The One That Got Away (23 page)

Get this – S says partners AND clients invited … clients. CLIENTS? At xmas work do? I ASK YOU!!! World has gone mad … urgh.
No fun!

Without thinking, I immediately type back:

You do know all email is probably monitored at mo? Be more careful!

Fair point, but don’t be cross with me! He replies. Can I make it up to you at party? Have mistletoe – will travel.

I’m really not sure I’ve got the strength for the corporate Christmas do this year. Anyway, it’s hardly going to be much
of a bash is it? Half of us may not even have jobs for much longer.

Another email arrives.

Er, Hi?

Pearce must be having a slow day. Although that reminds me – I don’t mail back, just in case our mail IS monitored – but text
him instead.

BTW, crossed wires. Am not pregnant. Think you thought otherwise the other day? Just so you know!

Not sure what to say to that! He texts back. Congratulations? Bad luck? Call if you want to chat! x

I smile, but then another sigh from the ceiling makes me frown and raise my eyes again. I put my laptop to one side,
get up and cautiously make my way to the bottom of the stairs. Pausing, I stare up the dark stairwell of my own house.

‘Hello?’ I call out instinctively and wait. Quite what for I don’t know – I’d hardly want someone to call hello back, not
that anyone does of course. Then for reasons best known to myself, I reach out, not taking my eyes off the stairs, open the
front door and bang it shut again – as if someone has just come in and I’m not alone – and say out loud, ‘Oh, hi love! You’re
home early!’ Then I fall silent suspiciously … again nothing. Not a sound.

I flick the light on and warily begin to pad upstairs. Arms tightly wrapped round myself, I stick my head first round our
bedroom door, which is of course empty, pull the light switch on in the bathroom – nothing there, and then slowly push open
the door to my office. It looks like it always does; my desk, a chest of drawers, the armchair by the window, but I can hear
tinny music coming from somewhere … and then someone talking. I cross over the room and peer out on to the scaffolding. There’s
a small portable radio sat outside on the platform, aerial pertly up, but everything else has been packed away. The builders
must have left it behind by mistake. I open the window to see if I can reach it – at least turn it off, and as I’m leaning
out I see the side gate pulling shut, someone closing it behind them.

‘Wait!’ I call, feeling a bit silly that I’ve been shouting around randomly downstairs, not realising they were still here.
‘You’ve forgotten your radio!’ But they can’t have heard me because they don’t come back. By the time
I’ve closed the window as best I can, run downstairs and opened the front door – they’ve gone, because the van isn’t there
any more. Oh well. I’ll leave it in the kitchen. They can claim it when they come back to start the roof work.

I’ve just sat down on the sofa again when my mobile buzzes next to me.

Forgive me – this isn’t all talk no action, I promise. I could leave Helen. You could tell Dan, tell him now! We could be
together tonight! Shall we just do it?! Xxx

‘Get a new phone, Moll,’ Joss insists. ‘If work really think it’s going to be that much of a bitch to change your number from
a client point of view, just get a new mobile for personal calls. The second it hits six each day, turn the work one off and
switch your new one on – then he won’t be able to get through to you apart from in working hours. It’s not ideal, but it’s
a shitload better than him having this twenty-four hour access.’

‘It seemed a good idea at the time,’ I babble, ‘having work cough up for my mobile bills, me just paying for whatever calls
I made. I wish I’d kept it separate now, had my own.’

‘Well – you still can.’

‘You don’t think he meant it do you? About telling his wife?’

She snorts. ‘No I don’t. He said he could, not he would.
This is Leo we’re talking about. He’s a lazy little shit. Not once did I ever see him put himself out for you when you two
were together. He’s just loving the drama of all this – the saddo.’

‘You’re not worried that … all the other stuff … you think I’m imagining it? I have to admit, hearing myself say it all out
loud to you it did sound crazy.’

‘You’re not crazy,’ Joss says immediately. ‘Him texting you like this must be horrible, but even if he did come down to Brighton
on Saturday hoping to bump into you, I really don’t think those drinks were from him Moll, there’s no way he could have known
you were going to be in that bar, it was a last-minute arrangement with me and Bec. You only came in because Dan was in Chichester
and you were all wound up after that baby shower. I almost wish I hadn’t sent the drinks back now, because then the bloke
who actually bought them for us probably would have come over and you’d have thought nothing more of it.’

‘I did think that myself actually,’ I admit, ‘after I’d left.’

‘Well there you go. As for that car outside your house; you’re on edge and worried that Dan is going to find out what happened.
It’s making you jumpy, I get that, but if you don’t chill out he’s going to cotton on to something being wrong anyway. I knew
something was up with you on Saturday and even Bec asked me what was going on once you’d gone.’

I fall silent. ‘Did you tell her?’

‘No, of course not. I said I thought you were just worried about the baby stuff.’

‘So you don’t think that text he sent me, the “you look nice today” one – like he’d actually seen me in person – is anything
sig—’

‘No, I think your first instinct was right, it probably
was
meant for someone else,’ she interjects. ‘He’s a smarmy weasel. It’s vile having him text you all the time, but that’s all
it is. And for the record, he’s wrong – he always
has
been all talk and no action. Seriously, go out NOW and get yourself a phone. He’s going to get bored and give up. Leo was
never built for endurance.’

‘He told me he loves me, Joss. He’s never said that before – you know that.’

She snorts. ‘Molly, I told the wanker with the clipboard who tried to hug me this morning that I already support Greenpeace
– I didn’t mean that either. They’re just words.’

I take a deep breath. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry to ring you at work, I was just freaking out here.’ I almost tell her about
shouting up the stairs like a loon too, just to make her laugh, but I’ve taken up enough of her time.

‘It’s honestly not a problem. That’s what friends are for.’

She sounds tired though, and I begin to wish I hadn’t bothered her. ‘Are
you
OK?’ I ask.

‘Yeah,’ she says, flatly. ‘We went to see Mum yesterday afternoon. The whole place was a tip, and she was off her face, it
really upset the twins. I shouldn’t have taken them round. You just keep thinking one day it’s going to change, you know?’

There’s a long pause and then she suddenly says, brisk again. ‘Bloody hell, listen to us – you want to slit your wrists first
or shall I? Come on Greene. Enough of this. New phone – go right now, OK?’

‘OK,’ I promise obediently.

‘Oh! Just quickly though – what are we doing for your birthday this weekend?’

‘Can I be honest? I don’t really want to do anything.’

‘Fair enough. No one says you have to. I’ve, er,’ her voice suddenly becomes careless, ‘actually got some stuff on this week
anyway. I’ve a date on Thursday …’

‘Oh?’ I perk up at that. ‘Who with?’

‘Just a bloke from work,’ she does what I think is a fake nonchalant yawn. ‘But I’ll speak to you before then anyway, I’m
sure.’

‘That’d be nice, but in case we don’t, have fun Joss.’

‘Pffff,’ she responds dismissively, ‘depends on him really, doesn’t it? I’ll try though. Love you.’

It’s only once I’ve hung up that I realise I didn’t tell her about bumping into Leo in London after my appointment … but I
push away my niggling doubts, she’s right. Leo’s not omnipotent, he’s not God. He just thinks he is.

Joss is right about the new phone. It’s incredibly easy to sort. The handset will be delivered tomorrow or the day after and
I’m already feeling better by the time I finally pull up outside the house, but it’s quickly replaced by confusion when I
see that the curtains have been pulled and the lights are on.

Dan’s back? How come?

‘Hello?’ I call warily as I shut the front door behind me.

‘I’m up here,’ he calls. ‘Can you come up a sec?’

I jog upstairs and appear in the doorway of my office to find him sitting in my chair, in front of my computer. ‘You’re back
early!’ I exclaim happily. ‘You should have called me and let me know – I’d have come to pick you up.’

‘I did, your phone was off,’ he says, still frowning at the screen. ‘I don’t feel great, I wanted to check the swine flu symptoms
but I left my laptop at work, so I thought I’d use yours.’ He sits back and looks at me very directly. ‘You left it on the
sofa for starters where anyone could see it – and your email was open too. I want to talk to you about a message I’ve just
read.’

All of the blood rushes from my face, I feel it just pull from the muscles. Oh my God. Oh Jesus. I just stand there, stupidly,
frozen to the spot, unable to speak. Has the Facebook blocking not worked after all? Has Leo somehow found me again? Did I
leave an old message on there by mistake?

‘Why is Pearce emailing you and asking you not to be cross with him?’

Eh? My expression flickers. ‘Pearce?’

‘Yes, Pearce,’ he says patiently. ‘Look.’ He twists the laptop round, ‘“Have mistletoe will travel?” I’m not happy about that,
Molly,’ he says. ‘I’m not happy at all, and what’s this supposed to mean?’ – he opens another one – ‘“Er, Hi.” Hi what? Hi,
I’m sorry? Hi, how are you?
Hi, I’m trying it on? Because if he is, he can fuck off and hi.’

I can’t help but smile at Dan’s fierce tone, although mostly with relief. ‘He’s just mucking around. Pearce is going out with
Sandra! And more to the point, since when is it OK to go snooping through my emails?’

I actually can’t believe I’ve just said that … the sheer hypocrisy is breathtaking.

‘I didn’t snoop!’ he coughs violently with indignation. ‘You left it open! And if he’s going out with Sandra, why does he
think it’s a shame that husbands and wives are invited to the Christmas do? Does he mean me? Urgh, I need a tissue.’ He fumbles
around in his pocket sniffing heavily.

Wow, he really did read through the mails.

‘I don’t like him being so over-familiar, it’s not on. He clearly has a huge crush on you, but that’s no excuse. Please don’t
encourage him, OK? Sending you email jokes he’s found and texting you business updates on Sunday nights,’ he grumbles. He
holds out an arm to me and I walk over, bending down to kiss him as he hugs me to him. ‘Cheeky little shit,’ he says gruffly.
‘Him that is, not you.’

‘Thanks for clearing that up. Shall I go and make you a Lemsip or something?’ I put my hand on his forehead. ‘I don’t think
you’ve got swine flu though, you’re not hot at all.’

‘Story of my life,’ he concedes gloomily. ‘Well, you just remind Pearce you’ve got a husband who’ll take him outside at the
Christmas do if need be, give him a shiny
Rudolf nose
and
happily show him where to shove his antlers, OK?’

‘You’re going to come are you?’ I say surprised, because Dan hates that sort of thing.

‘Yup,’ Dan says determinedly, glancing at the emails again. ‘I am now. By the way – where did all that come from?’ He motions
to the scaffolding outside and I fill him in.

‘Hmmm. Well, I better make sure that window is secure then,’ he says – and insists on going next door to ask them if he can
climb up the scaffolding, before bashing the window shut from outside so we can lock it.

‘Done it,’ he says, looking terrible as he comes back in from the cold and gives another hacking cough. ‘I think I’m going
to go to bed now.’

Which is where he stays – unusually for him – the following day. I’m awake from half-six anyway, my brain worrying away before
my eyes are even open, and what with poor old Dan coughing … sleep is impossible.

By the time I’m up and tucking my feet under my desk ready for the start of the working day however, he’s gone quiet, dozing
presumably. I take a deep breath and switch my phone on …

And my heart thuds as the little envelope appears with a 1 next to it.

Nearly told H last night. Think we ought to discuss plan? Xx

My mouth falls open – just as Dan appears at the door with bed hair, dressed in tracky bottoms and an elderly zip-up fleece,
looking rather sorry for himself. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’ he offers, clutching a tissue.

I hit the delete button straight away and shake my head. ‘No thanks. You should be in tucked up in the warm. I’ll make you
one if you like though.’

‘Yes please,’ he says weakly.

‘How you feeling?’

He shrugs. ‘Bit crap. I’m going to stay out of your way though, don’t worry.’

‘No, it’s fine.’ I switch my laptop on. ‘In fact it’s really helpful that you’re here. I’m having a new phone delivered and
it might arrive today. Could you listen out for it this afternoon, just in case? I won’t be back from my meetings until about
three.’

‘OK,’ he says and blows his nose. ‘Is something wrong with your BlackBerry then?’ he nods at it.

‘No, I just thought it would make sense to get my own number and start using it now, in case I have to give my work one back
in the new year …’ I duck down and pretend to get something out of a file under the desk so he can’t see my face.

‘What did you get?’

‘I don’t know, just some bog standard thing.’

‘Fair enough.’ He nods.

‘Get back to bed now, sicknote,’ I order gently, ‘and I’ll bring you that cuppa.’

* * *

Only once I’m in the safety of the car, having left to go to my first appointment of the day, do I text Leo back furiously.
I know Joss said ignore him but I can’t not react to what he said, the prospect is too terrifying.

Am NOT telling anyone anything! No plan needed. Leave me alone!