The Mirrors of Fate (11 page)

Maybe she was just an observer, someone who was supposed to be outside of the world to see into it.

And who was Maria Jaghai supposed to be, really? It was a question she asked herself too many times. Maria Jaghai was one who went to sleep not to get rest, but to be safe in her dreams. Maria Jaghai was the one who had started to isolate herself from the world as time wore on after her father’s announcement, and she had grown to like, to
need
that solitude. Solitude was ultimate sanctuary, and she was convinced she would defend that premise until her deathbed.

And when someone would criticize her for being too introverted, or for being too strange, Maria blamed her complicated home life. She did not remember her biological parents, like many adopted children who were taken away at an early age. How the Jaghai family raised her and how they treated her only helped contribute to her being an invalid.

Saying her isolation was their fault was her most convenient escape. So long as she could blame them, she was content to make no effort to change. No one would let her change even if she tried. How could she escape her molding, anyway?

She never made a habit out of pitying herself, though. In fact, she considered herself to be extremely fortunate. Maybe it was conceited, but she prided herself on the belief she had reached a certain state of euphoria in her mind that no one around her could ever reach or tamper with.

And why be like the others, anyway? Really, why? She wasn’t dependent, at least willingly, on what so many others needed—companions, family or loved ones. She could watch the world pass her by, watch people grow, watch them love and lose, and then eventually destroy their own lives through some unforeseen mistake. She could learn from these mistakes that were so unclear to them but so vivid and apparent to her. Maybe she’d even laugh. She wasn’t sure yet.

But right now at this stage, she did have her own problems to contend with. She had to get out of White Crest. Her grades were terrible, her adoptive parents would not give up until they found her a husband, she couldn’t go anywhere because she relied on her parents’ money, and up until now she had been denied any job she secretly applied for.

Her life was like being in a sinking boat. Everyone had life preservers on to leave the boat with, but she was the only one with a chain clasped about her neck. No one was seeing her being pulled under.

No, people did see, but nobody cared, just as she had, when her grades began to plummet, slowly begun to no longer care about what was supposed to be considered important
in life: work.

What was all her work for as a child? Those tests and exams and moving up a grade, then back to tests and more exams and moving up another grade again? It was a sad, inescapable routine, a routine many people adapted into adulthood. Many wasted their lives worrying and working, only to grow up and live out the rest of their days by stressing about the job they struggled from birth to get. Health deteriorates from the pressure; marriages break from the pressure; people commit suicide from the pressure.

It was all pointless in the scheme of things.

Her future, or the way she saw it, was even grimmer than that traditional degenerative process. Marrying one of the men her father chose for her would mean a life she did not want. Two years from now at twenty, she’d be cooking and cleaning because that was the duty
.
She would bear children because that was what a man wanted. He had to have a successor; regardless of if she could die bringing this successor into existence. Her house would be like a prison, and if she was allowed to have a job, it would be nothing worthwhile to her.

Goddamn it, she didn’t care what anyone said or how anyone else felt! It made no difference to her what other people wanted. She was determined to weave her own path, if she could somehow keep her goal from slowly slipping away from even her own mind. God, she truly was pathetic. She wanted so desperately to leave White Crest, and yet she couldn’t even find the energy to simply attend classes and concentrate.

I’m such an idiot.

Maria checked her watch again. “One-fifty. That’s my cue.”

She got up sadly and straightened her skirt. How uneventful. Alan wasn’t coming, and to wait any longer now seemed desperate. D
on’t dwell on it
.
Everyone gets ditched once in a while
.

As soon as she was about to take off on her heels, she was stopped by a drawled “Leaving already?”

Maria recognized the voice and turned to look behind her. There stood the round-faced Gina in a squeezing pair of blue shorts that revealed her overlapping thighs, and a neon green tank top that accentuated her stomach rolls.

“
Were you waiting for someone?” she asked with a broad smile that showed off her shiny green lip gloss.

“
Y-Yeah Gina,” Maria began in the same cheery attitude. Wiping away the momentary surprise on her face took her a second.

“
So what’s going on? Where’s this person?”

“
I...guess they’re not coming.” She failed at trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

“
Apparently so. You didn’t realize that after the first half an hour?”

Maria raised her shaking hand and clutched her purse to her side. “Huh? What are you talking about?” But Maria already knew, and she dreaded the worst.

“
I’ve been here since, like, twelve,” Gina went on. “I saw you waiting here all this time. I won’t lie, yeah? I’ll be straight-up with you. It was a little pathetic. I saw you checking and checking over and over again that watch of yours”—she laughed—“every five minutes like a damn lost puppy waiting for its master. I was so surprised to notice you standing here that I almost dropped my bags. But since you didn’t tell me you were coming here today I assumed you were meeting someone secretively
.
I didn’t want to
bother
you.
”
She made it sound like a scandal. “We were waiting to see who arrived so we could tease you about it at school. Oh yes, Ellie’s here too. But shit, you’re a saint to be this patient. Who were you waiting for? After the first half an hour I would’ve left. Who the hell stood you up?”

Bereft of words; her sensations, hardly describable. Embarrassment stifled her breath and clogged her throat. By all means she would have loved to have found the ability at that crucial moment to be able to hide how she felt, but her face unfortunately told all, and Gina fed off of it.

“
And you got all dressed up too, I notice,” Gina continued unsympathetically. “Oh Christ! It’s a boy, isn’t it?!” Gina laughed raucously. “Oh my God, this is amazing! It has to be a boy!”

Ellie called over to them from across the road. “Hey, Gina! I finished up!”

Maria felt sick. She lowered her head and wished her hair wasn’t pinned back so she could hide her face. Ellie turned up beside Gina, and her happy expression suddenly changed when she saw Maria. Ellie’s eyes roamed over Maria in skeptical appraisal, and she barely acknowledged her presence with a dry “Hi” before whispering something into Gina’s ear.

“
Oh,” Gina said. “Well, looks like our ride is coming in a few minutes. We can’t stay.”

“
But for a lil while longer we can tawlk. Soooo Maria,” Ellie began and gave her a penetrating look, “what’s up? Why didn’t you tell us you were coming here today on some sort of date? I thought we were your friends.”

Maria was mortified Ellie did not say more at that moment. She was being expected to explain herself when they knew perfectly well she did not have any good answer to give. Yet still the two girls stood there hovering over her and waiting patiently with a court judge’s silent but deadly expression.

“
Well, the thing is...”

“
Who’s the lucky person? Someone cool I hope,” Gina said.

“
I was waiting for—”

“
Maria,” Ellie interrupted in the kind of soft tone reserved only for the likes of young children or simpleminded people, “why didn’t you tell us about your date today?”

What did they want her to say? That she was sorry? That she did something wrong by not telling them?

Gina looked at Ellie and Ellie looked at Gina. Gina began with wide eyes, “Maria, were you meeting a guy or a girl here?”

She stared at them blankly, not understanding. “What do you mean?”

“
Maria, were you meetin’ a...female companion here?”

Maria was still baffled, but it didn’t take long before their true meaning came speeding at her like a freight train.

“
Maria...” The same tone persisted. “Please tell us. There’s...no problem if you admit it.”

“
Admit...Are you guys asking me if I’m a—”

“
Maria, in this day and age it’s okay to be...that way. We’ll still be your friends and we’ll still love you. My mom has lesbian friends, too.”

If she weren’t so offended she would have broken out into laughter. And the worst thing about it was that they were serious. Truly serious. Were they really all so apart from each other that they truly misunderstood her this much?

“
You could have just told us you were a lesbian. I mean, it was kinda easy to read. In fact, a lot of us at school have known for a long time. You never date, and you’re always clamoring to hang out with Ellie and I. I mean look, I don’t want to make you feel weird, but people have been saying that since forever. I always told them it wasn’t accurate, but I guess when you add up the signs it’s true.”

A silence seeped in, the kind that came after a shy little girl’s admonishment when she slowly looked for an appropriate response to explain herself. Maria stared down at the ground, unable to pull her thoughts together as she stared at a shoeprint in the cement. The last straw had not so gently fallen upon the camel’s breaking back; the back collapsed with the weight of a doomed house on the wrecker’s schedule. She felt ready to cry.

“
It’s easy to read because I don’t date...Easy to read because your friends aren’t my friends...” Her fingers trembled in building anger. “Easy to read because I don’t gossip all the time with you both about guys. I’m that easy to read, huh?”

The two girls shook their heads proudly as if they had somehow, with strong teamwork and impressive skills, managed to draw out a spark of some inner hidden truth.

“
We won’t tell anyone of course,” Gina said quietly. “Besides, you wouldn’t want anyone to know.”

“
Know what?”

Another voice entered the conversation. Maria raised her head and the two girls looked behind them. Surprise surfaced on their faces.

“
Ah, thank God you two are here,” Alan said to the two girls. “I was hoping Maria would have someone to talk to while I tried to get here.” He passed the two girls without so much as a second glance and strode to Maria’s side. Her breath caught in her chest when he slipped a possessive hand around her waist. “Sorry I’m late,” he told her and leaned in toward her face. He brushed his lips against her cheek in a tender kiss.

Gina and Ellie exchanged looks of puzzlement. They weren’t the only ones bewildered. The spot his lips touched became branded by a warm tingling. Maria gawked up at him. Alan pulled her into a silent line of communication only they two could understand when he flashed those perfectly straight white teeth of his at her. She was supposed to play along.

“
I never meant to keep you waiting so long, baby. The traffic was a nightmare.”

Maria beamed at him. “No...
baby
. It’s fine, but you’re lucky. I was just about to leave.”

“
A thousand pardons, a thousand pardons,” Alan said in mild playfulness. “But I hope I was worth the wait. I know that coming here was
certainly
worth the struggle. Let me get a good look at you.”

He took both her hands in his and took a step back, keeping her out in front so his eyes could roam up and down her from head to toe. And they certainly did roam. They roamed for so long Maria wasn’t sure if he was pretending to be this interested in her appearance, or if he really wanted to inspect her so closely.

“
Jesus Christ.” He sucked in air through his teeth. “Where did you get that skirt? If I had known you had legs like that we would’ve gone to my apartment instead.”

Maria glanced over at Gina and Ellie, to be sure her two friends were witnessing the event unfold. Their aghast expressions confirmed it.

Alan suddenly drew her into his chest, a capricious movement that caught her off guard. Every pulse point in her body exploded when he gathered his arms around her and held her. His face was so close she could feel his breath on her lips.

“
Everything about you right now is so goddamn beautiful. Thank you for wearing that outfit. I hope I get to see more of you tonight.” He added extra spice by leaning toward her ear and whispering something just loud enough for the two other girls to hear.
“I’d like to see what kind of magic you and I can make together under the sheets.”

Oh Lord! If he weren’t holding her she would have collapsed right there.

“
Alan,” Gina said with unhidden anger. The stout black girl stood with her arms akimbo. “You’re dating Maria? Since when?”