Leslie had three weeks to go before her operation and the gravity of her situation was starting to take its toll on her. Sleep deprivation made her cranky and she couldn’t help but focus on the mutilation her poor body would soon endure. She got out of the shower, wiped the steam from the mirror and looked at herself, resting the palm of her
hand on her stomach. With her other hand she cupped her left breast. She squeezed her breasts together, tried to flatten them down, and then she held onto the washbasin and screamed and screamed and screamed.
When Elle knocked at her door she was lying in the foetal position on the floor, crying for all that she was about to lose. When Leslie eventually opened the door, wearing nothing but her robe, she pretended she was fine but Elle wasn’t fooled for a second. “Get dressed,” she said.
“No.”
“Get dressed.”
“No.”
“Leslie.”
“Elle.”
“Get fucking dressed.”
“No fucking way.”
Elle grinned and Leslie couldn’t help but smile a little too.
When she was dressed, Leslie wanted to know what Elle had planned, but all she would say was that they were going for a drive. Leslie really didn’t feel like driving but Elle was adamant that she needed to run away from herself.
“You can’t run away from yourself,” Leslie said.
“Of course you can,” Elle said. “You’ll see.”
It was such a hot day and Elle had no idea where they were heading so she pointed the car in a direction and just kept going. She put the top down and music on and ordered Leslie to lie back and allow the breeze fill her lungs and play with her hair. Spending time with Leslie had reminded Elle how short and precious life was, and she felt a great need to make the absolute most of every second before she moved on.
After they had been driving for more than an hour Leslie voiced concern as to when they’d reach their destination.
“We’ll know when we know,” Elle said.
Leslie sighed deeply and shook her head to signal to her friend that she wasn’t happy but, contrary to her actions, she then lay back and when the wind caught her hair she smiled.
The sunshine made every town and village they passed seem prettier, the grass greener, the flowers more colourful, the people friendlier, and the world a little kinder and better. Elle and Leslie were warm, content and looking forward to reaching their destination wherever it might be. When two hours had passed and they were still driving, Leslie wondered whether they would make it back home and Elle assured her that they wouldn’t. Leslie argued that she hadn’t got a change of clothes or a toothbrush and, most importantly, that she hadn’t left food out for her cat.
“We can buy what we need and ring Deborah – she’ll care for the cat,” said Elle.
“You are joking?”
“No. I know she makes you a little crazy but face facts. Deborah was right about you. You were a weirdo cat-loving loner who could potentially drop dead and rot.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re excused,” Elle said, “because that’s not who you are any more, so forgive and forget and ask her to feed your cat.”
“What about a key, smartarse?”
“You have one hidden somewhere in the building.”
“How did you know that?”
“Because you’re paranoid like Jane, which means you’re
one of those ‘in case of’ people and you’re such an unfriendly cow there’s no way you gave it to a neighbour.”
“It’s under the carpet to the left of my door.”
Elle raised her hand. “There you go, then.”
Leslie rang Directory Enquiries and asked for Deborah James’s phone number. They connected her and Deborah answered immediately, “Ashley?”
“No, it’s Leslie.”
“Leslie who?”
“Leslie, the weirdo cat-loving loner with the potential to drop dead and rot.”
“Oh,” Deborah said, “you.”
“Look, I know this is out of the blue but I need a favour.”
“Go on.”
“I’m not going to make it home and I haven’t left out any food for my cat. I’d so appreciate it if you’d feed her for me.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” Leslie said, “really.”
“Key?” Deborah said.
“Under the carpet to the left-hand side of my door.”
“Hmmm.”
“Well?”
“Okay,” Deborah said. “I’ll feed your cat.”
“Thank you.”
“Um-hum.”
“And, Deborah?”
“Yeah?”
“If you poke around I’ll know.”
“Don’t push it, cat lady.”
“Okay,” Leslie said, and hung up. “Sorted,” she said to
Elle, lay back in her seat, breathed in deeply and stretched her arms in the air.
Elle saw the castle in the distance and told Leslie it was calling to her. It turned out to be a hotel. She drove up the winding road that led to the large wooden door. Leslie jumped out and looked around at the manicured gardens, shielding her eyes from the sun while she examined the turrets. “Perfect,” she said, and followed Elle into the lobby.
Elle booked them in and they headed up to their room, which was a deep yellow and dotted with small paintings that were rubbish, according to Elle. The twin beds were covered with blankets, the top ones flowery, and in contrast the headboards were covered with gingham. Two pink chairs stood at the end of the beds and both women agreed the décor was vomit-inducing yet suited the place. A white wooden-framed window revealed the most beautiful view of gardens that seemed to roll into the sea. Although it was summer the hotel seemed to be all but empty. Leslie and Elle lunched alone in the grand dining room, and when Leslie’s mind drifted away, Elle brought her back with talk of a swim. Leslie wasn’t too sure as she’d had two glasses of wine, but Elle assured her that the wine would only heighten the experience.
“We’ve no swimsuits.”
“We don’t need swimsuits.”
“I’m not getting into the sea in my knickers.”
“Me neither,” Elle said, and grinned.
And before Leslie knew it, she was following Elle through the lawns and trees towards the sea. Elle stripped off as soon as she hit the water’s edge, threw her clothes behind her and ran in full steam ahead. Leslie called after
her but she was gone and swimming, powering through the waves like a shark chasing its prey. The sun glistened on the water making it sparkle and she was so tempted to feel its softness on her skin. She looked around and there was no one to be seen.
To hell with it
. She stripped off and ran as fast as she’d ever run into the freezing sea and disappeared under the surface only to come up spluttering with her hair all over her face and in her eyes and mouth. “Holy shit! The cold!” she roared.
Elle laughed and told her to swim and she did and, although she wasn’t the powerhouse that her friend was, she swam and swam until the cold turned to warmth and she could stop and enjoy the water swirling around her body.
Elle swam up to her. “Nothing quite like the freedom,” she said, “is there?”
“No. There isn’t.”
They were bobbing along and planning the evening ahead when Leslie spotted a boat in the distance. Mortified, she alerted Elle and was about to make a dash for the shore when Elle grabbed her arm and told her to relax. The boat was coming closer and Leslie could see that there were two men on board. “Relax? I’m naked!”
“So?” Elle said, and winked. “Time to get your tits out for the boys.”
“Excuse me?”
Elle laughed, then kicked and pushed herself out of the water revealing her breasts. The men whistled and she waved, looking at Leslie who was cringing. “It’s now or never,” she said.
Leslie thought about it for a split second and before she
knew it she was displaying her naked breasts to an appreciative audience of two. They wolf-whistled and clapped and she was laughing and lapping it up, and when she turned to Elle and caught her eye, they both registered that they were sharing a perfect high. They turned away from the men, swam to the shore, ran out and shook off. They covered themselves, the boys waved, and they responded.
When they had dressed, Leslie lay on the sand in a wet T-shirt and leggings. “Thanks,” she said to her friend.
“My pleasure,” Elle said, and they both grew silent and stared into the blue sky.
When it got dark they ventured to the local pub. It was a spit-on-the-floor tiny little place, with wooden pews for seats and rickety tables levelled by beer mats. They enjoyed a drink or two before the two men in the boat appeared. Of course, Elle was delighted to see them and immediately invited them to join them. Leslie was mortified, the high-on-adventure feeling she’d experienced earlier turning to embarrassment and awkwardness, but Elle was having none of it.
The men were in their early thirties. They were fishing for a few days and roaming from port to port. They introduced themselves as Adrian and Keith. Adrian was tall and broad; he had mousy brown tousled hair, and stubble on his face. He reminded Leslie of Grizzly Adams. Keith was slightly taller and leaner than his friend. He had long hair tied up at the nape of his neck and big brown eyes just like Vincent’s, except they were not framed by Vincent’s thick lashes. The two men sat with their drinks in hand and Elle chatted to them as though she’d known them all her life.
“What about you?” Adrian asked Leslie.
“She’s too embarrassed to talk,” Elle explained, when Leslie left him hanging.
“Why?”
“She’s not used to exposing herself to strangers,” Elle said.
“And you are?” Keith asked, and Elle laughed but failed to respond to his question.
“Well, trust me, Leslie,” Adrian said, “you have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Leslie drained her glass. “Thanks,” she said.
By the time the four of them were kicked out of the pub they were friends, laughing and joking and pushing each other down the street under a bright white moon. Adrian put his arm around Leslie’s shoulders and she looked at it resting there, then relaxed against him.
“Adrian?”
“Yes?” he said.
“Would you like to have sex with me?”
“Yes, yes and yes again,” he said.
“Oh, good,” she said. “That’s a big relief.”
They walked together to the boat.
Keith and Elle left them to it. “How do you feel about a bed in a castle?” Elle asked.
“Sounds like bliss,” he said.
“You haven’t seen the décor.”
They walked on, arm in arm.
“I’m not having sex with you,” she said.
“Okay,” he said.
“I find you attractive and funny, and ordinarily I would, but I’m very tired and today has been perfect and I’d like to sleep now,” she said.
“Okay,” he said again, and they walked into her room together and she kissed him goodnight and they jumped into the single beds and were asleep within minutes.
Leslie was standing in the middle of a bobbing boat wondering what she was doing. She heard the toilet light go off. The door opened and Adrian appeared. He walked up to her and she waited for him to kiss her. He fixed her hair and touched her face with his hand, cupped her chin and his lips hovered close to hers. She wished to Christ he’d get on with kissing her because her legs were going to go from under her if he wasn’t careful. And when he did kiss her, a deep, wet, soft kiss, she closed her eyes and thought,
This beats the shit out of batteries
.
They made love once, then twice, and after that she told him about her surgery and he kissed her breasts and placed his hand on her stomach as she had done that morning, a lifetime ago, and he told her she was beautiful and that she would always be beautiful and she cried and he held her, and when she was done crying he kissed her and they made love again.
On the morning that Kurt and Irene’s Leaving Cert exams started, Jane was as nervous as if it were her own future on the line. Kurt found schoolwork easy – he was like his mother that way. Irene had to work a bit harder but she was happy to do enough to qualify for nursing. He was determined to get medicine. Jane laid out a huge breakfast to feed the pair of them and when Irene was first into the kitchen Jane pulled a chair out for her. “Sit,” she ordered.
“I’m not that hungry, Jane.”
“You need food,” Jane said, and piled pancakes onto a plate.
As Kurt was still in the shower and they had time alone together, Jane asked Irene why she wanted to be a nurse.
“Because Kurt wants medicine,” she said, “and even if I studied day and night for forty years I wouldn’t get medicine.”
“Kurt is your reason?”
“Kurt and I want to go to Trinity.”
“But what if you hate it?”
“As long as we’re together I’ll love it.”
“I hope you’re right. Otherwise you’re going to be cleaning vomit for the rest of your life because of a boy you knew when you were eighteen.”
Irene laughed. “You’re so funny, Jane!”
Kurt appeared and they kissed, and Jane began to wonder where time was going.
Her son and his girlfriend enjoyed their hearty breakfast while Jane cleaned around them. “Do you have enough pens?”
“Mum, you bought us about five thousand – relax.”
“Okay, double-check your bags for calculators.”
“Have them,” Irene said.
Jane put down the cloth, reached into her bag. She took out a twenty-euro note and put it on the table between them. “Buy some lunch – oh, crap,” she said. “Batteries. I forgot batteries.”
“What do you need batteries for?” Kurt asked.
“The calculators.”
“They’re solar,” Irene said, and giggled.
“Oh, right, of course they are.”
“Jane?” Irene said.
“What?”
“If you didn’t have Kurt, would you have gone to college?”
Kurt looked up from his food. It was a question he’d never thought to ask his mother.
“I was thinking about medicine,” she said.
“You never told me!” Kurt exclaimed.
“Well, it was just an idea. After all, I didn’t sit the exams. I had you two weeks before them.”
“I think you would have been a cool doctor,” Irene said.
Jane smiled and blushed. “Thanks, Irene.”
“Yeah, Mum,” Kurt said, “you would have been cool.”
“Thanks, son.”
“It’s a pity you were such a big slut,” he said, and winked at her the way his dad did when he said something outrageous and thought it was funny.