Authors: Tricia Goyer
“
Ach
, well, I’m not leaving tomorrow, but I need to get things done fer it. Talk to Annie, get train tickets, pack my things. Help train someone at the bakery.”
Mem
released a long breath and nodded. Although
Dat
’s face was pale from shock and concern,
Mem
’s lips held a hint of a contented smile. If anyone had seen Sarah’s tears over losing her friend, it had been
Mem
most. If anyone knew the worries and questions of the years passing without an acceptable suitor, it was her mother who understood that too.
Mem
reached out and placed her hand over Sarah’s. “I
knew the day would arrive when we saw this happening. While a son stays close, digs his roots deep, and works the land of his
Dat
, a daughter’s role is to start a new life and carry on her husband’s lineage. To strengthen his family and home.”
Dat
shook his head to hear such talk. He leaned back in his chair and stroked his long, dark beard. “
Ach
, who is this boy, really?” He spread his hands on the table, as if trying to get a grasp of the situation.
“
Dat
, I wish you would have had a chance to know him, to have heard Jathan’s heart. He’s like us in his beliefs. Being Amish and following God isn’t jest tradition to him. His faith in God is strong. He believes in serving God and in discovering who God designed each of us to be.”
“Has he eaten one of yer cupcakes?” Andy interrupted.
She paused, turned, and looked at him. “
Ja
, I suppose he has.”
Andy nodded, knowingly. He crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s what this is all about,” he said with all the wisdom of a twelve-year-old. “Yep, it’s all about the cupcakes.”
I
t only took five days for Sarah to completely change the direction of her life. Five days to train a new baker at the West Kootenai Kraft and Grocery. Five days to visit friends. Five days to sort through her things. She packed two boxes, knowing that she could always send for more later, if need be.
After she finished sorting through her books — choosing only a few cookbooks to add to the box — Sarah paused and looked out the sitting room window. The small room was upstairs, and the window sat in the peak of the roof. She enjoyed this room for the view it gave of their front yard, the forest, and the peak of Robinson Mountain in the distance. It was a good place to get away, to think, and Sarah had a lot of thinking that needed to be done today.
She would miss this view some, but inside was an eagerness of what was to come. She looked forward to living in a large Amish community again, to making new friends, to discovering a new place. She’d read some about Holmes County in the Amish newspaper,
The Budget
. Berlin was just one small town in the largest Amish community in the world. Not only that,
there were Old Order, New Order, Swartzentruber Amish, Troyer Amish, Mennonites, and more all in one place.
She thought of all the people up in the West Kootenai — so many different personalities in such a small place. What would it be like in a bigger community? She couldn’t even imagine. Young, old, strict, joyful, outgoing, quiet, eager, reserved. Hopefully, working in the bakery, Sarah would be able to interact with them all.
Footsteps sounded on the stairs leading up to the sitting room, and Sarah turned. It was
Mem
who walked up with such slow steps. She wore a tender smile and carried something in her arms. It looked to be a jar. Sarah wrinkled her brow. It wasn’t one of Sarah’s memory jars; those had already been packed away.
Mem
neared, sat in the chair next to Sarah, and placed the jar on her own lap. Her face was blotchy as if she’d been crying, or at least holding back tears.
Sarah leaned forward to get a better look. The jar was filled with things she recognized. A matchbook, a pinecone, a yellow quilt square. Her heart pounded and the room seemed to spin. Her eyes widened and she looked at
Mem
’s face. The sadness in
Mem
’s eyes confirmed what it was. It wasn’t one of Sarah’s memory jars. It was Patty’s.
The wrinkles on
Mem
’s face deepened as she tried to hold back her emotion. After Patty’s death,
Mem
had cried with Sarah more times than she could count. “I’ve been holding this fer you for a while.”
Mem
’s lower lip quivered slightly as she spoke. “I’ve been waiting fer the right time, a
gut
time, and I knew it was today.”
Questions tossed in Sarah’s mind, fighting to be first on her lips. “How? When? When did you get it?”
“About three weeks after Patty’s death, I saw someone
walking down the road to our house. It was Patty’s
bruder
Michael. He said they were packing up and moving back to Pennsylvania. Some people grieve differently, he told me, and his
Mem
needed to be surrounded by her family — her parents,
brieder
, and sisters.
“He said his
Mem
was cleaning out Patty’s room and was going to throw the jar out. But Michael knew you’d want it. Yet he also knew you weren’t ready fer it. That yer heart was jest as broken as anyone’s in their family. He asked me to save it fer you. To hold it and give it to you when the time was right.”
Sarah struggled to swallow. Tried to take in
Mem
’s words, but her eyes were too busy focusing on the items. The empty spool from Patty’s finished quilt. The handkerchief Patty’d paid Sarah to embroider for her, just so she didn’t have to do it. There were other items too, ones Sarah didn’t know the story behind. A paper clip, a small mirror, a letter opener. Sarah puckered her lips, realizing no one would ever know now. The only thing she knew was that everything in this jar was important enough for Patty to keep, so Sarah would keep it too. Always.
Sarah reached for the jar. The glass was cool under her fingers. The tears came, and Sarah’s throat grew tight. She wanted to thank
Mem
, to tell her how much she appreciated this, but from the look on her face,
Mem
already knew.
Sarah picked out a few items, fingering them, and then focused her gaze on
Mem
. “How did you know?” she asked. “How did you realize the right time was now?”
Mem
wiped a tear from her own cheek, and Sarah’s lips pressed tight.
Mem
had loved Patty too.
“I knew there would be a day when yer gaze would be more focused on the future than the past. I never wanted this jar to be a weight that held you back, but a warm breeze that would
carry you forward with Patty’s unique way of looking at life. Carry you forward with her sweet memories.”
“I’m so thankful,” Sarah finally managed to say. Her own tears weren’t tears of sorrow, but rather of joy. It was the second time it had happened in a week.
“I’m so thankful I can look at this jar and remember the times we spent together. I’d almost forgotten some memories until I saw this again.” She sighed deeply. “But now those memories will forever live in my thoughts.”
She recognized more of the items lying on top. The piece of green glass they’d found on the shore of Lake Koocanusa. Patty had claimed it was her favorite shade of green. A red bead Patty had found on the forest floor. She’d been so sure it was from a Native American moccasin. A piece of yarn tied into a bow. Patty had worn it on her finger to remind herself to pick up her younger brother from school after she’d forgotten him three days in a row.
“She’ll never be far away, will she?”
Mem
asked.
Sarah shook her head. She pressed the jar against her chest, close to her heart. “
ne
,
Mem
, not very far at all.”
Sarah reached into Patty’s memory jar and pulled out the stub of a candle.
“Mem,”
she said.
“Ja?”
“Thank you fer giving me this. Thank you fer waiting fer the right time.” She folded both hands around the candle stub and held it tight. “I needed the reminder that one person makes a difference. Just like Patty was a light fer me, I have a new hope. I want to support Jathan,
ja
, and discover if our dreams fer the future include each other. But for some reason, I also want to make a difference in the community. I have a feeling I might be there not only to shine God’s love, but maybe to spread that love to others in unexpected ways.”
“I have no doubt about that, Sarah.”
Mem
kissed her cheek. “I have no doubt about that at all.”
Fifteen-year-old Sarah stretched her legs across the sofa and looked around the living room. She and Patty had left a mess, if she said so herself. Patty had gotten the wild idea that they could make Christmas wreaths and sell them at the store
.
“The materials are free. We can walk ten feet behind our house and cut down all the branches we want.”
With Patty’s parents and other family members out of town visiting relatives in Pennsylvania, they’d turned the living room into a work station with pine branches, wires, and red ribbon. What they hadn’t counted on was how quickly the wood stove dried out the branches. Or that everyone else in the West Kootenai could step outside to the backs of their homes and cut down branches for their own use. Why would they pay for wreaths when they could make them for free?
So after a day of selling only one wreath to a tourist who seemed more impressed that they were Amish than by their handiwork, they’d found Patty’s father’s hammer and nails and hammered their creations onto the trees along the road. If they couldn’t make money, at least they could pretend that the forest was holding the biggest Christmas celebration and all were invited
.
“We should have made cupcakes,” Patty said as she rose and took another turn at sweeping up the needles
.
“I think that’s the fifth time you’ve said that.”
“I pay for yer cupcakes. I buy them all the time at the
store. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of that. Why did we spend time making something people don’t need, rather than something they want? Two hours and yer cupcakes are always sold out.”
Sarah took a deep breath
. “Ja,
well, at least the pine needles smell good.”
Patty laughed. “It smells exactly like it does outside!”
Night was lengthening its shadows, but instead of lighting the kerosene lamp, Patty lit a candle and the small flame flickered and danced, brightening the room. She cupped her hand and placed it near the flame
.
“What are you doing, trying to burn yerself?”
Patty pointed to the wall with her free hand. “An alligator, look.”
Sarah glanced over and saw that the shadow did look like an alligator chomping its way along the log walls
.
“I’m still not sure this is a good idea.” Sarah sighed. “I know yer
Dat
asked you to keep the fire going, but didn’t they ban you from candles?”
Laughter shook Patty’s shoulders. “Ja, when I was ten, and I don’t remember them lifting that ban. But it’s been five years, and I think it’ll be fine as long as I’m careful,” Patty announced with authority and then winked
.
Patty showed her a shadow rabbit next, then an eagle. Sarah was enjoying the game until Patty’s face grew serious
.
“Isn’t it strange, Sarah, that one little light can make such a big difference?” She glanced around the room
.
“
Ja,
in a way, but I understand it too.” Sarah sighed. “Yer sort of a candle to me, Patty.” Sarah tilted her head as she gazed at her friend. “I don’t want to imagine how boring my life would be if you hadn’t come into it. To think
I would have spent the days making Christmas cookies instead of decorating the forest.”
Sarah watched the flame dance and leap, and she thought of a Scripture her father had read from their Bible earlier that morning. He’d been doing that more often — reading God’s Word to her and her siblings after dinner instead of them just hearing it at church. It made such a difference and Sarah often thought about those words throughout the day
.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden,” he’d read this morning. As he read that, Sarah had pictured how
Mem
and
Dat
’s home looked when she walked down the road after babysitting. The lanterns in the kitchen and living room could be seen from quite a distance away
.
Like their lighted windows on the dark country road, this candle made such a difference because the room around it was dark. During the day, if the same candle were lit, it wouldn’t get much notice, but at night, it made all the difference
.
Sarah and Patty sat for a while, settling down and allowing thoughts of sleep to cause their eyelids to grow heavy. Sarah saw Patty point to the candle. It had burned down and only a few inches were left. Had they really sat there that long?
That was a sign of good friends, she knew. That each could be perfectly content together, though lost in her own thoughts
.
Patty left the room and returned with a tall candle, using the shorter one to light it. She placed the taller one in the candle holder, and then blew out the shorter one. “A candle
loses nothing by lighting another candle.” She looked over at Sarah. “Or so I’ve heard it said.”
“I like that.” Sarah replayed Patty’s words in her mind
. “Ja,
I really do.”
Then she watched as Patty carried the smaller candle to her room
.
“Where you going?” Sarah asked, not wanting to submit to sleep yet
.
Patty returned seconds later with empty hands. “Do you really have to ask?”
The memory jar. Of course. If Sarah had thought of it sooner, she would have taken the candle first. She released a sigh. Then again, she had a feeling she’d remember this night for a while
.
“Spreading our light, that’s what it’s all about,” Patty said. And then she finally submitted to a yawn
.
Sarah covered her mouth with her hand and did the same
. “Ja,
the world needs more of it, don’t you think?”
“Not only the world but our neighbors.” Patty stretched. “Sometimes it seems the ones who have the light are the worst at realizing all they hold within. With sharing it.”