The Meridian Gamble (12 page)

“It gets boring, controlling
people. The whole thing is like a vestigial appendage. We don’t need it to
survive anymore, to get our blood. And I’ve been looking for you for decades …
centuries. I don’t want to play games with you. I suppose, after all of this time
searching, I want to know that these feelings are real, and not just something
I’ve created in my mind.”

And it’s amazing to me, how Adam
can go from scaring me in one moment, to touching me so deeply. It kills me, it
absolutely slays me to think of this poor man, this so-called monster searching
so long for the woman he loves. Searching for me.

“You know, even though I’ve only
just started to remember, I feel like I’ve been searching for you too, in a
way,” I say. “I haven’t really been with a lot of men. I mean, I’m not a
virgin, of course, but …”

And I laugh nervously,
uncomfortable with my own over-sharing.

“It’s okay, I’m not a virgin,
either,” he says, smiling.

“It’s just that, I talk a good
game, but I never really go out with anyone. I always find reasons to fault the
guys who hit on me. I feel like I’ve been looking for someone in particular all
this time. I feel like I’ve been looking for you,” I say. “I really am Saga,
aren’t I?”

“Yes, I think that you are,” Adam
says.

I realize we’ve been walking again,
and I look up, and see that we’ve wound up close to my place. I spot my local
Starbucks just in the distance.

And a few blocks away, the Omnicom
building juts up into the night sky.

“I didn’t realize we’d walked so
far. We forgot about your car.”

“That’s all right, I can have
someone get it tomorrow.”

And I nod my head toward my
apartment.

“Do you want to come upstairs?”

“Well, only if
you insist,” he says, with a smile.

We enter my apartment, and Adam
sits with me on the sofa, which feels naughty, like we’re going to grovel,
which is not exactly an unappealing concept. It’s been the scene of a few
make-out sessions before, though I’m a million times more attracted to Adam
than the few other guys I’ve wasted my time with.

And now that I’m sitting right next
to him, I can get a closer look at his eyes, which are the most unusual shade
of green I’ve ever seen. They’re so dark, with little flecks of brown and gold,
which I find absolutely mesmerizing, the way I think his bite must feel. For
some reason, they remind me of the sweet side I see in him, hidden beneath the
dark and dangerous nature.

I want to reach out and touch his
face again, but I know I won’t be able to control myself if I do.

“I want to try something. I want
you to close your eyes,” Adam says.

“Why? What are we doing?”

“Think of it as a guided
meditation. And through it, I’m going to connect our minds. It will make it
easier for me to sense you, to feel what you’re feeling. And with time, we
might be able to communicate, if necessary.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t
control me?”

“I can’t!” he says, with a playful
exasperation. “I said I was going to connect our minds, not control yours. I
have just as much of a chance of controlling you as you would have to control
me.”

“Hmmm … having you under my control
sounds intriguing. I can see how that power could be addictive,” I say.

“We don’t have to do this, if
you’re not interested. I’d be just as happy if we sat here and necked, so to
speak,” he says with a wicked smile.

“No, no. Let’s try.”

I force a smile, and close my eyes.
If I’m going to understand my Luminos nature, I’ll have to go down any path he
wants me to take. It scares me, what he’s planning on doing, but I have to
force myself to trust him.

No, I do trust Adam.

“Now imagine a tunnel in your mind.
A tunnel of white light,” he says, softly.

I struggle to picture it for a
moment, but I can’t. All I can see is blackness, and static energy racing back
and forth across my mind. It’s the same thing I see when I meditate, in yoga or
at night, when I want to fall asleep. And at times it gets so intense that when
I open my eyes, the energy will still be there in my room. At times, I can even
feel it. But tonight, there’s nothing within it, certainly not a tunnel.

I open my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m not
picking up on anything.”

“Come on. You’re not even trying,”
Adam says. “It’s not that there’s nothing there, it’s that you’re not letting
yourself see it.”

It feels silly, like something from
a bad self-help seminar, or a cheesy Metaphysics class. And certainly not what
I thought I would be doing with an ancient vampire. But I need to give it
another chance, if I want to unravel the mysteries of my life. And I close my
eyes once more.

I focus on my breathing and give it
a serious try for several minutes. And just when I’m about to give up, I
finally think that I can see something. It’s vague at first, like a tiny dot in
the center of my mind that slowly morphs into a circle. And after a few moments
more, it becomes something else, a pipe with ridges that look like the sides of
a forbidden storm drain I used to play in as a child. It freaks me out, but I
feel like I can see a light coming from the other end, though I can’t quite see
what’s there. The curve of the pipe somehow blocks my view, and even though my
eyes are closed, I find myself straining my neck, as if I will see the far side
if I lean over just a bit.

And finally, I catch a glimpse of
something; a field with green grass.

I feel something too, the energy of
this place reaching out to me, prickling at my skin. And I can sense it pulling
at me, drawing me forward. But I’m afraid to let myself go, to let it take me.

“Do you see the tunnel?” Adam asks.
“Do you see something on the other side?”

“It’s a grove. And there are little
dots.”

“Flowers.”

“Yeah, maybe. Some flowers in the
grass.”

“I want you to concentrate on the
flowers. Focus just on them. Pick a certain one if you can.”

He’s right, I do think I can see
one that stands out in particular. It’s purple, and it glows more brightly than
the other specks around it. And as soon as I focus my intention on it, the
energy around me seems to heighten, its pull on me seems to increase.

I tell myself not to resist it, to
just let it take me wherever it wants me to go. It’s the only way I can move
on.

And the second I make the conscious
decision not to resist, in that instant, I’m shocked to find myself hurtling
down the tunnel. And for a brief moment, I have an awareness of its sides,
which are nothing like a pipe. They’re made up of a radiant white light.

And it’s the strangest thing, I
suddenly find myself standing in the grass field, and Adam is nowhere to be
found. I can’t even hear his voice.

I’m in a whole different world.

This place feels like Earth, but it
isn’t. The energy that makes up its essence feels sticky, so thick that it
seems to hang in the air. And I can feel the grass on the hill between my toes.
I realize that I had kicked off my shoes back in my living room, and I’m
wishing now that I had kept them on, though this wouldn’t be the place for high
heels.

I look down at myself, and find
that I’m wearing a white dress made of a material that’s like nothing I’ve ever
seen before. It’s gauzy and luminescent, and as I twirl about, the skirt floats
around me in an ethereal way. The dress is low-cut and the hem falls just below
my knees, and I realize that I’ve seen it before. And it suddenly hits me.

It’s my dress from the real world. I
have on some magical version of the purple dress I had bought for Trevor.

I start to panic. I don’t like
being here, this place isn’t natural, and Adam is nowhere to be found. But then
I look down and notice my friend, the purple flower, sprouted among the
perfectly manicured blades of green grass. And the little bud helps to calm me.
It has five petals, round ones, that look like circular discs. And each one has
little dots at the center, of yellow and black. It’s sickeningly adorable, like
an exaggerated version of a real flower, like something that would sprout in a
Japanese cartoon. Yet it’s absolutely beautiful at the same time.

And there are more of them. There’s
a path in the grass, and little purple and yellow buds line it. And more
flowers dot the sloping hill I’m standing on; red, orange, green and blue ones.
To the left, there’s a forest, where the path seems to come from, and to the
right it leads up to the top of the hill. There’s something at its apex, some
kind of structure, but I can’t quite see it from where I am. But somehow, I
know this is the place where I need to go, I know I’ll find Adam there. And my
need to be with him suddenly grows greatly.

I start to walk up the path. I’m
hesitant at first, thinking there might be rocks or gravel that will hurt my
bare feet. But instead, the path feels like it’s made of fine sand or powder. I
reach down and touch it, and the dust feels like it’s the consistency of
something I would find at the MAC counter to brush on my face, yet it doesn’t
stick to my hands or feet.

The physics of this world seem off.
I feel like I could fly if I really concentrate, but I don’t want to try that
right now. I have to find Adam. I rush up the path, and as I get closer to the
top, I can see a quaint little cottage resting at the pinnacle, with smoke
coming out of the chimney. As I approach the door, I see Adam standing there,
waiting for me, and it’s such a relief.

His clothes are different, they’re
not mirror images of what he’s wearing in the real world, like my dress. He
wears a crisp white shirt, long-sleeved, and white slacks that are nothing like
the jeans he wore to the restaurant. His hair is slicked back, like a character
from the Great Gatsby. And his smile is almost as bright as the delicious, warm
light that’s shining down on us from … somewhere.

Adam is standing in the sunlight …
if that’s what it is in this place. And I wonder if this means that vampires
can walk during the day. It’s another question I need to ask him, but now
hardly seems like the right time.

“You’ve made it,” he says, smiling.

“Where are we, Adam?”

“It’s a world our two minds have created.
You can think of this place, try to visualize it or send your mind here at any
time, and I’ll know you’re trying to reach me. And even if I can’t contact you
mentally, I’ll find a way to get to you.”

“But, where does it exist? In our
brains?”

“Technically, it’s in a place
called the Astral Plane. Think of it as a world between worlds.”

I look around us, and it’s all so
beautiful. The forest below seems just a bit scary, like there could be
monsters dwelling in it the further you go, but it’s still lush and green and
lovely. And there’s a valley that extends off behind the hill, as far as the
eye can see, and I wonder what lurks within it. The cottage itself is adorable,
charming and without pretense, with its pristine white walls and intricate
woodwork around the windows.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing? The
little flowers on the hill? The white house?”

“I am. Our subconscious minds are
coming together to create all this. But with time, you can learn to shape and
mold it to your will. It’s why I’m wearing different clothes, but yours are
similar to what you had on, because you think that’s what you should be
wearing. Come on, let’s go inside.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder,
but I stop, as something catches my eye. I look back, over the chasm that seems
to loom larger than the Grand Canyon. And behind it, there’s a strange sight,
an odd occurrence that’s happening in the clouds.

The billowy puffs that float over
the expansive valley begin to open and separate, forming a kind of doorway or
portal. And I can see into another place that seems to float in the clouds.

There’s a golden light emanating
from within this new world, and for a moment, I’m convinced that this place is
the source of the sunlight that’s shining down around us. And through the
portal, I can see a gentle, rolling hill that reminds me of the one I’m
standing on. But there’s no cottage in this place. Instead, I can see what
looks like a city in the distance, protected by a huge, ominous wall.

And even though this new world
seems far away, I can see its contents in great detail, the way I would if it
was much closer. I’m absolutely mesmerized by it, even more than with the
strange reality I’m in with Adam. And I begin to realize there’s something
moving within it.

The gates surrounding the city
open, and two dots come bouncing toward us, ones that look like the specks that
helped draw me into this world. But these aren’t flowers. As they begin to grow
larger, I realize they’re young girls.

They wear very light pastel dresses
that are almost white, but if I had to assign them a color, I would say one is
purple and the other is blue. And the girls have long hair; one girl has
straight blonde locks, and the other has brown pigtails. I can’t take my eyes
off them, and I begin to realize that they’re staring back at me. It scares me
that they seem to know I’m here, and it becomes even more frightening when I
realize they’re saying something that’s intended for my ears. Their voices
float toward me, as though carried by the wind.

“Saga … why did you go?”

“What? I didn’t go anywhere. I’m
right …”

“You said you wouldn’t leave.”

“Was it for love, Saga? Was it for
him? The one you love.”

“Of course it was for the one she
loves, silly.”

“The one she loves.”

And the girls look to each other
and giggle.

The one I love? What the hell are
these brats talking about? It must be Adam, but I’m not quite sure what they
mean, or how they know about us. Or maybe I’m just disoriented from having my
psychic body transported to another world.