Authors: Carola Dibbell
One day I have to lug out a generator cycle from a unit in Courtyard 6 and inside is two bodies, or what used to be two bodies. They still smelled. I lugged the cycle to Alma Cho’s unit where Bernie Cho is sitting in the dark. Ani is more scared of him than those dead bodies. What really scares her is if I’m not there. Like when I went into those units for Alma, and I will tell you, they really smelled, she followed me in. She doesn’t even want to watch from the door.
Once when Alma Cho had me climb the City Line wall and rehook our cable to the generator on the other side, Ani flipped out. I could look down from the wall and see her jumping up and down and howling while Alma and Norma Pellicano and some other oldies tried to shut her up. From the top of the wall, I looked down and saw Nassau County. I never saw Nassau County before. It’s all personal Domes.
What is the point of that? Every time you need something that is not in your personal Dome, you will have to go outside to get it. How Hygienic is that? The regular Domes, they have one big Dome with services, hydroponics, Process factories, whatever. Some Domes even got chute tunnels that pipe in from other Domes, like the ones that make Process or meds. You don’t need to leave for anything. The personal Dome—well, remember Ani is an unplanned baby? The personal Dome is like that. They did not think that far ahead. They built them personal because they did not want to share. Then they saw that didn’t work. Too late now.
A lot of Queens is like that—too late now. Somebody should of built a big Dome for us when they could, but too late now. We’re dead.
I mean, not Ani and me. We’re still alive.
The tapes from Alma Cho worked. They are cartoons. I remember these from when I was a kid. The cartoons was to teach kids Education, like, a, b, c, d, e, in case school is closed from some new Epi. Which it generally was.
I never saw the pamphlets before. They are like Education for the Parent. I looked at the one called
My Healthy Child.
I think this was old, because the kids in the pictures are in a group. Your healthy child needs stimulation. I could use some stimulation, myself. I am so sick of walking to the City Line but where else could we go? Bodies still wash up in Little Neck Bay. I didn’t think Ani should see that. I really thought it could be stimulating for her to play with some regular kids, if I saw one. And for sure it would be stimulating for me to talk to their Parent. I never saw a kid though. I did see living people out, even besides oldies, like at the food drops. No kids though.
The drops come about once a week, and you really have to get to the drop fast, because the food disappears. So this one windy day, I’m hurrying to a drop that fell near Queens Village barricade. They put up the barricades to protect the safer Zones from Zones like us—City Line was a very bad epicenter. Man! It’s over. They still thought they could get something from us. Well, I will tell you this. They didn’t mind getting food from our drops.
This one day? I saw two masked people scramble over the barricade, steal Process Paks, and scramble back. I was mad! This is a City Line drop! Get your own drop! I scrambled to the barricade after them. A big sign said, DO NOT CROSS. Well, you crossed to my goddamn Zone. I could cross to yours.
So now I scrambled across the barricade carrying Ani in the bubble carrier but this took so long by the time I made it across, the masked people got away. Well here I am in Queens Village Zone. And nobody’s even here to stop me. Let’s check it out. It looked a lot like City Line, except you are supposed to wear a mask. You could read that on another sign. WEAR A MASK. I closed the bubble trap on Ani and pulled my coat over my face and pushed the carrier down Springfield Boulevard. So this is Queens Village! It is a windy day just before spring. The Boulevard is totally empty.
Some vehicle is parked in the middle, like Ani’s bubble carrier but bigger, with two sails on top like one of those sailtrams you would sometimes see? But smaller. Let’s check this out! Well, I got more stimulation than I bargained for. I carried Ani into this vehicle, pulled the bubble top shut and whoosh! The wind came up and off we go down Springfield Boulevard. Whoa! How do you stop this thing? Ani cried but pretty soon fell asleep. When the thing finally stopped I got us out as fast as I could. Dizzy! Where are we? 115 Road. I saw some kind of Dome not too far off. Cambria Heights Dome. I heard of that. How are we getting home from here? Ok, just push the carrier back the way we came, up Springfield Boulevard, but the wind came up against us so strong I could hardly push so I get off to a side street, but old torn caution tape is up, so I try a different side street that is a mess, like they had a Hygiene fire here. There was such a big pile of burnt stuff you could hardly push a carrier through. I turn around and tried to get back. The carrier kept getting stuck in burnt stuff, in heaps. Behind one heap was a, like, wall with no building and these words painted on in white. “WHY WAS I BORN?” I turn us around. A different wall has these words painted in black. “WHY AM I STILL ALIVE?” I turned around again and kept pushing through the mess. Way off in the distance I saw some big thing that I think was once a famous quarantine, called Belmont Stadium, at the City Line. If I keep it on my right, I think we will head home, but the carrier wheels keep getting stuck. I pick the carrier up and plow through the mess till I come to a whole side of a building with these words, “because it is God’s Will.” Then we are getting hit with something. It is bricks. Ani is screaming so hard I have to pick her up and drag the carrier till I finally saw a clear street and got us on it and ran almost the whole way home.
When I told Norma and Alma about it, they said we’re lucky to be alive. It was Fundy vigilantes. Well, I heard we had something like that in Queens but never thought I’d see them so close. Norma said these guys run around in robes and burn down anything they think is not God’s Will. A lot of times, what they mean by that is how you were born, or your kid was born. They was very big on being born the regular way. Well, what those vigilantes got a problem with, Ani is it for sure. Not that they could tell just by looking. And by the way, these nuts don’t seem so regular, themself. Ani and me are more regular than them. Even how Ani was born, she came out more regular than them.
Even regular kids are not as regular as they were when I was born. A lot of kids are not born the regular way. Vaccine Syndrome you heard about and there are problems from the spray. Now it is Stealth Virus which those regular mothers in the Middle Village toilet talked about that could challenge your auto Immune so you could not have your own kid though you could have someone else’s kid, but even that was hard to bring off. If those Fundy nuts are going to burn down every kid that did not come the regular way, they will be pretty busy. I really kept an eye on the News.
I still never heard of anyone like us. You mainly heard about Donor intervention. You could see about it on TV. I saw one program where the mother bought Donor everything. She bought a Donor viable, then paid some girl to Host it. This Parent was great. She did not even use a virgin Host. She was not afraid to go public. She said she’s going to tell the whole world the truth how her kid is born, including the kid, once it could talk. It’s the kid’s Heritage! The kid should not be ashamed.
I never thought of that.
I don’t want Ani to be ashamed.
But how could I tell the world? We could end up in trouble with the Authority. Or worse, with these Fundy nuts so close. And that’s just about nuclear Transfer. What about the tank?
I thought about the kids I had seen in Ani’s life. I thought about those Middle Village toilet kids with their regular mothers. I thought about the plexi and springs out on Dry Harbor Road. Was that part of a tank a kid was born from? Why was that kid born? Why were any of them? Those Fundy vigilantes really got in my head. They’re as bad as Janet Delize’s stupid looks.
Why was Ani born? That is a nobrainer. She was born so Rini Jaffur would have one child to stay alive. And that is one more difference between me and Ani. I don’t know why I was born. And I don’t know if it’s God’s Will I’m still alive. But I can tell you this.
I am.
Ani too.
It’s already spring. Ani’s in the courtyard, playing with dirt. She likes to build a pile of dirt, then jump in it. I really wish I knew of any kid who did that. I wish I knew of any kid period. I wish I could take Ani to Middle Village. Maybe Myrtle Avenue Center. But it is such a long trip. Norma Pellicano said they are going to make a podtram all the way to Hunter’s Point. One day we could take that trip. Maybe we could get out at Elmhurst.
Norma says a lot of infrastructure got improved at last. The sailtram will start working again any day, on the old tracks Ani and I sometimes walk on, for the view. You just go up a ramp at Northern Boulevard. I decide to take her for a walk up there on her birthday. The view from there, who knows? Maybe we could see a kid.
I got us up early on the birthday. Alma Cho is already waiting outside with a toy for Ani. Ani just threw it away. She prefers the dirt. I put Ani in the bubble carrier, wheel her to Little Neck Board, and send Rauden his birthday message.
Still alive.
Then we walked to the sailtram ramp. I had packed us food and water. We go right up the ramp. There was a bench up there. I sat down on it and gave Ani a drink and just look around. It was a great view. Golf course. Creedmoor. Even some Nassau County personal Domes, way off. The tracks start shaking. The sailtram’s working! Here it comes. WHOOSH! We just sat watching the sailtram pass, with its sails shaking in the wind. It was great.
A little ways down the tracks was a sign. INSERT COUPON, PULL FLAG FOR COLLEGE POINT. Well that is right next door to Powell’s Cove. I’m not going there again in a million years. We cross to the other side. OZONE PARK BY WAY OF SPRINGFIELD GARDENS. I heard of Ozone Park. Let’s see what happens! I always got some coupons in my pocket, from Alma Cho or my own forage activities. I insert one, pull the flag, and we just wait and wait. So, whatever. The view is still great. It is still a great day.
Then the sailtram came! It stopped! I had been on one of these a long time ago. You just walk on. So I just walk on, carrying the carrier. I didn’t see anyone else but us. Well, once this thing got started, it’s so fast it makes that Queens Village bubble vehicle seem as slow as Ani’s carrier. I can’t even read the signs we pass. Whee! It was great. It’s like we will fly right off the tracks. We don’t even stop for Zone crossings or anything till the tram overheats. Then that’s it. Where are we? I took Ani off the sailtram and we are in a great big empty space with great big burnt things. Then I saw—I think it is a plane. We ended up in JFK! What else is it going to be? Everyone heard of JFK. The Big One started here, on a plane, the same year I was born. And I am here with Ani on her fourth birthday. And she is still alive.
You could smell water. You could even see water shining behind the burnt buildings.
I pushed Ani in the carrier till we came to a bunch of army tanks that must be here to guard the place, though no one’s in them. We went right up to the tanks. I told Ani, “Tanks.” She mouths it back.
Tanks.
At least now she heard the word.
We come to a ramp, I push Ani up the ramp to a regular street and right away a big group shaw goes past with two pumpers in front, and you cannot believe how many riders. Nobody wears a mask. What is this? A stadium? And—I could hardly believe my eyes. It is a horse. I was a little nervous. But it seemed to be the only one, and nobody’s riding it. The horse pulls a tiny shaw. So out here by JFK they got a horse that got no vigilante on it and is still alive. Ani really stared. The horse and shaw head toward the water. I pushed Ani after, till the tiny shaw went somewhere else.
Well, here are two old men. I think they are fishing! We go right up and look. One man says, “Do she want to touch the fish?” Ani is scared. She won’t even get out of the carrier. I try to put her on the ground, which is sand and grass. She just hangs on to me so her foot can’t go on the sand. She was scared of the sand! I let her ride my back and kept heading out on the X Bay Boulevard, dragging the carrier. The Boulevard is a narrow strip between water on both sides, and you can smell the water really strong. Way out on the water was a boat. Way ahead on the land I could see tents. I feel like I am in a dream.
I could see people jumping up and down. I heard music. I start to think about the Exodus that moved to the beach from Queensbridge. Was this them? I really want to check this out. Some of the people jumping up and down are so small, what are the chances they’re not kids? Some of them jump right in the water. I felt this is a place I always wanted to be, but Ani hangs on to me so tight I could hardly breathe. A copboat cruiser comes right up through the water with a speaker and everyone runs away. We ran too, but the other way. Where are we? Is this Ozone Park? Well, look at that. It is a sailbus! We got right on! Even Ani liked that.
A sailbus, you have to not care where you end up. The tram, they don’t have a driver and it’s full of surprises, as you saw. But it stays on tracks. The sailbus, you could end up anywhere. This one ends up at a Dome I’m pretty sure is called Jamaica Estates. There are three residence Domes in Queens—this one, then Maspeth, and Cambria Heights. They are all smaller than Manhattan Dome.
We just stood outside this Jamaica Estates Dome, trying to look in. It’s starting to get dark. You could see lights come on, inside. You could see people on a bench. You could even see trees. I wait a long time, hoping to see kids, till a Dome cop comes up from nowhere. Where is the mask? Where is the swipe ID? The cop looks at Ani hard, then me, then back at our swipe IDs. What are you, she says, from the City Line? What Zone, Northeast?
I was too tired to lie. Maybe I should of lied. Maybe nobody ever will notice us if I lied that time. I just told the cop where we are from. She punched it in her Reader gizmo then said go home. She didn’t have to say it twice. I was really tired. I just kept pushing Ani home. By the time we got home in the dark, I could hardly drag Ani up our steps. We both slept the whole next day, but when I finally got up and thought about what happened? I think I never had a better day, my whole life. I just want to do it again.