The Moonlight Monsters Detective Agency Volume One (10 page)

‘
Oy
oy
,’ Parker grinned, standing over the open back door, ‘this looks cozy.
Room for one more?’

‘Oh my God,’ Tina muttered, ‘Parker what the hell
are
you doing here?’

Without being offered, Parker climbed into the backseat. ‘Ernie the Egghead told me you
was
down here – the funny little bugger. Said you were working a case or something?’

‘Yeah something
like
that,’ Tina muttered. Parker smelt like he’d been drinking for a while already.

The vampire leaned forward and patted Boris on the shoulder.
‘And how you doing, Teddy boy?
Have a nice
Chrimbo
?’

‘I thought vampires couldn’t come in without being invited…’ Boris growled.

Parker frowned. ‘Yeah well, don’t believe everything you read in the penny-
dreadfuls
.’ He perked up again and turned to Tina. ‘What about you love, having a nice holiday?’

‘Do I look like I’m on holiday?’ Tina asked, ‘some of us have real lives to lead – you know, the kind with responsibilities…’

‘Yeah, ok,’ Parker said, ‘I hear you…’

‘What are you doing here Sam?’

‘Well I’ve got big news, don’t I?’ The vampire grinned. He thrust the bottle of whiskey towards Boris. ‘Here you go big fella, have a drink…’

Tina eyed him as Boris shrugged and took the bottle. ‘What?’ he asked, noting her disapproval, ‘
it’s
New Years day. Cause to celebrate.’ He opened the bottle and took a lengthy slug.

‘Cause to celebrate,’ Parker nodded, ‘exactly. Here, look at this.’
 
He held out a sheet of laminated paper for Tina to inspect.

‘What is it?’ she said, taking the paper in her hand.

‘It’s me license,
innit
?’ Parker grinned, ‘for private investigation. You two are always harping on at me to get one so I finally went ahead and took the test. How’s that for responsibility?’

Tina looked the diploma over. She had to admit, it did look legit. She handed it back to Parker. ‘and let me guess,’ she said, ‘this has nothing to do with the quarter million dollars we have in lock up that you claim belongs to you?’

Parker’s face was the picture of innocence. ‘
Cor
,’ he said, ‘I never thought of that – but yeah, I guess that means you can give it back to me now, yeah?’

‘I told you,’ Tina said, ‘as soon as you provide proof of ownership.’

The British vampire sighed, all innocence draining out of his face instantly. ‘Hey Cuddles,’ he called to Boris, ‘leave enough for the rest of us won’t you? Jeez…’

‘Suck my blood,’ Boris sneered, passing the bottle back to him.

‘Uh yeah, no thanks mate,’ Parker said and took a swig from the bottle of whiskey.

Tina sighed and looked out the window. Sam Parker: the man of a million surprises.

‘So hey,’ she said, ‘I’ve been meaning to ask you about something…’

‘Shoot,’ Parker nodded,
‘ –
hey you mind if I smoke in here?’

Tina and Boris exchanged glances. ‘No!’ they both said.

‘Fair enough,’ Parker shrugged, slumping down in his seat dejectedly.

‘As I was saying,’ Tina continued, ‘you remember that day with the gang of
Krampi
, right?’

‘How could I forget? Two weeks later and I still can’t get the taste of the wanker’s blood out of my mouth.’

‘Well you heard about the big bank heist that happened around the same time, yeah?’

‘Yeah, I think I heard something about it,’ Parker said, ‘so what?’

Tina watched him closely. ‘pretty convenient for the bank-robbers that the same day they try the heist of the century a whole gang of crazy-ass winter demons attack the city, wouldn’t you say?’

‘I guess,’ Parker shrugged, ‘what are you getting at?’

‘Seems pretty likely to me that the two are connected…’

‘Well you
are
a detective love, so maybe you’re on to something with that. Well done, eh?’

‘It was funny though,’ Tina continued, studying the vampire intently, ‘you were the one who alerted us to the
Krampi
to begin with, right? But you didn’t hear anything about the bank job?’

Parker narrowed his eyes. ‘Hold on a second,’ he frowned, ‘what are you trying to say here? You think I was the one who robbed the bank, is it? I was with you that whole bloody day, fighting
Krampi
!’

‘Did I say that?’ Tina
asked,
her voice calm and collected as she considered him, suddenly flustered in the back seat. He was hiding something alright. And she didn’t need to be psychic to see it. ‘Why don’t you tell me again how you heard about the
Krampi
…’

‘Oh blooming heck,’ Parker sighed, ‘I told you I was at a card game with some lowlife supernatural gangsters and they started talking – that’s it...’ He opened the car door. ‘Screw this, I’m having a smoke.’

Parker stepped outside and lit up a cigarette. Tina and Boris exchanged glances. The vampire definitely wasn’t telling them everything. And Tina was willing to bet dollars to donuts he had a pretty good idea who’d been behind the bank heist. All she had to do was find a way to get the information out of him.

‘Here!’ Parker called from across the alley, the cigarette hanging in his lips. ‘You feel that?’

‘Oh come on Parker,’ Tina sighed, ‘don’t try to change the subject. We’re not done with this…’

‘No, I’m serious,’ Parker called, ‘don’t you feel it? The ground is shaking…’

They were out of the car in seconds. Tina kneeled down and put her hand against the concrete. Parker was right, the whole alleyway was rumbling.

‘Oh shit,’ she whispered, glancing up at Boris.

Parker swigged from the whiskey bottle. ‘What is it?’

Tina put her fingers to her forehead and opened her thoughts for the presence of whatever was causing the disturbance. Yes, she could feel it now – for the first time since their nightly stakeout had begun. The thing beneath the boardwalks was awake and it was hungry.

‘Christ,’ Tina muttered, standing up and turning to her partner, ‘it’s huge.
Huge and dumb.
And angry…’

‘Where is it?’ Boris asked.

‘Hey seriously,’ Parker cut in, ‘what’s going on here?’

The detectives ignored him. ‘I’m not sure,’ Tina said, ‘it’s still far underneath the earth – which can only be a good thing. I think
it’s
further north too…’

‘Well let’s go then,’ Boris said and they hurried out of the alley and back onto the boardwalk.

Parker followed after them, the cigarette still in his mouth and the bottle of whiskey dangling in his hand.

‘Yeah,’ Tina said, ‘north – maybe a mile or two up.’

They began to jog up along the empty boardwalk. ‘Wait a minute!’ Parker called, catching up with them, ‘what the bloody hell is going on here?’

‘There’s something under the boardwalks,’ Tina said, her eyes locked determinedly forward.

‘What, you mean like sand?’

‘No asshole,’ Tina grunted. She looked at him and the vampire grinned back at her. She couldn’t help but smile. ‘God you are such a dick…’ she said.

‘Yeah alright,’ parker conceded, ‘but seriously what are we dealing with here?’

‘We don’t know,’ Tina told him, ‘but whatever it is, it’s big, dumb and angry.’

Parker considered this for a moment. ‘Like big enough to make the whole ground shake when it moves?’

‘Now you’re catching on…’

‘Maybe I should have stayed at home tonight,’ Parker said and then took a swig of whiskey as he continued to jog.

As they approached the far end of the boardwalk Tina stopped.

‘Wait,’ she said, ‘this is as close as we’re going to get for the moment. It’s somewhere underneath us…’

The tremors were even worse up here – the entire wooden walkway shook in its supports – and the three of them had to reach out to the railings to steady themselves.

‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this,’ Boris said.

‘You and
me
both pal,’ Parker nodded, ‘Christ, I haven’t even drunk half the bottle and already the whole world’s starting to spin.

‘Pay attention guys,’ Tina
said,
her voice shaky from the rumbling earth, ‘it’s surfacing…’

Concentrating, she entered the thing’s primitive brain and transmitted a sharp and serious sense of danger to the center of its core – thereby ensuring that if it was going to come up anywhere, it would now want to do so as far away from them as possible and preferably somewhere out on the sand, away from the city. With her eyes clenched in concentration, she felt the thing respond and churn its way right beneath them and up towards the beach. The ground shook and the teeth rattled in her head.

‘
Bloomin
heck…’ she heard Sam Parker breathe and opened her eyes in time to see a huge ripple beneath the sand as the serpentine trunk of the beast almost surfaced for a moment – sending plumes of sand spilling down on either side of it – before slipping underneath the waves and back underground. The rumbling died down as the creature continued tunneling out underneath the Atlantic Ocean.

‘
Bloomin
– bloody – heck,’ Sam Parker repeated, pale-faced and grinning with disbelief. He took a long drink of whiskey. ‘One of you want to tell me what in the name of hell that thing was?’

Tina looked to her partner. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said, ‘I didn’t get a good look. Boris?’

‘I only saw its tail,’ the Russian replied, ‘your guess is as good as mine. Giant Mongolian Death Worm, maybe? Or some kind of prehistoric snake thing?’

‘Prehistoric snake thing,’ Parker repeated in wonder. ‘You get many of those round Moonlight City?’

Tina shook her head slowly. ‘No,’ she said, ‘but then we don’t get many Mongolian Death Worms around here either…’

‘First time for everything,’ Boris said.

‘Unfortunately yes,’ Tina nodded. She frowned. ‘Oh shit,’ she said, ‘guys – it’s coming back.’

Boris and Tina drew their SDA-grade pistols (complete with special supernatural-strength bullets, blessed and protected by a variety of spells and hexes) and Parker vamped out, his pupils turning blood-red and his fingernails and teeth elongating.

‘Oh wait,’ he said, turning half-human for a moment, ‘forgot about me whiskey…’

He placed the cap on his bottle of Jack Daniels and rolled it back towards the street-side of the boardwalk, before turning full vampire again and grinning sheepishly at the others. ‘Got to keep your priorities straight, right?’

The ground started to shake violently once again. ‘Brace
yourselves
,’ Tina warned through gritted teeth.

And then in an explosion of sand and water the giant worm burst forth from the subterranean depths, hurtling up into the atmosphere; ten, twenty, thirty feet above the boardwalk. Its scabrous rust-colored body was the circumference of a small car and its head was mostly just a big gaping mouth, with several circular layers of razor-sharp teeth that spun and twisted around its gargantuan opening. It emitted a roar that sounded like a hundred garbage trucks grinding trash.

‘Oh dear, I think I’ve pissed meself,’ Parker whispered, staring up at the thing.

‘Shoot it!’ Tina cried and she and Boris started firing their pistols.

The monster roared in frustration and twisted away towards the south of the beach, sending a wave of sand up onto the boardwalk and over the detectives.

‘Did you hit it?’ Tina asked, shaking a cloud of sand out of her hair.

‘
Ya
, I think so,’ her partner replied, ‘though I’m not sure whether it made any difference…’

‘I’m sure,’ Parker said, ‘and it
didn’t
…’

Down on the beach, the giant worm spun back towards them once more and roared a bone-shattering cry. Tina cocked her pistol again and took aim. She fired, shooting a bullet right into the monster’s mouth and blowing one of its jagged teeth out of the socket.

‘Hey nice shot,’ Parker said, as the worm continued unabated towards them, ‘that’s one tooth down and, what,
two hundred
to go?’

‘Damn it, get out of the way if you can’t make yourself useful,’ Tina growled and took aim again.

As the worm hurtled towards them Boris and Tina stood on the boardwalk and fired their pistols into its monstrous head. As far as Tina could psychically tell – the thing had hardly noticed the shots landing at all.

Well the worm might have been huge – with a hide of impenetrable armor to boot – but Tina still had one major advantage over it; the beast was so stupid that she could plant a bad thought in its mind without hardly any effort and deter it from crashing headfirst into the detectives and eating them whole. So there was that at least.

As the giant abomination shot towards the boardwalk, Tina filled its mind with inconceivable dread. Instead of plowing into them, it made a beeline and shot back under the ground.