“Happarently this is hall ferry fwhell,” he says. “But fwhat habout the gravy?”
Janet clucked her tongue. “Gravy?” she says. “Forflipsake!”
She began banging pots around on the range, adding a drop of water to the scrapings in the frying pan. Hector put his hand in his pocket and sauntered towards me. As he leaned through the hatch, giving me a slow wink, I thought how easy it would be to take the head off his shoulders. He was only young and a pest, but for some reason at that moment I hated him more than anything in the world.
“Chust tell me this, Bessy,” he says. “Fwhy fwould you be following me?”
“I am not,” I says then wait till you hear, I pretended to be frightened. “But there is something after me!” I goes, all panic-struck. “It’s white and it—it follows me everywhere!”
Hector looked anxious and peered out into the darkness beyond me. “What is it?” he says.
“My arse,” I replied.
It was an old trick we used to play down the Gallowgate. I derived no humour from it that night, just bitter satisfaction at the sight of Hectors face when he seen it was a cod.
Just then, Janet appeared behind him with the plate. “Gravy,” she goes.
Hector tellt me I was ferry funny and then disappeared upstairs with the food. It was still too early to go back to Castle Haivers so I asked Janet for more ale. She filled my glass. “So whit dae ye want tae know aboot Nora?” she says.
Good question. I thought about it for a moment. Then says, “Did you ever see her with a child?”
“A
child?
Janet shook her head. ”She came in here fae time to time. And I seen her roond aboot the village. But I never saw her wi“ a wean.”
Hector slid down the bannister, carrying a bottle.
Janet turned to him. “Did ye ever see that Nora Hughes with a wean?” she says.
He shook his head and tossed her the bottle, lucky enough she caught it. “More ale fwanted,” he says.
Janet rolled her eyes heavenward. “Will ah never hae a minutes Peace?”
While she went to fill the bottle Hector took her place at the hatch. He folded his arms gravely and looked me up and down, shaking his head.
“Fwhite and follows you heverywhere. Ferry good.” And then he peered at me. “Har you hallright, Bessy?”
I was about to give him two in the head when Janet reappeared and handed him the bottle. “Take that up fur me, would ye?” she says. “I am scunnered. Thon bell hasnae stopped ringing all day.”
Hector turned and ran upstairs, calling out to me, “Don’t go awhay now!”
I looked at Janet. “When did he start working here?”
“He doesnae,” says she. “He just hings aboot. So what’s all this aboot Nora?”
“Well, I don’t know,” I says. “Were you here when she died? You says something before about it, that I should ask my missus what happened.”
“Did I say that?” She laughed and shook her head. “I must huv bin drunk.”
I shrugged. “Well—she says it was an accident.”
“Aye, so they say. The day of the Free Gardeners Parade it was. There was a randan going on up in one of the bothies, all the farm servants were there and the temporary workers and them. Supposedly Nora had too much tae drink and wandered aff in the dark, fell in front of a train. That’s what they say.”
“But what do
you
think?”
She thought for a moment, then shook her head. Ach, I don’t know, honey. I just think that one’s a right queer fish, your missus Reid. Locking girls up in cupboards and God knows what, working them like slaves. Just wouldnae surprise me if she didnae
drive
that girl tae it.“
“You mean—to kill herself?”
Janet widened her eyes and turned her mouth down at the corners. “Mebbe,” she says.
Balderdash!
“Not missus,” says I. “She wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
Hector came charging downstairs, this time he was holding dirty cutlery and the plate, now scraped clean of chops and gravy. Clatte bang! he tossed the lot onto the table. “Your customer fwhants to know, fwould you be having henny cheese?”
Janets jaw dropped. She looked at me, astounded. “Cheese!?” she says. “Cheese now is it!?”
She strode over to a cupboard and took from it a plate of something green and furry, this she gave to Hector. “There’s cheese,” she says.
He went upstairs with it. Janet came back to the hatch.
I says, “About the time Nora died, did you notice anything?”
“How d’ye mean?”
“Just—did she look any different? Was she—any fatter?”
Janet frowned. “Fatter? No, she wasnae fatter,” she says. “If anything, she had lost a wee bit weight.”
“And you’re sure you never seen her with a child?”
“Never did,” says Janet.
At the sound of Hector thundering downstairs once more Janet turned and glared, as though defying him to make yet another request on behalf of the demanding customer. He came clattering to the foot of the steps then strolled across to the table. He sat down, took out his knife and resumed cleaning his nails. A moment passed. He looked up and realised that Janet was staring at him.
“What?” he says.
And then the upstairs bell began to tinkle.
Janet shook her fist at the rafters. “Right that’s it!” she says. “I’ll see what it is this time!” And she bustled across the room and up the stairs, the face on her like a bag of hammers.
It was quiet once she was gone. Hector gazed across the table at me and moved his eyebrows up and down. “Chust you and me then, Bessy,” he says.
What did he think he was, a flipping prince? I glared at him, hating him. But hating myself more. Something rose up in me, like blind rage. “Come on then,” I says.
He blinked at me, astonished. “What?”
“Come on,” I says. “While she’s upstairs. We’ll go round the back.” And without another word I picked up my bottles and stepped outside.
The air out there was damp but mild. My face was numb, but I felt safe behind it. Here and there, I could see lights burning in windows, a few cottages only a stones throw away across a hedge. Peoples homes. They meant nothing to me. Folk I had never met and didn’t care about. Come to think of it, I didn’t care about them or myself or about anything.
The darkest spot was behind the porch and so I made my way towards it. There was all this broken glass crunching underfoot, I stepped in against the wall and put down my bottles to wait. A door creaked somewhere at the back of the inn then Hector came around the corner. He felt his way along the wall, his breath all quick and excited. I suppose he could scarce believe his luck.
“Bessy?” he says.
I grabbed his arm and dragged him back into the shadows.
And there, I will say no more. Not only for the sake of decency but because I am so very ashamed of all that I have done in my life.
Dear me, how strange that after all these years the retelling of such an event has the power to upset a person. But there you go, I make no excuses for what I done except to say that I believe I had lost all respect for myself. At any rate, no point getting miserable about it now! I must press on with my account. The gentlemen who asked me for it may not be expecting all these diversions, when really it is missus who is of more interest.
Let me move on to some little while later when I found myself back at Castle Haivers. Master James had commanded me not to return until late but I had nowhere else to go and so I crept unseen up to my room, intending to hide there until I might emerge without upsetting him. Whilst I waited, I took the opportunity to tidy myself and as I washed and put myself in order I overheard a certain amount of activity from the floors below, doors opening and closing, footsteps on the stairs, all this. Presumably (I thought), master James and the doctor were still attending to missus.
I was desperate to see her so as soon as
nearly
enough time had elapsed, I made my way down and presented myself at her room to learn what master James might require of me. I knocked—and was astounded when the door was unlocked and opened by none other than Curdle Features. There she stood like a gaoler at the threshold, beef to the heels, a fat grin on her phiz and the arms all akimbow.
“What’s the go here!?” I says.
“You’re no tae come in,” she says. “Master James does not indorse it. He tellt me I am to keep you
oot.”
And she gave me another nasty smirk.
For flip sake!
Indorse
it indeed. I had a good mind to indorse her face with my fist. That this mopsie should be allowed access to missus instead of me! Although whether it meant I was fired or not, I wasn’t sure.
I tried to see past her, into the room. “Is missus all right?”
Muriel shrugged. “She’s sound asleep.”
And where’s the master?“
“How’m a supposed tae know?” she says, off-hand.
To stop myself punching the lard out her, I turned my back and scoured off downstairs. There were voices coming from the study and so I went to the kitchen and put the ale from Janets on a tray along with two glasses. I wished to gob I’d never clapped eyes on those there bottles for the sight of them near made my stomach turn over with the memory of what I had let happen with Hector. But I put it from my mind and went back to the hall. The study door was
1/2
open, I could see master James slumped in a chair with his head in his hand, whilst the doctor was stood by the fire, scribbling in his notebook.
The Observations
and all the maids journals had been piled up on the table behind them. I was scarce across the threshold before the doctor fell upon the tray and began pouring ale. He handed a glass to master James, who took it mechanically, without even raising his eyes.
I made a curtsey. “Sir,” I says. “Excuse me, is missus going to be all right now?”
But master James did not look at me. Instead, the doctor piped up. He turned his face to me and closed his eyelids so they fluttered. “She has calmed down for now, Bessy,” he says. “I gave her something to help her sleep. Before that, we questioned her and ascertained that she is indeed, as you said, suffering from various delusions. It is most intriguing, I’ve never quite come across anything like it.” He opened his eyes and leafed through his notebook. “She believes that there is a woman spying on her and that your master and I are somehow involved and that this girl Nora—”
Of a sudden, master James cleared his throat loudly. McGregor-Robertson fell silent.
“She did think Nora was alive,” I says quickly. “Earlier on. But then when you tellt her Nora was dead she started talking about a baby. She never mentioned that before. She never talked about a baby. But I think there’s something wrong, sir. She’s in her delusions sir but I think what she said up there was real. Something
did
happen to that girl Nora.”
Master James shifted in his chair. His gaze slid away from me towards the fire.
The doctor closed his notebook with a snap. “Dearie me!” he says. “I wouldn’t set any store by what your mistress comes out with at the moment. She may well talk about babies. There are any number of delusions infecting her brain!”
“Bessy,” says master James, sounding stern but weary. I turned to him and he gave me a warning look. “Bear in mind that your position here is extremely precarious. I still have not decided what to do with you—but believe me when I say that you are within a hairs breadth of losing your place here.” He sighed. “Indeed, if it were not for the difficulty of replacing you I would probably have shown you the door already.”
I curtseyed, very low. “Yes sir, I am aware of that, sir. But I would do anything sir, to be able to stay on and help missus get better. Whatever is necessary, sir. Because I feel it is my fault, sir, and I want to—
“Wheesht wheesht!” says master James, waving his hand in the air. “You have said all that. However, although there is no doubt that you’ve done wrong, I wouldn’t blame yourself as much as you do. This little haunting you carried out was a piece of mischief, of that there is no doubt. But I must impress upon you this fact—that it is very likely your mistress would have fallen ill in any case. Your little pranks are— quite frankly—not
that
important in the matter. We are almost certain that she would have been taken with delusions of some sort, whether you acted as you did or not. Is that not so, doctor?”
“Indeed,” says McGregor-Robertson. “You should not feel so responsible.” His eyes sealed over as he regarded me, his lips lengthened. I realised he was attempting a smile. It was like watching bacon curl.
I didn’t agree with what they were saying, but I had no wish to contradict them, given that I was out of favour. And so I held my tongue and stared at the floor as master James continued.
“You see, in her present state Arabella is likely to misinterpret what all of us say and do, in order to make it fit with her delusions.” He paused. “Look at me, Bessy.”
I raised my head and met his gaze. There were shadows like bruises under his eyes, I had never noticed them before.
“For the moment,” he says, “I have put Muriel in charge of looking after your mistress. Muriel is a less—suggestible—personality and is not so involved with my wife as you are. The doctor feels this will be better for her health. If she is exposed to too much
emotion,
it could be aggravating. For the time being you may continue with your duties but they
stop
at the threshold of your mistress room. Muriel will see to her most intimate needs, with the doctor in supervision. In return, you may have to take over some of Muriels duties. Have a word with Jessie about it, she may need you, she may not. But as for you—I am putting you on trial, Bessy. You will be under close scrutiny and should you fail to meet the standards I require or should you misbehave just once more, you will be instantly dismissed. Make no mistake about it.”
I could not bear to have him look at me any longer. My gaze dropped to the carpet. There was a lump in my throat, like a solid object rising up. I swallowed it down.
“You should dismiss me, sir,” I says.
He sniffed. And I may yet do so,“ he says, and gestured towards the door.
My cue to leave, and I did so like a trueborn lackey, walking backwards and bobbing and scraping, it is quite an art to exit a room like that but I would have done it on my marrow bones if I had to, I was that sorry and grateful.