The McClane Apocalypse: Book Two (16 page)

“Hell yes, it can,” he answers with a laugh, and Hannah giggles behind her hand. Smoking and swearing? Grams would have a fit. “If it’s not the real kind, then it probably isn’t scary at all. But the kind that leaves you feeling like you might just die if you never see that person again or that your heart will break in two if you lose them- that’s the real kind, the best kind.”

Hannah takes another gulp of air and blows it out shakily before she goes on, “How do you know if someone loves you back?”

“Well, honey, that’s not always so easy. People can be hard to read sometimes. And sometimes they put up walls around themselves so that you can’t, so that they can keep people out. And your grandmother and I have always tried to protect you, and maybe we went too far with that and coddled you too much. People can be pretty awful, Hannah, and that’s what we tried to keep you safe from. But we did what we thought was the right way by you. We’d never raised any girls before you three, so we were a little in the dark.”

Hannah nods and frowns and picks at her nail nervously. Her grandfather is quiet, waiting for her to speak. She places her hands over her face in frustration and leans down, putting her head in her lap for a moment. Hannah feels like yanking her hair out of her head. She’s never had to deal with anything like this before and is starting to wish Kelly had never come to their farm in the first place. She would never have known what was missing in her life if he had never shown up that day with John. This is all John’s fault!

“Does he know how you feel?” Grandpa asks quietly. Hannah raises her head and gives a short nod.

“Yes. Well, I think so. I don’t know. The situation is so strange and difficult,” she explains.

“I’m assuming we aren’t talking about Cory or your brother-in-law?” he asks teasingly. Leave it to Grandpa to make a joke at a time like this. She manages a smile.

“No, Grandpa! I am not talking about Derek. Yuck,” she says with a laugh. She could never think of either of them the same way she thinks of Kelly, especially not Derek who is like a brother to her.

“And it’s not John either, I presume?” he inquires gently and puffs again on the pipe.

“No,” Hannah answers and looks down with a certain amount of shame. It seems weird talking to her grandfather about her pathetic love-life or lack thereof.

“Hm, I kind of already knew who you were talking about, but I just wanted to be sure,” he mumbles and is quiet for some time. “Honey, I have had some time to observe Kelly since he’s come to the farm. He’s a good man, Hannah. But he doesn’t know it. He is a very conflicted man. He is literally like two men: the Kelly that we’ve all come to know and respect and like, and the Kelly who was the soldier. And that is the man that he doesn’t like.”

“How can he even feel like that if he does? He served our country and has helped keep this very family safe from harm, and he works so hard around here,” she asks and scowls heavily.

“What I am saying is just speculation, but I think I’m right. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I think, well I know, that he has feelings for you, Hannah. However, I don’t know if he’ll ever allow himself to let those feelings out,” Grandpa clarifies.

“But, Grandpa, I love him so,” Hannah breaks on a sob and a sniffle. Noise behind his desk alerts her that Grandpa has risen. He sits beside her in the other leather chair and takes her hand.

“You may have to just give him time, Hannah,” he tells her.

“I don’t understand him, Grandpa. He acts like he likes me but says odd and confusing things that I just don’t understand,” she explains and sniffs again.

“What sorts of things?”

“Things about Cory and Em and not jeopardizing their safety and that he has to think of them. And then he’ll tell me that I will find someone good someday, someone not like him,” she explains further.

“I’m not sure what he means about Cory and Em, unless he thinks that we would be angry with him. But what you said about the finding someone confirms in my mind what I said earlier. I don’t think Kelly feels like he’s worthy of being with you, Hannah,” Grandpa offers and squeezes her hand gently.

“But I love him,” she pouts angrily.

Grandpa chuckles once. “Sometimes that just isn’t enough. Kelly has a lot of blood on his hands, and he feels a great deal of responsibility for those two kids, too.”

“I know how important the kids are to him. I love them, too. I would never do anything to come between him and the kids. But Kelly deserves to be happy,” she tells him.

“Everyone deserves to be happy, Hannah. It just might take Kelly a while to come around to realizing that. In the meantime, you’ll just have to be patient,” Grandpa tells her, making her feel like screaming.

“Do you like Kelly, Grandpa?” Hannah asks, seeking his approval. Without it, Hannah doesn’t know how she would handle the situation with Kelly. Her grandpa up until now has always been the most important man in her life.

“I like Kelly very much, Hannah. I wouldn’t have a problem with you being with Kelly someday. But I also believe he’s a man of integrity, and that’s worth something. Just have patience, honey. If it’s meant to be, then it will all work out,” he offers with more wisdom than seems fair.

“Thank you, Grandpa,” Hannah says and kisses the back of his hand before she leaves the study.

She makes her way back to the kitchen which is empty because Grams is lying down for her afternoon nap, so she goes to the back porch to think. Hannah plunks down with irascibility on the swing and sets her cane at her feet. Be patient? No way! She’s been being patient and it stinks! Kelly Alexander and his darn stubbornness are getting old and fast. Grandpa had some great advice, but the being patient part sucks. Grandpa has no idea how much she’s already been patient with Kelly.

“Hey, kiddo. What’s going on?” Sue asks as she climbs the back porch steps to sit on the swing with her.

“Nothing,” Hannah says with a touch of petulance.

“Where’s the grandparents?” Sue asks. It’s something the girls call their grandparents sometimes. It’s not meant to be insulting, it was just how they saw them most times, like one entity.

“Both inside. Grams is napping. Grandpa’s in his study,” Hannah answers dutifully. Isaac coos from his mother’s arms, and Hannah smiles briefly. But then she goes back to her glower of frustration.

“He’s in the equipment shed working on a tractor,” Sue says out of the blue. She doesn’t say his name. They both know of whom she speaks.

“Oh,” Hannah tries to be nonchalant, but it just come off as childish to her ears.

“Wanna’ talk about it, Hannie?”

“Not really, nothing’s changed between us. He’s still confusing, and I’m still frustrated.”

“Did you tell him how you feel, like we talked about?” Sue asks while she pats Isaac’s back, soothing him.

“Yes, and he said he likes me but that we can’t be together anyways,” Hannah explains and flinches because admitting to being rejected out loud is a difficult thing to do.

“Hm,” Sue says reflecting on Hannah’s comments. Then she adds, “You might have to nudge him along, Hannah. Push your suit if you really want him because if he’s holding back and trying to ditch you, then he’s not going to change his mind. Trust me, men can be very stubborn.” Isaac belches as if to emphasize his mother’s words. They both laugh.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not forward like that, Sue. You know me; I’m kind of a wimp. I’m never going to be Reagan,” Hannah says.

“If we were talking about Reagan, we wouldn’t be talking about this subject at all. She’d be telling us about some gross blood disorder or heart disease, and then she’d get pissed if we started talking about men. But Reagan does have the moxie to get what she wants, even if it’s starting college at sixteen, med school at seventeen or doing a blood transfusion on herself and my husband. When Reagan wants something, she doesn’t take no for an answer. And you are going to have to borrow some of her strength. Find your own moxie, man up, and take what you want, little sister, because Kelly is never going to make this happen between you two. He respects Grandpa too much- and you, too. As a matter of fact, if this keeps going on like it has been with the two of you, then I fully anticipate Kelly leaving the farm. So if you want him, if you really love him, then you’d better figure out a way to make him yours,” her wise sister lectures.

Hannah nods and feels tears spring to her eyes. What Sue is suggesting is totally outside of Hannah’s comfort zone. She’s never been aggressive about a darn thing her whole life. Heck, even the rooster has her bullied.

“Want me to walk you up there?” Sue offers kindly as she stands. “I’m taking Isaac in to put him down for a nap, but I’ll walk you up there when I come back before I help Derek pick corn.”

Hannah vehemently shakes her head. “No. I’m fine, Sue. You should take a nap, too. You’ve been working so hard around here. I’ll go up by myself. I’ll use the fence line,” Hannah answers her sister.

Sue touches her shoulder and gives it a squeeze, “Ok, honey. I’m going in then. And the hard work’s been great! I’m almost back in my old jean size.”

Her sister gives a quick laugh and goes inside the house. Grams had explained a long time ago that Sue had what most women would call an enviable body, whatever that had meant. When Hannah had questioned Grams about it, she’d dropped the subject. Hannah had always wondered if her own body was unenviable then. Perhaps this is the reason for Kelly’s constant rejection.

Hannah sits for another minute swinging to and fro, using the toe of her shoe to push while she builds the confidence to walk up the drive to the machine shed. Finally, she collects her cane, as well as her nerve, and heads in the right direction of the building, using the oak boards of the fence to guide her way. She’s careful not to lodge a splinter in her palm as she feels along the rough wood. She stays to the grassy area between the fence line and the driveway in preference to the gravel and divots in the drive which trip her more easily. When Hannah makes it to the equipment shed, which is not much more than a three-sided pole building with a gravel floor that opens in the front, she loiters a moment at the corner of the opening to hear if there are any sounds of movement coming from inside.

“Hey, Hannah!” It’s Cory, and Hannah offers him a bright smile as she pokes first with her cane to make sure she isn’t about to headlong into a piece of steel on a tractor or farm implement. It has happened many a time on the farm. Being blind doesn’t necessarily give her a free pass to grace and caution. For some reason Reagan has always said how graceful she is, but Hannah just believed her sister was trying to flatter her.

“Hi, Cory,” she returns in an uber-friendly manner and offers a wave in the general direction of his voice.

“What’s up? Is everything ok?” Cory asks with concern.

Why is he not speaking to her? She knows he’s in here; she can hear him, of course. He grunts as he strains to do something, or perhaps he’s making that sound simply because she’s shown up.

“Sure, everything is great. What are you guys working on?”

“Wait, how did you know I wasn’t in here alone? That’s so cool,” Cory says with unbridled wonder and a chuckle.

“Because Kelly isn’t exactly the most silent person on the farm,” she teases, making Cory laugh loudly.

“You got that right, sister. We’re trying to get this rusty bolt off of this hay cutter, and it’s being a bear. ‘Course Kelly’s being a bigger bear. Been grouchy all day if you ask me,” he says, and Kelly snorts rudely at him.

“That’s not very nice, Kelly” Hannah conspires, but he doesn’t take the bait. She wonders what Kelly is thinking.

“Since you’re up here, Hannah, I’m gonna head back to the garden to help Derek with the corn and then we’re working on the hog fence. Another tree got taken down last night in that storm, and it needs cut up and hauled away, too. You can help Kelly. Basically he just needs someone to gripe at, so it’s an easy job,” Cory says with a laugh and sprints away before his brother can catch him, she suspects.

There’s a clang of a tool, likely being dropped into a tool box, and then Kelly is standing before her and taking her by the arm.

“Smartass kid,” he grumbles under his breath about his brother as he tugs her.

“Come over here and sit where you won’t get hurt,” he demands with coolness. He’s back to being distant. “I don’t know why you came up here. You’re just going to get all dirty.”

“I’m fine; we have plenty of soap,” she adds with a mocking smile.

“Well, just stay out of my way,” he cautions and turns away again, making the metal on metal sound of rustling through the tool box.

“I can help. Grandpa taught me about the different tools like wrenches and sockets and their different sizes. I can be more helpful than you might think,” she offers brightly.

“I don’t need help. I’m almost done. I gotta put one last bolt on and then we can go. Just sit there and when I’m done I’ll take you back to the house,” he orders gruffly like she’s just an annoying nuisance.

“Maybe I don’t want to go back to the house. Maybe I’ll make you take me for a walk,” she adds defiantly.

“You’ll
make
me?” he asks with a smile touching his voice. She can hear him making new sounds with the tools nearer the tractor and figures he’s turning the bolt because it squeals loudly like when Grandpa does it.

“Yep!” she adds cheerily.

“That would be interesting to see,” he murmurs under his breath and grunts as he must be straining to tighten the bolt. He’s pensive and silent a few minutes while he finishes with the tractor, and Hannah can hear when he puts the tools away.

“I think so, too. Maybe we should give it a try,” Hannah says suggestively and notices that the noise has stopped momentarily as he thinks about what she’s just said. He doesn’t comment but resumes his work. Oh, frustrating, non-communicative man!

“These need to go back down to the garage. So I’ll drop you at the house, then I’ll take this toolbox back to where it goes in the garage. Your grandpa’s a stickler for keeping everything organized. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. It’s smart since he’s got four of us now, not counting him, that are using the tools and working on projects all over the farm on any given day,” he explains as he moves about doing things.