The Moment We Began (A Fairhope New Adult Romance) (4 page)

By the time I wake up, the sun has already gone
down and the night, like my heart, has resolved itself for darkness.

At noon the following day, I step inside the
neonatal care unit of the Fairhope Children’s Hospital.

Nurse Valerie’s eyes light up. “Penny.
I’m so happy to see you today,” she says.

“Got any babies I can snuggle for a little
while?” I ask, washing my hands.

She smiles. “Always.”

I walk into the nursery with her and she carefully
lifts a small baby boy from his crib. He’s swaddled tight in a
soft linen blanket. I sit down in one of the rocking chairs and she
hands him to me.

“He’s so tiny,” I say. His skin
is so pink and wrinkly. “When was he born?”

“About a week ago,” she says. “We
missed you last week.”

I frown. “I know. I had to go to Atlanta for
a couple of days with Mom,” I say. “What’s wrong
with this little guy?”

I unwrap his swaddle and draw him close to my
body, warming him. It’s part of the Kangaroo care here. There
are almost always babies here who need someone to rock them and hold
them. There’s proof that babies grow stronger when they’re
held more, but sometimes they’re mothers aren’t always
able to be here.

I volunteer as often as I can, but it’s
never enough.

“He was born about three weeks premature,”
she says. “His name is Isaac.”

“Hello Isaac,” I say, staring down
into his sweet little face.

“He’s a strong boy, though. The
doctors say he’s going to be just fine.”

I look around the unit and see an even smaller
baby inside an incubator. “And him?”

Nurse Valerie’s mouth twists down. “He’s
not doing as well,” she says. “He has a heart condition.
He’s fighting for his life every second of every day.”

I swallow, a lump forming in my throat. “Isn’t
there something they can do?”

“Surgery,” she says. “But it’s
expensive and his parents don’t have the insurance coverage or
the money to pay for it.”

“How much?” I ask.

This is exactly the kind of thing my mother
forbids me to do. It’s not that she’s completely
heartless. She does a lot for charity and I’m sure the money
does a lot of good somewhere. I just think we should be doing a lot
of good here, in our own community.

“Five thousand dollars,” she says.
There’s hope in her eyes when she looks at me.

I know she would never come right out and ask me
for money, but how could I turn away from this sweet baby and not
help?

“I’ll see what I can do,” I say.
“When do you need it?”

“As soon as you can,” she says. “The
earliest the surgeon could do it would be next week. If we don’t
get it scheduled, though, it might get pushed out even farther, and
I’m just not sure he’ll hang on that long.”

“See if you can get him on the schedule,”
I say. “I’ll get you the money by Monday.”

Her eyes tear up and she sets a soft hand on my
shoulder. “You are a saint, Miss Penny.”

I shake my head. “I am a sinner,” I
say. “Trust me.”

She smiles and wipes at the corners of her eyes.

An hour later, I’m walking back into my
parents’ house when my phone buzzes in my purse.

I’m home! Heading to Brantley’s.

I shriek and run back out to my car. Leigh Anne’s
home!

Brantley’s is the local steakhouse where
Leigh Anne works. I’m dying to see her. We’ve talked on
the phone a few times since she left for Boston, but she hasn’t
had a lot of extra time to chat.

“Where are you running off to?”
Preston asks. He’s coming home just as I am about to leave. His
car is parked next to mine in the garage and he’s standing with
one arm propped against the frame.

“Leigh Anne’s home,” I say.

A brief shadow crosses his face. It’s so
slight, no one in the world but me would probably have noticed it.
But I noticed.

I pause, keys in hand. “I’m sorry. I
wasn’t thinking.”

He shakes his head, acting tough. “Don’t
worry about it,” he says. “I’m glad she’s
home. Tell her I’m hoping to stop by on Friday if I can.”

“I’ll let her know.”

I give him another sympathetic look. I can tell
he’s bothered just by the thought of her. He really did love
Leigh Anne, but he was the one who screwed it up back in high school
when he cheated with one of our best friends. I understand what it
feels like to be heartbroken, though. Even if it’s your own
fault, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“Are you going to be hanging out here for a
while?” I ask. “Or are you heading back to your apartment
this afternoon?”

I still live at home, but Preston has his own
place.

He shrugs. “Not sure. I thought I might hang
out in the game room for a while. There’s absolutely nothing
else going on today.”

“Okay, well if you’re still here when
I get back, maybe we can watch a movie or something,” I say.
“Just the two of us.”

He gives me a look, and I know he sees right
through me. “I don’t need your pity,” he says. “I’m
happy for her. Really.”

“Fine,” I say, eyebrows raised and
head turned to the side. “Don’t watch a movie with your
twin sister who loves you more than life itself. I don’t care.”

Preston laughs and rolls his eyes. “Just
go,” he says. “You’re making it worse.”

I laugh and get in my Audi. It only takes me a few
minutes to get to Brantley’s. It’s possible I was
speeding most of the way there, but this car has a mind of its own
sometimes. If I go slow, it taunts me. Luckily, I have yet to get
pulled over. Dad would kill me.

I park and run inside, cringing slightly at my
reflection in the glass doors as I pass through the entrance. I look
like a bum in shorts and a tank top, but I didn’t want to waste
time changing.

Luckily, the restaurant is dead except for a
cluster of servers at the bar. I rush up and practically tackle Leigh
Anne, who is sitting in the center of the cluster.

“Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re
home.”

She hugs me back and a few of the people who were
standing around walk back toward the kitchen.

I finally pull away and take a seat at the
barstool next to hers. “When did you get in? Just now?”

“Yes,” she says. “Jenna
threatened death if I didn’t stop by here first.”

“I heard that,” Jenna shouts from the
door of the kitchen.

“Well, you did,” Leigh Anne shouts
back.

I look over and see Jenna carrying a tray of food
out toward the main dining room. She’s got the sleeves of her
white shirt rolled up and most of her arms are covered in tattoos.
Her white-blonde hair is parted in the middle and braided on both
sides.

I’ve only hung out with her a few times, but
she seems really fun. I invited her to a couple parties on the yacht
and at Preston’s apartment while Leigh Anne was out of town,
but she never showed.

“What’s her story?” I ask Leigh
Anne. “She never comes to any of my parties.”

Leigh Anne shrugs and turns back to her drink.
“I’m honestly not sure,” she says. “She
hasn’t told me much about her past except that she transferred
here from some school in Macon.”

I turn to the guy at the bar. Colton. He’s a
cutie with his shaggy brown hair and piercing blue eyes. “You
hang out with her a lot, right?”

He looks up from the set of glasses he’s
cleaning. His mouth drops open, like I’ve just caught him doing
something naughty. “Sure,” he says. “We’re
friends.”

He stumbles over the word friends, then looks
longingly toward the dining room. My stomach feels heavy when I see
that look. I know that look, because it’s exactly the way I
look at Mason. Colton must have it bad for Jenna, but from the
sadness in his eyes, I’m not sure she feels the same way.

I want to tell him I feel his pain, but I barely
know this guy. And I certainly don’t want to confess to a
stranger that I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t love me
back. Not exactly a good conversation starter.

“Has she mentioned to you that I invited her
to a few parties lately?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Not that I remember,
why?”

I sit back and pout. “People don’t
usually turn down invites to my parties. I wonder why she didn’t
come?”

Leigh Anne takes another sip of her sweet tea.
“Maybe she was working those days.”

“Maybe,” I say, watching as Jenna
comes back toward us. She winks as she disappears into the kitchen.
“Maybe she doesn’t like me.”

“Not possible,” Leigh Anne says.

I smile and shake my head. “Thanks, but
you’re crazy,” I say. “I bet there are a lot of
people in this town who don’t like me. They still usually come
to my parties, though.”

“Speaking of parties, Knox told me a bunch
of us are getting together Friday,” Leigh Anne says. “Are
you coming?”

“Of course,” I say, turning back to
her. “And I’m bringing a date.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Oh? Anyone I know?”

“Nope.” I lean over and grab a menu
from behind the bar. “Just another one of my mom’s
fix-ups.”

Leigh Anne laughs. “Hopefully this guy will
be better than the last one,” she says. “That guy was
weird.”

I twist my nose up. “Don’t remind me,”
I say. “I might have gotten over the fact that he was only
five-foot-five if he hadn’t spent the entire evening bragging
about his extensive coin collection. He even asked me if I was going
to inherit any coins along with my trust fund. Seriously? I felt like
he was only on a date with me to scope out the potential for good
loot.”

Leigh Anne is laughing uncontrollably. “I
honestly don’t know how you managed to finish dinner,”
she says. “How could your mom have thought you would actually
like that guy?”

“Because his parents are the right kind of
people,” I say. “That was literally the only thing she
knew about him before she set us up.”

“She’s ridiculous. I can’t
believe you’re actually letting her set you up again.”

Colton scoots a Dr. Pepper toward me, and I’m
impressed he remembered that’s what I drink without me even
having to ask. I tell him thanks, then turn back to Leigh Anne after
he walks away. “I’m desperate,” I say quietly,
taking a sip from my straw. “I can’t handle another night
where Mason has a hot date and I’m all alone.”

I swallow and stare down at my hands. I’m
not telling her the whole truth. She has no idea Mason and I have
been sleeping together for the past year, and I have no idea what
she’d say if I told her.

Okay, well, I have a little bit of an idea.

She’d probably tell me I’m stupid for
letting him treat me like this. That I’m only setting myself up
for heartache. That if he can’t commit to a real relationship
with me, he doesn’t deserve to have sex with me either. But I
already hear those things in my head. I don’t need someone else
confirming it or making me feel worse about it.

Leigh Anne’s the queen of doing the right
thing, lately, which only makes me feel like crap for doing all the
wrong things.

She leans toward me until our shoulders are
touching. “He’s an asshole,” she says.

I nod, but something deep inside my heart
protests. Yes, he acts like a dick sometimes, but there’s more
to him than most people get to see. When he isn’t around a
crowd or trying to push me away, he’s really kind of amazing.
Funny, sweet, understanding. There are moments when I think he gets
me more than anyone else in the world. Even more than my own twin
brother.

But every time I catch a glimpse of how good we
could be together, he slams a door in my face.

“Are you okay?” Leigh Anne asks.

I look up, realizing I’ve been staring into
the bubbles of my drink for the last few minutes. I didn’t even
realize her food had come. “I’m fine.” I force a
smile. I feel like a selfish jerk for talking nonstop about my own
problems when she’s been through so much lately. “Tell me
all about you and Knox and the cute babies you plan to make someday.”

She laughs and hits my shoulder, but when I look
over, her eyes are shiny and happy.

And for some reason, I suddenly feel very much
alone.

“This is the one,” Leigh Anne says.

She takes a black dress from my closet and holds
it up against my body. I don’t even recognize this dress. I
take it from her and see the tags are still attached. I shudder. This
has to be one of the many dresses my mother bought me back when I was
twenty or thirty pounds heavier. She would hang them up in my room
and when I’d insist it wouldn’t fit she’d always
act surprised, like she had no idea I couldn’t fit into a size
five.

I’ve never worn a single one of those
dresses. I used to stare at them and binge on chocolate.

“You don’t think it’s too
dressy?” I don’t want to tell her why I hate this dress.

Leigh Anne shakes her head and stands back. “I
think it’s perfect,” she says. “Try it on.”

I stare at the dress. What the hell?

There’s only so long a girl can hold onto
pain before it becomes so heavy she can barely stand up anymore.
Tonight is for trying new things and letting go of the pain of the
past. I shrug and slide my current dress down. Underneath, I’m
wearing the sexiest underwear I own. A very dark pink lace bra and
panties I bought in Paris last year. Thigh highs with a garter. I’m
going all out. If Braxton gets far enough to see it, he’ll be
the first since Mason.

Then again, what are the odds he will get that
far? I’ve only had sex with two guys besides Mason, and neither
one was very impressive. Mostly, I was just trying it out to see if
sleeping with them would make me forget that the guy I really wanted
didn’t want me.

It didn’t.

And once I finally did get a taste of the one I
wanted, I knew I was ruined for every other guy on the face of the
earth.

The thought of never being with Mason again makes
me want to forget this whole night and crawl back under the covers.