Again she hesitated. She had no basis with which to compare herself to other women. What if there was something about her that was wrong or that he found repulsive? Before she could react, his nimble fingers had unfastened the buttons of her shirt, parting the material. Instinctively, she tried to shield her body from his gaze.
“No, you don’t,” he said, grasping her wrists and pushing them behind her back, gazing at her body with such frank admiration that her feelings of shame fell away. Holding both of her hands captive with his right hand, he began exploring with his left, starting with her collarbone and then moving lower. When he pinched her nipple, a hot sizzling feeling shot through her, and to her dismay she felt herself grow wet between her legs.
He released her mouth and dipped his head down to her other breast, sucking on the nipple before letting go, blowing on the damp evidence of his caress. “Does that feel a little bit good?”
“More than a little bit,” she whispered.
“That’s just the beginning,” he promised, his hand continuing down her body, traveling over the soft flesh of her belly and tracing the sharp bone of her hips. When his fingers reached that mysterious place between her legs, she was mortified, as the reality of the moment washed over. Yes, she had fantasized about being with him, but surely he wasn’t actually going to touch her there?
Before she could protest, he was parting her lips and gently stroking. “You are dripping, Laurence,” he said, and there was not even the smallest note of disapproval in his voice.
“Is that all right, then?” she asked tentatively.
“It tells me that you desire me, and I like that very much,” he reassured. “Do you have any idea how much I desire you right now? Let me show you.” He took one of her hands and brought it to the front of his trousers, and she felt the hard ridge of him beneath the wool fabric. His brow furrowed as something seemed to occur to him. “You do have some knowledge of how this works?” he asked urgently.
“I know,” she reassured him, and he exhaled in relief. “Well, I have a good idea,” she amended.
He gave a shaky laugh. “That is something, at least. We’ll take things slow,” he promised, stepping back and pulling off his shirt to reveal a broad chest, a flat stomach, and arms that were strong and powerful. His gaze never leaving hers, he unfastened his trousers, allowing them to fall to his ankles, where he kicked them off, revealing himself to her at last—completely naked and fully aroused. She had never imagined a man could be beautiful, but he was. Oh he was. His chest tapered into narrow hips, muscular thighs, and long legs. Most fascinating of all was that mysterious part of him thrusting up from the thatch of dark hair between his legs. Perhaps it was a trick of the shadows, but his penis was much thicker and longer than it had felt when she had stroked him through his trousers. It reached upward to just below his navel. She could not stop herself from staring, for while she knew nature intended that part of him to be inside her, she couldn’t quite imagine how it was going to be possible.
He climbed onto her bed, lay back against the pillows, and stared at her, his blue eyes now shaded to dark pools of black in the candlelight. The bed, which had always seemed spacious to Laurence, suddenly seemed much too small.
“Come to me, Laurence,” he invited, and when she hesitated, he gave her a questioning look. “Or are you having second thoughts?”
“No, it’s just…I had not imagined you…it would be so large, and I don’t think we’re going to suit after all,” she blurted out.
“I promise you that we’ll suit just fine,” he said. “Now come here and allow me to show you how before I lose my mind with wanting you.”
Laurence was dubious, but Matthew seemed quite sure of himself, so she joined him on the bed, her earlier self-consciousness coming back in full force.
“I am ashamed at being ignorant about such things at my age,” she said.
He took her in his arms. “Shall I confess something?”
“If your confession is anything like mine was, it’s going to be quite an evening,” she said drily, casting a skeptical look at his erection, and he grinned.
“Nothing nearly so dramatic as that, I promise,” he reassured her. He lifted each of her hands in turn and placed a kiss on the knuckles, and when she looked into his eyes she saw desire, but also uncertainty. “I want you very much, but I am quite mindful of the fact that this will be your first time, and I am quite terrified that I will disappoint you.”
She felt something move deep within her heart at his words.
“You are terrified?” she asked doubtfully. “I did not think that was possible, for you are among the most confident of men.”
“I would have said the same of you before this night,” he said lightly. “Now, where were we? Right here I think.” And when his hands went back in that sensitive spot between her legs where she pleasured herself, she was unable to conceal her reaction.
“That’s it, my love, show me exactly what you like,” he said, stroking and playing with her tender flesh until she was nearly wild with need. “Ah, Laurence, I wish you could see how beautiful you look right now, with your lovely slit glistening and flushed the color of a raspberry. I’m going to put my finger inside you very slowly, and you must tell me if I hurt you.”
“You need not treat me like a fragile piece of glass that might suddenly shatter,” she said, panting.
“But I want you to shatter. That is the whole point,” he said, carefully sliding a long forefinger deep inside her. He kissed her, his tongue mimicking the movements he made as he caressed her vagina. Her hips rose up, drawn like a magnet toward his touch, and as the tightness began to build, she realized she was no longer in control of her body, but hurtling somewhere both fantastic and mysterious.
“You feel so beautiful here, just like satin.” He flicked his thumb against her clitoris, and she cried out, her hips thrashing up against his hand.
“I think you are ready for more,” he said, neatly sliding a second finger into her channel and doubling the wicked sensations while using his palm to press against the tiny nub of sensitive flesh at the top of her wetness.
“You are driving me mad, Matthew,” she cried out. “Please do what you would do for I cannot stand it any longer.”
“Ah, Laurence, you have no idea how much I want to be inside you. But you are so tight, I fear I will explode in the first moment and that will be no good for you.” He bit her nipple softly and sensations rippled through her body like a burning fever.
“Imagine how good it will be when my cock is filling you and pleasuring you the way that my fingers are now,” he said.
“I am well past wanting to rely on my imagination, Matthew,” was her response. “I don’t want to wait any longer.”
“I will try my best not to hurt you, I swear,” he vowed. With one hand, he spread her legs, and she felt the soft knobby head of him against her entrance. There was a moment of intense pressure followed by a sharp pain. From somewhere she heard him groan, and then she cried out as he filled her with his unyielding hardness, his body stabbing hers back into the mattress. She had imagined what it might be like to have sexual relations with a man but never anticipated the feeling of utter fullness and the unmistakable sense that she had been changed by him in some indefinable way.
“You are so deliciously tight that I can hardly bear it,” and she heard the intensity of his tone. “Please tell me that you are all right.”
“I am not sure,” she said honestly, but as the words came out she felt the pain easing as her body adjusted. The burning soon subsided, replaced by a different kind of heat.
“Is it too much? Shall I pull out?” he asked, nuzzling her neck with his mouth.
She clenched her legs around him, feeling the sensations intensify in the most pleasurable way. “No, please don’t.”
He lifted his head to look at her, his blue eyes as sharp as lightning bolts.
“Then how about this?” He pulled himself partially out of her and then pushed back in, and she moaned. “Enjoy the feel of my cock, for it has no other reason to exist at this moment except to worship and pleasure you.” He grasped her buttocks in his hands and drove into her again, this time more firmly, his hard root striking against her sensitive nub. The sensation was unexpected and exquisite, and she cried out.
“Matthew, oh…”
“You wanted it, now take it all, every hard inch,” he ordered, stroking her again and again until she was beyond rational thought, her body writhing mindlessly against his erection.
She felt herself drawing closer to the edge, and he kissed her deeply, his hips continuing their rhythmic tattoo against hers. When he reached his hand around and ran his finger down the cleft of her bottom, the sensations overwhelmed her at last, and she screamed out her release. He was not far behind her, and she felt his body tense.
“Yes, oh yes,” he cried, pulling himself from her body as a white liquid poured onto her stomach. When he had spilled his last drop, he curled her body into his and laid his head against hers, his breathing harsh.
She couldn’t move as the pleasure reverberated through her body.
After several moments, he stirred, rising from the bed. She heard him rustling around, and he returned with a dampened towel from her basin to wipe the evidence of his passion from her body.
“Are you all right, then, Laurence?” she heard him say. “Do you think we suit?”
She opened her eyes to meet his smiling gaze.
“I am much better than all right. So much better.”
It was the truth. After a lifetime of lies, how good it felt to tell it.
“I think we might suit.”
Chapter Nine
Afterward, they lay together, and with her head against his chest, she shared everything. About her mother, her uncle who was really her father, and the lie that had begun on the very first day of her life. He asked many questions, and she held nothing back. The story had been bottled within her for so long it felt good to finally speak aloud about what she had never said before, to confide secrets she had never trusted to anyone. After what felt like forever, they both fell silent, her head against his chest listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat.
“I cannot understand how your mother could do such a thing,” he said at last.
“She had no family and no money and felt herself fortunate to be the mistress of a wealthy man. Her role, as she saw it, was to give him whatever he wanted so he would take care of her. That is what she did.”
“To sacrifice you in that way—” he began, but she stopped him.
“What sacrifice was it to live in a fine house, attend the best schools, and receive training to work in a profession that I love? Would I have been better off as the daughter of a woman in a bawdy house? Or working as a maid? All for the dubious pleasure of wearing skirts?” She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“You misinterpret my words.”
“I don’t want your pity,” she shot back. “That is not why I told you my story.”
“Then why have you confided in me? What do I have to offer you?” he asked.
“Having you here…” Her voice trailed off. “I had not realized how empty my life was until you came.”
“I am someone to keep you company, then. A sort of companion.” He didn’t sound pleased.
She sat up on the bed and looked down at him. How odd that there was a man in her room, lying there unclothed among her things. Even in the candlelight, the darkness of his hair stood in sharp contrast to the white fabric of her bed sheets. If she had ever seen a more handsome man, she could not recall it. But now he was frowning.
“What is it that you wish for me to say, Matthew?” she asked. “You hold the advantage over me for I have little experience in what goes on between men and women, particularly in circumstances such as these.”
“This is not an everyday occurrence for me either,” he said, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “I still feel like a damned idiot for not seeing your beauty. For not somehow sensing that you were a woman. Or perhaps I did without realizing it,” he mused. “Maybe that is why I found your company so delightful, yet felt it such a torment to be with you.”
His compliment took her by surprise, and she took refuge where she could find it. “You need not flatter me. I know I am nothing to look at, nor do I care about being so,” she said dismissively.
“You won’t even allow me to pay you a compliment?”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“What is it about, then? Is it an agreeable law partner you seek? Someone with whom to share lodgings or drink a glass of port before the fire when there is a chill in the air?”
Once again she felt helpless to answer his questions. “All I know is that this has been the most extraordinary night of my life, and I don’t wish for it to end,” she said honestly.
“It has been for me as well,” he said. Pulling her toward him, he kissed her until her head was spinning. When the kiss ended, he tucked her head against his chest.
“Perhaps our friendship is enough for you, but it won’t be for me, Laurence,” she heard him say, his voice rumbling through his chest where she lay her head. “It may well be madness, but I want more. I want you. I want all of you.”
She listened to the steady thump of his heartbeat and pondered his words as she drifted off to sleep. He wanted her.
All of her
. What on earth did that mean?
Chapter Ten
Before she opened her eyes, Laurence knew it was not going to be an ordinary morning. She could hear the familiar sound of birds chirping just outside her window. Less familiar was her body pressed against something very hard and deliciously warm. Not just something but someone.
Matthew
. Her eyes flew wide open as she remembered.
“At last, the lady awakens.”
She looked up from her pillow, and her gaze settled upon him in all of his masculine beauty. His dark hair was disheveled from where she had run her hands through it the previous evening. But his eyes shone as crisply blue as always.
“Oh my,” she said, gazing at him. What must she look like right now? And why was she suddenly worrying about such a trivial thing?