree with you that you didn’t know how shallow Dominic was.’
‘I didn’t,’ I insisted. ‘How
could
I know? I didn’t know about the pensions thing or the compensation plans. That was information I only received afterwards.’
‘But you’d already seen how shallow he could be,’ said Joe. ‘You’d seen it over and over again. So why be surprised when he turned out to be
deeply
shallow, as it were.’
‘Well, I was surprised.’
‘But that’s like being surprised if someone who’s previously shown violent tendencies then goes on to commit a murder. The signs were there. It’s in the mental make-up, the psychological background. You don’t have to be a writer to know that, Minty. We all give ourselves away.’
Gosh, this was really quite annoying. I didn’t realise how difficult it was going to be.
‘Well, I don’t agree, Joe,’ I said with an exasperated sigh. ‘The fact is that I was really taken aback when at last I saw what had been going on.’
‘More fool you,’ he replied, as he pushed pasta round his plate. And he gave me this funny, slightly weary look. ‘I mean, on the course, there you were going on about how, from the very beginning, you’d thought Dominic was shallow. That he seemed overly concerned with “appearances”. And how, from the very outset, he’d started, insidiously, to change you.’
‘Oh, it wasn’t insidious. It was direct. “Wear this. Don’t wear that. Say this. Don’t say that. We’re doing this. We’re not doing that.” I don’t call that insidious at all.’
‘Then I’m even more shocked that you put up with it. It sounds awful. And none of us could believe that someone bright and independent like you would put up with such – crap. But you obviously did.’
‘Yes,’ I conceded, ‘I did. And I regret it with all my heart. And I’m never,
never
accepting that kind of shitty inequality again.’
‘Good.’
‘Because I’ve moved on.’
‘I’m not sure you have,’ he said.
‘Joe, sorry, but I think this is a bit unkind of you, to be so unsympathetic to me when I’ve been through such a lot.’
‘I’m not being unsympathetic,’ he said, pushing his plate away. ‘Not at all. Far from it. I’m just a bit …disappointed, I suppose.’
‘Disappointed? What do you
mean
, disappointed?’
‘In you.’
‘Oh! Well …thanks very much.’ Blooming cheek!
‘Because you keep blaming Dominic.’
‘Yes, I
do
blame Dominic. Why
shouldn’t
I blame Dominic? Dominic does
bad
things. It’s all his fault!’
‘That’s where I disagree.’
‘Well, I don’t know
why
you disagree, because it’s
true.
’ I felt really cross now. In fact, I was on the verge of tears. Joe was spoiling a perfectly nice evening with his probing, irritating questions. ‘It
is
true,’ I said again. The table was beginning to blur. ‘I was a victim,’ I said. My throat ached with a suppressed
sob. ‘I went through something terrible.
Terrible.
And it was all Dominic’s fault.’
‘But it was your fault too.’
‘It was
not
my fault,’ I insisted, struggling now to keep my voice low. ‘I was an entirely innocent party. He was scheming behind my back. Scheming to save his money, and to sell me down the river. And that’s what he did. In front of two hundred and eighty people. At exactly a hundred quid a head. So I don’t quite see how I’m to blame.’
‘You were. In a way. For allowing Dominic to treat you like that. Don’t get me wrong,’ he went on, ‘what he did was inexcusable …’
‘Well, hallelujah!’
‘ …but you were complicit in what he did, because you didn’t tell him where to get off.’
‘I didn’t tell him where to get off?’
‘No, you didn’t.’
‘I didn’t?’
‘No. Doesn’t sound like it.’
‘Well, no, no, you’re right. OK, I didn’t.’
‘Why not?’ I shifted slightly on my chair.
‘Because it wasn’t worth it.’
‘Worth it? I see.’
‘He had a very nasty temper,’ I explained. ‘He’d make such an awful, hysterical fuss if he didn’t get his own way. It was horrible. I was afraid to confront him.’
‘Why?’ said Joe with a shrug.
‘Because if I’d confronted him there’d have been a terrible scene and we’d have …split up – that’s why!’
‘And would that have been a bad thing?’
‘Yes! I didn’t want to split up with him.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because he was my boyfriend. He was The One. I wanted to marry him. So I was prepared to compromise.’
‘Oh.’
‘Well, everyone compromises – that’s what relationships involve.’
‘They don’t seem to involve much compromise for Dominic,’ said Joe contemptuously. ‘No, my question is, why did you
want
to marry him?’
‘Why? Why? What kind of question is that? I mean, why does anyone want to marry
anyone
?!’
‘But from what you say, you didn’t really like or admire him. And so that’s what I don’t understand.
Did
you like him, Minty?’ He held me in his gaze. ‘Well, did you?’ I found myself staring at his eyes. His pupils were large and hazel, with radiating fibrils of gold and green. There was something hypnotic about them. I heaved a long, weary sigh. ‘Did you?’ I heard him say again.
‘No,’ I said quietly. ‘I didn’t really. And I like him even less now I know the truth.’
‘But, Minty,’ said Joe, leaning forward a little now, ‘why were you prepared to marry someone you didn’t
like
? I’m sure I asked you that before, and you just evaded the question.’
‘Look, Joe, whether or not I liked him has got
nothing
to do with it. He wanted to marry me.’
‘But – let me say it again – you didn’t really
like
him, did you?’
‘No,’ I hissed. ‘I
didn’t.
I didn’t like his behaviour. It made me cringe. I didn’t like the way he called everyone by their Christian names and tried to sell policies at parties. I didn’t like the fact that he would never do
anything
I wanted. I didn’t like his supercilious criticisms of people who weren’t “smart” or well dressed. I especially didn’t like the way he controlled me and destroyed my confidence.’
‘Anything else?’
‘Yes. His conversation – or rather, lack of it. It was bloody boring. I’ll tell you what else I didn’t like – I didn’t like his intolerance, his chronic selfishness, and his lack of sympathy for other people. In fact,’ I said, ‘there were lots of things about Dominic that made me feel absolutely
sick
!’
‘How astounding, then, that you would contemplate marrying such a man. A man you seem not to have respected or liked.’
‘But whether or not I liked him has got nothing to
do
with it!’
‘You don’t think so?’ he said, rolling his eyes.
‘No. Because marriage is different. When it comes to marriage, lots of people marry people they don’t particularly like.’
‘Do they?’
‘Yes, because we don’t necessarily marry our friends, do we?’
‘Don’t we? I’d like to.’
‘But friends are friends. They’re for friendship. And partners are partners.’