Looking out over the property, Sue watches the kids playing. They are supposed to be collecting eggs and picking green beans for canning, but they are chasing the puppies. That was the most brilliant idea John’s come up with since being at the farm- other than his obvious knack for explosives. Those kids dote on that mutt and her pups, and they seem to like taking care of them. Grandpa put the mother and puppies on a low dose of animal antibiotics that they’d used on the chickens when they’d all come down with a sickness. It seems to be working because the mother dog, which the kids have named Molly and her pups, Bruno and ChaCha, are thriving. Nobody has the heart to tell them that ChaCha isn’t a very masculine name as he’s also a male, but they let it slide. Grandpa has warned the kids that they could still possibly not make it. It’s only been a few days since they’ve been at the farm on medicine. But he said the mother’s milk supply still seems strong which is fortuitous because they sure can’t drink cow’s milk. Sue figures that it’s the love of the kids that is making them better more so than the medicine anyways.
Derek and Cory are working on the Ford tractor near the equipment shed. They’ve removed the small part that Grandpa needs and gave it to John yesterday to take with him. It’s not like anyone can just hop in the truck, drive to town and exchange it for the right one if the wrong part is brought home. Derek had also given John a list to get things from an electronics store for his upgrades to the security system which links into Grandpa’s office. Kelly had handed a small slip of paper to John, but Sue has no idea what it said.
There really isn’t anything that she and the kids need, but she told Reagan that if she sees anything that seems useful for them, then to get it. Grams has helped her to make the cloth style kind of diapers which she’ll readily use when she runs out of disposables. Most of the household items are recycled and used again, but there is a small amount of trash that is burned once a week. Derek had told her that the disposable diapers didn’t burn and could be a contaminant if buried in the ground, which is how they dispose of the ash from paper items.
A flash of movement near the horse barn catches her eye, and Sue sees Reagan shove John in the chest and stomp off. Just another day with those two. John kicks a bucket of water, which splashes him. He doesn’t seem to notice and storms off in the other direction. Sues feels bad for John. Her sister may never be what he wants in a partner, which she knows is what he wants from Reagan. It only took a second to watch them together to see how he feels about her because he wears it on his sleeve like a badge of honor. Unless you were Reagan, of course. Maybe the trip to the city will help bring her closer to him. Maybe she’ll shoot him and leave him for dead in the woods, too.
Sue scans right and sees Grandpa standing just outside the med shed. He has quietly taken in the scene with John and Reagan while smoking his pipe. His fingers stroke the pipe’s bowl just like he does when he’s in deep thought. Does he also see how John feels about Reagan? After a moment, he disappears back inside his makeshift medical building. However he feels about them, he’s going to keep it to himself. At least he will for the time being.
“Doing ok in here?” Grams asks from the door, breaking Sue out of her voyeuristic state. Isaac coos up at her, his dark eyes do a long blink. There’s no greater love on this earth than feeling it pour from your baby’s soft eyes into your heart.
“Sure, want to sit for a minute?” Sue asks her, and Grams takes a seat on the sofa positioned next to her rocker. She knows her grandmother could use the rest. She and Hannah also take care of the majority of the laundry duties for everyone, and she seems more tired lately than usual. It’s easier for Grams to do laundry than it is to bend over and do the back-breaking picking and weeding in the massive garden. And Hannah is very skilled with laundry procedures, so, thankfully, Grams has a lot of help.
“Oh, he’s such a darling, Sue,” she says with adoration and touches Isaac’s tiny foot. Sue smiles at her Grams, who returns it warmly. He’s wearing Sue’s favorite baby clothing: a white onesie with just a diaper underneath. His small arm bats out awkwardly and goes back to clutching her finger with rhythmic squeezes.
“Grams, can I ask you something?” she requests.
“Sure, honey, anything,” her grandmother says, which Sue expected. Her almost all white hair is pulled back in a bun today, instead of the braid. She and Hannah are still canning, but today they’re doing it in the kitchen instead of the fire pit. Her grandmother’s house-dress has a pattern with small, purple violets on it that coordinates with the matching apron, both of which she has likely sewn.
“Do you think it’s wrong to have kids now? I mean, not Derek and I, we’re probably done. At least I hope we are! But do you think it would be wrong for Reagan and Hannah to have them with it being like this in the world?” Sue asks. Grams squeezes her arm gently.
“No, Sue. I don’t think it’s ever wrong to have kids. The world’s population just got cut by two thirds, and God wants us to have children. The Good Book tells us so. Your grandfather and I would have had ten if we could’ve, but it just wasn’t meant to be,” she says. It’s the first time Grams has ever talked about that with Sue. She’d stupidly assumed that her grandparents had simply not wanted a lot of children and had never thought to ask her grandmother about it.
“I feel bad because Reagan told Hannah that people who have kids now are basically selfish idiots or something like that. But I didn’t know this was going to happen when I got pregnant with Isaac. I love him, don’t get me wrong. I just worry about what the kids’ lives will be like someday,” she admits with heaviness in her heart.
“Well don’t. No two lives are ever the same. These kids will make it because we’re going to show them how to survive this. And don’t worry about Reagan, either. She’ll come around,” Grams, always the optimist, says.
“Do you really believe that? I mean, I want that, too, but it’s been a long time already. She’s so...,” Sue can’t finish. She doesn’t want to say what her sister is.
“Yes, I do believe that. Reagan’s always been different, dear. You know this. Even before what happened at her school, she wasn’t like you or me, never has been. You’d be surprised what a woman can endure in her life and still make it out to the other side of the darkness,” she explains with a far off look. Sue has definitely never heard her Grams talk like this before. It almost scares her. Had something horrible happened to Grams in her younger days? She knows better than to pry, though. Grams is a closed off person like Reagan when she wants to be.
“And the good Lord blessed us with you three girls. And now look. A house filled with children. Your grandfather and I couldn’t be happier. Of course, it could have happened under better circumstances,” Grams says with a smile as she strokes Isaac’s fingers.
“Do you think Kelly and John will stay on for good? I mean, I’m sure John will, but...” Sue asks.
“Of course John will. As long as Reagan’s here, he’s not going anywhere. And with Derek and you and the kids? He’s not going to leave it up to fate to take care of his brother and his brother’s family, Sue. He’s a loyal man,” Grams explains.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I just wish Reagan could see that. I think John’s in love with her. Don’t you?” Sue asks and regards her grandmother’s sage-filled, blue eyes.
“Don’t know. Seems like it. But that’s something they have to work out for themselves. You can’t force them to be together because it’s what you want,” Grams says sagely.
“I know. I just want her to be happy again. I’d do anything to see her happy like she used to be,” Sue laments and switches Isaac to her other breast.
“I know, honey. I truly believe that she will be again someday. But again, Reagan’s always been different. She does things at her own pace. And I think she hasn’t slowed down to process what happened to her, either. She’s probably afraid to,” her Grams explains. The woman is a genius. Maybe Reagan got it from her.
“What about Kelly? Do you think he’ll stay?” she asks. Next, she’ll ask her why the heck all this crap happened in the world. Her grandmother seems to have everything else figured out.
“Now that one, I don’t know. He’s unpredictable. I think he’s like Reagan. He’s got a lot of scars. But his are all on the inside. One minute I think he’s happy here and the next he’s staring at that driveway like he wishes he could fly out it,” Grams says and strokes Isaac’s head with her age-spotted hand.
“God, I hope not. That would kill Hannah,” Sue tells her grandmother.
“I know,” Grams answers her. Wow, what doesn’t she know? Does Grams know that she and Derek are having sex again and that they didn’t wait the six weeks? Does she know they did it in the equipment shed the other night when it was Derek’s turn for patrols? She’d followed him out there after she had fed Isaac in the middle of the night and put him back to bed in his crib. Does she also know that they’d snuck off and fooled around in the woods, as well, when they were supposed to be scouting for honey bee nests? Luckily, her poison ivy had cleared up quickly thanks to Reagan’s home remedy advice. Her naïve sister hadn’t even questioned where she’d gotten it, even though years earlier Grandpa had cleared it all away from the perimeter near the house and barns because he is so allergic.
“He needs to stay here with us. We need him here. Hannah needs him,” Sue preaches to the choir.
“You can’t make a man stay where he doesn’t want to be, Sue,” Grams says. Man, if they still made bumper stickers, this stuff would be priceless. “He’ll have to figure this all out on his own. Same as John and Reagan.”
“Well one good bit of news is that Em and Cory seem to be doing a lot better,” Sue adds more cheerfully. Cory had loved the music player and especially the new shoes Reagan had found for him. He’d even been able to transfer music from Grandpa’s radio system in his office yesterday. It was all too high-tech for Sue’s grasp. Naturally, Derek had kept up easily enough when Cory had explained it. Cory is awkward and shy around all of the women and completely avoids Reagan altogether. However, he seems to be bonding with the men really well, especially Grandpa. As far as Sue is concerned, the boy couldn’t have chosen a better male role model on the farm.
“I think so, too. They’ll be just fine. It’s the bad stuff that happens to you that makes you who you are. Just remember that. The good stuff’s just the icing, Sue. They’ll be able to handle just about anything life throws at them because of what they’ve been through,” Grams says and rises stiffly from her seat. She pats Sue lightly on her head and Sue smiles up at her. “I hope your sisters each have the ten kids that I always wanted.”
And with that, her grandmother leaves her to think about all that they’ve discussed. Sue only hopes that one day she’ll be able to give Arianna the same pearls of wisdom that her Grams has just shared with her. No wonder Hannah walks around on clouds and lightness all day. Her cooking companion is the epitome of optimism, good cheer and even better advice, although she doesn’t very often talk so openly. Sue does not even realize Isaac has fallen asleep until he twitches. She wonders what he could possibly dream about. Unfortunately, there’s no point sitting around wasting precious daylight worrying about her baby’s dreams. Time to get back to work.
When she leaves the baby and gets outside to the kids, she hugs each of them to her, feeling overcome with emotion because of the power of her grandmother’s words. The rest of the afternoon flies by in a blur of work and dirt and sweat. The kids pick until their little fingers are tired and she continues on long after they run off with the puppies again. Evening chores have been moved up by a few hours to help with getting Reagan and John off to bed earlier. And the family sits down to eat at five o’clock instead of seven.
Regrettably, this is Isaac’s normal time to eat, and she’s forced to breastfeed at the dinner table. But not being one of those open to the world of public viewing types of moms, Sue covers the baby and her breast with a small blanket she’d retrieved from his crib. Grandpa leads the meal with a prayer for John and Reagan’s safe passage to and from the city. The finalized planning for the trip is reviewed while everyone partakes of beef stew with carrots, turnips and potatoes from the garden. Grams and Hannah have made crusty rolls to serve with it, and they’ve even made three chocolate and peanut butter pies for dessert. It’s Reagan’s favorite pie. That girl can inhale sugar at an alarming rate and not gain an ounce whereas, if Sue just looks at ice-cream, then she gains ten pounds.
“Do you have everything ready, John?” Grandpa asks.
“Yes, sir. Me and Derek just did a weapons check before we came in for dinner. Reagan’s got our horses ready and the bags packed out there,” he answers and looks at his travelling mate, who refuses to make eye contact.
“Got the silencers?” Grandpa asks and passes a roll to Reagan. “Honey, eat up. You’ll need your strength.” Reagan reluctantly takes one and passes the basket to John who takes two. She slathers hers with honey and takes a big bite as if she’s punishing it for being made to eat.
“Yes, sir. I already screwed Reagan’s on her pistol and mine and attached both to the two rifles we’re taking. I’ve also got four full clips for the rifles, and we both have three magazines for our side-arms,” John tells him.
“Do you think you should each take a shotgun, as well?” Grandpa asks.
“I don’t think we’ll need them. If we get into a firefight, I’ll call on the satellite radio and Derek and Kelly can come and help us out. I don’t think it’ll come to that, though. I’ll be trying my best to avoid all contact. If it doesn’t seem safe enough to go in, we’ll just be coming back,” John says and gives Derek a strange look. She’ll have to ask her husband about it later, but she’s not sure she wants to know the answer.
“Honey, do you have everything you need?” Grandpa asks Reagan directly.
“Yep, I’m good, Grandpa. Stop worrying; we’ll be fine,” she answers. He nods gravely and stares another moment at Reagan. Sue can see how hard this is for him to let her do this. But of all the women on the farm she’s the most qualified. And they certainly can’t afford to have any of the men leave. There would be too many people left on the farm to protect and too big of an area to secure if they were overrun like the neighbors. Reagan has skills, newly discovered skills, that none of the other women have. Sue can shoot but nothing like Reagan. And she isn’t even sure if she could shoot another human being. It’s not like she’s ever been put to the test.