The Michael Jackson Tapes (37 page)

God promised Abraham that his children would be “like the stars of the heaven,” not the stars of the silver screen. The former radiate light amid an all-encompassing darkness, and, indeed, the Jewish nation has retained its righteousness in a dark and cruel world. But the latter, our movie stars, are often counterfeit constellations, artificially illuminated facsimiles set in a world of make-believe.

One cannot be religious without being righteous. To the extent that I added to the counterfeit message being promoted in our celebrity-obsessed society by becoming dependent on Michael for a period of two years to be effective as a rabbi, I greatly regret the action and have endeavored to correct it by becoming an outspoken critic of the destructive effect of celebrity culture, as well as becoming a more wholesome and grounded human being.

This is not to say that I condemn Michael and foreswear entirely our once intimate friendship. Rather, it was the dependency that I regret, the belief that I needed him more than he needed me
.
I believed that religious values would benefit from having a renowned celebrity spokesman
and was flattered that a man as famous as Michael Jackson found my spiritual ideas compelling.

Still, after all is said and done, I conclude this book with something that may surprise you. I want to acknowledge a debt of gratitude toward Michael that should not go unpaid.

In the Jewish religion one of the greatest sins is to live as an ingrate. The Bible provides instances where human beings were expected to show gratitude even to inanimate objects. Moses was not allowed to smite the Nile and turn it into blood because it had earlier saved his life when he was a baby in a pitched basket. Similarly, Moses could not wield his staff against the dust of Egypt and turn it into lice because it had saved his life by allowing him to bury the body of an evil Egyptian taskmaster whom he had smitten. How much more so, to use the Talmudic phraseology, must one show gratitude and appreciation to a human being with whom one once enjoyed the solid bond of friendship and a deep bond of affection.

For all his destructive flaws and serious shortcomings, I became a better father as a result of my friendship with Michael Jackson. It was impossible not to, so passionate was Michael about the infinite value of children and so infectious was his enthusiasm for childlike creativity and wonder. For the rest of my life I will never forget Michael making me promise that I would look into my childrens' eyes whenever I told them I loved them. More than anything else, this could have been Michael's lasting legacy and unparalleled gift to the world. How tragic it truly is, therefore, that he corrupted that ideal.

A friend of mine told me that
The New York Post
had ridiculed me, the day after Michael's arrest in November 2003, for a speech I gave a number of years ago where I stated that Michael inspired me to better value my children. But I still stand by those words. I do not believe in blind allegiance either to an active or a former friend. God and morality precede even kinship and friendship, and if someone we love or care about has contravened morality then their actions dare not be defended.

But I still believe in heartfelt gratitude. And I will always be grateful to Michael for inspiring me not just to appreciate the infinite value of my children but to act on that appreciation by prioritizing them always. Amid his undeniable gifts, Michael had led a profligate and largely selfish existence and admitted to things, such as sharing a bed with children, that are unforgivable. That does not make him guilty of pedophilia, and if he was culpable it doesn't annihilate the good he inspired. Any good things I picked up from him along the way remain with me, even as I lament his stunning destructive streak that culminated in his tragic and untimely death. As the great Jewish philosopher Maimonides wrote nearly a millennia ago, “Embrace the truth regardless of its source.” The truth that Michael strengthened in me about how my children are my greatest blessing is something for which I will forever be grateful.

My friendship with Michael was based, more than anything else, on how much he cherished children and served as a counterbalance to all the people whom I meet who feel sorry for me for having so many. As a father of a large family I find myself forever apologizing, as if I singlehandedly overpopulated the earth or committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by
my
selfish fertility.

When I broach this issue with other American families who dare to exceed the two-kids-a-cat-and-a-goldfish national average, they too relate their experiences of suspicious gazes and raised eyebrows. At best one encounters puzzlement. At worst a look of condescension and pity as passersby try to fathom why we would ruin our lives by loading ourselves with the burden of
too many
children, all of whom have to be paid for.

Greater financial prosperity has bought us larger homes but smaller families, fancier cars but fewer baby carriages. But in Michael Jackson I met a man who was the most famous and accomplished entertainer arguably of all time and all he wanted, as he repeatedly told me, were nine kids of his own. I can still remember him reading to Prince and Paris, having every lunch and dinner with them, and refusing to travel without them in tow. He taught me that one's children are one's greatest blessing, the bright light to which we all aspire, the deep glow to which we all are drawn.

Many people deserve thanks for their input into this book. Foremost among them is Michael Jackson for his courage and honesty in sharing so much of his intimate self in the belief that it could help people better understand him and provide valuable lessons in the lives of others. I miss you, Michael, and I mourn your loss. Since you've died I have been reliving so many of our special moments together. May you rest in peace and may your memory be an eternal blessing to your children, family, and the people who truly cared for you.

Frank Cascio, who was Michael's most trusted friend and confidante, was extremely helpful in ensuring that Michael and I got together on a regular basis to make these conversations possible. I was always inspired by Frank's devotion to Michael and today Frank is one of my family's dearest friends.

The people who helped me with the
Heal the Kids
initiative—especially my very dear friend Toba Friedman, who was a Marshall Scholar at Oxford when I was Rabbi there, and Marilyn Piels—deserve special thanks. Both Toba and Marilyn have since married and had children. So I guess all those conversations about how important children are really had the desired effect.

David Steinberger at the Perseus Books Group and Roger Cooper at Vanguard Press could not have been more enthusiastic, helpful, and encouraging in this book's publication. They brought to this project unparalleled sensitivity, devotion, and professionalism. It was truly awe-inspiring to see Roger motivate his expert team to produce a complex book with such alacrity and attention to detail.

Ari Emanuel, my agent and friend at William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, gave outstanding advice and guidance, all mixed with his usual vigor and humor. I especially thank Ari for his personal devotion toward the welfare of me and my family. Mel Berger devoted himself to finding the right home for the book, for which I am truly grateful.

Ron Feiner, my dear friend and attorney of 10 years, assisted both me and Michael in our efforts to heal American families. Throughout the years, Ron has been instrumental in providing me with wisdom, insight, and ongoing guidance.

My dear friend Ric Bachrach has been a constant confidante and trusted advisor in everything I do, both professionally and personally. A man of profound integrity, Ric brought a unique sensitivity in having this material brought to the public with the dignity it deserved.

Janet Goldstein did the impossible of editing my hefty original manuscript for publication in a condensed period of time. I drove Janet crazy with constant edits. But she was a real trooper and kept up both her pace and her sanity.

My friend Glenn Levy provided wise legal counsel as he has at many other crucial junctures in my life.

There is nothing that I could achieve professionally without my very dedicated office staff who work tirelessly to help me realize my vision of bringing spirituality and values to a world that sorely needs them. Chief among them is my personal assistant, Kennia Ramirez, who is there for me and my family at all hours of the day and night. My trusted assistant and colleague of many years, Jason Kitchen, is always at my side for me to lovingly harangue, and our Web and IT director, Dean Bigbee, was extremely helpful in helping to organize the book's material for publication, as was Lara Kasten, who assisted in the transcription of the conversations. My assistant, Erica Carpinello, also transcribed many of the conversations and gave me years of devoted service.

When this book was originally conceived, Jonathan Margolis, my dear friend from the United Kingdom, helped a great deal with the organization of the material.

Michael was close to my children and they cried when he died. I have never published a book without thanking them in the acknowledgements for the inspiration they provide me every single day. Mushki,
Chana, Shterni, Mendy, Shaina, Baba, Yosef, Dovid Chaim, and Cheftziba, you give me consistent joy while driving me constantly insane. You are the light of my life and the reason I have dark circles under my eyes (OK, that one is probably my own fault). You are my greatest treasure, and the reason that I had to sell a kidney to keep up. But in all seriousness, you guys are the best. And I thank Michael for always reminding me that when I tell you I love you I make sure to say it while peering deeply into your eyes, even as you guys wrestle mightily to simply run out with your friends.

More than anyone else my wife Debbie is my wise counselor and devoted partner in all things. She keeps me anchored, is my moral compass, and inspires me every day to be a better man. A woman of sublime dignity and quiet purpose, she was always strangely immune to Michael's celebrity and judged my relationship with him purely on its merits. Did Michael and I truly care for each other, and was our friendship leading to something redemptive both for us as well as others? Without Debbie's tethering I would feel adrift.

My teacher, mentor, and guiding light, the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, of blessed memory, who passed away 15 years ago, continues to be my highest spiritual inspiration and the source of desire to spread the light of Jewish values to the mainstream world. No one taught me more about my relationship with God then the Rebbe. The world is darker for his absence and brighter for his teachings.

Finally, I thank God Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth and all contained therein, for the health of my children and family, a wife who loves me, the support of parents, brothers and sisters, and the loving friendships I have made. Not long ago Michael was one of the most precious of those friendships and I ask the Creator, with whom Michael now rests, to comfort him from his pain, shield him from his loneliness, and help him find his way back home.

Englewood, NJ

September, 2009

Copyright © 2009 Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

 

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