The melody in our hearts (12 page)

She had totally lost track of time, going through the chapter over and over again, so she hadn’t heard anyone approaching.

When she felt someone tapping her shoulder, she winced, dropping the notepad and pencil. The familiar chuckle that followed made her heart melt, and she immediately turned back to make sure she hadn’t dreamed it.

“Ryan!” she screamed and flung herself at Ryan, who staggered and had to steady himself so as not to fall on the ground.

“Yeah, I’m back!” he said, hugging her and feeling he was definitely home now. “I was sure I’d find you studying somewhere in the university park, you little bookworm!”

“I’m so happy to see you, I won’t even bother to react to your provocation!”

She ruffled his hair and he giggled.

“Hey, I’m a celebrity! Don’t mess with me.”

She laughed a spontaneous, genuine laugh like she hadn’t in a while, probably since he had left. They sat down on the bench by the table, and he handed her the notepad and pencil that had dropped to the ground, which she quickly put away in her bag.

When she turned to look at him, she noticed dark rings under his eyes, which had never been there before, and she gave him a worried look.

“How are you?” she asked, nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t noticed his tired face.

He sighed and leaned back, crossing his hands behind his head.

“Tired,” he said. “It was amazing, but I’m happy to be home. It was crazy: I’ve been in twenty cities and two countries in a little more than a month.”

“Yeah, I read about it.” She looked up at him with a grin. “Apparently, you’re
The New Jazz Star
. Remind me to put down a red carpet next time you come to visit.”

He chuckled and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, and kissed her head.

“I’ve had enough of being treated like a celebrity. Please, let me be just Ryan when I’m with you.”

He stared at the trees in the park, and she thought she had caught a sad note in his voice, but she didn’t say anything about it.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to be my real self with. Let’s not change it now.”

“Okay,” she said, hugging him back. “But do you mind if I sell your autograph on eBay?”

He pushed her a few inches away from him and glared at her for a second, before they both burst into hysterical laughter, knowing that things between them would never change, no matter how famous he would become.

~
Eighteen
~

Years passed quickly. Too quickly, Valerie reckoned, as she woke up on her twenty-ninth birthday, feeling as old as a ninety-year-old lady. She was getting close to thirty, and she dreaded the thought. She spent half her days working in the hospital, and the remaining hours she would either sleep or go to a grocery store to buy food. She had no love life at all and, she thought, even if she met Prince Charming now, she wouldn’t have time for him anyway.

Okay, she liked her job; she had studied hard because she had wanted to become a good doctor, to help people, to save lives. She couldn’t really complain about that. But at this rate, she would never get married and never have children, because what chances did she have to meet the man of her dreams when she was locked up in a hospital all day?

Karen had managed to meet someone, though. She had recently started dating Kevin, and apparently they were doing well together. He was still as weird as the first time Valerie had met him, acting like an artist and living on another planet most of the time, whereas Karen had her feet well glued to the ground. So Valerie reckoned that, in spite of their differences and Karen’s crazy shifts, they were sort of complementary souls, and Valerie was happy for them.

Then why couldn’t she get a life herself? Why should she live for the hospital only, without being able to enjoy life outside it?

She kicked away the blankets in a huff and wished she could just skip this day and wake up on the following day, when she wouldn’t have to feel miserable because her best friend wasn’t there to celebrate her birthday with her, the way he had always done before now.

Her phone started to vibrate on her bedside table, and she grabbed it before the noise woke Karen, who was still asleep in her bed. They had found an apartment next to the hospital where they were both working, and she didn’t mind sharing it with Karen, since they had become good friends after sharing a room in the university campus for so many years.

She looked at the display and quickly walked out of the bedroom before answering.

“Hiya, birthday girl!”

Ryan was giggling and, despite her recent thoughts and feelings, she smiled and instantly felt a little better.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep? I thought you were in Vancouver, and it’s still night there!”

“Well, yes, it is actually. But I wanted to be the first one to wish you happy birthday, so I set the alarm.”

His sweet words brought tears to her eyes, and she was glad he couldn’t see her, although she would have given anything to get lost in one of his bear hugs right now.

“So, happy birthday, Val! How’re you feelin’? A little older maybe? Any new wrinkles as of now?”

He guffawed and, even if she wanted to scold him for his saucy behavior, she couldn’t help chuckling. Just the sound of his happy voice had made her feel better, and she wished he didn’t have to travel so much. She needed him, sometimes she needed him so badly she wished she could just close her eyes and be next to him when she opened them again. But it wasn’t the time for self-pity and sadness now.

“I’m feeling grand, thank you very much!” she said with a mocking tone, which made him laugh even harder. “And I don’t think I have to remind you that you’re older than me.”

“Touché!” he said, giggling. “So, what’re you up to today? Are you gonna ditch the hospital and party all day, for instance?”

“I wish! Doctors don’t have days off, especially those struggling to become a surgeon....” She sighed. “I have to work night and day to show them I’m a good doctor and that they can trust me. It’s a tough world out there, and not all of us are celebrities, traveling around the world and making an awful lot of money....”

He giggled and rolled on one side, under a warm duvet in his king-size hotel bed.

“I’m sure they know you are a good doctor. They wouldn’t let you operate on people otherwise, would they?”

She shrugged: Yes, she was allowed to operate, but she was always supervised by a senior surgeon who would do all the difficult tasks and would let her do the easy things, like sewing. She wondered how long it would take for her to be considered a surgeon, rather than a simple doctor training to become a surgeon.

She had been in the surgical residence for over two years now and had been working the whole time – it wasn’t as if she didn’t know what to do or how.

Ryan had become a celebrity, he had pursued a brilliant career, and it would only get better, while she was still struggling to reach her goals. She felt as if her life had suddenly become a failure: She had been working so hard, and she still had achieved nothing at all. She was an assistant, somebody who wouldn’t be allowed to operate without a supervisor giving orders. She sighed and sat on the floor, hugging her knees.

“When are you coming home?” she asked, changing the subject. “I miss you.”

He sighed. “I don’t know yet.”

“But you’ve been away for three weeks already!” she moaned, acting like a five-year-old. “It’s about time you came back now!”

He didn’t answer, and she knew she was being too selfish now: It was his career they were talking about; he was a celebrity, and she couldn’t expect him to be at her beck and call and come home every time she missed him, which happened basically every other hour.

“Sorry,” she said, before he could say anything. “I’m just grumpy because it’s my birthday and I’m getting older....An old grumpy spinster, that’s what I am!”

He laughed and she understood he wasn’t mad at her for being so selfish.

“I miss you too, Val. I wish you were here. Vancouver is a great place, and I’m sure you’d like it.”

“I could always ditch the hospital and visit you there, you know.” She laughed; that thought sounded so inviting right now.

“Yeah, do that!” he replied, seriously. It would be great if she could really take the first plane out and visit him in Vancouver.

“You need to go back to sleep now. You’re talking nonsense!”

He laughed and stretched like a cat, brushing his eyes.

“And you have to go save lives, Doc.”

She sighed, wishing he was there next to her, rather than miles away.

“Yeah, I guess I have to go now.”

He promised he’d call her soon to let her know when he would be back, then he hung up and went back to sleep, while she hid her head between her knees and tried to get a grip, before going back inside her bedroom to pick up her clothes and get ready to go to work.

~
Nineteen
~

Ryan had been away for over three weeks already: His manager had planned interviews and public appearances during the day, and he would be performing almost every other night, leaving him very little time for sleeping, relaxing, or sightseeing. He had been in eight cities so far, but he hadn’t seen much more than the hotels he had been staying in, the venues where he had performed, and the places where he had been interviewed, and this really bothered him.

What he had initially considered a dream come true was slowly turning into a nightmare, and he wasn’t sure this was really what he wanted. His parents were extremely proud of him, in spite of their initial reaction when he had told them he was going to sign a contract with a record company. Kevin kept telling him that he was the human personification of the luck of the Irish, while he was still trying to work his way to get under the spotlights, and Ryan knew his grandfather would be proud of what he had achieved.

Still, all this traveling around and being surrounded by hundreds of people didn’t feel half as good as he had expected. When he was alone at last in his hotel room at night, he often found himself wishing Valerie could be there with him, that she could share all that with him. He got to stay in luxurious hotels, eat in fancy restaurants, and meet famous people he had never even dreamed he would be able to meet, but it didn’t feel as exciting as he knew it would feel if she was with him.

He hadn’t been able to speak to her in the past couple of days because she had told him she would be having double shifts for a few days, and she would probably barely manage to get some sleep when she wasn’t at work, so he hadn’t called her. He confined himself to sending her text messages whenever he was free, although he knew she wouldn’t have time to reply, but it somehow made him feel less alone, knowing that he could always send her messages whenever he was thinking of her, and it would make her feel closer.

If Kevin could hear his thoughts, he would never stop teasing him about what he used to call “
a secret crush disguised as friendship
,” and he felt awful knowing that he couldn’t talk about it with his only male friend.

He felt alone. He suddenly realized he
was
alone. Apart from Valerie and Kevin, he had no other friends, no one he could really trust. Not even his manager, who was a great man, but whose only worry was to make as much money as possible, without really caring too much about how Ryan felt about it all.

He hoped Valerie would go back to her normal shifts soon enough, because he knew he just couldn’t keep going without his “
lucky charm
” for long.

Meanwhile, on a subway train in Boston, Valerie was going home at last, after another night shift, ready to collapse on her bed as soon as she closed the door behind her. Even so, she hoped she would be able to speak to Ryan before crashing because she really missed him. She had been working double shifts and hadn’t been able to call him in the past couple of days, but she really wanted to talk to him now. It was as if she was starting to run out of breath, and she knew he would be the oxygen she needed.

She tried to remember where he would be today, but she had completely lost track of time in the past few days and simply hoped that, wherever he was now, he would be able to take her call.

The walk from the subway station to her apartment had never seemed so long and, when she finally got home and closed the door behind her, she felt her legs give in, and she slumped down on her bed without even bothering to get undressed.

She took her phone out of her bag and pressed speed dial, hoping he would pick up before she fell asleep. It only rang twice, and when she finally heard his warm voice asking her how she was, she felt a lump form in her throat. She suddenly burst into tears without even knowing why.

“Val, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She felt stupid for sobbing like that for no reason at all, but she guessed it was because she was exhausted, and hearing his voice on the other end of the line had suddenly made her realize how much she missed him.