The Oracle Rebounds (15 page)

“What’s it about?”

“You’ll see.” He hangs up.

Within seconds, the email is in front of me.

Dear Kayla,

I’ve started this email a bunch of times in the past few weeks. Tonight I’ll finally send it. It’s time you know how I feel.

I’m in love with you. I never stopped loving you, not for one minute.

Somehow I talked myself out of our relationship. I blamed myself for relying too much on you. And when I didn’t get that scholarship, I got spooked. I convinced myself that our relationship had distracted me from my goal.

Believe it or not, I never meant to break up with you. I needed some space, and tried to ask you for it, but before I knew it, things got out of hand and you were upset. Somehow I thought that I should just let it happen—that losing you was what I deserved for not working hard enough on my art.

You seemed to get over me so fast. Before I knew it, you were happy with another guy, and it killed me. But I felt I had no right to try to get you back since I’d screwed up so badly.

I’ve missed you every day since we broke up, and spending time with you lately made it even worse. I thought that missing you would fade over time, but it hasn’t. I adore you as much as ever.

I don’t know what I’ll do after this year if my scholarship for art school doesn’t work out. But the one thing I’m not confused about is how I feel about you. I’m sorry, so sorry, that I broke up with you. I needed time alone to figure out what I really wanted and what’s really important: it’s you, Kayla.

I want to get back together with you. Very, very badly. We can start fresh if you’re up for it. Are you?

Love,

Jared

“What the hell?” I say aloud. “You want me back?
Now?
”

I can’t believe this. For weeks after the breakup, I dreamed of this. How can it take him two and a half months to decide that he wants me back—once my wound has closed and the scar is fading?

He has no right to change his mind, not when I’ve just confessed in my blog that somewhere, deep down, I still care about him.

Minutes pass, and I’m still in shock. I feel like he’s reopened my wound and turned my insides upside down. All I know is I’m confused. Confused because there’s a part of me that always wished he would come to his senses. Confused because I remember the feel of his hot mouth on mine, and I’m dying to experience that again.

Damn it, I have to shove that little fantasy aside. I can’t take him back just because his kiss is—is pure erotic wickedness!

I call Tracey.

“You will not believe what happened, Trace. I got an email from Jared and—”

“He wants you back.”

“What? How do you know?”

“It’s well-known that this happens. I thought, as the Oracle, you’d know about it.”

“I do know about it. I just didn’t expect it would happen to me.”

“Look, when a guy dumps a girl, he usually moves on right away. And then, months later, he realizes how good he had it with the first girl, and can’t quite remember why he broke up with her.”

“Whoa.” She’s right. It’s a common formula. And yet I’d prefer to believe that Jared is unique in wanting me back. “I wonder if he’ll change his mind.”

“Not necessarily. It depends on how well he’s thought this through. There’s a possibility the relationship might not last the second time around, though.”

I know that, too. I’ve even blogged on the fact that couples who get back together after breaking up are unlikely to stay together for long. The stats on that are clear.

“I was going to say no to him anyway, but hearing all of this makes it easier.”

“Don’t make any quick decisions. Obviously you’re bamboozled by this. Anyone would be. Even though this is a known phenomenon, it doesn’t mean he’s not totally sincere in wanting you back. He probably is.”

“If he’d changed his mind two weeks after the breakup, it would have been different. But now? How could he? You don’t need to answer that. Thanks for everything, Trace.”

“You’re welcome. If you need to talk some more, just call.”

We hang up. I know I should call Jared. But every time I pick up the phone, I slam it down again. He put me through
so much, and all because he needed some space? And now he decides that I’m not the problem after all?

I already knew about the phenomenon of guys (or girls) blaming their significant other for their problems and breaking up with them. Now that he’s figured it out himself, am I supposed to say that it’s okay?

It’s not okay. It’s not even close to being okay.

The phone rings. Talk about not giving me time to think! “Hello.”

“Kayla, hi.” He sounds nervous. “Did you get my email?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t ready to call you yet.”

“Oh. Do you want to call me later then?”

“There’s no point. I’m a little confused right now. Why would you put me through so much and then change your mind?”

There’s a long silence. “I wish I’d handled it differently.” His voice is soft and defeated.

“I wish you had, too.”

“I don’t blame you for being confused. I figured you’d be totally furious with me. Please take the time to think about it. Take as long as you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

“What about Chelsea?”

“I told you that we were never together. She knew I was still hung up on you.”

“If you expect me to jump at the chance to get back with you…”

“I never thought you’d take me back without making me suffer first.”

I know from his voice that he’s teasing me, but I’m not rolling with it. “You’ve hurt me a lot, but I’m not going to make this decision to get back at you.”

“I know. You’re not a vindictive person, and that’s one of the reasons I love—”

“Don’t say it. Please don’t.”

“Okay. But I do, Kayla. I hate myself for what I did to you. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

There was a time when I’d have done anything to hear him say that. But now?

I say nothing. There’s a lump in my throat. I want to cry.

“Kayla, please think about it.”

“I…I’ll think about it.” My throat is closing up. “Bye, Jared.”

Three days pass. I don’t dare tell my friends about Jared’s offer. I know what they’ll say and I don’t want to hear it. I told Jared I would think about it, and that’s what I’m doing. But I’m also trying my best to finish my term papers. How did June sneak up on me like this?

Is it just me, or is Jared spending more time than usual at his locker? He always looks like he wants to come over and talk, but he never budges. I guess that means he’s leaving it to me. Although he always smiles, I can tell that he’s worried. I’d like to put him out of his misery. Problem is, I have no idea what I’m going to do.

When I have trouble making a decision, I make a list of pros and cons. I suppose this situation isn’t any different. So while I’m supposed to be listening to a lecture in English class, I make a list.

Pros:

•  I still have feelings for him.
  
•  He regrets breaking up with me.
  
•  I love being with him. I can be myself.
  
•  We have similar values and he’s very supportive.
  

Cons:

•  He hurt me a lot. He doesn’t deserve to have me back.
  
•  My friends are going to think I’m on crack if I take him back after what he’s done.
  
•  Even if I still care about him, I really have moved on. Why should I go back?
  
•  It may not last. He could just dump me again the next time he’s going through a hard time.