Jessica Noble would continue being Jasmine's mother and the only family Jasmine would know, just as things were right now. Lawrence would be the politician on his journey toward reelection. And she would be . . .
What would she be after all of this?
“Gabrielle?” Zachary's voice broke through her wandering thoughts. “Are you there? Are you okay?”
She was really crying now and hadn't even realized it. And before she could stop herself, she let out a loud wail.
“Okay, I'm coming over!” Zachary said. “I have a few more patients toâ”
“No, I'm all right.” She took in a deep breath and tried with all that she had to pull herself together. “Zachary, I'm okay.” She said it as convincingly as she could. She forced a smile hoping it would alter her voice's tone. “Really. I'm all right. See?”
“Are you sure? Are you sure you're all right?”
She nodded as though he could actually see her. She continued the fake smile; it was working. “Yes. I'm okay. I'm fine. Just a momentary breakdown, but I'm fine now.”
“Well, you're not fine, because if you were fine, you wouldn't have broken down like you just did. I can come over as soon asâ”
“No, you stay there and take care of your patients. I'll be okay. It's just hormones,” she said. “You know how emotional hormones can make folks. And then everything else I'm thinking about. You know how it is.”
“Well, if you're sure you're okay.”
“I am.” She shook herself. Her voice was steady and strong, reassuring. “I'm fine.”
“Okay. But when I leave here, I'm coming over to see you.”
She nodded. “That will be fine. I'll see you then.”
She hung up and began to sob loudly. “God, please help me. I don't know what to do. I know I didn't handle myself with Lawrence the way You would have desired for me to. I lost my temper. I know that Your Word says to be angry but to sin not. Well, I missed it. I even went so far as to threaten him. But it's because I just don't know what to do. Please guide me in the correct way. I know this is not my battle alone, that You've already got this. And, God, I know I have to tell Zachary everything. But what's he going to think when he hears the rest of it? So far, he's been wonderful. But it's starting to look like as soon as I've disclosed one secret part of my life to him, another secret part pops up. Maybe his mother is right about me. Maybe I'm not the right person for him. Maybe the things in my life are too toxic and will be the very thing to ruin his. Please, God, I'm lost down here. I just need You to tell me what to do. What should I do? Please tell me. What? What do I do?”
Chapter 9
Yea also, because he transgresseth by wine, he is a proud man, neither keepeth at home, who enlargeth his desire as hell, and is as death, and cannot be satisfied, but gathereth unto him all nations, and heapeth unto him all people.
âHabakkuk 2:5
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L
awrence went home after his lunch with William.
“Hi, honey,” Deidra Simmons said with a puzzled look on her face as soon as he cleared the doorway. “What are you doing home so early?”
Lawrence smiled, then kissed his wife on her cheek. “Can't a man come home early to be with his beautiful wife?”
She tilted her head, almost looking at him sideways. “Yes, a man can, but you hardly ever do.”
He grinned a bit. “I can see I've really fallen off my duties. It's obvious that I have a lot of work to do. When my wife starts to give me the third degree about coming home early, I must be
really
bad off.”
“No, now, don't go get it twisted. It's not that you can't come home like this. It's just . . . it's been a long time since you've been home so early in the day. That's all I'm saying. In fact, it's generally pretty late in the evening.” Deidra ran one hand down the left side of her smooth, slicked-down, just-tinted, auburn brown hair.
“I see you got your hair done today,” Lawrence said.
Deidra pulled back slightly, then grinned. “You noticed?”
“Of course, I noticed.” He laughed. “Wow, I'm not believing you today. So what's going on with you?”
“Nothing. I was thinking about asking you the same thing. It's just . . .”
“Just what?” He came over to her and grabbed her around her waist, rocking her from side to side.
She smiled. “It's just you never ever notice when I get my hair done.”
Lawrence smiled. “Oh, I notice. I just don't always say anything. But it looks nice,
really
nice.” He took a hand and smoothed down the side she had been playing with a minute ago. “I mean . . .
really
nice.”
She was grinning now. “So, you still haven't told me.”
His kissed her softly on her lips. “Told you what?”
She sucked in her bottom lip as though she was tasting it before she spoke. “Told me what brings you home at this time of the day.”
He grinned big. “Oh, I'm looking at the reason right now,” he said. “I was thinking about you and just how much you actually put up with
because
of me and who I am in this state. And the next thing I knew, I just had to come home and wrap my arms around you. So sue me.”
Deidra blushed, her light skin showing patches of glowing red. “Is that right?”
“That's right, Mrs. Deidra Jean Long Simmons.”
“You don't have to say my whole name.”
He raised his eyebrows several times in a playfully flirty way as he smiled. “I know. I just love having your name on my lips. Deidra Jean Simmons, my wife. My beautiful, loving wife Deidra Jean . . . my Dee.”
Deidra pulled away. “Okay, did something happen today? Are we in financial trouble and you're trying to figure out how to tell us that things are about to get rough around here?”
He grabbed her and pulled her back into his arms. “Nothing happened except it hit me just how much I love you and how little I've shown you of late.”
“Okay,” she said with a touch of skepticism. “But, Lawrence,
you
know that I know
you
. And usually when you start acting like this, it's because of some function you want me to go to with a lot of stupid stuff that tends to come along with it. And I'm telling you right now: I'm not about to squeeze into some dress you've decided I have to wear that's way too small for me just because you want to impress some big donor with deep pocketsâ”
Lawrence broke away and turned from Deidra. It had been the word “donor” that had affected him. When he'd said and heard the word “donor” before now, it had always been in the context of money. His world revolved around obtaining donors. But today, his past had walked boldly back in the door. And his past had brought with her the word “donor” on her lips, only for a completely different cause.
“Honey,” Deidra said with a frown on her face. “What's the matter?”
He snapped out of his daze and forced a smile. “Nothing's the matter.”
“Well, you were starting to look sick there for a minute. Are you having problems finding donors?”
He kissed her on her lips again. “Nothing for you to concern yourself with. Whatever problem I have with donors is my problem and mine alone.”
Deidra laughed. “Your problems are never yours and yours alone.”
“I know: You and I are in this togetherâ”
“Oh, I wasn't talking about me this time. I was referring to William. You and William are practically joined at the hip. Lately, I've thought about finding a doctor who can surgically separate you two. William knows more about what's going on with you than I do.”
“That's not true,” Lawrence said.
“Yes . . . it
is
true. But you know what: We've had this discussion too many times, and I already know that nothing I say or do will make any difference. So I'm resigning myself to keeping my nose out of that side of things and stick with our home and our children.”
“That's the only job that really matters to me anyway,” Lawrence said. “So, where would you like to go tonight?”
“Say what? Go tonight?”
“Yes, where would you like to go?”
“You mean as in me and you? Alone? Together?”
He laughed. “Yes, me and you . . . alone . . . together. You know: like a date.”
Deidra laughed as well. “Oh, it's been so long since you and I have done anything that wasn't for show, I don't even know if I even remember how to act with just me and you alone and nobody gawking at or scrutinizing us.”
“Again, I can see that I have much work to do here at home. So you decide where you want to go. And wherever and whatever it is, it's you and me tonight.”
“Okay.” Deidra smiled, but with a hesitancy. “Lawrence, are you
sure
everything is all right? Are you sure? You're not keeping anything from me that I need to know, are you? This isn't the calm before the storm is it? Because if it is, I'd rather know now so I can be prepared. I don't want you wining and dining me tonight, and tomorrow the levee breaks and washes me out. You know this would not be the first time . . .”
“I know. And I told you that I was sorry about that time after it happened. I hated you had to go through all of that, but you also know that I have a huge target on my back, more so now that folks think I'm a sellout, a traitor to my race, just because I decided to become a Republican. It's open season on me; there are folks out there who want to take me down. Folks will be fabricating all kinds of lies. And you of all people know how hard it is to disprove a negative . . . something that's not true.”
Lawrence took Deidra's hand. “Deidra, I've told you: You're the only woman for me. Those other women who come after me or claim that I was with them or that I did something inappropriate: They're lying and they're jealous, plain and simple. They want what you have, and they'll go to whatever lengths they have to in trying to take what you have away from you. Well, we're stronger than anything out there that might try and come against us. What's the scripture that we stand on as a family?”
“ âNo weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper,' ” Deidra said. “I hear what you're saying, Lawrence. But it doesn't help watching you flirt with all of those women like you do.”
“Those women don't have anything I want other than their votes, spreading the word to others about my political platform, and possibly their money. That's it! What they give to my campaign becomes ours. Yes, I may want their money; I'm not going to lie. But you, my dearest, have my heart. You always have and you always will own my heart. And no lying female is going to come between us; I don't care
how
compelling her story might be. I don't care what kind of proof she claims she is able to produce. I don't care how much she may bark that I wined and dined her, then misled her into thinking there was more to us. I just need for you to stick by me no matter what folks may say or put out there. No matter what lies you hear, you have to promise me that you'll always hear me out before you believe what you hear. Okay?”
Deidra nodded.
“I keep telling you, Dee. We're going somewhere. You know we're doing a great work in the community and for our state. My next move is going to be a run for our nation's Congress where I can really have an impact. But you know what they say: To whom much is given, much is required. People think that only means that once you get, you have a greater responsibility to give back and do. But you and I know that before some things are given, much is required. I've been in politics for almost twelve years now. You and I both know how things work around here. Folks will build you up just to take you down. The media will sensationalize anything just to have something to fill up their twenty-four-seven so-called news channels that have become mostly entertainment chatter. We know the deal. I'm just saying that things are likely going to intensify even more so now. I'll dare not tell you that a storm isn't in the forecast. I'm just telling you that
should
it hit where we live, we're going to ride the storm out togetherâyou and I.” He grinned and began to sing the chorus of Rick James's song “You and I.”
Deidra nodded again, but this time with a huge grin. “I love you, Lawrence.”
He smiled back. “And I love you, Mrs. Lawrence.”
Chapter 10
O Lord, how long shall I cry, and thou wilt not hear! Even cry out unto thee of violence, and thou wilt not save!
âHabakkuk 1:2
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abrielle's phone rang. She was still lying across the bed crying. At first, she considered not answering it, but decided she should at least see who was calling. It just might be Lawrence calling to tell her he was ready to do the right thing. She looked through blurry eyes at the caller ID and hurriedly pressed the
TALK
button.
“Hi,” she said as opposed to her normal “hello.” She knew who this was and precisely what was being called to discuss.
“Did you find him?” Jessica Noble asked, getting straight to the point. “Did you get a chance to talk to him yet?”
Gabrielle didn't quite know how to answer that question. She also knew that neither of them had time to play games. “Yes, I found him. And, yes, I was able to talk to him.” She paused, trying to think of what to say next.
“Andâ”
Gabrielle had kept Jessica informed as much as she could about what she was doing from her end to help Jasmine, Jessica's daughter (in truth, Gabrielle's biological child). Jessica and the hospital team were all searching diligently in conjunction with the donor bank for a possible match. Gabrielle and Jessica both knew that their best efforts would be in locating Jasmine's biological family to see if any of them might possibly be a good match. At this late stage, they'd given up on a perfect match; a mere good match would give Jasmine a fighting chance. They'd already determined that Gabrielle's HLA markers (the six markers used to determine how viable a match a person was) were not enough to count as even a
good
match.
After that, Gabrielle had resolved to get in touch with Jasmine's biological father. Besides Gabrielle, no one else in the world knew the identity of the father. When she told both Jessica and Zachary that she was trying to get in touch with him, they most likely assumed she'd have to locate him first, that's if she even knew who the father was. Neither of them had said it aloud, but she felt they were thinking it, especially since it seemed to be taking her so long.
But she knew who the father was and where to find him. She'd called to talk with him as soon as she'd learned she wasn't a match. Still, she couldn't very well tell Jessica it was taking her so long because she wasn't having much success getting in to see an Alabama House Representative, having been put off by his local office here in Birmingham. Oh, yes. And by the way: He's the biological father of your daughter.
“Gabrielle? Are you still there?” Jessica said.
“I'm here.” Gabrielle looked toward the ceiling, then back down. “And he's thinking about it.”
Jessica's voice practically exploded. “He's
thinking
about it?”
“Calm down,” Gabrielle said softly. “Yes. He's thinking about it.”
“My little girl is dying and he's
thinking
about it? Nobody is asking him to pay child support or anything. He doesn't ever have to let it be known that he fathered her. Did you tell him this? That he can be tested and a donor anonymously.”
“Yes, I told him. But he's just now hearing about all of this. This news is slightly blindsiding him.”
“Well, Jasmine doesn't have time for him to process his thoughts or feelings about whatever may have taken place in the past. He needs to go and get tested at least to see if he's possibly a match.” Gabrielle could hear Jessica crying now.
“I know,” Gabrielle said. “Please don't get upset. I believe God is going to work all this out.”
Jessica released a short laugh. “There was a time when I used to believe that. In the beginning, I did. But how much more am I supposed to take? Tell me: How much more does God want from me? He took my husband and now He's about to takeâ”
“No,” Gabrielle said. “Don't speak those words. Don't even allow those words to come out of your mouth. Jessica, Jesus came that we might have life and life more abundantly. Then there's Satan, who comes to steal, kill, and to destroy.”
“So what are you saying? That Satan was the one who took my husband? And that it's Satan trying to take my little girl now?”
“If you want to go there, then, yes, that's what I'm saying.” Gabrielle was still learning about God and His Word as well as things in the Bible.
Pastor Landris had just taught on this subject. And one of the things he'd said was that in Job 1:21 when Job said, “Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord,” that Job was incorrect in his assessment. Pastor Landris explained that the account as listed in the book of Job is correct. But Job's statement concerning the Lord giving and the Lord taking away was not the correct conclusion. In truth, Satan had been
allowed
to come at Job. God removed the hedge of protection that kept Satan out. But Satan had been the one to take away from Job.
“Okay, whatever,” Jessica said in a clearly dismissive tone. “Right now, I really don't have time to talk about God. I just need to do whatever I can to help my little girl.”
“With all due respect, God is the one who can help her,” Gabrielle said. She didn't want to get into an argument with Jessica. Not at this time, not at this point. She didn't want to upset her, knowing that right now her mind had to be all over the place. Jessica wasn't thinking or talking clearly. “Jessica, we need to be speaking what we desire and to keep believing and trusting God.”
“Whatever it takes to save Jasmine's life, I'm willing to do that. I'd give my own life if God would just spare hers. I promise I would.”
“I understand,” Gabrielle said. “But trust that right now God is working on Jasmine's behalf and He's already worked it out. I don't know how it will be done, but I believe God
will
do it. I do.”
“So does that mean you believe Jasmine's biological father is going to go get tested?” Jessica asked. “Does that mean that if he's not a match, he'll have his children tested, if he has any, to see if any of them might be a match?”
“I can't answer those questions at this point. I'm just praying that God will move in the way we need Him to move. That God will touch heartsâ”
“And if God doesn't?”
Gabrielle was crying but trying not to let Jessica know that she was. “Let's just keep our thoughts on what we desire, okay? Are you familiar with the scripture that talks about whatsoever things are true, pure, lovely, and of good report, that if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, to think on these things? Well, let's just think on these things for now. Let's think on the good we desire. Jessica, I believe God is going to bring Jasmine through this. I honestly and truly do. I have faith.”
“I hope God does,” Jessica said. “I'm just so beat up at this point. I don't know anymore. My husband died. Jasmine is deathly ill. I have my own health issues. And what should be a simple thing, just like it was after you learned Jasmine needed your help, is turning into just more waiting, more anxious moments, and more having to pray.” Jessica was crying now, too. Gabrielle could hear her sniffles as she spoke. “I just feel so alone. It's like I'm all by myself. It's just so hard!”
“Well, you're not alone. God is with you.”
“Yeah, but God created us to have people down here to help us through things. And right now, I don't have anybody. That's a fact. I have no family left. And right now, at this moment, the only person Jasmine has left in this world is me.”
Gabrielle considered what Jessica said. “Well, you have me. And if you ever need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on, someone who's pulling for both you
and
Jasmine, then I'm here. I don't mind . . . if you need someone.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“So if I were to ask you to come here to the hospital and sit with me, would you? Knowing that, should things go the way we desire them to, that after this is all over, we all will go back to our respective lives? Knowing that Jasmine is the child you gave up for adoption . . . the child who likely won't even know she was adopted at least for a few more years down the road? You're saying you would be there for me now, knowing all of this will most likely come after ward?”
“Jasmine doesn't know she's even adopted?” Gabrielle hadn't ever thought about this. She didn't know what she thought now because she hadn't been forced to ever think about the child she'd given up all those years ago.
“No, she doesn't. My late husband and I had many discussions on when might be the appropriate age and time to tell her. We decided to wait until she was old enough to understand everything and to appreciate how much we truly love her, in spite of her being adopted, and truthfully, how incredibly
much
her birth mother loved her to make the sacrifices as she'd done.”
Gabrielle's tears were flowing really fast down her face now. But she was determined to hold her voice steady. “And here we are.”
“Yes, here we are. Praying and doing all that we can to be sure she lives to see her ninth birthday. It's just not fair.” Jessica stopped speaking, then released an audible sigh. “Listen, I'm going to get off this phone. But if you should hear anything . . . anything at all, will you pleaseâ”
“I'll call you the moment I know something from my end. I promise.”
Gabrielle hung up after saying good-bye. She picked up her Bible off the nightstand and began to turn the pages. She couldn't remember where that scripture was. “God, please bring it back to my remembrance. Help me find that scripture.”
She fanned the pages, stopped, then scanned down the page.
Nope
,
not it.
She allowed the pages to fan past again. When it stopped, she again scanned the page.
Nope
. Again, she let the pages fall from her thumb, then she stopped and scanned. There it was; the scripture she had just referenced to Jessica. Philippians 4:8. She began to read. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
Gabrielle looked upward and closed her eyes as she thought,
Whatsoever things are of good report. I believe God. I believe.