‘There
is
no way to deal with the situation. This bitch –,’ and he shook Diane violently ‘– couldn’t keep her mouth shut. And now
you
know about it, and
you
know about it.’ He pointed with the crossbow. When it swung around to me, I felt my stomach pull back against my spine.
Oh Jesus
. I lifted my hands so they were level with my shoulders, and was vaguely aware that they were shaking uncontrollably.
‘This isn’t going to sort anything out, Michael. You’re just getting yourself into more trouble, not solving anything. We can talk about what happened to Jenny. We can work something out,’ Valerie said.
I had precisely zero confidence that Valerie’s nannyish tone would have any impact on Michael Shepherd’s behaviour. Just a few feet away there was a policeman; just beyond him, reporters from the world’s media. And unless someone did something, we were going to die in that
kitchen
without any of them knowing anything about it. Valerie was making things worse. Diane was like a broken doll, her head lolling to one side. I doubted she was even aware what was going on. That only left me. I lowered my hands and pushed them into my pockets, trying to look relaxed.
‘Look, Michael, I’m sorry for asking too many questions. I think – I think I confused Diane. She was just trying to talk things out with me. It was just talk. I don’t think anyone would take it seriously.’
If you weren’t pointing a crossbow at me, that might be more credible
…
Michael Shepherd laughed, a horrible sound without humour. ‘Nice try. Don’t try to kid me that you don’t believe it.’
‘I don’t believe you have to shoot any of us,’ I said calmly, drawing on the reserves of composure I’d built up over years of handling Mum when she was in a dangerous mood. I was terrified, but I knew better than to show it. ‘That’s not going to help you or us. I mean, what are you going to do? Shoot everyone who comes to the house to find out where we are? It’s not really a plan, is it?’
His eyes glittered. ‘There’s a plan, all right. It involves getting rid of people who annoy me, like you, you prissy little bitch, coming here, preaching to us.’
‘I thought it would be helpful, but I got it wrong. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not that easy. My wife talked to you about things she shouldn’t have. She showed that she couldn’t be trusted. She was disloyal. As soon as she had the chance to betray me, she took it. Not. Acceptable.’ He squeezed her neck
hard
as he said the last two words, and Diane made a tiny noise that was born of pure fear. There was a drizzling sound and I looked down to see a spreading pool of urine at her feet. Shepherd noticed it too. ‘You disgust me, cunt,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘Can’t keep control, can you? Pathetic. Just like your daughter. She got it from you, didn’t she? Didn’t she?’
Diane was sobbing openly now, her eyes still tightly closed, her face twisted with pain and terror so it was almost unrecognisable. I could taste the tension in the room; it was metallic, like blood. He was going to kill her. I could see it in his face.
‘Where did you get the crossbow?’ I blurted, trying desperately to draw his attention back to me. ‘I can’t imagine you had one lying around.’
He flicked a glance in my direction that contained nothing but loathing, but after a second he answered. ‘Mate of mine from my gym had it. He bought it off the internet – he’s into that kind of thing. I asked him if I could borrow it. We had tabloid reporters and paparazzi climbing into the garden, coming up to the windows, bothering us day in, day out. I told him I needed it to scare them off. Don’t worry, Val, it’s legal. Nice, isn’t it?’ He tilted it to show me, and I looked at the lethal mechanism of wires and metal and felt decidedly ill. From that range, even if he wasn’t a good shot, we didn’t stand a chance.
While Shepherd and I had been talking, Valerie had taken the opportunity to edge towards the back door. Now, two steps away from it, she made her move, whirling
around
and grabbing for the handle, fumbling desperately. I didn’t see Michael Shepherd aim and I didn’t hear him fire, but suddenly a narrow black rod protruded from between Valerie’s shoulder blades and she pitched forward, falling through the door she had managed to open. From where I stood, I could only see her feet. She had fallen awkwardly, the toes of one foot pressed against the ground so her shoe had almost come off, the other foot twisted at an odd angle. I waited in an agony of suspense for her to move, for the shoe to fall off completely. Surely no one could bear to lie like that. But there was no movement at all.
I looked back to Michael Shepherd, who was staring at Valerie, a strange expression on his face. It was half pride, half awe at what he had achieved. ‘One shot,’ he said, and he let go of his wife, drawing the second bolt out of his belt and fitting it carefully into the crossbow.
‘Mike, please.’ Diane was crying so hard the words were distorted. ‘Don’t do this. You have to stop.’
It was as if he relaxed once he saw how easy it was to fire the bow – how easy it was to kill. He moved without haste but with complete focus. I don’t think he even heard what she said to him. I felt panic start to build within me and tried to fight it back; it wouldn’t help, whatever happened next.
Diane was trying again. ‘You’re only making things worse. Please, just stop.’
He looked up at that. ‘Worse? How could I make things worse? How could they be worse than you and your daughter making a fool out of me? How could it be worse
than
you deliberately putting the blame on me for what happened? That would suit you, wouldn’t it? If I went to prison, you’d be free, wouldn’t you? You could go off and start a new life somewhere, and forget all about this.’ He jabbed the bow in her direction. ‘Well, it’s not going to happen. I’ve told you that before. I said I’d kill you before I let you go, and I will. The only difference is that I’m going to enjoy it, because let me tell you, Diane, you’re getting exactly what you deserve.’
She was hysterical now, shaking her head, far beyond words. I thought with desperation that the policeman outside had to hear her, but there was no sound of anyone coming through the front door. The world had shrunk to one room, a room that stank of hatred and misery and blood, and we might as well have been the last people on earth.
Having finished reloading, he drew her towards him and kissed the side of her head, burying his face in her hair. His eyes were closed and I wondered for a split second if now was my chance, if now was the only chance I would get, but I couldn’t move. I slipped one hand behind me, sweeping over the counter in ever-wider circles, hoping for a miracle. My fingertips grazed something, pushing it further away and I reached after it, whatever it was, almost sobbing. He hadn’t thought twice about ending Valerie’s life. He would do the same to me.
Just wait
, I told myself.
Wait it out
.
I reached again, my muscles straining, and my fingers touched cold metal.
‘Oh my darling,’ Michael Shepherd said, his words
muffled
. ‘I loved you so, so much. I would have died for you. And you threw it all away.’ He gave Diane a little push, so she staggered a couple of paces in front of him. As soon as she’d got her balance, she turned slowly, dully, to face him. There was no fight left in her. Standing behind her, I couldn’t see her face, but I could see Michael Shepherd’s. Just for a moment, he looked stricken with sorrow and I thought,
He can’t do it
.
He was a man of principle, though, a man capable of ending his own daughter’s life because he was disappointed in her, a man who demanded total respect, and he could do it, and he did. I heard a thud this time, and Diane crumpled where she stood, without making a sound. Even as she was falling I was reaching behind my back again, stretching the last inch I needed to get hold of whatever was on the counter, and before her head finally hit the tiled floor I had shoved it into my back pocket. I had given myself an edge that Michael Shepherd didn’t know about, but if I got it wrong, I would make things so much worse. I couldn’t let myself think about that. The truth about what would happen to me was lying at my feet.
He had aimed for her face, and the bolt had gone through her right eye. It looked grotesque. Evil. I tore my eyes away after one appalled second and pressed a hand to my mouth, sure I would be sick, sure that I was next. The kitchen counter was digging into my back, and I was glad of the pain. It focused me. I was on my own now. No one was coming to the rescue. It was all up to me.
Michael Shepherd had been gazing down at his wife. Now he lifted the crossbow again and looked at it
dispassionately
before laying it to one side. ‘No more bolts. I’ll have to think of something else for you.’
‘Why?’
Keep him talking, Sarah, spin it out
…
His brow furrowed. ‘What do you mean? I can’t have you going to the police and telling them everything.’
‘The police know everything,’ I said, my voice very calm. Weakness made him feel powerful. It was time to see how he coped with someone who wasn’t afraid, even if I was shaking with terror. I hoped he couldn’t tell. ‘They’ve just been waiting for you to incriminate yourself. Two dead bodies in your kitchen – I’d say you’ve done enough to get yourself arrested.’
‘They think Danny Keane murdered Jenny. You said so yourself.’
I laughed, looking around me. ‘I think you’ve sort of proved that they were off track with that one. How are you going to pass this off as someone else’s work?’
He shrugged. ‘So what? Who cares? I’m not going to stick around for them to arrest me. I’m going to take care of you, and then I’m out of here.’
‘I don’t care if you escape or not. The only reason I came here was because I felt bad about Danny Keane – I felt responsible for what he did because he did it to impress me. Now that I know he didn’t kill Jenny, I don’t give a shit what happens. You don’t need to kill me, Michael. You didn’t really need to kill her.’ I pointed down at his wife’s body.
‘She deserved everything she had coming to her.’
‘Did Valerie?’
‘She annoyed me,’ he replied simply.
‘Me too.’
Forgive me, Valerie, I don’t mean it, but I have to stay alive somehow
. ‘I probably wouldn’t have killed her for it, though.’
Michael Shepherd looked at me and laughed, properly laughed. ‘You are a cool customer, aren’t you?’
‘I’ve seen it all. Nothing can surprise me now.’ I smiled at him and it felt like a grimace.
‘Is that a fact?’ He stretched and yawned, not bothering to cover his mouth, showing me a pink tongue and ice-white teeth. His neck bulged, the veins and tendons standing out on it like an anatomy drawing. He was hugely powerful and twice my size. I had to keep talking. I slid my hands into the back pockets of my jeans, trying to look relaxed, curling my hand around what I had hidden there.
‘Look, I understand why you did it.’
‘Really?’ He looked at me narrowly, sceptical.
‘Of course. Jenny really let you down. She had so many advantages.’ I looked around admiringly. ‘I mean, look at this place. You’d given her everything and she behaved as if it was nothing.’
He made a noise deep in his throat that sounded like agreement. I was feeling my way cautiously, trying to imagine how he could have justified what he’d done. The lies he’d told himself floated into my mind. Diane had given me the clues to how he thought. All I had to do was follow them. But it was a dangerous path.
‘
I
understand,’ I ploughed on, ‘but a jury might not. You’ve got to get out of here before the police find out what you’ve done. You can get away – go into hiding or
abroad
or whatever – if you leave now. I’m on your side, Michael. I don’t want you to have to suffer for other people’s mistakes. They all deserved what they got, but you don’t deserve prison. I’ll stay here and pretend that everything is OK for a few hours – that should give you enough time to disappear.’ Even as I said the words, anger rose up in my chest, solidifying into a hard, hot stone behind my breastbone that constricted my breathing.
He frowned. ‘Why would you help me?’
‘Let’s just say I’ve seen a lot of unfair things in my life. Why shouldn’t I help you? You’re not like Danny Keane. You had good reasons to do what you did. In your position, I hope I’d have the courage to do the same.’
For a second I thought I’d gone too far, that he wouldn’t begin to believe me, but I had been right to think that Michael Shepherd believed in his own infallibility. He nodded. ‘OK. I’m ready to go. Just shut up for a second. I’ve got to think.’
I was thinking too. I was thinking that it would never occur to him that he’d made his daughter what she was. He’d robbed her of her self-esteem. He’d bullied her into submission. He’d created a hunger in her for love and approval that Danny had seen and used. It was Michael Shepherd’s fault, all of it, and the knowledge was bitter in my mouth.
‘I could tie you up and leave you here. I don’t trust you not to call for help, but you can’t do much if you’re tied up, can you?’
I shook my head.
‘I need something to tie you up with. And a gag.’ He
half
turned away from me, one hand rubbing his head, and in that split second that he wasn’t thinking about me, I pushed off the counter towards him. In the same moment, I brought up the scissors I had palmed off the counter, and plunged the blades into the side of his throat, twisting them before I pulled them out. I don’t think he saw me move, or knew what had happened until the spray of hot, red blood exploded from him, and one hand went to his throat. It was catastrophic, what I had done to him, and the blood pulsed out of him in fat gouts, saturating his shirt so that it went from khaki to shiny black. I had stepped back smartly, not fast enough to stay out of range of the initial spurt, but quickly enough that he hadn’t had time to grab me. Not that he wanted to. All of his attention was focused on himself. He was trying to hold the blood in, pushing his hands against his neck as he moaned, but red seeped through his fingers and coursed down his arms, spattering on the white tiles. He sagged back against the cupboards and slid down onto one knee, his eyes wide, appalled. The blood started to pool around him and spread across the floor, running through the channels between the tiles. It was extraordinary how much of it there was, I thought, and found the echo for it almost immediately.
Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?
I had done what was right. It couldn’t be undone any more than Jenny could be brought back to life.